The Crud Report: October '17

Midland: Their Back Story

I'm not sure who started this hashtag #midlandbackstory. JD (@windfarmtx) had the first tweet with it included that I can find, but I imagine it grew out of all the trash talking between him and Charlie Stout and Chris King about the group. Regardless of how it began, it's Twitter gold… even if you like Midland. 

At 12, the Midland bassist saved his dog from a rattlesnake by grabbing the snake by the tail & popping it like a bullwhip #midlandbackstory

— JD (@windfarmtx) September 25, 2017

One morning the bass player had a beer for breakfast, which wasn't bad, so he had another for desert #midlandbackstory

— Seth (@solidbodytwang) September 25, 2017

As a young band, Midland asked their agent to book San Quentin because they needed a break from the rough honky tonks #midlandbackstory

— JD (@windfarmtx) September 25, 2017

At age 16 the bassist and lead guitar drove cattle from Texas to Montana with one of their party dying of snake bites #midlandbackstory

— Carter Estes (@CarterEstes34) September 26, 2017

The lead singer once gave a guy a ride and it turned out he was a ghost named Harv or something like that #midlandbackstory

— Seth Wilson (@TheJackalopeTX) September 27, 2017

Once they cancelled a show due to “injury sustained during warmup” (cut finger backstage on a broken Zima bottle.) #midlandbackstory

— Charlie Stout (@charliestout) September 27, 2017

Cancelled a weekend run through West Texas when their “van broke down” (they put unleaded gas in their diesel Sprinter) #midlandbackstory

— Charlie Stout (@charliestout) September 27, 2017

On moonlit nights, Gram Parson’s ghost can be seen wandering Joshua Tree. Unrelatedly, three dudes formed a band. #midlandbackstory

— Seth Wilson (@TheJackalopeTX) September 27, 2017

3 guys set out to be the Best Honky Tonk Band in Texas. After several grueling hours they settled for being Sparkliest #midlandbackstory

— Seth Wilson (@TheJackalopeTX) September 27, 2017

Picked up after telling audience they were itchy from drug use, but let go when they confessed it was self tanner allergy. #midlandbackstory

— Farce the Music (@Farcethemusic) September 27, 2017

Legend has it if you film a turqoise pack of American Spirits for 10k hrs with the right instagram filter, a band appears #midlandbackstory

— Seth Wilson (@TheJackalopeTX) September 27, 2017

Outside of speaking Spanish,talent, an accordion, the band's followed in the footsteps of 90's supergroup "Texas Tornados" #midlandbackstory

— Seth (@solidbodytwang) September 27, 2017

They once spent $5,000 in one weekend on goofy hats , polyester shirts, mustache oil and torn jeans but forgot the boots #midlandbackstory

— James (@jamesschlueder) September 27, 2017

Cowboy Curtis' favorite band. #midlandbackstory pic.twitter.com/Si9h9V7EdA

— Donnie Brasco (@OneMillionBDC) September 27, 2017

All members were self taught even though they had lost their sense of smell at a very young age #midlandbackstory

— andrew gonzalez (@andytxdrummer) September 28, 2017

All 3 members escaped from a prison chain gang & started wearing beards & playing bluegrass tunes #midlandbackstory

— Chase Barnaba (@Chase_Barnaba) September 27, 2017

Monday Morning Memes: Midland, Luke Bryan, Sam Hunt

Readers Meme Midland

I haven't had it in me to meme Midland yet, mostly because I really like their songs. 

Maybe these memes sent in by readers will get me inspired to 'hate' on 'em.

Sent in by Matt Brucker

Idea by Keith Irwin

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: August '17

A poop emoji equals a negative rating. A strike-thru poop emoji is a positive rating.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-23) overall which is 6 point improvement from June (the last time we did this chart). The best song is again Midland's "Drinkin' Problem." The worst is a tie: Cole Swindell's putrid "Flatliner" and Chris Lane's terrible "For Her" There are 2 solo females in the top 20, and neither is Kelsea Ballerini, so there's that as a marginal positive.

Things are still bad.


Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Hashtag Games: #smellycountrymusic

Did another "hashtag game" on Twitter yesterday and here are the results. 

The theme was #smellycountrymusic
I came up with most of them this time around, so it's clear I have the mind of a twelve year old.

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Thomas Retch

"Head Over Poots" by Jon Farti

"Wanna Be That Pong"

"Your Cheatin' Fart" @JVsFillnStation

"Body Odor Like a Back Road"

"I Fall in Feces"

"Stinkin' Problem" (Midland) @countrymindblog

"Fulsome Prison Blues"

"Too Much Funk" (Daryle Singletary)

Pollute Bryan

"Does Right Guard Ever Cross Your Mind?"

"Mama's Broken Fart" @gradywsmith

Stank Williams Jr.

"On the Commode Again"

Reba Burning-Tire @dgoble83

"Blame it on Your Shart"

Jason Piss-smell

"Craps That Burn" (Thomas Rhett) @DHWritesCountry

"Dirt Road Diarrhea"

"My Shoes Keep Smelling Up The House" (Ray Price) @mattbrucker20

Rascal Flatulence

"Turds All the Way Down" (Sturgill) @Dennis_Petee

"Don't You Think This Outhouse Stench Has Done Got Out of Hand"

"Baby's Got Her Blue Waffle On"* @ohbuffalo
*FTM is not responsible for eyesight ruined or jobs lost due to Google searching this; just don't.*

"Turd Load Anthem"

"Some Girls Poo" (Sawyer Brown) @andythedrifter

Yucky Covington

"Redneck Crotch Club"

New(ish) Video: Midland "Drinkin' Problem"

See, all mainstream country doesn't suck.