Farce the Music: Mitchell Tenpenny

Showing posts with label Mitchell Tenpenny. Show all posts

Oct 25, 2019

Country Singer Craft Beers

*yeah some of them are "country" singers

Mitchell Tenpenny’s White Bruh Hard Seltzer
Not beer, but sold in the beer section.

Old Dominion Sweaty Sour
Hints of body odor, vending machine cologne, and green apple Lifesaver.

Creeps up on you.

Shooter Jennings’ Low Life Lager

Pretty damn good, but only comes in pony bottles.

Sturgill Simpson Altered Beast
Tastes like a different style of beer every time you take a sip.

Zac Brown’s Angry EDM Ale

“Every time I get a new swig, I gotta get a new swig.”

So bitter and poorly made, Zac’s the only one who likes it.

Dan + Shay’s

Minus

Non-Alcoholic Beer

Way too sweet and beer without alcohol isn’t beer.

Oct 15, 2019

Top 10 Things Overheard at Luke Bryan’s Farm Tour 2019

10. This cow shit better come off! I paid 400 dollars for these cowboy boots.

9. Kaiyleighe, ever since he quit wearing skinny jeans,

his music is a little worse to me for some reason.

8. I'm only here to see if he falls again again.

7. Even I know this Mitchell Tenpenny dude ain’t country,

and I’m an absolute dumbass.

6. Is it just me, or has Luke’s pelvic thrust lost a little propulsion?

5. (People taking off their boots to “knock” them together over their heads

during “Knockin’ Boots” because they have no idea what Luke’s outdated reference means)

4. I’m an Instagram Influencer! Let me pet the sheep or I’ll have this place cancelled!

3. I hope Luke covers some classics from the greats that influenced him

like Jason Derulo and Colt Ford.

2. As much as Luke is paying this farmer,

you’d think he could afford to get a sexier tractor.

1. Are you going to the concession stand? See if there are any older dudes around

who will buy us some White Claw.

Oct 3, 2019

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 38

When you have to teach your friend how to headbang at the Whiskey Myers show

Dan + Shay are bringing Justin Bieber to country radio??

Every girlfriend of a male Americana singer

Advice to Kane Brown fans

When your GF's friend says the Zac Brown Band is good now that they stopped being so old-timey

Pull up to the party and Florida-Georgia Line is cranking

"Morgan Wallen is the best thing to happen to country in years"

If you make your friends listen to Mitchell Tenpenny while they're in your car...

Aug 28, 2019

This Guy Rants About Cody Jinks Playing the Opry

LMOA! Who! When I heard last year that my boy Dustin Lynch was joining the Grand Old Opera I was happy as hell! For all he’s done for country music, it was about damn time! He makes music that makes chicks want to ride in my truck with me and that means he a legend!

Now comes word that somebody name Cody Jinks is playing at the opery tonight. Cody Jinks, who’s she? LOL. Now I’m not a hater but shouldn’t people that plays the hollow hall of country music be somebody me and my bros have listen to? I mean, back in the olden days, they let people play who only did sad songs played with old timey instruments like guitars and fiddles, but in more recent years, they’s let my homie Hootie join and Dustin and folks like that. Party ass music, you know what I’m sayin?

I asked all are friend’s group if they’d heard of Cody Jinks and here was the results: Chad said “Who tf is that?” (Yes he really said “tf” out loud). Brad said “Is that the guy who used to date Brelynn?” Matt said “No.” Dylan said “I don’t listen to anybody who doesn’t have DJ in front of there name.” Only Carter said he’s heard of Cody, but Carter runs a blog or something and he’s pretty weird.

There’s a thousand country singers who deserve to be on the Opary before Cody Junks. Like Mitchell Tenpenny. That dude slaps. Diplo! F**k yeah, he’s done two or three country songs everybody I know loves. Marshmello. He did that song with Kane Brown and he’s legit. I could go on for pair of graphs, but you get the point.

I listened to a Cody Jinks song and I couldn’t even get threw thirty seconds before I wanted to attach a garden hose to my F-150 exhaust in the garage. Why dose anyone want to hear such sad songs and songs about grown ass adult stuff? That’s so boring. Give me real country dudes singing about stuff I knows about like hooking up in bars and hooking up in bars.

Anyway, I’m probably never going to the Grand Old Oprery anyway because theirs some guy who plays there all the time named Ricky Skanks, and I’d just laugh the hole time.