Showing posts with label Russell Dickerson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russell Dickerson. Show all posts
Dec 28, 2020
Dec 16, 2020
10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2020
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1. Niko Moon - Good Time
Snap beats, trap production, bland vocals, “tryna catch a good time.” You know I hate this. It makes me angry. This dude was in Zac Brown’s EDM project and that stink is still on him. I pushed this above Dan + Shay at the last minute because it pisses me off so much. Get off my lawn.
2. Dan + Shay - I Should Probably Go to Bed
Yes, it’s ranked here because it isn’t country by any measure. You can go debate whether it’s a good pop song on another website.
3. Upchurch ft. Carly Rogers - Hey Boy, Hey Girl
I don’t know if this was a serious attempt at pop country from the hick-hop firebrand, or maybe it was a satirical shot at this kind of song. Either way, it was bad. If you haven’t heard it before and you listen now, you’ll cringe so hard you’ll fall out of your chair.
4. Walker Hayes - Trash My Heart
This one-trick pony probably blew his last shot at radio relevance in 2020, but not without one more awful offering.
5. Kane Brown - Cool Again
I don’t like Kane Brown’s voice, period. He always sounds like he’s trying way too hard. He could sing “Amarillo By Morning” or “Amanda” with a hardcore country band and I wouldn’t like it. This was his worst single of 2020. Thus, the placement.
6. Luke Bryan - One Margarita
Luke just gets a bye into the top (bottom) 10 every year it seems.
7. Russell Dickerson - Honey
Not a single, but it’s so terrible that I imagine it will be. Boyfriend country with a heavy dash of bro.
8. Chase Rice & FGL - Drinkin’ Beer, Talkin’ God, Amen
Much like Carl Outlaw would say, I haven’t even listened to this song, but I know it’s bad. I’ve read the lyrics. I see the title. I’m familiar with the clowns involved. It’s a bad song.
9. Tim McGraw - Way Down
Tim is predictable. His cycle of releases usually goes: weird song with esoteric lyrics, truly excellent real country song, okay song with too much pop production, TERRIBLE PIECE OF SHIT THAT HE SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED BY. This was the latter.
10. Florida-Georgia Line - I Love My Country
Thou doth protest too much FGL. I’ll admit it sounds better than boyfriend country, but it’s still a cloying and annoying bit of pandering.
Dec 3, 2020
Nov 20, 2020
Mainstream Country Station Plays Same Song for an Hour; No One Notices
Neither listeners, staff, nor the on air DJ raised a single concern about the fact that Russell Dickerson’s “Love You Like I Used To” played 13 times between 1:30 and 2:30 eastern time. The goof wasn’t caught until that night when a station scheduler, Ray Jefferson, reviewed the playlist from that afternoon.
“That song is basically a microcosm of everything we play,” explained Jefferson, “A bland dude with kind of smooth vocals, similar guitar sound, same lyrics just rearranged… you know the deal… so honestly, I don’t blame the DJ for not noticing.” He said that while he had no idea the effect the repeat might have had on over-the-air ratings, the streaming numbers actually rose during the hour.
On-air personality "Mean" Mark Edwards said he hadn’t even been reprimanded for the slip-up. “It’s the number one song in America, maybe people thought we were just celebrating that milestone.” he said. “It’s boring as hell but it fits into the sonic oatmeal of dullness we try to put forward here at POO 102. And of course no one noticed that no women were played that hour - c'est comme ça.”
“The funniest thing about it was,” laughed Edwards, “A lady called in and requested that song while it was playing.”
Sep 15, 2020
Mainstream Country Singer Name Generator
Are you an aspiring country artist with your eyes on mainstream Nashville success? Are you a label who needs to give a more trendy moniker to your tall, handsome, white, male pop country warbler? Do you just want to click the button and see stereotypical bro names that might give you a grin? Whichever reason brings you here, here you go! (Click the link, this stupid generator site still won’t embed)
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Jul 31, 2020
Feb 17, 2020
Country Singers With Stretched Heads
[Edit: Am being told this photo has not been altered in any way]
Jan 29, 2020
Top 10 Ways to Identify a Boyfriend Country Song
10. Singer is non-threatening looking and wearing a $200 ill-fitting t-shirt
9. You can only tell that it’s country because it’s on a country radio station or playlist
8. Singer uses every possible method to avoid saying the word “truck” while singing about said truck
7. “Featuring Lauren Alaina”
6. No real drums - data shows that drums are for boomers
5. Singer is either very handsome or his lack of traditional handsomeness is cloaked by painstakingly manicured facial hair
4. Any steel guitar or fiddle must be used as sparingly as the singer uses contemplation
3. Southern drawl may only rise to the level of “charming Bachelorette suitor”
2. Object of affection must be “beautiful inside and out” and “love her mama” and …that’s about it
1. Shallow song ‘about’ woman takes place of 4 other deep songs ‘by’ women on the chart
Bonus: Singer clearly told the hairdresser "Make it look stupid"
Jan 22, 2020
Dec 2, 2019
Nov 20, 2019
Mainstream Country Singer You’ve Never Heard of Announces Headlining Tour
A nondescript male who sings what they call country music these days has announced his first headlining tour. The gentleman, who recently notched his first unmemorable, inoffensive #1 hit at country radio, already has a tour bus with his generally-regarded-as-handsome-self performing, wrapped around its exterior.
Dude’s debut single “Baby, Tonight, Yeah” hit number one on Country Aircheck in July after spending nearly a full year being pimped, prodded, and politicked to that peak. Even though his second single has been lingering in the upper-40s on the charts and not a single person outside maybe 62,000 fangirls could even pick this man out of a lineup of two people, his label thinks it’s time to take the step to playing medium sized clubs and sheds.
Fella just came off another mildly successful tour supporting Cole Russell or Chris Tenpenny or somebody like that who also hit the top spot with their introductory big hit that neither you nor I can recall a mere 6 months after it’s ascension to the position of number one song in all of America.
“I’m just thrilled to get out there and give the fans my best,” beamed Mr. Bro-man. “We’ll play my entire EP and way too many covers and I think it’ll be a great time!” The guy’s management is busy getting all the merch ready - from throw pillows to boy shorts to beer koozies that will be sold in a yard sale next year - and they foresee big business.
“This performer is coming off a hard-lobbied smash and it’s time to strike while at least the population of a small city knows who he is; we all know he may be playing state fairs in no time, so why not squeeze every dollar we can get out of this tall, handsome product?” laughed Jacob Dillerson, the singer’s publicist.
At press time, homeboy’s second single “Girl, My Truck Awaits” had just leapfrogged three well-written, interesting songs from women to climb into the top 40.
Nov 5, 2019
Oct 16, 2019
The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: Oct. '19
A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.
The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is a 2 point improvement from July (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.” The worst is Blake Shelton & Trace Adkins’ “Hell Right.”
Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.
May 23, 2019
Little Known Facts Makes Its Glorious Return
Insane Clown Posse plans on releasing their entire catalog as country albums in 2019. There will be no changes or remixing done.
Shooter Jennings recently hit the big 4-0 which is a big deal since he was only 3 feet, 11 inches earlier in the year.
Due to him neglecting it while spending so much time on the road and at the beach, Kenny Chesney’s tractor is no longer considered sexy.
Zac Brown’s new rap song has reportedly coaxed hours of valuable information out of terrorists at Guantanamo Bay.
78% of all blacked out names in the Mueller Report were Steve Earle.
Famed Bigfoot hunter Eric Tipton has decided there isn’t enough challenge in looking for the elusive creature and now devotes his time to searching for women on the country music charts.
Jordan Davis’ beard is kind of like Samson’s hair in that it is hair on the head of someone who doesn’t sing country music.
John Rich was one of the crowd favorites at a recent Nashville songwriting expo after he was a last minute substitution for the scheduled janitor that called in sick.
Americana is sometimes called “country music for liberals” because much like liberalism, it proclaims gender equality but is mostly run by old white dudes.
Constantly posting on Facebook about his weight loss vitamins is why John Anderson is the black sheep of his family.
As a child, Russell Dickerson once got his head stuck in a toilet paper roll.
I have never heard “Old Town Road” and will remove the genitalia of the first person that changes that.
Kane Brown coming on country radio is the equivalent of the auto flushing toilet pulling the paper seat cover down the drain before you are seated.
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Most of these are by Jeremy Harris; a few are by Trailer.
Apr 16, 2019
Apr 10, 2019
Feb 20, 2019
Country Doppelgangers 2019
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| Morgan Wallen and the "Almost Politically Correct Redneck" meme |
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| Tracy Lawrence and British soap star Phillip Mitchell(stole this one, never heard of that guy before) |
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| Texas piano man Robert Ellis and Christian Bale |
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| Russell Dickerson and Jimmy Neutron! |
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| Whatever a "Filmore" is looks like a douchebag Jon Snow |
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| Mitchell Tenpenny strongly resembles Tom Cruise's Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder |
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| Brian Kelley of FGL and Laura Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie |
Jan 16, 2019
The Next Smash for Jordan Lynch or Mitchell Davis or Whoever
If You Say I'm Not Country
©2019 FTM Lyrical Satirical
I like sugar in my unsweet tea
And my Texas chili full of beans
And I'll be on your ass like jeans
If you say I'm not country
I like to hunt a little snipe
And eat honeysuckle when it's ripe
And mister I might pull a knife
If you say I'm not country
Cause I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff
I'm as country as they come
I love to crank those old outlaw songs
Turn up the Brantley and sing along
I'll throw hands and prove you wrong
If you say I'm not country
Cause I love me a Grizzly pouch
There's red on my neck skin
From working tater fields down south
Where I have definitely been
Shine and biscuits and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I might get rough
I'm as country as they come
Bridge
You can say I use snap beats
You can say I'm auto-tuned
But you can't say I'm not country
Just look at my Aldean tattoo
Yeah I'm from where they sing about
in songs from Kenny and Tim
Down there on that ol' rural route
Where I have definitely been
Church and mama and all that stuff
And girls sweet as Georgia plums
If you say I'm not, I'll call your bluff
I'm as country as they come
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