Farce the Music: Satire

Jul 2, 2019

Untrue Country Facts: Patriotic Edition

Captain America Country Reaction Gifs

What do we do if someone insults Waylon Jennings?

You think Thomas Rhett would have a career without his dad?

When somebody drives by playing Turnpike Troubadours

You wanna keep debating who's country and who isn't?

When I hear 1 second of Mitchell Tenpenny singing

When your son is considering going to see a Luke Bryan concert with a girl

When a villain has me tied up on a roof and is torturing me with Kane Brown music

Lee Greenwood Quivering With Anticipation

Patriot and country singer Lee Greenwood is literally shaking with excitement. “42 hours, 5 minutes, 16 seconds… 42 hours, 5 minutes, 15 seconds… “ he chants, staring down at the Apple Watch on his wrist and rocking back and forth on his heels in front of a signed portrait of General Norman Schwarzkopf in his Franklin home’s expansive foyer. His eyes are wild and shifty. His breathing is rushed and his hands are shaking. A single bead of sweat, or possibly a tear hangs halfway down his left cheek.

“He’s been like this since 12 a.m. yesterday morning,” said Lee’s exasperated wife. “He packed all day Sunday; every piece of American flag clothing he owns is in a trailer behind his Suburban out there. Since then, he’s just been here by the front door waiting on ‘go.’

Lee’s countdown will end when the calendar hits July 4th, a sacred holiday in the Greenwood household. Since 1984, his song “God Bless the USA” has become as much a part of America’s Independence Day as fireworks, barbecue, and watermelon, keeping Greenwood in the public eye long past his radio hit-making days. With 27 scheduled appearances this week, ranging from minor league baseball games to fireworks spectaculars, the man could not be more in the zone.

His wife is concerned about his health. “We may have to put in an IV to get him hydrated,” she said. “We’ve also tried to give him a Xanax to calm him down, but he slapped the bottle across the room; we then shot him with a tranquilizer dart, which had no effect.” “Oh dear!” she suddenly exclaimed, noticing some sort of outward sign of Lee’s eagerness and blocking our view of his lower abdominal area.

At press time, there was no verification to the rumor that Lee arose from a box of mothballs like some Old Glory loving vampire Monday morning.

Jun 28, 2019

Siri Helps Find Kane Brown Merch

The A-Team Country Reaction Gifs

When Thomas Rhett whines about people saying he isn't country enough

When a group of adult friends is actually able to schedule going to a concert together

On the road again

Like a band of Gypsies we go down the highway

We're the best of friends

Insisting that the world keep turnin' our way

When your friend still has your Waylon records and isn't home

When somebody wearing a Kane Brown shirt tries to get in your car

Still more country than Old Dominion

When I leave a snarky comment on a Dustin Lynch YouTube video and leave

Jun 27, 2019

A Fiddle is the Least of Your Issues, Thomas

Top 11 Things It Looks Like Brantley Gilbert is About to Do in This Picture

Top 11 Things It Looks Like Brantley Gilbert is About to Do in This Picture

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11. Beat up a band dork for texting his ex-girlfriend

10. Shart in his Punisher underwear

9. Roll coal on an electric car while hitting a road sign with a just emptied beer bottle with one hand and cranking up the Colt Ford with the other hand

8. Utter one of the following phrases: “Do you even lift, bro?” or “She a thot, son”

7. Masturbate while watching Iron Eagle for the 78th time

6. Yell something racist

5. Rupture a blood vessel

4. Call for a homer and hit a dribbler to the pitcher

3. Lick the remnants from the bottom of an empty can of Copenhagen

2. Hit the emergency stop and clean up the vomit on The Scrambler

1. Go to war against the Pacific northwestern small town cops who wronged him

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By Trailer and Jeremy Harris