Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Jul 2, 2020
Jul 1, 2020
Jun 30, 2020
Jun 29, 2020
Jun 28, 2020
Jun 26, 2020
Dustin Lynch Despondent Over Loss of Abs During Lockdown
Country star Dustin Lynch is missing touring. He’s missing meeting his fans at meet and greets. He’s missing a lot of everyday things we usually take for granted during normal times. These are not normal times, and Lynch is missing one of his few positive attributes in these crazy days: his abs.
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the singer of “Blue Eyed Feet on a Dashboard” has been without his trainer for nearly 3 months. “He’s all concerned about his health and I get that,” said a concerned Lynch. “But what about my appearance? That’s what keeps us both employed.”
Lynch, performer of the massive smash “Hometown Honey Girl,” says he maintains a simple workout program of crunches, sit-ups, and a basic weight regimen, but that without professional oversight, he often ends up quitting early to stare at himself in the mirror and take Instagram pics. “I mean, I still look hot,” he said. “But this six pack is turning into a slightly more covered in fat six pack.”
Known for his bright smile and the bro-country classic “Extended Cab Love Makin’,” Lynch has also been without his nutritional advisor during the lockdown. “We Zoom and whatnot,” he laughed. “But without her here in person to stuff me with kale and chicken breasts, I’ve been chowing down on pizza rolls constantly.”
Lynch says he’s gained nearly 4.5 pounds and that his waist size has ballooned to a 30. “I’m scared this Coronavirus thingie is going to be over all of the sudden and I’ll have to go on tour looking like a fatty!” complained the singer of “Where My Good Girl At.” “My fangirls expect a certain level of sexiness, and I’m just a soft 8.5 out of 10 right now.”
At press time, Dustin was on his third Crest White Strips cycle of the day.
Jun 25, 2020
The Breakfast Club Country Reaction Gifs
*foul language warning*
"You shouldn't talk bad about country singers you don't
like. Just don't listen to them"
When somebody says you're racist for not liking Kane Brown
If you're a pop singer who can't make it in pop
so you release your pop song to country radio with a token fiddle, you are a
When your local country station is that one mainstream station that put Tyler Childers on the playlist
When the detention teacher turns on the mainstream country station as if you're not already being punished
When "Crazy Arms" comes on
Why did you hide your Scotty McCreery album collection from me?
When you get invited to a party at a Florida-Georgia Line fans house so you pretend to have COVID so you can't go
Jun 24, 2020
Jun 23, 2020
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
