The Crud Report: April 2020

King of the Hill Country Reaction Gifs 3

When you listen to one Johnny Rodriguez song

When Bobby's in his room listening to Kane Brown again

Every Kevin Fowler song

♫ ♬ He isn't just one of the guys
In his pink party dress you never would guess
He benches 335 ♫ ♬

♫ ♬ Smoke smoke smoke that cigarette

Puff puff puff

And if you smoke yourself to death  ♫ ♬

Shooter Jennings just having a normal conversation

When you take Bobby to a modern country concert

When somebody says Luke Bryan is the best living country singer

Top 10 Worst Country Quarantine House Guests

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10. Garth Brooks

Just cries in the corner the whole time.

9. Kacey Musgraves

Smokes up all your weed. 

8. Gary LeVox

In this temporarily ‘nicer’ era of Farce the Music, I will leave this one alone, but you know why he’s here.

7. Martina McBride

High stakes poker games with toilet paper for money. Constantly setting up booby traps and cleaning her AK for when “shit goes down.”

6. Cody Jinks

Won’t stop reminding everyone that The Rock is a big fan. Unfortunately, Ward Davis had to come along too - it’s a package deal.

5. Justin Moore

Constantly needs help reaching stuff in the cabinet and climbing up on the toilet.

4. Mitchell Tenpenny

Your wife won’t come out of the bedroom because “his staring is getting really creepy.” Refuses to wash his hands.

3. Thomas Rhett

Brings over all his kids and their friends, negating the whole social distancing thing. Wants to have Ed Sheeran karaoke contests 24/7.

2. Sam Hunt

Expects you to keep his hair cut and styled for him. Water bill extremely high from washing all his jogger pants. Wants you to be the snap track for him when he’s writing songs. 

1. Shooter Jennings

Eats all your Funyuns. His ‘essential’ luggage is 5 crates of He-Man lunch boxes.

Eats up all the wifi bandwidth playing video games constantly. Conspiracy theories out the wazoo.

Shooter Jennings & Leroy Virgil Perform "The White Trash Song"

New Video / Jaime Wyatt / "Neon Cross"

From the forthcoming album of the same name.

The 40 Year Old Virgin Country Reaction Gifs

*language warning*

When you're kinda square but you're trying to fit in at the Willie concert

(I know this is from an interview, but it was during press for the movie)

When a Kane Brown fan tries to argue

When your blind date goes off on a tangent about how Sam Hunt is the natural progression of country music

All this hatin' and these stupid memes; you need to get a life

Which pop star would you not mind going country?

Shooter Jennings:

You can make fun of me, but if you make fun of my taste in music

Dustin Lynch has had more #1 hits than Johnny Paycheck

 Mainstream country songwriting session:

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2019 Edition

Sitting on Charlie Daniels’ lap and telling him what 

you want for Christmas really pisses him off. 

According to Santa’s Naughty and Nice List, Jason “Rowdy” Cope 

of The Steel Woods isn’t rowdy at all.

Shooter Jennings announced a spring tour and is looking forward to hitting the 

road to unwind after another winter of making toys for good boys and girls.

Blind Item: 30-50 feral hogs stole a popular Americana band’s van 

and gear trailer in certain southeastern Texas city.

Freezing temps across the country have caused Luke Bryan’s pants to fit better, 

but he is now battling chapped lips.

Mitchell Tenpenny is the first artist in a new country sub-genre: Incel Country.

With 2019 coming to an end I decided to check in with Colt Ford and 

his resolution to no longer suck. Failing for 50 weeks and counting.

The real issue is that there isn’t a war on “The Christmas Shoes.”

Kane Brown is beter then you’re favorite country sinjer. 

~this fact guest-written by a Kane Brown fan.

Florida Georgia Line’s FGL House features a reverse toy drive where employees 

go to hospitals and orphanages in Nashville and take take toys from the children.

Thomas Rhett cheerful story blah blah good news happy blah.

Starbucks compensated Jason Isbell for not changing his twitter name to IsBELLS this year by sending him a free nonfat, vanilla, soy latte with espresso shot once a week until March. (<—This fact requires too much referential minutia for the average person to get it, but I left it in so you can make fun of Jeremy for writing it. ~Trailer)

I went to see Luke Combs the other day. He said I needed wipers and a cabin air filter.

Gary Levox had a recent trip to the dentist because he confused 

the coal in his stocking for chocolate covered cherries.

Taylor Swift researched her role for Cats by being an actual crazy cat lady.

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Most of these by Jeremy Harris - a few by Trailer

Saturday Night Music / Shooter Jennings & Lukas Nelson / "Down by the River"

And I see Ray Wylie Hubbard in there too!

The Crud Report: Christmas 2019 Edition

Country Singer Craft Beers

*yeah some of them are "country" singers

 Mitchell Tenpenny’s White Bruh Hard Seltzer
Not beer, but sold in the beer section.

 Old Dominion Sweaty Sour
Hints of body odor, vending machine cologne, and green apple Lifesaver.

Creeps up on you.

Shooter Jennings’ Low Life Lager

Pretty damn good, but only comes in pony bottles.

 Sturgill Simpson Altered Beast
Tastes like a different style of beer every time you take a sip.

Zac Brown’s Angry EDM Ale

“Every time I get a new swig, I gotta get a new swig.”

So bitter and poorly made, Zac’s the only one who likes it.

Dan + Shay’s

Minus

Non-Alcoholic Beer

Way too sweet and beer without alcohol isn’t beer.

The Crud Report: September '19

The Crud Report: July 2019

New Video / Tanya Tucker w/Shooter Jennings & Brandi Carlile / "Hard Luck"

The Crud Report: June 2019

John Rich Singing “Shut Up About Politics” is Like:

John Rich, who's more famous for being politically provocative over the last few years than writing or performing songs, has a new song out called "Shut Up About Politics." Well, that's pretty much like....

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Florida-Georgia Line calling out people who use auto-tune

Justin Moore making fun of short people

Shooter Jennings making fun of short people

Kane Brown covering “Murder on Music Row”

Miranda Lambert coming out against violent lyrics

Dustin Lynch calling someone a sellout

Dustin Lynch having a clothing line called “Stay Country”

…oh wait…

Chris Brown wearing a “Mean People Suck” t-shirt

Tracy Lawrence talking sh** about Chris Brown

Luke Bryan saying somebody should act their age

David Allan Coe complaining about a sub-par concert

The Bellamy Brothers being against mixing country and rap

A Beyonce fan calling someone obsessed

Jamey Johnson saying Chris Knight waits too long between album releases

Hank 3 telling someone to watch their mouth

Tim McGraw saying someone has a stupid looking hat

Mitchell Tenpenny calling Old Dominion creepy

Old Dominion calling Mitchell Tenpenny creepy

Zac Brown saying any song is embarrassing

Duff McKagan & Shooter Jennings Perform on Subaru Live Stage

Duff McKagan's Shooter Jennings-produced album Tenderness is out today.

Little Known Facts Makes Its Glorious Return

Insane Clown Posse plans on releasing their entire catalog as country albums in 2019. There will be no changes or remixing done.

Shooter Jennings recently hit the big 4-0 which is a big deal since he was only 3 feet, 11 inches earlier in the year.

Due to him neglecting it while spending so much time on the road and at the beach, Kenny Chesney’s tractor is no longer considered sexy.

Zac Brown’s new rap song has reportedly coaxed hours of valuable information out of terrorists at Guantanamo Bay.

78% of all blacked out names in the Mueller Report were Steve Earle.

Famed Bigfoot hunter Eric Tipton has decided there isn’t enough challenge in looking for the elusive creature and now devotes his time to searching for women on the country music charts.

Jordan Davis’ beard is kind of like Samson’s hair in that it is hair on the head of someone who doesn’t sing country music. 

John Rich was one of the crowd favorites at a recent Nashville songwriting expo after he was a last minute substitution for the scheduled janitor that called in sick. 

Americana is sometimes called “country music for liberals” because much like liberalism, it proclaims gender equality but is mostly run by old white dudes. 

Constantly posting on Facebook about his weight loss vitamins is why John Anderson is the black sheep of his family. 

As a child, Russell Dickerson once got his head stuck in a toilet paper roll. 

I have never heard “Old Town Road” and will remove the genitalia of the first person that changes that.

Kane Brown coming on country radio is the equivalent of the auto flushing toilet pulling the paper seat cover down the drain before you are seated.

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Most of these are by Jeremy Harris; a few are by Trailer.

The Crud Report: February 2019

Charles Wesley Godwin: The Farce the Music Interview

By Kevin Broughton

There’s a quiet, humble confidence to Charles Wesley Godwin. It’s like he almost knows he’s made a special record but can’t quite believe it. Maybe it’s because the 26-year-old West Virginian is relatively new to the guitar, let alone using it and his voice to make a living. There’s a determination in him, not just to succeed, but to prove to himself and his state and region that anything is possible. 

Godwin paints a rich and honest portrayal of his homeland and its people with his debut album. Seneca is a moving snapshot of life and well-soiled roots in the Appalachian hills, a backdrop that has given birth to some of the most intelligent and hard-working people in the country.

Godwin’s voice is weighed down by the current condition of the world, but he doesn’t allow the tragedy, pain, or regret sour his view of life. That’s what makes him an exceptional storyteller; he employs his experiences into melodically profound and timeless compositions. “Seneca Creek,” a stunning ballad laced with both melancholy and hope, tells the tale of his grandparents and their courtship in the spring of 1949.

Another essential piece of his story, “Shrinks and Pills” exhibits a dry, sly humor and sees Godwin lament the roar of the open road in his ears and an unquenchable homesickness wedged deep in his bones. He misses the comfort of his homestead, but he wouldn’t have it any other way--heartache be damned. “Hardwood Floors” dazzles in the dim light of a local pub as he shares a tender embrace with his wife amidst the ho-hum of the crowd.

Godwin is quick to credit producer Al Torrence for the album’s balance, flow and continuity. And we’ll step way out on a limb here and suggest there’s collaborative potential that could reach the lofty heights of Jason Isbell and Dave Cobb. This record is that good. 

The artist counts every day as a both a blessing and an opportunity, taking nothing for granted. This is a guy who would succeed in just about anything he attempted, and sees no reason why anybody else wouldn’t. 

Grounded. Humble. Nice. Hopeful. Who wouldn’t want to spend time with Charles Godwin and talk about Big-12 football, Estonia, and Waylon’s drummer? 

How did you and producer/engineer Al Torrence connect? 

When I was playing with my old band, Union Sound Treaty, we made one album and that was comprised of my first batch of songs. Al worked those sessions as an engineer, and we were just really comfortable together. He’s a Berkley School of Music grad, and his knowledge of music is really impressive. We just worked well together. He’s put it all on the line the way I have, and I really like him. 

A lot of these songs are easy to picture in an intimate setting, just you and a guitar, and I imagine that’s how you worked out a lot of them before recording. Some of them, though, like “The Last Bite” and “Sorry For The Wait,” have a really sweeping, big sound. Had you done those with a full band on the road, or were those arrangements put together in the studio?

It was done in the studio. It’s a setup I would love to take on the road, but I wouldn’t be able to do that unless I could pay everybody a living, know what I mean? But if the opportunity ever arises, everything on the album I’ll bring out on the road with me, without a doubt.

“Pour it On” is another one with a big, full feel to it, and “Windmill” of course. You have a pretty good balance of songs here of different arrangements. Was that a purposeful thing when you were picking which 13 songs would go on the album?

Neither he nor I were too concerned about the tempo; we just wanted to pick the songs that were related, sorta, to the theme of the album, which is my home. We wanted to stick to that, but I do think it is pretty well balanced. 

There are a couple things in your bio one doesn’t see every day from a singer-songwriter. You hail from Morgantown, and actually tried to walk on the football team at WVU. What was that like? 

Yeah, I love football and really love playing it, and I had always dreamed about playing football for West Virginia; I wanted just to go out and make a few plays for ‘em, if I could. And it’s something I tried really, really hard to do my first couple years of college. But, you know, I just wasn’t good enough. I didn’t have any delusions going into it and knew I probably wasn’t physically gifted enough to do it…

Were you a defensive back in high school? You look kinda like a safety. 

I was an outside linebacker. I used to work out really hard. It was something that I didn’t have the natural ability for. I hadn’t started playing music yet, but up to that point nothing had come easily for me and I really wanted to try it. 

From Charles Wesley Godwin's Instagram

Well, that’s just kind of a rarity, you know? “Aspiring Big-12 athlete” and “singer songwriter” aren’t terms usually heard in the same sentence; I’m trying to think…I think Ryan Bingham was a rodeo cowboy for a while…

(Laughs) Well, having the phrase “Big 12 athlete” anywhere near my name is probably not correct. I didn’t make the team, but I wanted to try it, and it was the first big dream in my life that didn’t come true. 

And you picked up the guitar in earnest while studying abroad in Estonia of all places. What was your course of study that would send you to the Baltic region? 

Yeah. That was interesting there, because WVU has a really good “study abroad” program, and I got the “Promise” scholarship because I was an in-state kid who had good grades in high school, and it covers your study overseas as well if you’re able to get a plane ticket. I was in the finance program, and there were only a few options where you could get your credits for study abroad. They partner with hundreds of universities, but only four of them had classes that I hadn’t taken yet that would go towards my degree: Hartfordshire, England; Hamburg, Germany; Hong Kong; and Tartu, Estonia. The last one sounded cool to me. 

How long were you there, and it that where you really decided to dive into the music thing? 

I was there six months, and by happenstance I started playing in front of people for the first time there. I played my first gigs there, and yeah, I kinda got spoiled there thinking, “Aw, this will be easy.” But that’s where I really got started, for sure, thinking I could be a musician. And when I graduated college I had it set in my mind that I was gonna keep going with it. 

Charles Wesley (Wikipedia)

There was a pretty famous Methodist composer of hymns named Charles Wesley. Were you named for him? 

Sort of.  My grandfather was a Methodist preacher, Charles Godwin. So, I would say it’s 1A I was named after my granddad and 1B Charles Wesley. But yeah, I come from…well, on the Godwin side of the family we’re all Methodists. My granddad was a preacher, and then I also have an uncle and an aunt who are Methodist ministers. 

I suppose the comparisons you’ve received to Tyler Childers and to a lesser extent Colter Wall are inevitable. Those guys came on the scene over the last couple years with a certain level of instant credibility. What do you think about the comparisons? Do you feel any kind of pressure there, or do you put any on yourself as a result of them? 

I’ve heard some of those same things from people. I don’t put any pressure on myself; it’s certainly a hell of a compliment, to hear anybody say that I would remind them of either of those two. They’re both really good at what they do,  really good songwriters. But yeah, I’ll take that compliment any day of the week. I believe in my work and I’m really proud of this album. If certain people want to categorize it along with those guys, I’m more than okay with that. 

Your portrayal of coal country is certainly authentic and real, but not necessarily as dark as one might expect it to be. Appalachia has gotten its share of rough cultural PR over the years, but there’s an optimistic feel to this record. Were you pushing back a little bit? 

Yeah. Yeah. I always have a tough time articulating this in conversation and I think it always comes out better in song. Home is what we make it, and there are a lot of smart, talented people in West Virginia. With the Internet, anybody can do anything, anywhere. There are a lot of opportunities. 

I remember I was playing a show in Pineville, West Virginia in February of last year. I was sitting at the bar after the show, and this guy came up to me and said, “Man thanks for coming here and playing for us. Not many people come here, and people overlook us.” And I’m thinking Man, I’m not too good to play anywhere. And he was telling me that he works at the pizza shop up the road and that he just drinks after work and there’s nothing to do. All there is to do is drink and get into drugs. And I’m nodding my head, like, yeah, I know it’s rough. And I was staying in Bedford that night, and driving back to the hotel I kinda got mad. 

It was one of those things where after the fact you think about what you should have said. And I got mad, and thought, you know what? That’s bullsh*t. I live out in the middle of nowhere, and I’m just trying to do the best I can. There are all kinds of people around the state, carpenters, whatever, who are just making it happen. And that guy could’ve done it, too. There’s plenty to do around there, if he’d just try. That’s where “Here In Eden” comes from. 

It’s about making the best of where you are. And that’s the way I feel about West Virginia. There’s no reason nowadays that people can’t succeed if they’re willing to work at it. So yeah, I take the optimistic view. It’s not all doom and gloom. It’s not just drugs and opiates. 

The record has already received wide critical acclaim. Do you get the sense that things will change in an appreciable way for you once it’s released? Or that maybe you’re about to become a much more widely known individual? 

I really hope so. I can already tell there’s been a noticeable uptick in the attendance at shows. People can review it all they want, but unless it translates to people buying the music and coming to see me play, it doesn’t mean a whole lot. But it would give me a lot of relief if it were to work out and allow me to do this in a greater capacity, because what I’ve been doing the last couple years has been the definition of “the bottom,” and it’s been a hell of a grind. 

You got a day job?

No. I’m all in on this. 

You’ve already shared bills with some pretty impressive names: Childers, Shooter, Colter Wall, David Allen Coe. Was there a moment as you started doing that more and more that it sort of dawned on you that, “Yeah, this is something I’m really gonna do for a career?”

Um, I don’t think there’s been any show where I’ve opened for anybody that made me more confident that “this is gonna work out.” Every day it’s like a seesaw for me, where I question what it is I’m trying to do for a living. Some parts of the day it’s I got this, and other times it’s WHAT am I doing? I ask myself, “What are the chances you’ll be able to make a middle-class living playing music?” So I wouldn’t say that opening for any of those folks made me think this is gonna work out. I still don’t know if it’s gonna work out. 

I will say that the coolest thing – of all the times I’ve opened for anybody – was after the Shooter Jennings show. He had Waymore’s Outlaws with him that night – some of the tour he takes his dad’s old band out with him. I got to talk to Richie Albright, who was Waylon’s drummer from WAY back in the beginning, when he was in Phoenix. Before he ever went to Nashville. I got to talk to Richie for about 30 minutes. And I was so happy about that. I’ll always have that. If this all goes away and music is something I only do for fun -- and like I said, I think about that every day – if it all goes to hell, I’ll always have the fact that I got to hang out and talk with Richie Albright. I wouldn’t want to offend him by saying “I touched a piece of history,” (laughs) but to get to interact with such an important figure in music history was really special. 

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Seneca is available now on Amazon, iTunes, etc.

Douchella 2019