ACMs Snubbed Jones, Cash, Ray Price, Says Man Who Apparently Time Traveled from the 70s

Larry Jack Pullen of West Memphis, Arkansas, who may be in possession of a device that can transport humans through time, is very upset with the Academy of Country Music awards nominations that were announced yesterday. He took to Facebook to announce his displeasure, saying “No George Jones, Johnny Cash or Ray Price. They are getting awards for ruining Country Music.” The comment was in response to a Facebook post that listed the likes of Thomas Rhett and Luke Combs as 2020 nominees.

When reached by Messenger for comment (I didn't tell him the artists he listed were no longer alive because I assumed he knew), Pullen went on a long rant about the fabric of America, smart phones, and something about “the Chinamen,” before finally getting back around to country music. 

“Riley Green, who’s she? If Johnny Paycheck isn’t up for best male artist, then what the hell is even going on? Nobody respects are elders any more and that’s why Jimmy Carter got elected.”

I asked Larry Jack if he could share the secret of time travel with me, but he said I must be on the reefer to ask something like that. “Your one of them what’s trying to make country music liberal and gay, aren’t you?” he asked. “IF YOU PEOPLE BY GOD RUIN WHAT GLEN CAMPBELL AND CONWAY TWITTY WORK EVERY DAY TO KEEP STRONG I WILL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE and you will regret it!” 

I tried to calm the conversation, but it was no use. “It’s a g***amn shame what their doing.” said Pullen, “I bet Tammy Wynette won’t even be preforming on the show, will she?” When I let him know that Wynette had sadly passed on, he told me to send condolences to her family and let him know where to send flowers. 

*this is based on a real Facebook comment (just the first one) - only the name was changed*

5 New George Jones Parody Album Covers

*language warning*

A Sixth Sense Country Meme

Where Y'all Sitting?

Country eCards: Luke Bryan, FGL, George Strait

CMT Music Awards Drinking Game 2019

YouTube Gems / Emmylou Harris & Dwight Yoakam / "Golden Ring"

5 Christmas Parody Album Covers: Garth, Trisha, Kacey, Possum, etc.

Saturday Night Music / George Jones & Tammy Wynette / "Milwaukee Here I Come"

Untrue Facts About Yodel Boy, DAC, Tammy Wynette, & Confederate Railroad

Being Positive With Kane Brown

Shut Up, Granny!

If (Classic Country Song) Was Bro-Country

Since bro-country seems to be making a slight return this summer, it seems like a good time to bring back this feature.

If (Classic Country Song) Was Bro-Country

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Patsy Cline - She's Got You

I've got your picture

That you Snapped to me

Screen-shot it with love

Showed it to my homies

Ain't nothing different

Since we've been through

I've got your picture

It's a nude

Waylon & Willie - Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys

Mammas don't let your babies grow up to soyboys

Don't let 'em dip pouches or vote for no cucks

Let 'em be hotties and frat boys and such

Mammas don't let your babies grow up to soyboys

'Cause they'll never lift, bro, and they'll never roll coal

They won't even drive a truck

Tammy Wynette - Stand By Your Man

Stand by your man,

In cut off shorts that cling to,

That shaker mama gave you 

Move that thing like a pony

Dwight Yoakam - Guitars, Cadillacs

Now it's roll bars, rifle racks, Lil Dicky music

Dusty gravel roads that I chill on

Yeah my roll bars, rifle racks, Lil Dicky music

Keep this party lit till the night is gone

3 George and Tammy Memes

6 New George Jones Parody Album Covers

(Blank CD)

Keith Urban Vandalizes Country Music Hall of Fame

Country music superstar Keith Urban was arrested Thursday for causing nearly two million dollars worth of damage at Nashville's Country Music Hall of Fame. Urban, 50,  was booked on charges of felony vandalism, trespassing, and destruction of property. He was released after posting $250,000 bail. A court hearing is scheduled for June 20.

Witnesses say they were surprised to see Urban strolling through the facility alone. That wasn't the strangest thing they'd see. "A few people immediately recognized him and were crowding around for autographs," said museum guest Carl Jenkins. "I thought it was weird he was out in public without security… and he was wearing this big whop-sided backpack with box-cutters and stuff falling out of it."

Carl said Urban took a ball-peen hammer from his pack and asked the surrounding crowd to please excuse him. "He climbed over the barrier and smashed the shit out of Hank Williams Sr's guitar," said Jenkins. "It was crazy, there wasn't nothing left but wire and sawdust when he was through."

Urban then defaced at least 15 of the bas relief Hall of Fame member plaques, including Fred Rose, Tammy Wynette, and Don Schlitz, spray painting such things as phalluses and the word "fart" across them. He also sprayed deer scent all over the iconic "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" inscription with a Super Soaker water gun. 

Before leaving the Hall, Urban also hurled DeFord Bailey's harmonica down a hallway, poured a kale smoothie on several Nudie suits, and cut all the fringe off one of Patsy Cline's outfits. 

Museum staff and security never intervened during Urban's rampage because they thought he was just 'pushing the boundaries of his art or filming a prank show or something.' When all was said and done, however, the Kiwi country guitar slinger had caused real and lasting damage on country's hallowed halls. Urban was taken into custody without incident at his home later that evening. 

While neither Urban nor his wife Nicole Kidman could be reached for comment, Keith's manager told us he doesn't expect Keith's reputation or career to take a hit over the situation because he's very handsome and such a good guitar player.

The Six Least Anticipated Country Albums

Oh wait, that one's real...

Monday Memes: Let's Get Obvious!

First off all, I think these popular country memes are stupid. I didn't start them and I won't retweet them or post them on our Facebook page.

That kind of stuff's way too obvious for me. I like satire and weird, twisted humor. That's why we'll never have millions of followers too, but that's a story for another day. Anyway, here are my own versions of the currently viral "Obvious Country Music Lyric Memes."