Showing posts with label Toby Keith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Toby Keith. Show all posts

Sep 11, 2014

Little Known Facts: September '14




Lefty Frizzell was ambidextrous.

Creed's Scott Stapp considered making a country album but decided
against it because "the scene is just too douchey right now."

For every number 1 single Rascal Flatts has Gary Levox
celebrates by literally adding a notch to his belt.

Due to his reputation for making subpar music Chris Gaines decided
to make his comeback under the stage name Garth Brooks.

Justin Moore started singing country music after his "little luchador"
career ended with a mis-timed hurricanrana.

Thanks to quick actions from a bystander who applied pressure to the wound,
the man Johnny Cash shot in Reno lived until 2007.

Taylor Swift says she hasn't dated in over a year, so her next album
will be entirely about collecting cats and eating Blue Bell by the quart.

Little Big Town is a bad good band.

Each year, Lee Greenwood goes into hibernation
from November 12 through the last Sunday in May.

Sam Hunt is so country, he once got barbecue sauce on his vintage mesh yellow polo.

Jason Brown changed his name to Colt Ford to avoid being confused with his younger brother Chris Brown.

Despite FTM's constant jokes, Brantley Gilbert has only tried meth once and he didn't like it.
(Then he tried it 64 more times and didn't like it any of those times either.)

On the grounds of Toby Keith's Norman, OK farm/estate, there is a life-sized bronze statue of Toby Keith.


By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Jul 3, 2014

Little Known Facts: July '14



By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

If you don't use American made fireworks to celebrate Independence Day, 
Toby Keith will come to your house and put a boot up your ass.

Chase Rice's college football career was cut short due to an injury sustained in a tragic keg stand mishap.

Scott Borchetta doesn't mind if you question his business decisions and ethics, 
but if you say one word about his perm he will end you.

The average Luke Bryan fan can type 49 werds per minute.

Jerrod Niemann wants you to know that it was his record label's idea to release "Donkey." 
In fact, he didn't even want it on the album. In fact, that's not even him singing on the track. 
Seriously, guys.

Colt Ford is a really nice guy until you remind him that his music completely sucks ass.

Tim McGraw wants you to know that it was his record label's idea to release "Lookin' for That Girl." In fact…

Justin Moore only drinks top shelf liquor, unless he's alone and can't reach it.

Martina McBride stopped doing festival dates with bro-country acts 
because their fans would all wave American flags during "Independence Day."

In a recent competition to find country music's best looking beard, 
Whitey Morgan came in second behind Miranda Lambert.

Kenny Chesney once broke up a clothes-ripping brawl between Faith Hill and Shania Twain 
backstage at the CMAs. Said Ronnie Dunn, who witnessed the whole thing, "Chesney's a dumbass."

New country artist Walker Chase Blake hopes to stand out from the crowd with his new rap-tinged
single "Blah blah something about kisses at night or whatever."

Johnny Cash had an amazing collection of 19th century guns and antique books. 
Brantley Gilbert has a pretty sweet collection of glass pipes and Juggs magazines.

Jun 24, 2014

Douchenbach (Parody Lyric)



Douchenbach, Georgia
(Lyric Parody of Waylon & Willie's "Luckenbach, TX")

The only two things in life that make it worth livin'
Is DJs that drop bass and ass shakin' women
I just need my name on a tatt that's tight
I bust my rhymes so you'll go down on me tonight
Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia
With Aldean and Brantley and the dudes
Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'
We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule
Between Hank Junior's boozin' and
FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up
Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

So baby let's buy some wallet chains
Square toed boots and shiny jeans and go away
This mowing yards has got to stop
And working at your beauty shop, you cry all day
We've been so busy living home with our moms
They won't let us smoke and throw out our beer bongs
Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia
With Colt Ford, Cole Swindell and the bros
Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'
We'll be crankin' up some Chingy and some J-Kwon tho'
Between Snoop Doggy's tokin' and
Limp Bizkit Rollin' and Toby Keith kickin' some ass
Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they glass

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia
With Luke Bryan, Sam Hunt and the dudes
Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'
We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule
Between Hank Junior's boozin' and
FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up
Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

Dec 5, 2012

Toby Keith Parody

This is kind of an oldie, but it might still be funny to those
of you with a third grade sense of humor (like me).



Need To Potty
(Parody of Toby Keith’s “She’s a Hottie”)

We were jammed in traffic on I-59
My four year old was swayin’ side to side, 
Hunched in his booster seat, squeezing his hips
It happens every time we take a trip

Hey mama, think I’ve gotta
Turn loose of all this juice and water
So find a McDonalds or a rest stop, won’t ya dad?
If I don’t get relief this could really get bad

Potty! Need to potty!! Hey listen up everybody! 
The Iron Man on my underpants
‘bout to turn into Aquaman
Potty! Need to potty!! My tummy’s feelin’ oddly
Oh no ­­­mommy mommy, drive fast daddy daddy, ah ah ah ah ahhhhh 

We were sittin’ in church
Preacher reading a verse
My son dropped his crayon, lookin’ kinda sick
Teardrops in his eyes, he whispered “Uh oh”, I was feelin’ like Noah before the big flow, 
It hurts! Gonna squirt!!! 
He’s sweatin’ through his polo shirt
Mama gotta get that boy to the bathroom and don’t be late
Quick before he gets ahold of the offerin’ plate

Potty! Need to potty!! Hey listen up everybody! 
Preacher shook his head at the scene
Choir lady fainted when he screamed
Potty! Need to potty!! My tummy’s feelin’ oddly
Oh no ­­­mommy mommy, move move daddy daddy, ah ah ah ah ahhhhh 

One Friday night, got the boy off to sleep, 
My wife dimmed the lights and kissed me on the cheek, 
We sipped a little wine and it was getting real hot
When the boy came runnin’ in holding his crotch

Potty! Need to potty!! And I’m so scared of the dark mommy! 
Somebody please come take me to go
Before my private place explodes
Potty! Need to potty!! My sheets are kinda spotty
Get up mommy mommy, what’s wrong daddy daddy?, ah ah ah ah ahhhhh 

Whoops.

Jul 26, 2012

OMG Reviews: Toby Keith - I Like Girls That Drink Beer


by Brittany Fant, 14-year-old music fan and aspiring reviewer






Click here to listen to the song.

I'm 2 young 2 drink beer and Toby Keith is decrepit old so why am I even listening to this? Uhhh, he's such a redneck. He like loves America so much he wants to put a boot up people's booty. That's disgusting. I'm patriotic I guess, but not like that. Maybe if Hunter Hayes wore a pair of red, white and blue skinny jeans, I'd salute Old Glory even more! Hunter, I love yououououououououou!

Sooo, pretty much, this song is about how this greasy old chunky guy likes girls who drink beer. It sounds really country. I mean really really country. Like old country. U know ---> like it came from the 90s or something, when my parents were just out of college. They didn't even have cell phones or the internet or Facebook back then. How did they even make it for more than an hour without going crazy?

This song isn't good. Toby Keith is gross. He looks like one of those guys that gets caught on To Catch a Predator. Like, "Uh, howdy Chris Hanson, I was just here 2 teach this young girl how 2 sing songs about putting footwear in bottoms."

People like Toby Keith and George Strait should just go on and check in2 the rest home and leave REAL COUNTRY MUSIC to the stars of today, like HUNTER HUNTER HUNTER and THOMAS RHETT and HUNTER HUNTER HUNTER!

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