Top 10 Ways to Identify a Boyfriend Country Song

10. Singer is non-threatening looking and wearing a $200 ill-fitting t-shirt

9. You can only tell that it’s country because it’s on a country radio station or playlist

8. Singer uses every possible method to avoid saying the word “truck” while singing about said truck

7. “Featuring Lauren Alaina”

6. No real drums - data shows that drums are for boomers

5. Singer is either very handsome or his lack of traditional handsomeness is cloaked by painstakingly manicured facial hair

4. Any steel guitar or fiddle must be used as sparingly as the singer uses contemplation

3. Southern drawl may only rise to the level of “charming Bachelorette suitor”

2. Object of affection must be “beautiful inside and out” and “love her mama” and …that’s about it

1. Shallow song ‘about’ woman takes place of 4 other deep songs ‘by’ women on the chart

Bonus: Singer clearly told the hairdresser "Make it look stupid"

Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?

Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”

Inspired by this tweet.

10. You make me want to roll my windows down

9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it

8. Aw naw, aw naw

7. Sounds like it sucks

6. Park this Silverado on your front lawn

5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up

4. Jump on in, tell yo’ friends

3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker

2. I kick it with a mule

1. Shimmy up inside

The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country

A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer

Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…

10. Joe Diffie

Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.

Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.

9. Suzy Bogguss

Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.

Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.

8. Wade Hayes

Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.

Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.

7. Patty Loveless

Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”

Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”

6. Pam Tillis

Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.

Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.

5. Ty Herndon

Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.

Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.

Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.

4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)

Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.

Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.

Stops in roundabouts.

3. Terri Clark

Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.

When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.

Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”

2. Trisha Yearwood

Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."

Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.

Against legalization, but always on that kush.

1. Jim Lauderdale

Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.

Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.

Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates. 

Wants to tour with Old Dominion.

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*satire, obviously*

Top 11 Things It Looks Like Brantley Gilbert is About to Do in This Picture

Top 11 Things It Looks Like Brantley Gilbert is About to Do in This Picture

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11. Beat up a band dork for texting his ex-girlfriend

10. Shart in his Punisher underwear

9. Roll coal on an electric car while hitting a road sign with a just emptied beer bottle with one hand and cranking up the Colt Ford with the other hand

8. Utter one of the following phrases: “Do you even lift, bro?” or “She a thot, son”

7. Masturbate while watching Iron Eagle for the 78th time

6. Yell something racist

5. Rupture a blood vessel

4. Call for a homer and hit a dribbler to the pitcher

3. Lick the remnants from the bottom of an empty can of Copenhagen

2. Hit the emergency stop and clean up the vomit on The Scrambler

1. Go to war against the Pacific northwestern small town cops who wronged him

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By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Top 10 Signs You’re a Basic A** Country Girl

10. The bartender at a Nashville pedal tavern has cut you off before

9. You don’t remember what songs Kane Brown sang in concert, but he’s your favorite singer because he’s “sooo hot!”

8. You own more pairs of cut-offs than there are Presidents you can name

7. You missed work/class to cry and drink wine the day you found out Dustin Lynch has a girlfriend

6. The above concoction seems like the best thing ever

5. You’ve ever said “Y’all I’m literally dead”

4. There’s just something about a community college dropout in a lifted Raptor running a stoplight while cranking Florida-Georgia Line that makes you fall in love every time

3. You own 3 pair of boots with crosses on them and ain’t been to church in years

2. Your Jeep with a Yeti sticker and a deer decal has never left the pavement of Davidson county

1. You will gladly stand in line upwards of 3 hours to have your photo taken in front of some wings painted on a wall

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Inspired by this tweet from Country Hodge Podge:

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Texas Country Music

Some people would imagine that the fan-friendly, honest Texas country music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as pop music or Nashville. However, those people would be wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

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10. Kevin Fowler

Reply All… every time

Somehow always around when the tour bus bathroom smells, but never did it

9. Bri Bagwell

Starts every sentence with “No offense, but…”

Talks on speaker phone at the gym

8. Casey Donahew

Stage banter consists entirely of discussing the show Entourage

All band members must refer to him as “sir”

7. Kyle Park

Waits till he gets up to the counter to look at the menu

Calls Koe Wetzel screaming for no reason every morning around 5 a.m.

6. Sarah Hobbs

Takes a smoke break during church and puffs Black & Milds right outside the sanctuary

“Gangnam Style” ringtone

5. Zane Williams

Wears shirts printed with recent tv show spoilers on stage

Threw out first pitch at a minor league game and purposely beaned the catcher between the pads

Replaces the toilet paper ‘roll under’

4. Lyle Lovett

Still does the duck face and peace sign in pics

Signs autographs as “Shyle Shovett”

Only speaks German in interviews since 2004

3. Kylie Rae Harris

Just shows up with Whataburger without asking anybody if they wanted some first

Her only jokes are stolen from Larry the Cable guy

Her encore at shows? “Baby Shark”
(RIP KRH. Leaving this because she 'liked' it on Twitter)

2. Dalton Domino

Breath always smells like pickle chips

Proud to prove he knows every word of “F the Police” every chance he gets

Signs up for fetish porn sites using bandmates’ email addresses

1. Cory Morrow

Never been to a  Buc-ees without asking to speak to the manager

Calls everybody “chief” or “pahdnah”

Leaves shopping carts behind car parked next to him

Brutal SBDs

Top 10 Signs You Might Be a Kane Brown Fan

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10. You're loudly yelling at your ex-husband on the phone outside a tanning salon

9. You're only getting the Aryan nation prison tattoo lasered off now that your son's dating a black woman

8. Your truck cost more than you and your neighbor's trailers put together

7. You're sporting a Kane Brown t-shirt …and an ankle bracelet

6. You got a DUI on the way to church

5. You recently asked your friend about hosting an essential oils party at her house because your apartment is being fumigated right now

4. You have said: "I'm not racist, I listen to Kane Brown!"

3. People can see a dolphin tattoo on your butt cheek because your pajama pants are sliding down in the express lane at Walmart where you have 27 items

2. You talk about country music evolving, but dropped out of school before biological evolution was taught

1. All your Facebook posts are either "if you come at my family, you come at me" or Kane Brown videos

Top 10 Kane Brown Songs That Really Aren't That Bad

Yeah, we've been a little hard on Kane Brown. His first music was amateurish at best, and his new songs are heavy on the pop and light on the country. He also tends to sing as if he's experiencing bowel discomfort. He also seems to have very thin skin toward "haters" and critics. All that said, we can find the good in every artist, right? Even the most disagreeable country acts have some songs that will surprise you. Here are the ten Kane Brown songs we think you should open your mind to and give a chance right now!

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Top 10 Biggest Country Singer/Songwriter Jerks

Some would imagine that relatively under-the-radar country singer/songwriters would not be as likely to be divas and d-bags as the ultra-hyped superstars. However, this is not to be. 

Here are some of the most egregious offenders.

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10. Brandy Clark

Keeps "Draw 4" up sleeve when playing Uno

Tour rider requires Koolaid pickles, a Creed prayer candle, and 5 bottles of Olde English

9. Ed Hill

Thinks Farce the Music is hilarious

Actual crisis actor

8. Mac McAnally

Thinks Soulja Boy is better than 2Pac

Donates to charities promoting homelessness

7. Josh Grider

Does not tell someone if they have a booger

Hobby: Martin Shkreli fan fiction

6. Gretchen Peters

Has been kicked off multiple flights for fighting and drunkenness

Personally puts tiny scratch on each vinyl album ordered through her website

5. Will Hoge

Wears awkwardly short shorts to co-writing sessions

Default font on all emails? comic sans

4. Lori McKenna

Performs thorough and morally judgmental background check on co-writers

2 can a day Copenhagen habit

Wears big hats to church and sits in front of short people

3. Travis Meadows

Spreads nasty rumors about Whiskey Jack's hygiene

Argues with cashiers over expired coupons

Changes Alan Jackson online set lists and Wikipedia page to say AJ covers Lil Wayne, Future

2. Mandy Barnett

Writes "Nice" on page 69 of every library book she checks out

Coughs on buffets

Still wears a bluetooth earpiece

1. Kendell Marvel

Refused shot, gave 73 people flu this year

Secretly writes bro-country songs under pen name Chris DeStefano

Doesn't refill the Keurig

Claims world's largest laserdisc porn collection