Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts

Mar 3, 2021

Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans are Spending Their Tax Refunds on 2021


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10. Oral hygiene


9. You don’t get a tax refund if you don’t pay taxes



8. New boots



7. New router and surround sound speakers for the meth shed



6. Screened in patio



5. Help mama upgrade her truck



4. “Vitamins”



3. Buy girlfriend a tattoo for her birthday



2. Legal fees resulting from that fight with daddy at the dog track



1. Down payment on new porch

Dec 31, 2020

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Dan + Shay Fans


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 10. Speak to 5% more managers in 2021

9. Keep up with teen slang so you’ll be able to snoop on your daughter’s Snapchat effectively


8. Monthly salon visit to maintain that just above the shoulders layered look that silently asks “Are you supposed to be here?”


7. Keep the white zinfandel cellar fully stocked at all times


6. Berate Dan + Shay on Facebook for not going on tour because Covid is just the damn flu!


5. Sell 22% more essential oils and seaweed kelp powder on Facebook


4. Berate Kane Brown on Instagram for wearing a mask because “there taking our freedom away!”


3. Keep tan somewhere between “just returned from Cozumel” and “oh God, you better get that mole checked out!”


2. Maintain the perimeters and facilities of your gated subdivision against people who don’t seem to belong near you


1. Practice saying “How arrrre yeeewwww??” and “Oh HOOWWW Cute!” and “Bless YEWR Hawrt!” for when you finally get to see your friends after this Covid hoax goes away



Oct 30, 2020

Top 10 Things More Likely Than Sam Hunt Releasing a Real Country Song


Remember that time Sam Hunt was gonna release a country song, but then he just released his usual kind of song with a sample of a real country song mixed in? Here are ten things more likely than Sam Hunt releasing a song we all agree is really country.



10. Your aunt actually wins that RV she keeps reposting about on Facebook.


9. Justin Moore takes a leak without standing on a potty stool.


8. A Nigerian prince sends you 3.2 million dollars.



7. The Simpsons stop predicting things correctly.


6. Ifs and buts become candy and nuts.


5. Gary Levox, hardcore porn star. 


4. Donald Trump releases his tax returns. Joe Biden admits he’s uncertain which city he’s in.


3. Kane Brown successfully completes a corn maze.

2. Hank Sr stops rolling in his grave.


1. New York Jets: Super Bowl LV champs.


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By Trailer & Jeremy Harris

Aug 26, 2020

Top 10 Fashion Tips for Brantley Gilbert Fans

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10. Research the business you’re applying with first, but confederate flag t-shirts are generally frowned upon for job interviews.

9. If you don’t look good in prison orange, you can accessorize with handmade hair necklaces or a sticker from the commissary.

8. Sagging pants aren’t really in fashion right now, but since you don’t care, just make sure you wear full coverage underpants.

7. Duct tape will hold the chain in your back pocket while you save for the wallet.

6. Camouflage is actually fairly fashionable right now, but make sure the camo you wear in public is free of briars and blood from sneaking through the woods to tend your still.

5. Collared shirts are essential work apparel for those of you… well, most of you… with neck tattoos.

4. When purchasing shorty shorts with words across the butt, make sure the wording isn’t something inappropriate that would get you fired from the snow-cone stand.

3. If you don’t have skinny genes, you might wanna skip the skinny jeans.

2. Wife beaters are a shirt style, not a lifestyle.

1. An oversized baseball hat can cover meth scars all the way to the eyebrows and you’ll look super cool.

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

Jun 17, 2020

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 2000s Country


Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, upbeat country music scene of 2000-2009 would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more recent country music diaspora. Some would be very, very wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

10. Jo Dee Messina
Brings a Coke can into church so she has somewhere to spit her dip. Constantly brags about her Peloton.

9. Billy Currington
Once fought with an old guy about a boat wake or something. [edit: being told this actually happened]
Considers his duet with Shania Twain the highpoint of her career.

8. Sara Evans
At concerts, will only perform her biggest hits as spoken word. Made Trick Pony use a utility closet as a dressing room when they opened for her. 

7. Brad Paisley
Working with legal team to get “dad jokes” copyrighted so he can sue everybody who uses the term. When people join his group text promotion, he sells their numbers to escort services.

6. Dierks Bentley
Publicly and profanely humiliates anyone who misspells his name. Eats Taco Bell on his bus. Uses the bathroom on his band’s bus.

5. Phil Vassar
Plays “Bobbi with an I” as his encore at concerts. Avoids eye contact with anyone shorter than him. Has an album of Drake covers coming out soon.

4. Cyndi Thomson
Bogarts the joint. “I Crossfit” is her entire Facebook bio. Won’t use the zipper merge in traffic.

3. Steve Holy
Cheats at foosball. Won’t flush a floater. Performs Tekashi 6ix9ine songs on Tik Tok. 

2. Mark Wills
Covers a Wheeler Walker Jr. song when he sees there are lots of kids at his concert. Still does the “flaming bag of shit” prank on neighbors despite being in his 40s. Has long conversations in front of what you need at Walmart.

1. John Rich
Wait, who authorized putting an actual jerk on here?

Apr 8, 2020

Top 10 Worst Country Quarantine House Guests


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10. Garth Brooks
Just cries in the corner the whole time.

9. Kacey Musgraves
Smokes up all your weed. 

8. Gary LeVox
In this temporarily ‘nicer’ era of Farce the Music, I will leave this one alone, but you know why he’s here.

7. Martina McBride
High stakes poker games with toilet paper for money. Constantly setting up booby traps and cleaning her AK for when “shit goes down.”

6. Cody Jinks
Won’t stop reminding everyone that The Rock is a big fan. Unfortunately, Ward Davis had to come along too - it’s a package deal.

5. Justin Moore
Constantly needs help reaching stuff in the cabinet and climbing up on the toilet.

4. Mitchell Tenpenny
Your wife won’t come out of the bedroom because “his staring is getting really creepy.” Refuses to wash his hands.

3. Thomas Rhett
Brings over all his kids and their friends, negating the whole social distancing thing. Wants to have Ed Sheeran karaoke contests 24/7.

2. Sam Hunt
Expects you to keep his hair cut and styled for him. Water bill extremely high from washing all his jogger pants. Wants you to be the snap track for him when he’s writing songs. 

1. Shooter Jennings
Eats all your Funyuns. His ‘essential’ luggage is 5 crates of He-Man lunch boxes.
Eats up all the wifi bandwidth playing video games constantly. Conspiracy theories out the wazoo.

Apr 1, 2020

Top 11 Country-Related Ways to Be Helpful During the Pandemic



11. Teach a Kane Brown fan to read by FaceTime

10. Send a letter to your congressman informing them that your favorite bands can still perform live and stay under the 10 person recommendation

9. Remind hick-hop fans that not only should they wash their hands frequently, but that they should also wash their bodies from time to time

8. Paint an inspirational message on the local water tower in John Deere green

7. Tell the Dollar General manager that times are stressful enough without them playing bro-country in the store and kindly request they turn it off

6. Go to your favorite bartender's house and blare George Jones from their yard to cheer them up

5. Whatever Dolly Parton is doing, do that

4. Send a friendly postcard to a Brantley Gilbert fan in prison

3. Avoid political arguments unless one a’ them stinkin’ liberal pinko commie America-hatin’ Dixie Chicks fans starts it first

2. Use two pairs of Luke Bryan’s old pants to make one face mask for the local hospital 

1. Buy albums and merchandise from the independent musicians you enjoy (or tip them during their live shows on Instagram, Facebook, etc)

~By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

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