Douchenbach (Parody Lyric)

Douchenbach, Georgia

(Lyric Parody of Waylon & Willie's "Luckenbach, TX")

The only two things in life that make it worth livin'

Is DJs that drop bass and ass shakin' women

I just need my name on a tatt that's tight

I bust my rhymes so you'll go down on me tonight

Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Aldean and Brantley and the dudes

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule

Between Hank Junior's boozin' and

FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

So baby let's buy some wallet chains

Square toed boots and shiny jeans and go away

This mowing yards has got to stop

And working at your beauty shop, you cry all day

We've been so busy living home with our moms

They won't let us smoke and throw out our beer bongs

Maybe it's time we got this Chevy stuck in the mud

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Colt Ford, Cole Swindell and the bros

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up some Chingy and some J-Kwon tho'

Between Snoop Doggy's tokin' and

Limp Bizkit Rollin' and Toby Keith kickin' some ass

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they glass

Let's go to Douchenbach, Georgia

With Luke Bryan, Sam Hunt and the dudes

Get these Rockford Fosgates kickin'

We'll be crankin' up the Fiddy and Ja Rule

Between Hank Junior's boozin' and

FGL's Cruisin' and Juvy backin' that thang up

Out in Douchenbach, Georgia everybody's raisin' they cups

Wannabe Bro-Country Song

Good Ass Night

©2014 FTM Satires

It's been a bad week

I failed remedial math

My truck nuts broke and 

My Reaper had a flat

At least it's Friday

My luck's gonna switch

Find me a party

And a bad country b**ch

And have a good ass night

Give the bonfire a light

Drink a beer yeah I might

Steal a kiss, have a fight

Son that's right

I'm gonna have a good ass night

I'm buzzed yeah ya heard

When I pull in the spot

Park my shit in the mud

Country swag on lock

Lookin' for a dime

Holla at deez hoes

Crank up some George Strait

Don't really like it tho'

But it's a good ass night

Give the bonfire a light

Drink a beer yeah I might

Steal a kiss, have a fight

Son that's right

I'm gonna have a good ass night

Bridge

Okay I've been lying, that really ain't me

I'm home playing Minecraft on my PS3

Got the radio up

And jealous as f***

Of the fellas in trucks wearing Ed Hardy tees

Havin' a good ass night

Givin' bonfires a light

Drinkin' beer wish I might

Steal a kiss, have a fight

Son that's right

Wish I could have a good ass night

Guest Submission: How to Write a Country Rap Hit

Country rap song template by "Cactus Jones."

Top 10 Rules for Writing a Hit Country Song in 2014

Inspired by this. (Link)

10. Check Billboard's charts archives and see

what was popular in pop and rap 10 years ago. Do that.

09. Be a famous person's offspring.

08. Write what you know, unless you know about anything other

than leaning on your truck in a pasture drinking fake moonshine and staring

at the rear ends of females dancing beside a bonfire to a song about leaning

on your truck in a pasture drinking fake moonshine and staring at the

rear ends of females dancing beside a bonfire.

07. When writing a song for a female artist, stop doing that.

06. Move to Nashville. Do you honestly think a record exec is going to come

to your house so you can give them sexual favors to get your foot in the door?

05. Be in a fraternity and when one of your fellow members

gets into the business, they'll hook you up, bro.

04. Go to a club where critically lauded Americana or roots rock artists perform

and listen to their earnest, heartfelt songs. Maybe even talk with them after the show and find out about their motives and inspirations so you can make sure to never do any of that stuff.

03. Kiss ass kiss ass kiss ass.

02. Don't write a country song.

01. Sit down for a few hours with your guitar and a bottle of whiskey and pour out your

emotions into a powerful song about hurt, love and the power of the human spirit.

Then throw that sumbitch in the trash and go write a truck song with 3 other dudes.

Country TwitterWINS: June '14

Monday Morning Memes: FGL, Brantley Gilbert, Strait

Fun With Charts and Graphs: Bro-country, Trucks...

I Think I've Heard This Song Before

I Think I've Heard This Song Before

©2014 FTM Satire

This opening riff sounds so familiar

And this beat is kinda deja vu

Here's a line for good times in the pasture

With vocals that are auto-tuned

Chorus

I think I've heard this song before

Let's all party cause thinking's a chore

Country music's stuck in a revolving door

I think I've heard this song before

I predict a fine girl in tight denim

Will put a drink to her cherry lips

A pretty white boy is talking in rhythm

Moonlight, moonshine and mud-grips

I think I've heard this song before

Same cut-offs the girl in the last song wore

Tilt your head back and let the Fireball pour

I think I've heard this song before

Bridge

They say country music's now for the kids

Who never heard these well worn rhymes

But when every song sounds like the last one did

That excuse doesn't hold shine

I think I've heard this song before

Does anybody think for themselves anymore?

Hip hop slang over some power chords

I think I've heard this song before

Just throw your hands in the honkey-flippin' air

Wave 'em all around like a millionaire

Say "hooo"

Say "ho ho"

Ain't no party like the same ol' party cause the same ol' party don't stop

I think I've heard this song before

I don't wanna hear it anymore

Country Radio Content Pie Chart

Country eCards: April '14

If Dallas Davidson Had Written These Big Hits

FTM ponders what these famous rock, R&B, rap and country songs would have sounded like if Dallas Davidson or any of his compadres had written them...

Pearl Jam - Even Flow

Gravel road, trucks arrive tires oversized

Oh, bring some hoes, who can make the sugar shake

Better yet, we'll have Miller Lite again

Lite again, Lite again...

Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw dat ass

I felt my skinny jeans start to rise

And the moon and the stars over my tailgate

Got to watch me get in them thighs

Merle Haggard - Fightin' Side of Me

If you gone mad-dog, step up:

Let these brass knucks be a warnin'.

If you're cock-blockin' on hotties, son,

You bout to meet the fightin' side of me.

Carl Perkins (Elvis Presley) - Blue Suede Shoes

Well, it's one for the honeys,

Two for the shine,

Three for my Chevy,

Past the county line.

But don't you step on my square-toed boots.

You can do anything but lay off of my square-toed boots.

Jay-Z - 99 Problems

99 problems but a hitch ain't one

If you need to pull a trailer, get a Smittybilt son

I got 99 problems but a hitch ain't one

Hit me

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)

(Drop it Like a) Tailgate

©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates

Raptor rollin' can't be late

Country girl for a hot date

Cut-offs make my heart race

Drive out where the crops grow

Pickups by the dirt rows

Bass kickin' errbody know

She's here to rock the show

(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate

Shake it like an earthquake

Wiggle like some live bait

Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan

Honey-thang move that behind

Fireballin' no I don't mind

Gettin' crunk like a combine

Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight

Chill dude, it's a'ight

Get faded on some Bud Light

Let's all have a good night

(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate

Stop it like a disk brake

Make a gay dude go straight

Girl

Bridge

Every Friday I do the same

Wife beater and a wallet chain

Fly hotties and spittin' game

I already forgot her name

(but she can)

Drop it like a tailgate

Float it like a snowflake

Curvy as a rat snake

Girl

Yeah,

Drop it like a tailgate

Throw it like a bouquet

Hotter than a burnt steak

Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

Monday Morning Memes: Chase Rice, Eric Church, etc.

Country Music Video Bingo

Print this out. Turn on CMT or GAC during those times when

they actually show videos. Crack a cold one. Enjoy.

Lyrical Satirical: Darn Good Time (A Kinder Gentler Bro-country Anthem)

What if bro-country songs were respectful of women, 

responsible with drinking habits and less concerned with outlaw posturing?

Darn Good Time

©2014 FTM Satires

Headed to the party

Driving the speed limit

Hands free callin'

I'll be there in a minute

I'm ready for a drink

My throat's got a tickle

But I wait till I'm safely

Out of the vehicle

Chorus

We're all here to have a darn good time

Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Pass around the good stuff

But only have a couple

Don't want anyone

Getting in any trouble

One fellow's getting angry

He's red-faced and cussin'

Let's try to cool him down

With a friendly discussion

'Cause

We're just here to have a darn good time

Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Bridge

Crank up some Huey Lewis

That's how we like to rock

But if there's any drugs or sex

I'm gonna call the cops

We're all here to have a darn good time

If you're a bit too young, you can have Cheerwine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

2014 Country Radio Bingo!

Turn on your local Clearchannel country station and play along!

It's not a drinking game because I don't want anyone to die of alcohol poisoning.