Showing posts with label Wynonna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wynonna. Show all posts

May 29, 2015

How to Know Summer is Here

 How to Know Summer is Here

Kid Rock is being played on every format. (Except rock and rap)

Green Peace begins lecturing all new recruits on not rolling Gary Levox back into
the water if he's encountered on the beach.

Female country singers become more popular to bros. Because cutoffs.

Every package of Gold Bond medicated powder includes a download
of the latest Luke Bryan Spring Break album.

Wynonna's orange glow becomes more of a grapefruit color.

The amount of nighttime that Scott Borchetta has for feeding is reduced significantly.

Trailer starts bitching about his yard needing mowed instead
of Mississippi State having a horrible season.

...country music remix season.

Country Rap King Mikel Knight decreases the days between showers for his street teams to 7.

Some country music bigwig says something stupid. Wait, that's every season...

Colt Ford makes extra money blocking the sun from Jason Aldean's forehead.

Leann Rimes blends in with everyone else.

New tailgate songs.

You go to a big drunk redneck fight and a country music festival breaks out.

 Calm down Trailer. We get it, mowing sucks.


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Almost all of these by Jeremy Harris

Jan 22, 2014

Little Known Facts: January '14



14 states have added Tim McGraw to their registered sex offender
list because of his song "Lookin' For That Girl".

The Reverend Horton Heat has never heard a who.

Luke Bryan named his penis "Mashed Potato."

Vanilla Ice stated in a recent interview that he thinks
"hick hop rappers are giving white rappers a bad name."

Every joke about Justin Moore that has been posted on FTM has gone over his head.

If you ask a Brantley Gilbert fan to show you their credentials, they will remove their teeth.

Wynonna recently auditioned for the role of Oompa Loompa Queen for Willie Wonka 2.

This "fact" is only here to improve FTM website traffic from 
bro-country listeners performing Google searches: Country haterz is loosers.

If the guys in Florida Georgia Line had an STD..... Never mind.

Clay Walker has decided to sell out to gain relevance; 
unfortunately the people he's trying to appeal to don't know what "relevance" means.

Cole Swindell learned all his best dance moves from Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

If you badmouth Shooter Jennings, he will kick your ass, 
unless you're over 5 foot tall then he'll probably kick your knee.

According to a 2013 Gary Levox arrest warrant, Golden Corral does not 
allow you to double dip chicken legs into the chocolate fountain.

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Most of these by Jeremy Harris.

Jan 7, 2014

It Was So Cold in Nashville Yesterday...


John Rich had to stay home and get plastered

158 hotties wearing cut-offs died of exposure

Luke Bryan had to pull out the skinny long-johns


Gary Levox had to have a gravy boat frozen to his tongue removed by the fire department

Wynonna turned bluish orange

Dallas Davidson wrote a song called "Ho on My Snowmobile"

Taylor Swift had to break up with boyfriends by text message

Brantley Gilbert fans had to warm themselves with meth lab burners


Justin Moore was lost in a 4" snow drift

Jamey Johnson slipped and shattered his beard



Jul 30, 2013

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