Oh what the hell....

In reference to this.

Tracklist Prediction: Eric Church - Chief

Tracklist Predictions

In which, FTM attempts to predict what the songs will be about based on titles alone.

A week or two ago, Eric Church released the track listings for his upcoming release entitled Chief. Here are FTM's best guesses for what the songs will be about based only on the titles.

1. Creepin'

An update of TLC's "Creep," Eric Church's "Creepin'" expands on the subject of secretly cheating on a significant other who cheated first. In Eric's case, "creep" is fairly literal; he finds his attempts at sexing up random strangers repeatedly rebuked due to his sex offender-like appearance.

2. Drink in My Hand

Koolaid finally gets its due as Eric sings about memories of sipping the sugary fruit-flavored beverage during his formative years. Somehow working in his usual schtick of emphasizing his outlaw credentials, Church recounts the time, as a 5-year-old, he spent more than the allotted time on the GI Joe bounce-house while hopped up on grape Koolaid, then at 9 (drinking Island Punch) when he acted as if he had discovered all the cheats for Super Mario Brothers 2 (his subscription to Nintendo Power had more to do with it), then at 12 when he glued on his first fake porn-stache while pretending his lemonade Koolaid was beer.

3. Keep On

This inspirational piece tells rednecks to keep their head up and continue using smokeless tobacco products despite all medical and scientific information that says it's bad for you. It would be chosen as RJ Reynolds' new ad campaign theme if the government allowed them to advertise on television and radio.

4. Like Jesus Does

A song about things rednecks do that, presumably, Jesus also does. For example: throwing beer cans through the sliding rear glass into the truck bed, shooting road signs for no apparent reason and frying foods that were never intended for such purpose.

5. Hungover & Hard Up

A paradoxical take on the phenomenon of having morning wood while you're hunched over the porcelain throne.

6. Homeboy

You've already heard this take on why Eric dislikes black people. It's a hit, thus proving Nashville and all its fans are ragingly racist.

7. Country Music Jesus

A song about his buddy Kid Rock, who's neither country music, nor religious… but whatever. It's got a helluva guitar riff!

8. Jack Daniels

The spirits industry finally gets a much-needed nod from the country music community, lifting this little known distillery to regional, neigh, national recognition. The song, not actually about the specific brand, only mentions the whiskey in passing, drawing comparisons to Jason Aldean's "Johnny Cash."

9. Springsteen

Eric talks about the time he met Bruce Springsteen and gave him his autograph.

10. I'm Gettin' Stoned

Eric likes to hit the bong, in case you didn't know. This is Chief's marijuana ode, much as Brad Paisley once included a gospel song on every album. Only, Church is, you know, an outlaw. Big time, chief.

11. Over When It's Over

A satirical song about cliches, "Over When it's Over" takes celebrities to task for their over-use of trite statements and maxims, such as "it is what it is" and "taking it to the next level." Church shows a shocking amount of self-awareness and proves he is not just an outfaux, but an entertainer with his finger on the pulse of popular culture and a snarky sense of humor. Farce the Music shuts down in the wake of this turning point in the general public's recognition of meta-humor.

Country Bumper Stickers 5

YouTube Gems: Austin Lucas

From his EXCELLENT and highly recommended new album A New Home, In the Old World, here's Austin Lucas' video for one of my favorite tunes of the year, "Thunder Rails."

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #51

I've come up with a groundbreaking concept to save songwriters valuable space in their "how country I am" songs for more redneck imagery. Instead of mentioning Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Merle (does he even have a last name?) and that other guy individually by name, one can simply say "The Highwaymen." I just learned of this 80's and 90's supergroup/time-saving-wonder recently. This is unfortunate because it would have left more room in my earlier rural anthems for extra lines about bench seats and loving America. From this point forward, "The Highwaymen" will be the standard for namedropping. You're welcome, underlings. Now excuse me while I whip this thing out.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Casey Donahew Band

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Casey Donahew Band - "Let Me Love You"

This guy is one of those Texas country singer/songwriters, so you know pride is his greatest sin. Those people think they are God's gift to this planet with all their "everything's bigger in Texas" jive. He's already got a strike against him.

Strike number two is the cover of this single. I'm not sure if he's trying to look lustful (sin) or lusty (sin), but either way… he looks creepier than my Aunt Bernadine did the time she hit on me at a dinner on the grounds, before she knew we were related.

Now we get to the meat of the matter: the song. It's about him wanting his woman to let him have sexual intercourse with her despite his wandering ways. This is selfish, beyond the obvious iniquities of the flesh. Can't this girl move on to another suitor more deserving of her womanly charms than a sleazy looking musician who's never home? She should settle down with some nice preacher's son or missionary so she can slide into God's desired role for her as a servant of man. Instead, she's supposed to wait around, working at the Walmart photo lab or somesuch, for the perverse come-ons of a pervy looking country music singer?

I believe that "let your arms feel my fire" is code for "let me stick my pecker into your hoo-hoo." For shame! There is no mention that he is married to this woman!

By the sounds of this song, I'd say Mr. Donahew (is he related to that liberal scum, Phil?) is aiming to have his song played on national radio. It's all catchy and shiny and perfect. The desire for riches is also a sin.

Does this man's (and this man's band's) impure desires know no bounds? He needs to get into a church and pray to God that he can be shown the error of his vulgar ways.

I was ashamed to even hear this trifle humanistic song. It made my manparts quiver in ways that the Lord does not approve of. I have already confessed and been forgiven of this sin. After

washing my lower extremities with water that I blessed myself, I have rated this song:

F

New Ronnie Dunn Album Cover Revealed

Top 10 The 9513 Memories

Last week, the mighty 9513 announced that it was shuttering its virtual doors - to much sadness and trepidation - due to time constraints. In honor of the best country music blog that ever was, FTM looks back on its favorite moments and comments from the 5-year history of the revered site.

Top 10 The 9513 Memories (that may or may not have been made up):

10. That news roundup in late May of 2010 dedicated only to LoCash Cowboys, SheDaisy and Fast Ryde tidbits.

09. The first link to a Rita Balloux article informing us what a merkin bump-it was. Yuck!

08. The day Jonathan presented an open-minded, well-balanced, thought-out retort to a review he disagreed with.

07. Juli Thanki's interview with Rosanne Cash in which she led with the question "Now, who are you again?"

06. C.M. Wilcox's 5-star review of "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"

05. The time Rick blamed the emergence of hick-hop on George W. Bush.

04. That time Carrie and Taylor fans harmoniously united in a comment thread over their shared hatred of twang, authenticity and artistic merit.

03. Jim Malec's politically unbiased review of that one patriotic war song by that guy in the hat (or was it the tall guy with the big muscles?).

02. The CMA's live blog where Karlie Justus challenged Miranda Lambert to a jello wrestling match.

01. The retraction of the negative review of Faith Hill's "Red Umbrella" based on threats of bodily harm to the Vercher twins by a couple of the songwriters.

Satirical Lyrical: Never Mind the Tatts

Never Mind the Tatts

©2011 FTM Satire

Hey y'all, remember me?

Just bought a new house in Tennessee

With the cash I made in alternative rock

But that ain't sellin' and the bills don't stop

So here I am

A country boy by damn

I've got a new drawl

And listen to me yell yeehaw

So, I'm from up north

There's dirt roads in New York

If I ain't country, I'll eat my hat

Never mind the tatts

I like salutin' the American flag

Buyin' Marlboros and taking a drag

I like to drive my new pickup real fast

And listen to me say "Johnny Cash!"

Oh, here I am

A country boy by damn

I've got a new twang

And listen to me yell hot dang!

So I pierced my nose

I'm dirty as a gravel road

If I ain't country, I'll eat my hat

Never mind the tatts

Bridge

Never mind the Mercedes Benz

Never mind my Hollywood friends

Never mind what TMZ might say

That whole gay thing was just a phase

And here I am

A country boy by damn

I've got a new drawl

And listen to me yell yeehaw

So I'm from up north

Shootin' coons is my favorite sport

If I ain't country, I'll eat my hat

Never mind the tatts

YouTube Gems: Mumford and Sons

A live recording of "Little Lion Man" from last Saturday's show at Beale Street Music Festival.

Come on Gary, clean and cook it first...

Beale Street Music Festival: A Look Back

I enjoyed a full three days of music this past Friday through Sunday at Tom Lee Park on the banks of Old Man River. We started the weekend with nice temperatures and blue skies, an almost unheard of combination for the Beale Street Music Festival, whose name has become synonymous with rain, mud and rain. Still, the mighty Mississippi was swollen and forecast to spill over its banks within days so our watery backdrop was immense and threatening.

FRIDAY

CAGE THE ELEPHANT

The first show we went to was Cage the Elephant. They were loud, obnoxious, young and pretty ragged, sound-wise. Of course, that fits their punkish persona and it worked well. The lead singer told us he was spaced out on pain pills due to a tooth extraction a couple days previous, but it didn't show. He was nuts, all over the stage and screaming his lungs out. We listened to about 8 songs, including "In One Ear," "Around My Head" and "Aberdeen" before departing to catch the end of Everclear's set the next stage down.

B

EVERCLEAR

I'll never claim to be a huge fan of Art Alexakis and company, but I did enjoy several of their songs from the late 90's and early 00's. I can't say Everclear sounded especially enthused Friday night, but the band was tight and Art's voice sounded good. It was a greatest hits set-list, thankfully leaving out some of their dreadful cover songs. Curiously, their sound was a lot lower than other bands we heard and the mix was kind of flat. Still, they did a solid job with favorites like "Wonderful," "Everything to Everyone" and "Santa Monica," which Art said had bought him a couple of houses and a couple of divorces.

C

SLIGHTLY STOOPID

We took a beer break after Everclear, not caring to journey back down to see MGMT or B.o.B. and far from enthused by Slightly Stoopid. However, Stone Temple Pilots, the night's headliner was after the aforementioned stoner band, so we eventually pushed our way through beardy hippies and smoke-clouds to get a good spot for STP. While obviously a musically talented band, as evidenced by a couple of rocking songs, including a spot-on cover of Nirvana's "Territorial Pissings," Slightly Stoopid stuck to the Sublime-meets-jam band sound that they've obviously built their career on. I'm sure for tokers and diehards, the band is great, but I didn't care for their set at all.

D-

STONE TEMPLE PILOTS

I'm an unabashed fan of STP. They weren't exactly on my "must see bands" list, but still, I don't see them as the faux-grunge garbage band as many rock snobs do. I didn't know what to expect from the recently re-formed group, given Scott Weiland's sketchy history on and off-stage. I'm happy to say they rocked Tom Lee Park. Sprinkling three songs from their newest self-titled album in with a ton of hits like "Plush" and "Interstate Love Song," STP was tight as they could be and sounded great. Scott Weiland was pleasantly weird, dancing around like tribesman by a fire and interjecting odd statements and prayers at a moment's notice. And despite a couple of audience members trying to bait him into a meltdown, he maintained his composure and vocals throughout. I'd have to count them among the best live hard-rock bands I've seen.

A

SATURDAY

True to the rep of the Beale Street Music Festival, the rain came Saturday. Not much, but it continued a streak.

PAUL THORN

This was my first highly anticipated artist of the festival and Paul did not disappoint. He was funny, humble, soulful and a helluva entertainer. Peppering in self-deprecating jokes and homespun wisdom, Paul had the crowd engaged for the full set. Besides being a great singer and songwriter, he came across as a genuinely down-to-earth guy with an almost innocent appreciation for the attention he was being given and the artists he was sharing the stage with. His set included my favorite of his, "Love Scar," along with others like "A Lot of Good Reasons" and "I Have a Good Day." He and his band tore the place down with the rollicking closer "Mission Temple Fireworks Stand," leaving everybody wanting more than an hour and a half festival show could give us.

A

JERRY LEE LEWIS

Do I really need to write anything else besides his name? The man's a freaking legend. While frail of body, a bit weak of voice and fairly rambling between tunes, The Killer put on an awesome show, proving there's still plenty of fire in the tank. He did all the favorites, a few classic covers and, of course, he ended with "Great Balls of Fire" and "Whole Lotta Shakin'." He even summoned up the strength to do his trademark "playing while standing up" towards the end. Wonderful and unforgettable.

A

MUMFORD AND SONS

The band sounded great, performing nearly their entire debut album along with 2 or 3 new songs from the album they're about to record. They were tight as hell and very engaging with the crowd. Their performance is not so much the story here as their audience. It was by far the biggest crowd of the entire event, massive even. A friend of mine who'd seen Dave Matthews Band at Beale a few years ago said it was far larger than DMB's audience. Also, the crowd seemed to know every word and reacted to the songs like The Beatles themselves were on stage. I had no idea they were so popular. In a day and age of segmented tastes and fan-bases, this was the one act that seemed to bring everyone together. We'll see how that holds up in the fickle wind of pop culture.

B+

LUCINDA WILLIAMS

Lucinda was in great voice and her band was tight. Her song selection, however, mirrored my general impression of her most recent work… it was tepid for the most part. She did "Joy," "Can't Let Go" and "Buttercup," among others, which I enjoyed. The rest was fairly bland; certainly not providing much excitement. I wasn't thrilled with the set.

C-

JOHN MELLENCAMP

John sounded awesome and his band was even better. They were thoroughly impressive. The theme of his set seemed to be flipping songs on their heads. The songs from his recent stripped-down album were played with bombast and vigor by the full band, bringing life to tunes that to me were just okay on record. The hits were played either stripped down or with completely new arrangements. It was very cool. The crowd ate it up, and John was funny and conversational. A side-note: I saw the well-known liberal and environmentalist the next day climbing into a massive black SUV to leave his 5-star hotel :).

A-

SUNDAY

The rain came in sheets Sunday, and the river was up another foot or so, now lapping at the sidewalks just beyond the side retaining walls of the park. Despite the weather and the impending flooding, the festival thankfully went on mostly as scheduled.

LUCERO

Farce the Music's house band started without the benefit of a soundcheck due to a tornado warning earlier. I and my listening party had hunkered down in a trolley stop, but we made it safely, but muddily to the concert on time. Ben Nichols admitted the sound was a "clusterf*ck" but it really wasn't bad at all. They were as solid as ever despite the lack of preparation and the weather-diminished crowd. They ran through what Ben termed as "our greatest hits…. or at least uh, local favorites" including "My Tears Don't Matter Much" and "Sixes and Sevens." They also threw in one new tune that will be on their next record called "Women and Work." It was even more in the Memphis R&B direction than most of the songs on their last release. Good stuff. Horn section and everything. Lucero NEVER disappoints.

A

GREGG ALLMAN

Admittedly, I'm not a huge fan of Gregg nor the Allman Brothers, but this was a nice show. He performed solo tunes and legendary favorites alike, including "Just Another Rider," "Whipping Post" and an especially moving rendition of "Melissa."

B

Some girls started mud-sliding during the end of Allman's show. It was very entertaining and some people even started a tip cup for them.

THE AVETT BROTHERS

Another huge crowd for another hot band. The Avetts were loose, loud and awesome. The longest soundcheck I've ever endured yielded the best sounding set of the weekend. Seriously, I'm a fan, but The Avetts blew me away. They were energetic and lively and the crowd ate it up. Selections included "Shame," "Will You Return?," the Prine cover "Spanish Pipedream" and the lovely closer "I and Love and You." If you like bluegrass or newgrass or indie-folk, you owe it to yourself to catch the bros. Killer, killer show! (Another side-note: During the set, the crowd gasped as a river boat rolled by virtually right beside us - see photo.)

A+

WILCO

I'm assuredly on the Farrar side of the Jay or Jeff argument. However, Wilco this Sunday night made me stand up and realize the utter talent of the more commercially successful splinter of Uncle Tupelo. They were amazing. Forgive me for not knowing the guitarist's name, but he was stunningly good. I've seen some 80 live acts in my life and I'd count him as the best guitar player I've ever seen live (ahead of the likes of Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Kirk Hammett). Wilco, despite a nearly 7 month break from playing live, confidently crushed a set that included "Shot in the Arm," "Monday," "Jesus, etc." and probably the best tune I've ever seen played live, "Impossible Germany." I'm not a big fan of the band's recent releases, but I'm now a huge fan of Wilco. Tweedy was great, in excellent voice and in harmony with the crowd. His best between-song line of the night was regarding the scent of barbecue and sausage wafting through the air, "We may become the anti-Morrisey after this. We won't play a show unless we smell burning meat." All hail Wilco.

A+

Jeff Tweedy and crew

Fun With Charts & Graphs

Out Today: New Colt Ford!

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Copyright WENN

First Thing I Noticed at The Beale Street Music Festival

I'll have a write-up of my 3 day excursion to the Beale Street Music Festival in the next day or two, but here was the first thing that caught my attention. I guess you'd call it a sign presentation FAIL. (It was a wrap-around banner that said "First Class. Fun.") I noticed quite a few attendees stopping to take this picture.

Farewell to The 9513

Today I read the sad news that The 9513 is calling it quits. As the most informative country music blog on the 'net, they've long provided great reviews, news and editorials with an intelligent bent and a wide-ranging perspective.

The founding Vercher boys are one of the reasons I got into blogging in the first place, or at least one of the reasons I kept at it. They've always been helpful and and friendly to Farce the Music, as have the rest of the staff.

Hopefully we'll see them and the rest of their crew of talented writers elsewhere online in the near future (of course, many have their own blogs and side-projects already).

Make sure to drop by the goodbye post and let them know how much you appreciate The 9513. Thanks guys!!

YouTube Gems: Cage the Elephant

From their current album, Thank You Happy Birthday, here's Cage the Elephant (who I'll be seeing tonight at Beale Street Music Festival) with "Shake Me Down." RIYL: The Black Keys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rise Against, Cold War Kids, Foo Fighters.

.99 Reviews - Jake Owen: Barefoot Blue Jean Night

Jake Owen - Barefoot Blue Jean Night (Click to listen)

The People's Take

I don't know what the people's take is... my iTunes isn't working properly, but I can imagine 90% of the comments are as such "This is so great for summer riding with my boyfriend in his truck and going to softball games!!!" and the other 10% are either "First!" or "I hate country so this sucks."

My Take

I already know what's coming. It's late April so like taxes are due and Obama's ratings are down, it's time for Summer songs. I'm right. I can also guarantee "till morning light" or "till the break of dawn" will be sang in this song…. yep, there it is. Jake is doing it right and coming alive with the new girl in town out in the middle of ruralia.

How old is he? 30 or something? Is he really still hanging around at parties in the countryside? Jake, you do know it's legal for you to drink wherever you want to that's not a car? Grown folks have parties at their house… in the back yard. There are too many snakes at the riverside. Authenticity is not a requirement of radio country, so I should look past all these little things, but I just can't.

There is one nice line in this song: "we were shining like lighters in the dark in the middle of a rock show" and honestly, I like the beat. The "whooaaoh ohhs" are making me angry though. Ah hell, I'm feeling generous. This isn't horrible such as it is. There are banjos. Jake sounds interested, but the imagery is as far from unique as Jake's teeth aren't from whitener. "Never gonna grow up/never gonna slow down." You might wanna rethink that pardner… the mid-thirties will drain you of energy, I can promise you that. The hangovers aren't so bad anymore, but you'll have a lot more self-awareness of how stupid it is that you're three Jagerbombs into a Friday night and your jeans are biting into your side. Maybe that's just me.

Basically, this is middle of the road pop-country with a few nods to actual country, but it's catchy. A word of warning to those predisposed to living out songs: being barefoot on the riverbank at night is a good way to end up with poison ivy rashes, ticks and West Nile Virus. Have fun.

Total Value: .55/.99

The Checklist:

Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

Jeans

County Fair

Lost Love

Dog

Love

Hometown/Country Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Satirical Lyrical: Token Summer Song

Token Summer Song
©2011 FTM Satire

Flip flops, cutoffs, one armed tan
Catfish, bonfire, beer in hand
Southern belles in bikini tops
Cigarettes and dodging the cops

This is my token summer song
Ride your jet ski and sing along
Mow the grass and kiss my ass
And party till daylight's gone
Hey, this is my token summer song

June, July and August too
Red sunburns and Red Man chew
Merle, Cash, Waylon on the stereo
And don't forget David Allan Coe

This is my token summer song
Fire up the grill and sing along
Swat a bug, take a Miller chug
And take off what you got on
Hey, this is my token summer song

Bridge
My life sucks every day for eight
Till I punch the clock in the face
Then I'm rollin' like my truck is stolen
Thank God for summer days

This is my token summer song
So hitch your Starcraft off the lawn
It's so rad to get radio adds
Predictable as winter's long
Hey, this is my token summer song

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio May 2011

May means nearly summer, and you know what that means. Country music puts on its flip-flops and cutoffs and gets into recycling (themes and sounds). And let me level with you: I'm finding it harder and harder to trifle with this bullsh*t month after month. I hope you appreciate the depths of despair, tedium and annoyance I go through to bring this review to you semi-monthly. The more I do it, the further I feel my mind slipping into some black pit of insanity. No "A's" and no "F's" this go round, just a lot of mediocrity. Here we go! (click the song titles to listen)

Steve Azar - Hard Road

Steve continues on his laid back bluesy path, banking on the success of the similar sounding "Sunshine" for this to be his new groove. I love the fact that he's gone with a more organic sound that compliments his true upbringing. It's not your everyday Clearchannel material and for that, Steve deserves kudos. All that said, this is not overly engaging, and the nonsensical "ahhooof" sounds he makes repeatedly on this track border on water torture.

C

Walker Hayes - Why Wait for Summer?

I know, right? Why wait for Summer to start pissing me off with summer songs? Listen: Being a gainfully employed 36 year old living in the deep south, I hate summer. It's hot as Rosie O'Donnell's armpit so I sweat a lot and my car wants to overheat every day and I don't get off work, I have to mow weekly and gas prices rise, and …well, you get the point. I'll stop ranting. This song is about having fun, despite it not actually being summer. They plan to fool the general country-music-buying-public into singing along from May through July because it has the word "summer" in it. Who knows if it will work? I'm not the target demographic. All I know is I don't want to hear this anymore.

C-

Martina McBride - Teenage Daughters

…in which she admits drinking and being old. Not old, necessarily, but older than either Reba or her boobs would ever confess being. This is a catchy pop-country tune that tackles the difficulties of parenthood and sentimentalism towards the teen years in one heartfelt swoop. Pretty good tune.

B-

Frankie Ballard - A Buncha Girls

Take last year's summer misfires, throw in a few different key words, please the female demographic and here's your result. Blah.

D+

Ashley Gearing - Five More Minutes

Carrie Underwood redux. In fact, I thought it was her at first. Good voice, but she needs to find her own personality. The vocals, the theme, the pop-country arrangement…down to the letter, this is Carrie 2.

C-

Gloriana - Wanna Take You Home

Sunny, easy-rolling country-pop. There's an obvious concerted attempt to sound more country for the guy-girl group this time out… fiddle, acoustics, even some steel, but the song itself is lacking. There's very little substance, nor is there much of a lyrical hook. Their harmonies are supposed to pull up the slack, but it's not happening.

C-

Greg Templeton - I Could Be the One

I could be the one to fall asleep listening to this. His voice is reminiscent of Dierks Bentley's, but this tune is reminiscent of every other potboiler I've ever heard on one of these comps. Dull as a butter knife.

D+

Bradley Gaskin - Mr. Bartender

Travis Tritt reincarnated. What? Oh. I just haven't seen him around. Well, uh… he sounds a lot like Travis. Decent neo-traditional song. It's probably too drink-centric to be a big hit though.

B-

The Janedear Girls - Shotgun Girls

Another summer song. Surprised? I guess it's catchy. Lovely harmonies... or whatever. Willie and Merle just got mentioned. Somebody put a steel toe boot into my backside. There are two songs that mention "dashboard drumming" on this compilation. Just FYI. Make it stop.

D+

Heidi Newfield - Stay Up Late

Here's the latest track from former Trick Pony lead singer, Heidi Newfield. She doesn't want to go out on the town, she just wants to stay home and listen to Darius Rucker's "Alright" and drink wine and eat spaghetti and do it all night. You know? This is honestly better than most of the rest of stuff on this promo. It's got a Bonnie Raitt feel to it. The hook is nice (go to bed early and stay up late). What the heck…

B

River Road - Good Things

Surprise, surprise… another decent song. It's a story song about a couple who marries early, births early and yada yada. Another decent hook (sometimes good things come to those who can't wait). It's got a laid back 90s feel to it. Nothing new, but it stands above most of this drivel.

B

Little Big Town - The Reason Why

I'd like to know the reason why I keep downloading these things. I actually don't hate Little Big Town, but this sounds like Gloriana, who I do hate. High school vocal choir schlock. Of course the vocals and harmonies are spot on, but that's eye shadow on a goat (lipstick on a pig was too easy).

D+

Kenny Chesney - Live a Little

Kenny's got enough goodwill built up among fans and radio to throw out a true clunker now and then. Here it is, in its "perfect for mom to roll down the windows and sing along to while taking kids to baseball and ballet" glory (?). (s)Hit-bound for sure. (Update - It's already hit #1... so why's it on the May comp???)

D

Tim McGraw & Gwyneth Paltrow - Me and Tennessee

I use up way too many derogatory terms and put-downs in these Promo Only reviews. They're bound and determined to run me out of snark, one month at a time. Gwyn's voice isn't that bad really. This song's pretty freakin' annoying though. The refrain of "together we're singing, forever we're singing" is nails on a chalkboard bad. I'll just go back to an old favorite retort: This sucks.

D

Kip Moore - Mary Was the Marrying Kind

Billy Ray Cyrus reincar…. never mind. He sounds a lot like the king of mullets for sure though. I think some of my blogging compadres dig this. Not sure I do. MOR country rock. Background music.

C-

Eden's Edge - Amen

Snap judgment before it starts, based on their name: girl/guy vocal choral group. Ooh, nice vocals. A little twang even. Not much soul once the chorus hits. Note to singers: if you ask for an "amen," you gotta have a little grit in your voice like you just ate collard greens. A lot of potential in this group and the song… but sadly unrealized. I was wrong with my pre-judgment, it's a girl group… and lead vocalist girl needs to hit a few blues dives before singing her next song with gospel overtones. Too honky for this honky.

C

Due West - When the Smoke Clears

Solemn opening. Wow, there's actually some melody in the chorus. It's pretty moving to the part of my soul that hasn't grown dark yet. They remind me of Emerson Drive a little. Strings now. This is the part where tears are supposed to well up in the corners of my hazel blue eyes. Nope, didn't happen. Not a bad song overall. Pop country with a little more heart than I'm used to from that sub-genre.

C+

Johnny Patton - Phone in Heaven

Bringing up the rear…good morning Jesus, can I talk to mama? This guy sounds a little like The Possum. The arrangement even sounds like 80's Jones with a little more slickness. Stone country for the Taylor Swift generation. He doesn't have the chops of George (who does?), but if he did, and he cut loose a little more on the chorus, this might garner a higher grade than…

B-

Relative Size Chart #23

Click for a closer view.

OMG! New Tiger Beat Cover!!

Country Koozies 2

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Weekend

Note: He sure was awkward at this particular concert. Found a lot of "gems" from it.

YouTube Gems: Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers

Here's one of my favorite bands, Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers - who released the new album Unida Cantina this week - with "Marie."

YouTube Gems: Ben Hall

I don't usually care for instrumentals that much, but this kid's good! (and only 20!)

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Jerry Reed

4/20 Album Covers

Some are re-posts, but all are in the spirit of the day.

Songs Illustrated #49 & 50