Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Nickelback - Bottoms Up

Nickelback - Bottoms Up

Dear Heavenly Father. I ask you to grant forgiveness to Trailer for his inequities, as they are legion. I also ask you to grant me grace and patience as I attempt to properly review this musical selection from the rock and roll band Nickelback. Amen.

"Bottoms Up" is the name of this rock and roll song from the band Nickelback. Based on the drivel Trailer has sent me for review thus far, I assumed this was some sort of perverse sexual reference about performing acts that are against the will of the Lord. (Husband + Wife + Missionary = okay; anything else = Hell). Much to my surprise, this song has nothing to do with carnal desire.

Don't let that fact make you think Trailer has sent me something uplifting and spiritual to review. Oh no, this is yet another trashy song that glorifies Satan and his dominion over the material world. While not as vile or sinful as something about intercourse, it is a song about a slightly lesser violation of God's Holy Word: drinking.

I'm not talking about sneaking a shot to put up with your mother-in-law on Thanksgiving drinking either. This is about binging on that unholy liquid. I've already quoted scripture about drinking before so I'll just say "naughty naughty!" Jesus may have turned water to wine, but I'm pretty sure if He was alive today, he wouldn't turn water to "black tooth, 80 proof, straight gasoline." That just sounds despicable. The Devil himself would be hugging the toilet after imbibing in the way Chad Kroeger and his cohorts describe.

There's nothing positive about this song. Not a single word. Also, there's one line that says "Hell can't handle all of us." To that, I say, "hide and watch." If this band were to die today, the black gates of Hades would spring wide to swallow them like John Goodman eats a handful of pretzel M&Ms.

And the music. Is this what rock and roll sounds like in 2011? The din these men create is surely an affront to God. The lead singer Chad sounds like a billy goat coughing up a kudzu vine. Does this pass for vocalization in popular music? The worst singer (old man Chester the drunk) in my church family is easier upon my hearing organs.

If this band were singing "Amazing Grace," it would still offend the Lord's ears. I cannot stress enough how this song and this band make my soul cringe as if standing on the precipice of Hell's pit.

F

Twitter WIN

My political views lean generally to the right... but that's funny right there.

YouTube Gems: Temple of the Dog

Here's a reunion of Chris Cornell (Soundgarden) and Eddie Vedder at the Pearl Jam 20 concert to perform Temple of the Dog's "Hunger Strike." Awesome.

Best of 2011: 3/4 Report

There are a ton of new releases that I'm just getting around to hearing, so this list is far far from steady, but these are my favorite releases of the year so far. Right now... this day, this moment. It will change. (new additions in bold)

1. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - Here We Rest

2. Hayes Carll - KMAG YOYO

3. Jimbo Mathus - Confederate Buddha

4. Ryan Adams - Ashes and Fire

5. Austin Lucas - A New Home, In the Old World

6. Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Heart of a Dog

7. Ha Ha Tonka - Death of a Decade

8. Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears - Scandalous

9. Ponderosa - Moonlight Revival

10. Centro-matic - Candidate Waltz

11. Blitzen Trapper - American Goldwing

12. Stoney Larue - Velvet

13. Drew Kennedy - Fresh Water in the Salton Sea

14. Mastodon - The Hunter

15. Will Hoge - Number Seven

16. Justin Haigh - People Like Me

17. Cary Anne Hearst - Lions and Lambs

18. Left Lane Cruiser - Junkyard Speed Ball

19. Raphael Saadiq - Stone Rollin'

20. Wilco - The Whole Love

YouTube Gems: Mastodon

Ready for some rock this morning? From their new album, The Hunter, here's Mastodon with the weird-as-hell video for "Curl of the Burl."

Top 10 (Non Existent) Country Celeb Perfumes

With Taylor Swift putting out her aptly named Wonderstruck perfume recently, FTM pondered what other country stars should put out their own signature scents and what those should be called.

Top 10 (Non Existent) Country Celeb Perfumes

10. Hank Williams Jr. - Faux Pas

09. Brantley Gilbert - Eau de Douche

08. Kellie Pickler - Pneumatic You

07. Lady Antebellum - Booty Rendezvous

06. Tim McGraw - Vassalage

05. Shooter Jennings - Nads by Shooter

04. Miranda Lambert - Nads by Miranda

03. Bucky Covington - The Scent of Failure

02. Luke Bryan - Tailgates & Toothpaste

01. Gary LeVox - Voracious

Feel Bad For You Mixtape: October

This month's Feel Bad for You mixtape has a theme of "instrumentals" but not everybody followed the rules :). Still, there's a great mix of good tunes there as always. This one includes Los Straitjackets, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Sun Kil Moon and more. Check it out!

Stream here:

Visit the site to download or comment here: http://feelbadforyou.atruersound.com/?p=137#comment-190

Senseless Censorship VIII

Justin Moore says...

If/Then/Else: 5 New Charts

Phil Vassar is a Female Favorite

No Photoshopping here, folks. This is a promo ad I received by email. Just a little FYI peek behind the single marketing curtain. (Note - I have no problem with marketing to the ladies, but this seems to be the overwhelming trend in country for years now. I think this also explains the lack of females on the charts. Women don't like other women. :) ...and don't you love how Phil is smiling up at the statistics?)

Honest Album Cover: The Outlaws?

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Waylon Parody about Rascal Flatts

Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way? (Parody of the song of the same title) It's the same autotune, electric guitars Some people says it's not fair Play these songs that ain't fit for bars With all this gel in my hair For no small change My cousin told me I should go to Nashville You can really sing a hook Old Hank made it here, nobody sings like that still And I don't think Hank had your cool look I don't think Hank done it this way Ten years down the road, playing arena shows Screeching my vocal cords away One more platinum plaque and nobody understands Are you sure Hank done it this way Did Ol' Hank really do it this way? I've seen the world just me and my gang God blessed the broken Music Row Callin' my songs country when I know it's pretend Cause I don't think Hank done 'em this a'way No I don't think Hank done 'em this a'way

YouTube Gems: Ryan Adams

From his excellent (welcome back, RA!) new album Ashes and Fire due October 11th, here's Ryan Adams with "I Love You But I Don't Know What to Say."

YouTube Gems: Will Hoge

From his awesome new album Number Seven (get it!), here's Will Hoge with "Goddam California."

YouTube Junk: Jawga Boyz

These guys can't even misspell their name correctly. Enjoy!

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio September '11

Promo Only Country Radio September 2011

(click the titles to hear the songs)

George Strait – Here for A Good Time 2:57

A solid single from ol' King George. It incorporates partying and a little philosophy with relative ease. It also exudes all the charm Strait is known for. Nothing earth-shattering but a strong tune.

B

Brett Eldredge – It Ain’t Gotta Be Love 3:04

What a voice. As long as this guy selects/writes good songs, he's going to be good for the genre. This is a catchy track. Mid-tempo rocker about a one night stand ...or one weekend stand, anyway. I'd rather hear this than most of what's on the radio these days.

B-

Montgomery Gentry – Where I Come from 3:20

Same song, new verses. Stock Montgomery Gentry tune. Thankfully, that at least means some twang, steel guitar and some of the trappings of what country should sound like. Of course that also means rocking and strutting. "Where I Come From" is pretty much "My Town Part 2." Not bad and it'll probably get them back on the radio but really.... can't we get some new freaking subject matter on the radio?

C

Sawyer Brown – Smokin’ Hot Wife 3:10

I smell cheese before this even starts. It sounds like a Bellamy Brothers song right off the bat, which I would prefer. Hmm, no this isn't good. It reminds me of some other song that I can't recall at the moment, but I'm pretty sure it's a direct rip-off of that song. This is worse than bad Buffett, and that's saying something.

F

Robin Meade – Dirty Laundry 4:17

I'm not expecting much from the CNN news caster... and oh shit, it's a cover of Don Henley. This is awful. Not as spectacularly bad as that Chenoweth chick's foray into country, but it's in that league. Make it stop. Robin, stick to your day job.

F

Danny Gokey – Second Hand Heart 3:42

Go away, Danny. I'm as tired of looking at you as I am Jared at Subway. Holy crap, this sounds JUST like Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" at the beginning. Unfortunately, it gets worse from there. Lots of shout-singing. I don't like it. Go away, Danny.

D-

Keith Urban – Long Hot Summer (Venti Mix) 4:31

Ooh, venti mix. Does that mean we get to hear lots of Keith shredding at the end? His timing is way off... hell, summer's even over here in the deep south. Keith's in his usual groove here... driving tune with a little banjo plucking in the background. Female friendly, anthemic. His schtick. Not memorable.

C

Craig Morgan – This Ole Boy 3:20

Craig probably stole this one from Blake Shelton. Sounds just like one of his sure-shot mindless hits. Okay, I suppose but I'm bored with this. Morgan better pray this catches on. He's teetering on the edge of being relegated to the Country Tailgate Tour with some 90's hat acts if he doesn't get a hit soon.

C-

Taylor Swift – Sparks Fly 4:19

Well, it sounds like a Taylor Swift song. Ms. Swift is most certainly NOT like a box of chocolates. She certainly knows how to craft a vaguely country pop tune that's sweet on the ears. Nothing more, nothing less. The gals 12-25 will love it.

C+

Blake Shelton – God Gave Me You 3:47

The least country song Shelton's ever put out (maybe aside from "Home?"). It's a fairly catchy power ballad, but it's also pretty standard fare aimed at the soccer mom demographic. It's a radio programmer's wet dream.

C-

Tyler Farr – That’s What They’re Bitin’ On 2:31

Rock riff. Attitude. Testosterone. The gates are open, y'all. The Aldean copycats are lined up from here to Athens and Nashville's herding them in. No thank you.

D-

Alan Jackson – Long Way to Go 3:39

I want to like this a lot more than I actually do. It's not bad, mind you, but it sounds like too many AJ songs that came before it. Still, you can't complain too much about "Long Way to Go" filling up airspace that might otherwise be dedicated to some up and coming pop country poser.

B-

Billy Ray Cyrus – Runway Lights 3:40

If BRC had chosen some better songs throughout his career, he could have been a lot more than a punch line. He's got a strong, distinctive voice that deserves good material. This is a military-related tune, but for the most part, it doesn't dip too far into the flag-waving of most songs of this ilk. It's personal and relateable. It's also got a heavy Springsteen vibe. Not bad.

B

Martina McBride – I’m Gonna Love You Through It 3:44

Yay, another cancer song. Well, this is country music after all. Martina sounds good here, though kinda Leann Rimes-esque in spots. Hmm, just remembered October is breast cancer awareness month. That's a great cause but the calculated release time rubs me wrong. The overwroughtness also.

C

Ashton Shepherd – Where Country Grows 3:11

I love Ashton's voice and the fact that she's very traditional sounding. However, I can't be a hypocrite here. This is YET ANOTHER COUNTRY LISTING SONG. Sigh.

C+

Steel Magnolia – Without You 3:26

Did this accidentally get put on here when it was actually intended for the Adult Contemporary promo only disc? I half expect Sting or Train to come on next. This is pleasant enough, I suppose but just not what I want out of country radio. This group lacks excitement.

C-

Jeff Bridges – What A Little Bit of Love Can Do 3:35

This sounds different than the crap he's put out lately. Oh... Jeff Bridges.. not Jeff Bates. My bad. Catchy, bouncy, cool song. I love this but it's pointless sending it out to radio. Nashville likes glitter not gruffness.

A

Johnny Patton – Save the Jukebox 2:58

Ooh, this is a throwback. Sounds like a cross between Johnny Paycheck and Billy Joe Shaver. You could tell me it was recorded in the 70's and I'd believe you. Good stuff! No chance at radio, but we can dream.

B

David Adam Byrnes – She Only Wanted Flowers 3:47

Sounds like something from the 90's from the start. That's a good thing. Good voice, cool harmonies with another male voice. I dig this. Guys like this and Justin Haigh give me hope. Thumbs up.

B+

Jim Quick – Down South

Delbert McClinton-esque. It's pretty catchy, but way too standard bar band fare to ever make it to the radio. Production is a weak suit here too.

C-

Justin Moore says...

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week 2

Due to the "big" news of Rascal Flatts being invited to join the Grand Ole Opry, I was provided with yet another awkward Gary pic for the week. Photo credit: CMTT.

Grand Ole Opry Reveals New Logo

To be more inclusive of their new membership, the Grand Ole Opry has decided to undergo a name change. Here is their new logo.

Photo from Tonight's Grand Ole Opry Show

Boom.

Songs Illustrated #60

(Whoo congrats guys)

Top 10 More Ways You Can Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

Top 10 More Ways You Can Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

10. Brand name clearly visible on back of singer's jeans

09. There's a song in the track listing called "Dirt Road Anthem (Revisited)"

08. The word "incredible" or "machine" is on the album cover

07. It came free with purchase of wallet/chain set

06. It was released by Curb Records

05. This follows most of the song titles (feat. insert some other artist )

04. More than three of these words appear on the album cover: hook, redneck, beer, twang, outlaws, Chevy, guns, honky

03. The word "titty" is on the cover but there's no parental advisory label

02. Ask Reginald Spears, he'll tell you.

01. It's this album.

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Country TwitterFAIL Sept. 25

YouTube Gems: Eddie Rabbitt

I spent a little time in Kentucky this past week and experienced a little cold rain our last day there. With "Kentucky Rain," here's the song's writer, the dearly departed Eddie Rabbitt. (It's also my favorite Elvis tune)

Eric Church looks like who?

Yep.

Thanks Jared!