My latest interview subject is a longtime internet associate of mine. We go back some 8-9 years on Altcountrytab.ca as fellow idiots who post about Americana and indie rock and pretend we know something about music. Well, come to find out, Larry does know music. In fact, he makes music. In fact, he's released an album entitled Rust, and is in preparation for the release of his second album, Between Here and the Stars, (Next Tuesday! Click here to check it out/buy it.) for which his bio claims there is "great anticipation." I have my suspicions, but let's talk to him and find out some stuff about this bearded Texan.
FTM: Larry Cooper! It's good to finally run you down.
Larry: Hooper! Hooper!
FTM: Sorry about that, I'll have to fire another research assistant. It's odd that I got it right in the title! Welp, let's get to the interview. You have performed with such Texas stalwarts as Susan Gibson, Ray Wylie Hubbard and Slaid Cleaves. Do people ever confuse you with Zac Brown?
Larry: I usually get Alan from the Hangover. I think its because im so much better looking than Zac Brown, and also my head sweats too much when i wear a beanie in Tx.
FTM: Well, irregardless, that's one fine specimen of a beard you've got there.
Larry: Thank you. A genie granted me 3 wishes and I choked and used all 3 on beard growing abilities.
FTM: I can't judge you for your wise choice.
Your first album is called Rust. Is the song "Wild Side" a Motley Crue cover?
Larry: It is but we changed all the words and the music and made it a different song.
FTM: You're from New Braunfels. Why?
Larry: I am not from New Braunfels, thats why.
FTM: Do you ever run into that prick Drew Kennedy?
Larry: I thought we agreed no Drew Kennedy questions. If theres one person I hate mentioning in an interview, it's Drew Kennedy.
FTM: Your beard is much more impressive than his. Have you ever written with him?
Larry: I tried to one time but he called me proletariat and had his guards beat me with socks full of quarters.Oddly enough, ankle socks full of quarters, which didn't really change the outcome for me that much but it made it much more difficult for his henchmen.
FTM: Your bio says you graduated high school. That surely puts you among the upper tax bracket in New Braunfels. How do you deal with other New Braunfelians' jealousy of your high standing in society?
Larry: I still don't live there. If I did, I would probably have to get me some kind of Popemobile or maybe some guard tigers.
FTM: Your vocals at times remind me of Chuck Ragan - you clearly know who that is since you stole his bit.
Larry: I do now that I Googled him.
FTM: Right, be honest. Did you steal his bit?
Larry: I didn't before, but I've been looking for a bit to steal..so maybe his will be the one.
FTM: You're a family man. How many kids do you have?
Larry: Just one (that I KNOW of...heyooooooo!!!! no just the one though.)
FTM: Your brother, Jeromy, often plays and sings with you. Does he have as awesome a display of facial hair?
Larry: He has the abilities but opts for the 5 oclock shadow. He's always hoping someone will mistake him for Matthew Fox from Lost but it never happens.
FTM: Let's get into the album (Between Here and the Stars) a bit, what's with that accent?
Larry: When i was born I made sure it was in the south so I could have the accent naturally. It used to be a lot worse before I got these "Larry the Cable guy teaches enunciation" DVDs.
FTM: Oh, that explains it. I thought you might have a hearing problem.
This album proves you to be a strong, witty songwriter with an ear for a good hook. What up with that? I always pegged you for "slow."
Larry: Oh you were very much correct in your beliefs..I'm just kinda like rain man, only instead of being really good at blackjack and counting toothpicks, I write mediocre songs.
FTM: You have a song on the new album that disses the Westboro Baptist Church. I grew up a Baptist, so this greatly offends me. Do you hate Jesus?
Larry: I tend to stay away from writing songs with a message or a cause or anything. But I didn't this one time and I've had to explain myself a few times since I wrote this. It's just directed at that one church. If you grew up baptist I would imagine you dont care for them. They're the ones that picket soldiers funerals and say they deserved to die because God hates homosexuals. Basically they are the scum of they earth and do way more harm than they do good, if they actually do any good..I haven't heard of any good that they do. My brother and I wrote this to kinda say "if you're what Christianity is supposed to be, them I don't want anything to do with Christianity." or..as the song puts it "if you're gonna be in Heaven, then I'd rather be in Hell"
FTM: Ah. I'm gonna let you slide this time.
Well… I've "known" you for years on altcountrytab.ca. Are you ready to go on and confess that you are in fact the fake Cowboy Troy who sometimes posts there?
Larry: No comment (also...no)
FTM: Did you participate in the AltCountryTab invasion of that Reba fan site?
Larry: I was indeed part of Rebagate.
FTM: Good times. Do you think that will someday affect your eventual run for President?
Larry: Only if they trace my super secret screen name, NOTLarryHooper back to me.
FTM: Where do you see yourself in 2 years and 7 months?
Larry: I'm not sure, when is leap year?
FTM: What's your favorite Wiz Khalifa song? And don't say "Black and Yellow," everybody loves that classic.
Larry: Either "No Sleep" or "Fly Solo" but really, who can pick a favorite?
FTM: Your bio says you were strongly influenced by the smooth country sounds of Ronnie Milsap and that you particularly love Olivia Newton John. Who else would you count as influences?
Larry: Drew Kennedy.
FTM: Gabe Wooton, Mike Ethan Messick and Bun B are also mentioned as contemporaries of yours. They really let you hang around them?
Larry: It's kind of turned into a game. They try to keep it a secret where they are gonna be and I just keep finding out!! I had no idea Lo-jacks were getting so cheap!
FTM: You went to Texas A&M for a while. Who cares?
Larry: Well..nobody really. None of my employers have cared. A&M doesn't seem to think too kindly of it, and I have little to show for it. So, there, thanks for the salt in that wound.
FTM: We've already discussed your ties to Mexican drug and gun cartels. What sort of work do you do as a cover for your illicit affairs?
Larry: I drive a school bus. That way if I get in trouble I can just blame the kids.
FTM: Okay, buddy. It's time for the (regionally semi-)famous lightning round. Off the top of your head, what's 4561 divided by 16?
Larry: 9
FTM: It's 285.0625. Geez. You were right about that A&M education.
If you could cowrite a song with either Guy Clark or Hayes Carll, would you rather wear a man-thong or go commando?
Larry: Straight Mankini
FTM: How many times have you been arrested?
Larry: Just the none.
FTM: You have any child-rearing tips for readers?
Larry: Learn to not sleep or invest in some meth.
FTM: If you ever become as famous as Kasey Anderson, will you wear a cute little hat like he does?
Larry: Unfortunately my head is abnormally large so I cant wear little hats. I have to wear the big foam ones they sell at sporting events.
FTM: Shiner Bock or Pabst?
Larry: sweet tea
FTM: Why do people from Texas seem to think they are better than me?
Larry: What kind of question is that, you jackass?
FTM: A forlorn one. Can I have your autograph?
Larry: No but I'll sign someone else's name for you. Need a doctors note?
FTM: Nah, I'm good. Will you be using autotune on your next album? All the kids are doing it.
Larry: It's all I'm going to use. No instruments... all me making noises into the autotune machine.
FTM: Does your kid have a beard yet?
Larry: It's a sensitive subject, but unfortunately she does not.
FTM: Okay, one more. Would you rather sumo wrestle Jerry Clower or sit through a Dane Cook performance?
Larry: CLOWER!
FTM: Trick question, Looper! Jerry Clower is dead! Have some respect!
Larry: I'd rather sumo wrestle the ghost of Jerry Clower.
FTM: Well, thanks for your time. I'm sure that drummed up a lot of support for you and anticipation for Between Here and the Stars. Now, go groom your visage adornment!
