JR's Songwriting Tip of the Week #2

Man, you gotta live the song. That's the only way you can get to the meat of it and make people believe you're living the same life they are. Like "Shutting Detroit Down" which is currently knocking on the door of the top 10 at this very moment as we speak... I'm as pissed as the next red-blooded American about all these rich smartass guys screwing around and doing as they please and getting away with it. Lost jobs? I'm there buddy... I got fired from mowing the local park when I was in high school and Lord almighty that sucked! -JR

(Not actually written by John Rich)

Fun With Charts & Graphs

Yes, a two-fer of new posts for Wednesday. Don't get used to it. ;)

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Concept by CM of Country California.

JR's Songwriting Tip of the Week

Wanna write a hit song? Just ask yourself: what would JR do? Then, by God, get in there and do it. Johnny Cash would say to take the bull by the horns and bring something to the table that nobody has before. Something nobody's ever considered before, like Gretchen Wilson. I discovered her... no actually, I'm her dad, no actually I gave birth to her myself. -JR

(not actually written by John Rich)

___ Deserves a Sackpunch

Here's the first in a new series where I rant about wrongs in music and music-related areas. "Sackpunch" is obviously figurative in many cases.

1. Whoever Keeps Signing Guy and Girl Country Groups
Ever since Little Big Town hit it medium, every record company has rushed out their own set of cute young co-eds who can harmonize and called 'em country. Lady Antebellum, while not in my collection, is obviously talented and have a lot of good songs in them. Little Big Town has vocal chops but their song choices have been anywhere from dull to moderately catchy. Things will only become more watered down from here though (oh too late... Gloriana), so let's stop now before I get angry. The herd mentality is what got y'all in the unenviable position you're in today, record companies.

2. Kurt & Layne Wannabes
It's been 17 years since grunge destroyed hair metal and changed mainstream rock music as we know it. Some would say that's a good thing, but I'm sure all would agree that an endless line of watered down Alice in Chains and Nirvana copycraps was not what Kurt Cobain or Layne Staley had in mind. Don't get me wrong... I enjoyed the originators and some of the followers but this sound is way past its sell-by date. Why does every dude singer sound like they've got throbbing hemorrhoids and no pillow to sit on? It's got to end (pun intended). Maybe there will be a new hair metal revolution to put an end to all the angst and grunting! Okay, maybe not.

3. Chuck Wicks
I'm afraid a sackpunch, in this case, might be a swing and a whiff... if you know what I'm sayin'.

4. Every Emo Kid
I thought emo was over in '05, but apparently not, judging by all the flophaired rats I've seen at the mall lately. I actually call a moratorium on the look and lifestyle moreso than the music. Go away, dark, teary wusses and wussettes. Life may suck but you suck harder.

Odds & Ends

If I Were a Bro - Hilarious!

The Name Dropping Song

Cashed My Paycheck (The Name Dropping Song)

I cashed my Paycheck for a few measly Bucks
Drove down to Miller's in my Red Ford truck
Feelin' Tucker-ed out, Haggard to the bone
I had a Hank'rin' for some ol' Daniels Black
Said Parton me, wontcha please fill'er up, Mac
I was in-Cline-d to satisfy my Jones

Chorus
Cashed in my Paycheck
to spend some Jacksons Tilli(t)s light
Cashed in my Paycheck
and went Waylon Friday night

Stewed to the Gill-s, I wasn't feelin' too Wells
Ol' Webb called me a Patsy, I said "Coe to hell"
Then I felt Bare knuckles Strait 'side my head
He hurt my Pride so I had to Yoakam fast
Ain't as Young as I was, but I Toby'd his ass
Flatt on his back, I sipped Lonestar as he bled

Cashed in my Paycheck
to spend some Jacksons Tillis light
Cashed in my Paycheck
and went Waylon Friday night

Bridge
Cops were on the way, Willie offered a ride
But first I had to tell some friends goodbye
Bye Joe and Martina, So long Brooks and Lynn
Bye Ray, bye Reba, see ya later Tim

(Repeat Chorus)

©2007 Corey Parkman

Modern Rock Honest Album Covers

Sugarland Parody

Ritalin
(Parody of Sugarland's "Settlin'")

Fifteen seconds into my boss's fussin'
My mind drifted off like he was saying nothin'
Don't know what he said, or why his face got so red
I was concentrating on the fly buzzin' round his head
I need to get my thinkin' straight
Think I know what it's gonna take

I need Ritalin, ya wanna know why?
Cause I can't pay attention to save my life
Tired of my scatterbrain, so pile the pills high
Counseling ain't gonna work this time
I need Ritalin for... (uh, where am I?)

When I got home, my wife opened her mouth
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah is what came out
I think she mentioned her hopes and her dreams
But honestly I don't remember a thing
Today I woke to a slammin' door
Wish I knew what she left me for

I need Ritalin, ya wanna know why?
Cause I can't pay attention to save my life
Tired of my scatterbrain, so pile the pills high
Counseling ain't gonna work this time
I need Ritalin for... (what was I talking about again?)

I need Ritalin, ya wanna know why?
I'm easily distracted by flashin' lights
Tired of my daydreamin', so pile the pills high
Self help books ain't gonna work this time
I need Ritalin for... (spoken: uh, something.. I think)

I need Ritalin, ya wanna know why?
Cause I can't pay attention to save my life
Tired of bouncing off walls, so pile the pills high
I need Ritalin yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Huh?

Fun With Charts & Graphs

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Fun With Charts & Graphs (and forms): Bucky Covington

From Bucky's high school records.








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.99 Review - The Carter Twins

The Carter Twins - Heart Like Memphis

The People's Take

these boys will be a HUGE hit, just like those Jones Brothers (5 Stars) - okay, even though the Carter twins only have one song out, I can tell that they will be the next big thing in country music! Like seriously, they are so talented! Here are the positives about them: they are both amazing singers, one plays guitar and one plays keyboards, they are very handsome, tthey are young at the age of 18( better watch out Joe Jonas!), and hello! they are TWINS!!! That's a plus! So if you like Taylor Swift and the Jonas Brothers, you will definately like the Carter Twins. They will be country's Jonas Brothers!
-samie b.

(most are like the above)

well... (2 Stars) - I kinda like this song, but there is just one thing about. ITS NOT COUNTRY!! CMT will put anything out there these days, its stupid. There talented for sure, but stay in L.A. please.
- sam kenishaming

awesomely awful. (1 Star) - most cliche country garb i've heard. originality.
- Swag McNasty



My Take (written before I read the "people's" reviews):

Are these guys the male answer to Taylor Swift? Is there really a need for a male answer for Taylor Swift? Are they country's answer to The Jonas Brothers? If so, why? Who the hell are these guys anyway? Why won't I stop asking questions? The opening a cappella did not set things off right for me. I immediately pictured well-coifed hair, matching outfits, screaming tweenagers and managers with sticky palms. Yep, they come off like a good ol' boy band (or at least the 00's slightly less shiny and annoying version of a boy band) but I'll stop there at the accusations. The song is the issue at hand. In Urban-esque poprockcountry fashion, the boys describe a pretty girl who seemingly has it all, but has da blues 'cause a mean ol' man left her. Nothing wrong with that. It's a sturdy theme and just the fact that she actually experiences the very non-Clearchannel-approved emotion of sadness is refreshing on today's country radio. My two main problems with this song are its innate non-countryness and the triteness of the chorus' lyrics. That it's pop rock masquerading as country is nothing new and I should just accept it, cause it's never gonna change, so we'll begrudgingly move on for the sake of this review. 2nd point: Haven't we heard a woman related to a state/city/principality before? Recently? As in, on the charts at this very moment? It even relates her to California, just like Gary's does. So that's my main issue I suppose: get a new idea. The song sounds nice enough and will fit well on The Big 98 FM between weight loss clinic and McDonalds ads. You'll be singing along whether you want to or not, but you'll have this nagging feeling that it's very similar to the song that played just before and will play just after. One last thing... does every song have to be about a chick (She's country and God loves her because her heart's like Memphis)?? Not that I want to hear about a dude's smile or his tight jeans, but um...wouldn't radio's main demographic like to? Oh and it's not country. And is Lou Pearlman somehow involved here? I'll shut up now.

Total value: .42/.99






















The Checklist
Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Love
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

LSU Alma Mater parody "t-shirt"

A holdover from a "series" I was doing on Photocrap...
Click for a closer view.

Classic Rock Honest Album Covers

Granted, some of these stretch the limits of "classic rock" but I've heard all of them on my local classic rock station at one time or another.

Fun With Charts & Graphs

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Concept by CM Wilcox of Country California

Jake Owen Parody

This parody is exceptional.... exceptionally sophomoric.

Don't Think I Can Doo Doo
(Parody of Jake Owen's top 10 hit, "Don't Think I Can't Love You")

I'm learnin' the hard way real late tonight
That beer and greasy food don't agree
And there's a few things that a stomach can't grind
The best things in life are stuck in me

Chorus:
Oh no, I should not have had those onion rings
No nachos with peppers, no pecan ice cream
Man I'll tell you right now there's a whole lot that just won't flow through
My butt's strainin', don't think I can doo doo

And now I'm on the throne and I'm gruntin' in pain
Hair slicked down cause I'm feelin' the heat
And as tight as I am, I can't pass a grain
So sweaty I might slide off the seat

Chorus:
Oh no, I should not have had those buffalo wings
No 12 pack of Coors, no ham and cheese things
Man I'm hurting right now there's a whole lot that just won't flow through
My butt's strainin', don't think I can doo doo

And no, I should not have had those onion rings
Think I'm gonna need a suppository
Cause I'll tell you right now that nothin' is gonna flow through
Oh baby, baby, baby, my butt's strainin', don't think I can doo doo

Fun With Charts & Graphs

Click for a closer view.

Odds & Ends

Best of '09 So Far

Here's another update of my favorite albums of the year thus far, which I'll do monthly. This is very much a fluid list... I haven't had time to fully digest everything so the rankings will definitely change. It's looking like another great year for tunes though, as was 2008. Feel free to comment with your own list or make suggestions for stuff I should check out!

01. Ben Nichols - The Last Pale Light in the West
02. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies
03. The Gourds - Haymaker!
04. Phosphorescent - To Willie
05. Scott Miller - For Crying Out Loud
06. U2 - No Line on the Horizon
07. Strand of Oaks - Leave Ruin
08. Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit - s/t
09. The Deep Dark Woods - Winter Hours
10. Doug Burr - The Shawl
11. M.Ward - Hold Time
12. Mark Olson and Gary Louris - Ready for the Flood
13. The Derek Trucks Band - Already Free
14. Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
15. Bruce Springsteen - Waiting on a Dream
16. Dierks Bentley - Feel That Fire
17. Husband and Wife - Dark Dark Woods

Britches and Hoes

As a companion piece to one of the t-shirt slogans I posted yesterday, this is a silly hick-hop? ditty I wrote the lyrics for and my buddy Bret Bingham wrote the music for and performed on. Eat your heart out, Cowboy Troy. Despite the title, this contains no foul language.