Friday is...

Country Day - May

14+ New Honest Album Covers

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #7

Name dropping is a time honored tradition in Nashville. Familiarity breeds commerce. Cash makes cash. Paycheck... damn right, paycheck! Hell, I've named whole songs after famous people who were not even mentioned outside the hook line. It don't matter. You want to have Dave Coe in a love song, go the hell ahead. He probably loved some girl one night.

Parody of Randy Houser's "Boots On"

Crocs On

(Parody of Randy Houser's "Boots On")

You can tell her life is hard

Soaps to watch and she's tired

Since the lab got busted

She's on stamps, ain't got a job

But that don't bring her tears

Still got a fridge full of beer

And she still goes out once in a while

And she does it in style

[Chorus]

In her dirty sweat pants

And that Bama shirt with holes

Hooters fanny pack

full of Marlboros

Hell she might just cause a scene

With those curlers tight and pink

No need to change a thing, screw y'all

She's goin' out with her Crocs on

Now I keep catching her eye

Like a big ol' chicken pie

Her on that hoverround

Me on the cookie aisle

Lord, she's sure lookin' fine

Like biggirllovin dot com

I'm excited thinkin' that I just might

leave Walmart with her alright

In her dirty sweat pants

And that Bama shirt with holes

Hooters fanny pack

full of Marlboros

Hell she might just cause a scene

With those curlers tight and pink

No need to change a thing, screw y'all

She's goin' out with her Crocs on

'Cause we are who we are and she's

the gal for me, yeah

And if the trailer's rockin'

well, don't you bother comin' knockin', y'all

It ain't no luck, it's destiny

[Chorus]

With her crocs on

She's gonna make sweet love

Ooh, with her crocs on

Odds and Ends

Badass-o-meter 3

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Happy Mother's Day Weekend!

Fun With Charts & Graphs (and Newspaper Ads)

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A Terrible Mother's Day Gift Idea

Artist Mash-Up

Chuck Wicks Exclusive!

An anonymous source sent me the lyrics for the lead single on Chuck Wicks' second album, due in November. Enjoy!

TMB
©2009 (not actually written by) Jimmy Wayne and Jay DeMarcus

v1
I was so lost
Until you came until my world
The waves, they tossed
Until you quieted the storm, girl
I was a fool
But then again I'm just a man
This is for you
So put out your sweet little hand

Chorus
Here, take my balls
I don't need 'em anymore
Wrap them in silk and keep 'em in your dresser drawer
You saved my life
So it's the least that I can do
Yeah, take my balls and I'll always sing this sweet for you

v2
I'll rub your feet
Unless you want me to fold clothes
Tell me your dreams
I'll flush mine down the commode
Girl, listen here
I'm done with sports and cigarettes
No drinkin' beer
Let's just hold hands, cause who needs sex?

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge
Your love is the greatest thing I have ever known
Steal away my heart and my testosterone

Oh take my balls
I don't need 'em anymore
No baby, I don't want to know the Dallas Cowboys score
You are my life
So I'll watch Lifetime shows with you
Yeah, take my balls and sure, I'd love to have more tofu

Fun With Charts & Graphs

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Fun With Charts & Graphs (and Jr. High Tests)

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Concept by CM Wilcox of Country California

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #6

Subtlety is a tool for artsy fartsy, liberal sissies and haters of America. Figure out your message and whop your listener crossways upside the head with it! Keep it simple so the dummies pay the moneys. If you wanna be like Surfjohn Steven or whoever and tour in a van and live in a mud hut, go on ahead with your bad self. Keep your artistic integrity or whatever. But if you want an offensively large house and bling and a life of class and sophistication like mine, do as I do and say.

Not actually written by John Rich.

YouTube Gems

An utterly bizarre commercial... (there's also a "making of" video on YouTube that takes it to another level)

FTM Sells Out: The Devil Makes Three

I don't have a lot of bands contacting me for promotional purposes. The reason for that is obvious - I'm mean. Despite the fact that this blog's place in the world is to make fun of anything and everything music related (particularly country related), no matter how inane or sophomoric, I have received my share of emails from groups and artists wanting me to check out their material, and if interested, post a feature about them along with an mp3. To this point, I haven't been impressed enough with anything I've heard to mention it here. The Devil Makes Three's album Do Wrong Right has impressed me enough to be featured as my first FTM Sells Out (the first of what won't be a frequent feature, so that shows you how much I enjoy this album).

Falling right in the pocket of the kind of music that's moving me these days, The Devil Make Three is a string band that blends bluegrass, folk and country into an engaging mix of traditional sounds with an absolutely electric vibe. The playing is top notch, the vocals are strong and the writing is stellar. In fact, I can't find a weak facet to this group. Being a lyricist on the side, I'm drawn to smart, interesting, humorous or soulful lyrics that don't feel contrived and The DM3 deliver on all points. They dip into politics without pandering or pissing. They write about religion thoughtfully and cleverly. They tackle love, drugs and other blue collar interests in fresh and interesting ways. This is an exciting band with a bright future. For reference, you'll probably dig The Devil Makes Three if you like Justin Townes Earle, Old Crow Medicine Show, Bob Dylan or The Avett Brothers, among others. Their new album is called Do Wrong Right and it's one of the best I've heard this year. Definitely check out their Myspace page and I'm also providing a link for a free mp3 download of "All Hail" from Do Wrong Right.

Free Download:

"All Hail"

The Devil Makes Three's Myspace Site

Buy "Do Wrong Right" CD

Buy "Do Wrong Right" Digital Download

.99 Review - Richie McDonald

Richie McDonald - 6 Foot Teddy Bear

The People's Take

amazing song (5 stars)

Richie McDonald is an amazing singer. I am so glad that he came back as a single artist and is using his name. Great song and hopefully more to come.

by 101tobybeth

Welcome Back (4 stars)

So glad Richie McDonald is back. He always carried the group, so I know he'll have no trouble doing well on his own!!!

by A. Helton

Who is this? (2 stars)

Is this the guy from Ricochet? or what other group?

by sunshine24

My Take

Total value: .07/.99

The Checklist

Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Love
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

Parody of Kenny Chesney's "Out Last Night"

Plowed Last Night

(a parody of Kenny Chesney's "Out Last Night")

I got plowed last night
I was blasted, bombed and stewed
Poured till I puked last night
My level was one-oh-two
There were girls from Cruger-Tchula and Arkansas
And Coffeeville I was hittin' on
Tried all my best moves, they didn't stay long

Chorus
Cause I was plowed last night
A live person can't be any drunker
Plowed last night
Now I know the toilet better than a plumber I acted a fool, put my ass on display
Sat in with the band but don't know how to play
And life ain't worth a damn today
I got plowed last night

I'm usually a gentleman
When I'm out lookin' for a piece
But last night I disturbed the peace
When I got on that Hennessy
I was a vagrant, a brawler, a skirt-chasin' scum
Slingblade's brother tryin' to get me some
Even Billy Bob would call me a bum

Chorus
Cause I got plowed last night
Cooter Brown's never been any drunker
Plowed last night

Now I'm deeper into the toilet than a plunger
I caused quite a scene, put my ass on display
Every woman I hit on said she was gay
I can taste my lunch from yesterday
I got plowed last night

Well the fact that I’m still heaving
Means that I'm barely alive
Pretty sure I've thrown up everything including my pride

Chorus
Cause I got plowed last night
Ol' Otis would say that I was drunker
Plowed last night

Needless to say I didn't get any numbers

I tried dancing on the tables
But I couldn't stand up
So I stayed on my stool and leaned on a cup
There was not a girl in sight
When I got plowed last night

(bleeccchhhhhhh)

Chucky

Here's some Chuck Wicks Photocrap.  And I mean... really, really Photocrappy...

Fun With Charts & Graphs (& Diagrams)

Odds & Ends