Band Mashup

Flatts & Scruggs

YouTube Gems: Cledus Returns

I know "gem" might be a strong term for a Cledus T. Judd video, but FTM obviously owes a lot to this guy and his sense of humor. Here's his latest, the very funny (once or twice anyway) "Garth Must Be Busy."

Best of 2009 So Far: Through May

As always, feel free to chime in with your own favorites of the year thus far, or give me some suggestions for music I should check out! Any of these that aren't yet released... um, I've listened to the streaming previews...yeah, that's the ticket.

1. Son Volt - American Central Dust

2. Ben Nichols - The Last Pale Light in the West

3. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies

4. Slaid Cleaves - Everything You Love Will Be Taken Away

5. Wilco - Wilco (The Album)

6. Phosphorescent - To Willie

7. Steve Earle - Townes

8. The Devil Makes Three - Do Wrong Right

8. Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Tell 'em What Your Name Is

9. The Gourds - Haymaker!

10. Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels

11. Roman Candle - Oh Tall Tree in the Ear

12. John Moreland & The Black Gold Band - Endless Oklahoma Sky

13. Mastodon - Crack the Skye

14. Doug Paisley - s/t

15. Wayne Hancock - Viper of Melody

16. Scott Miller - For Crying Out Loud

17. Eric Church - Carolina

18. Dale Watson - The Truckin' Sessions (v.2)

19. Strand of Oaks - Leave Ruin

20. Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit - s/t

21. The Last Vegas - Whatever Gets You Off

22. The Felice Brothers - Yonder is the Clock

23. Willie Nelson & Asleep At The Wheel - Willie and the Wheel

24. Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown

25. Diana Jones - Better Times Will Come

I had no idea...

...Country California had t-shirts... and that Kenny was a fan. Congrats to CC for a major milestone! 

The truth about hometowns

So many songs these days extoll the simple pleasures of that quaint lil' idyllic hometown we all come from and long to go back to if we have a soul at all. It's where the the dirt road simple life makes everything okay, where folks wet a line at the crawfish hole, where Saturday night's sin must be prayed about at Sunday morning's service, where the cancer-stricken brother wants to leave this mortal coil, it's a little slice of heaven on earth. Really? Really? Here's the truth. 

My Hometown Sucks

Went back to visit for a few days

Where I’m from, smalltown USA

I pulled in as that big ol’ warm sun fell

Felt a feeling coming over me

Not quite sentimentality

My stomach turned from that old familiar smell

My hometown sucks

My hometown sucks

I miss it like I love a kick in the nuts

My hometown sucks

My hometown sucks

It's a charming mix of hicks in trucks

So much for nostalgia

I don’t know about ya

But my hometown sucks

Every corner you can cash a check

The potholed streets will make you wreck

And Walmart's the only store that's left in town

The kids cook meth on Saturday nights

The quickstop just sells Natty Light

And the homecoming queen, she weighs three hundred pounds

My hometown sucks

My hometown sucks

Drive down mainstreet, you might get mugged

My hometown sucks

My hometown sucks

If you say hoedown, the girls all duck

So much for nostalgia

I don’t know about ya

But my hometown sucks

Bridge

Sure the pace of life is slower

But so is the pace of mind

It's no wonder we always used to drink ourselves blind

Cause my hometown sucks

My hometown sucks

The mayor's a lush, the council's corrupt

My hometown sucks

My hometown sucks

It's a charming mix of hicks in trucks

So much for nostalgia

I don’t know about ya

But my hometown sucks

©2009 Corey Parkman

(for the record, my hometown actually holds a nice place in my memory and is a lovely locale with all the  bingo hall fights and check cashing establishments you could ever ask for)

3 Rock Honest Album Covers

Zac Brown Band Parody

Welcome to the very first Country California/Farce the Music crossover day. Here are the lyrics to the song the ZBB rewrote for an STD awareness campaign as mentioned in this "fake news" story at Country California. And see the new ZBB "Fun With Charts & Graphs" just below! Thanks to CM for putting up with my twisted ideas. :)

Whateveritis

(Parody of the Zac Brown Band's "Whatever It Is")

She's got thighs that stay open wide

And lips that taste like some other guy

And her dirty mind is in the gutter everytime

She's got a burning sensation when she pees

Think it might be venereal disease

Tired of being scared that the girl's gonna pass it to me

She's got whateveritis

Getting tested today

Yeah, the girl's been around the block a time or two

She swears this time she's home to stay

She's got whateveritis

The doc knows what to do

For a two week cycle

Gotta take that Cipro pill cause baby I love you

You got whatever it is

Folks say I shoulda got a clue on our very first date

When every guy we passed would smile and say "hey"

And the way she reached down in her jeans to scratch

People ask me what the hell, tell 'em I don't know

Gonna make an honest woman out of this ho, that's right

Soon as she loses this clap

She's got whateveritis

Getting tested today

Yeah, the girl's been around the block a time or two

She swears this time she's home to stay

She's got whateveritis

The doc knows what to do

For a two week cycle

Gotta take that Cipro pill cause baby I love you

You got whatever it is

Bridge

When she loves me

I'm kinda scared to feel

When she loves me

My contagious girl

When she loves me

Gotta wear two condoms

When she loves me

Think I'm in big trouble...

(Repeat Chorus)

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Zac Brown Band

Click for a closer view and make sure to check out the related "fake news" story at Country California!

Coming tonight/tomorrow

FTM's first ever crossover feature with Country California!

Fun With Charts & Graphs

Odds & Ends

YouTube Gem: Ryan Bingham

From the forthcoming album Roadhouse Sun which I just pre-ordered on Amazon (they're offering a free mp3 with purchase), here's Ryan Bingham with an acoustic rendition of "Tell My Mother I Miss Her So."

YouTube Gem: The Devil Makes Three

Alt-Country Honest/Parody Album Covers

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #8

Another email question: Lisa in Ft. Worth asks "What do I have to do for you publish one of my songs?" 

Lisa, that's some aggressive marketing there. They say it's who you know... and "know" has multiple meanings. Could you send me a few snapshots and a scan of your drivers license, baby? That sh*t gets me in trouble a lot. Back to the question... I'll give your song a listen while we um, talk, and if there's a good payoff, then yes, I'll sign you to a single song contract. But don't call me after that.

Not actually written by John Rich.

.99 Review - Krista Marie

Krista Marie - Jeep Jeep

The People's Take

"CONFUSED!" (1 star) – Who wants to hear this garbage?
by Kovac

"Catchy!" (4 stars) – In a world of pop "country" stars, at least Krista Marie's got some twang to her songs! Definately catchy and better than all that pop music on country radio these days.
by Ohmeohyo-o

"Jeep Jeep" (5 stars) – I love this song!!!
by Boom-chika-boom

My Take *

Hey look! Cool! It's one of my old Myspace friends (remember Myspace??) made good! Man, I remember when she was just an up-and-comer sending me event invitations that I never looked at because of the 400 others in my inbox and begging me to vote for her in some contest or something. I remember her Colgate Country Showdown days (or was that Mary Christa?) and her weekly posting of rough demos of her cute but awkward Gretchen Wilson-lite songs. Wow, she's all grown up now. Just look at her all full of attitude on that hawg. She's looking confident and ready for the balloon festival circuit! I bet the couple of years since I paid attention to anybody's updates on Myspace have really benefited her material and recording presence. She's taken the leap to iTunes so at the very least, she's gotten herself a 2009 calendar. Let's take a listen! Ohhh. Wait - what? Uh oh. No. No. This is... Whoops. Sorry, almost lapsed into a copycat of Dan Milliken's review of the Oak Ridge Boys' "Seven Nation Army" but not for similar reasons. Beep beep, jeep jeep, seats seats? Didn't have to crack open the rhyming dictionary for that one didja? Tough and sexy, that's how he rolls! He's off the hook? Hoo me. Ah. Well, it brings back fond memories of 2005... and Tom.... and spam... and my 2000+ really close personal friends (I wonder how they're getting along these days?). I suppose "Jeep Jeep" should sound pretty okay in the smoky air of the Porkrinds Festival this June, but I'm just not feelin' it dawg. Uh oh, a friend just dropped me.

Total value: .20/.99

The Checklist

Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Love
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck (Jeep Jeep!)
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

*Okay, so this review actually made me feel a little guilty to write and post. I honestly wish Ms./Mrs. Marie all the success in the world... just not with this turd of a song!

A Few Pop Honest Album Covers

Fun With Charts & Graphs Doubleshot

The Lee Brice Collection

Country Day - May