Country Day Parody Album Covers 1-14 Part 3: Martina McBride, Cole Swindell, etc.

Country Day Parody Album Covers 1-14 Part 2: DAC, EYB, O'Toole

Country Day Parody Album Covers 1-14 Part 1: Dierks, Church, Holy

New Video: Tim Easton

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Eli Young Band Lyric Parody - Bath Salts Last Night

Bath Salts Last Night

(A parody of Eli Young Band's "Drunk Last Night")

I snorted bath salts last night

Went streaking in the midnight rain

Humped somebody's minivan

I'm pretty sure I broke my brain

I know I wasn't thinking straight

I couldn't tell up from right

I punched myself straight in the nuts

I snorted bath salts last night

I sniffed it all up, gave a big shout

It kinda hurt but I lost my doubts

Stole cigarettes, called my job and resigned

Two hits in, lost my shirt,

Hit my head, and blood it spurts

I swear it's the last bump every time

But that's a lie

Might've been a bad day that made me go

Down to my dealer, baby I don't know

Might've been I'm just not very bright

All I know's I snorted bath salts last night

I wore an orange traffic cone

I was king and it was my crown

I don't remember making threats

Just the police tazing me down

I sniffed it all up, gave a big shout

It kinda hurt but I lost my doubts

Stole cigarettes, called my job and resigned

Two hits in, ate my shirt,

Hit my head, and blood it spurts

I swear it's the last bump every time

But that's a lie

Might've been a bad day that made me go

Down to my dealer, baby I don't know

Might've seen a girl dancing with raccoons

Might've even puked on a skinny dude

Might've told some people I'm Luke Bryan

All I know's I snorted bath salts last night

Might've been a bad day that made me go

Down to my dealer, baby I don't know

Might've gone to Walmart in the nude

Might've climbed a pole when the cops pursued

Might've been I'm just not very bright

All I know's I snorted bath salts last night

I sniffed it all up, gave a big shout

It kinda hurt but I lost my doubts

Stole cigarettes, called my job and resigned

Two hits in, lost my shirt,

Sang Slayer songs in a church

I swear it's the last bump every time

But that's a lie

I snorted bath salts last night

I snorted bath salts last night

Sure didn't mean to eat this guy

But I snorted bath salts last night

Monday Morning Memes: Tim McGraw, Mike Curb

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Sunday Mornin' Music: Ray Charles & Sarah Jordan Powell

Saturday Night Music: BB King - Night Life

From the Archives: 10 Dumbass Lines That Will Be on Luke Bryan's Next Album

ORIGINALLY POSTED JUN 26, 2012

Top 10 Dumbass Lines That Will Be on the Next Luke Bryan Album

10. How much donk's in that badonkadonk?

9. She's got her hands in the air, showing off that pair

8. Doin' donuts in my truck, wanna hit that donut hole

7. Say "Heyyyyyy, we want some couuuuntryyyyy!"

6. I love you like a fat redneck loves fried okra

5. Pop a cold one, down the gravel road we go
Plug in your iPad, crank some I Heart Radio

4. A bench seat for your country butt
That's the way I like to truck

3. Goin' on down to the fishin hole, gonna put some beers in my mouth hole. -. ‏‪@AJSwopeLTH‬

2. Drop it down low if you know what I mean
Get some gravel road dirt on them cut off jeans

1. Sparkle jeans and turnip greens. Country baby! boom boom, shacka lacka. I got more money than you poor suckas. -Lexi Davis (FB)

Wylie Lama

YouTube Gems: Jason Eady

From his excellent new country album Daylight & Dark, here's Jason Eady (with Courtney Patton) with "We Might Just Miss Each Other Tonight."

2014 Country Radio Bingo!

Turn on your local Clearchannel country station and play along!

It's not a drinking game because I don't want anyone to die of alcohol poisoning.

Honest Luke Bryan Concert Ticket

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Tim McGraw - Lookin' For That Girl

Free Bieber

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/23/showbiz/justin-bieber-arrest/

Lyrics Illustrated: FGL/Luke Bryan - This Is How We Roll

Misheard Lyrics: George Strait

Ocean Front Property

Lyric Parody: Zac Brown Band - Sweet Annie

"Sweet Fanny"

(Parody of ZBB's "Sweet Annie")

(As sung by a bro-country songwriter)

I been drinkin' Lite

And leaning against this fender

Pretty girls and brain dead bros seem to be my line of work

Believe me when I say, I impressed by all your splendor

This man might be too old for you, but baby turn around

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Don't know how you're so round and tight

But those Daisy Dukes and your college glutes are just what I prefer

Your big and bodacious bootay, sugar shakes when you bend over

Dance around, to fake country sounds, please don't think I'm a perv

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Oh what a sight

There ain't too much fat in 'em

This'll go platinum

A plaque in my den

To tell the truth, my thoughts don't run much deeper

Did you just call me a creeper?

No please don't call the cops again

Sweet fanny

Can I stare at you a while

Then I'll write a song that's vile when we part,

Sweetheart I live life like a fraternity

And you've got just what I like

And with every song I write

I push misogyny 

Sweet fanny

Sweet fanny

Little Known Facts: January '14

14 states have added Tim McGraw to their registered sex offender

list because of his song "Lookin' For That Girl".

The Reverend Horton Heat has never heard a who.

Luke Bryan named his penis "Mashed Potato."

Vanilla Ice stated in a recent interview that he thinks

"hick hop rappers are giving white rappers a bad name."

Every joke about Justin Moore that has been posted on FTM has gone over his head.

If you ask a Brantley Gilbert fan to show you their credentials, they will remove their teeth.

Wynonna recently auditioned for the role of Oompa Loompa Queen for Willie Wonka 2.

This "fact" is only here to improve FTM website traffic from 

bro-country listeners performing Google searches: Country haterz is loosers.

If the guys in Florida Georgia Line had an STD..... Never mind.

Clay Walker has decided to sell out to gain relevance; 

unfortunately the people he's trying to appeal to don't know what "relevance" means.

Cole Swindell learned all his best dance moves from Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

If you badmouth Shooter Jennings, he will kick your ass, 

unless you're over 5 foot tall then he'll probably kick your knee.

According to a 2013 Gary Levox arrest warrant, Golden Corral does not 

allow you to double dip chicken legs into the chocolate fountain.

---------

Most of these by Jeremy Harris.

New Music Out Today

Jason Eady has returned with a new album, Daylight & Dark, that is somehow even better than AM Country Heaven.
Here's a lyric video of the first single, "OK Whiskey."


Also out today:
Brian Keane - Coming Home

Against Me! - Transgender Dysphoria Blues

Hard Working Americans -s/t

Least Essential New Tim McGraw & FGL Albums

Lyrical Satirical: There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

Sung to the tune of "There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea."

There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck

There's a truck

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl

There's a girl

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro

There's a bro

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer

There's a beer

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire

There's a fire

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight

There's a fight

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine

There's some shine

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song

There's a song

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck

There's a truck

…there's a truck in the middle of the field

YouTube Junk: Moonshine Bandits - California Country

Not to be confused with...

What is Tim McGraw Reading These Days?

Monday Morning Memes: Buck Owens, FGL, Tim McGraw...

Submitted by J.Cooper

Submitted by J.Cooper

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

From lifesablog.ca

Sunday Mornin' Music: Old Crow Medicine Show

Saturday Night Music: Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise

From the Archives: OMG! New Tiger Beat Cover!!

ORIGINALLY POSTED APR 24, 2011

OMG! New Tiger Beat Cover!!

Randy Montana? Walker Hayes? Talk about "where are they now?"

2 New T-Shirts at the FTM Store

Available in t-shirts, baseball sleeve shirts, hoodies and stickers. Here's the FTM store.

YouTube Gems: Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

From the new release, Give the People What They Want, here's Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings with "Stranger to My Happiness." RIYL: Alabama Shakes, Black Joe Lewis, Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin.

Brantley Gilbert Fan eCards #25

These are actual, unedited (except for a couple of naughty words)

YouTube comments from Brantley Gilbert fans.

16 Signs You're a Huge Luke Bryan Fan

Paint Chips...you tend to eat them. -CB

You're not entirely sure what your virginity is and where it might be if you have lost it. -VF

You had to "register" and alert your neighbors concerning your "incident." - @DosRingos

The rest of the literate world has to sound out your Twitter and Facebook posts because they follow no accepted rules of spelling, grammar, or abbreviation. -MN

You go to a Randy Rogers concert and expect him to gyrate his hips during "Fuzzy." -CF

You drink Fireball Whiskey because as Shakespeare said, you hold your manhood cheap. - @TheJackalopeTX

Numb from the waist down because your pants are too tight and numb from the neck up because you do actually listen to to Luke Bryan -BM

You defend any criticism about Luke Bryan's music with the phrase, "But he's sooooooo hott!!!!" -SG

You think ‪Earl Dibbles Jr‬ is real. -DR

You keep a spare pair of skinny jeans in your trunk just in case you have a blowout. - ‏‪@shelbyjo‬

You wear your boots with your chubbies. -LY

You didn't know you could listen to music on the internets. -VC

You have to borrow your mom's credit card to buy his music - @MMars75

You own a $50,000 truck, but the wheels have never touched anything but concrete. -BS

You had to have a special hemorrhoid relief seat installed in your big black jacked up truck due to many hours of sitting on that diamond plate tailgate -JS

You start calling your mom 'girl.' -MP

----------------------

Thanks to FTM's Facebook friends and Twitter pals for the submissions!

This Isn't Half Bad

Shimmy Up Inside

Waylon on Luke

New Video (and Free Song): The Dirty Guv'nahs

Get the song for free with a Tweet!

The Difference Between a Musician and a Pop-Country Star