Apr 24, 2014

On Garth's Comeback



Garth Brooks Comeback
& How On Earth Did Everything Get This Weird?
-Kelcy Salisbury

This was a reply I made to a non-country music loving friend of mine on Facebook. It's unedited so I take responsibility for all typos & nonsense. Thank you Kelly Manning for pushing this to the front of my mind. 
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Garth Brooks looks like a St Bernard that wears a cowboy hat. But yeah, he was kind of a big deal I guess. I'd still trade him & Clint Black to get Chris LeDoux (the guy Garth pretty well copied his live show from & that's not meant as a slam on Garth) back on this earth. 

I'll admit, after I saw your post, I actually watched a good bit of it. I was a little disappointed that he basically only played snippets of songs, but he was personable & engaging & wasn't wearing girl jeans or earrings (cough, Luke Bryan, cough Jason Aldean) and he wasnt using AutoTune, and he carried a show with just him, a guitar & whatever chemical assistance was used...I mean seriously dude, you should NOT be that excited about Jackson Browne! There's some Bolivian Marching Powder involved in that. Jackson Browne doesn't get that excited about his own songs! 

I'm pretty interested to see what his next career move is, whether he ever actually drops a new album & what it sounds like. Commercial country music is flailing & drowning in red ink, thus the increasing willingness to throw gimmicks out there & desperately hope one sticks. I'm sorry but Jawga Boyz, FL/GA Line, and about 3/4 of the content on any given hour of CMT programming is not country music, or even anything resembling good music. There's talent in the genre, but it's largely pop talent marketed as (sort of) country (Taylor Swift), relegated to the sidelines because the record companies will not allow them to make & release to radio the music they want (Jamey Johnson) or reduced to making ridiculously bad country-rap parodies (PLEASE tell me that "Boys Round Here" is a parody) like Blake Shelton, Luke Bryan (who is a world class jerk & has an unnerving fetish for dry humping drum kits in a drunken fit of mid-concert copulation fever), Jason Aldean or nearly any male star not named George Strait or Zac Brown.

Folks might not be aware of it, but radio playlists have gotten smaller as Clear Channel has snatched up stations, removed local DJ talent from the equation & created a monopoly of terrestrial radio. As the value of radio airplay dwindles the industry has basically shot itself in the foot (with #00 buckshot) by promoting as stars people who can't sing without computer assistance or engage a crowd or do many other things a star should be able to do. When people are exposed to the true musical talent of even a mediocre musician like Garth (GREAT showman & marketer though), it makes the posturing & pandering of the current Nashville wasteland look every bit as hollow & silly as it is. 

When an artist like Jamey Johnson can have the track record of success that he had with That Lonesome Song & The Guitar Song but he STILL can't get into a contract that allows him to choose 100% of his own material there is a huge problem, it's 1970 Nashville all over again & the outsiders are still out there, ready to make people care about country music again. It's coming, and while the standard bearers of the movement (The Great Divide, Bob Childers, Pinto Bennett on through Reckless Kelly, Jason Boland & The Stragglers, Ragweed & a few others) are either no longer performing together or not ideally positioned to be the next wave of truly great country music that achieves commercial success, there is a second generation ready & waiting & they are gonna make some noise when they get on the dance card. The current structure of commercial country music is so far overdue for collapse that it could implode in the next 10 seconds & nobody would be surprised. This means that bands that are accustomed to owning their own material, beating down the highway & playing live 200 nights a year are going to be ideally positioned for success. My money would be on Turnpike Troubadours as probably the smartest bet. They've got the chops, they're still quite young, and their grassroots following stretches world wide & grows daily. There will be plenty of competition, and it could be that they won't even want the crown, should it be offered, I just find it amazing that we have actually reached a point where GARTH BROOKS of all folks could be the tipping point that moves country music in a direction that's better for the music & the artists. If this comes to pass I will personally get a Chris Gaines poster for my office. 

Brantley Gilbert vs. Grammar


Apr 18, 2014

New(ish) Video: The War on Drugs - Red Eyes

RIYL: Dire Straits, Arcade Fire, Bob Dylan, The Cars, Bruce Springsteen, etc.

YouTube Gems: Sturgill Simpson on The Marty Stuart Show

Great Quotes From Country Singers




Top 10 Majors at Thomas Rhett University


10. Social Media Reputation Reclamation

9. Jacked-up Truck Maintenance

8. Keg-Stand Theory

7. Moneymaker Shaking 101

6. Effective Hazing Techniques and Strategies

5. Twistin’/Tearin’ Up Friday Night

4. Bro Fashion Marketing

3. Molly Popping

2. Transmitting Sexual Diseases 


1. Ice Luge Engineering




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Apr 17, 2014

New Video: Sturgill Simpson - Turtles All the Way Down (Official)

Brand spanking new and just out today....

Fenixon (Waylon and Shooter Jennings)





This sounds interesting. Waylon & Shooter circa 1997, doing a heavily NIN influenced "I Found The Body." I'm pretty sure a lot of traditional country fans will express anger at Shooter for releasing this, but don't count me among them. My recollection from Waylon's autobiography is that he enjoyed & was proud of the bit of involvement he had in Shooter's industrial/alternative rock projects. To me this song is kinda the equivalent of watching any dad getting involved in what his teenage son is into, and there's nothing to be ashamed of there. If this had the feel of a cash grab by Shooter I'd be unhappy I guess, but from what I read he is only pressing 1000 white vinyl copies of this for Record Store Day. 

This song also appears (in much different form) on Waylon Forever, recorded with Shooter & The 357s. That's also a very fine album, containing my personal favorite version of Waymore's Blues. 


-Kelcy Salisbury 

Little Known Facts: April 2014




ACM Awards organizers last Sunday scrambled to find a Rascal Flatts voice track when
Gary Levox walked onto the stage with a 12" chicken parmesan sub instead of his microphone.

The "H" in Scott H Biram is for Hoobastank and he is also
a founding member and the original keyboard player of the band.

Chase Rice chose his name from the punch line of an offensive joke about Asian people.

For the 2015 model, Chevrolet will be offering a special edition "country music" Silverado
that will feature two wheel drive with "4X4" stickers and oversized tailgate cables to
accommodate a higher dancer weight.

It takes a Masters Degree to fully appreciate country radio spin statistics. 
It takes a high school drop-out to fully appreciate Dallas Davidson songs.

Scotty McCreery celebrated his victory by entering a Clay Aiken look alike contest.

When James Bonamy recently stopped by Taco Bell for their new breakfast, 
the lady at the window said "Hey! Aren't you…. Jim from afternoon shift?"

The stick figure family on the back of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill's vehicle is actual size.

Vince Gill might sing like a girl but he can apply a mean front facelock if you piss him off.

When asked about the controversial tweets from Luke Bryan's camp concerning
the ACM Entertainer of the Year Award, George Strait replied,
"Who's Luke Bryan and what in the hell is a tweet?"

On April Fools Day someone switched Brantley Gilbert's Valtrex with 
Gorilla Glue... Jason Aldean was not amused.

Cole Swindell's greatest writing influence is his set of ABC123 words flash cards.

---------
Most of these by Jeremy Harris

Apr 15, 2014

Official FTM Country eCards™ #1: FGL



New(ish) Video: Sundy Best - Until I Met You

Emmylou Harris' Wrecking Ball Reissue Has an Interesting Cover



Thanks to Jeremy Harris for the idea.


If You're Gonna Play in Georgia... (Alabama Parody)



"If You're Gonna Play In Georgia
(You Gotta Have A DJ In The Band)"
(Parody of Alabama's "If You're Gonna Play in Texas (You Gotta Have a Fiddle in the Band)"
Idea adapted from Facebook post by Steven Pony Hill

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band
That lead guitar's alright but son, not for a Leesburg man
So make that EQ bounce for "Country Girl" and let's all jam
If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

I remember down in Macon we were playin' country songs
When a frat-boy in the back stood up and yelled, "Get Your Shine On!"
He said, "We hate what you're doin', we need the thump real strong,
Bro, that twang you're twangin' don't belong"

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band
That lead guitar's alright but not for a Columbus man
So make that EQ bounce with some Colt Ford and let's all jam
If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

So we flattened our cap brims and borrowed some sweet wallet chains
Them Georgians jumped and hollered when Jeff smiled and dropped the bass
You say y'all all wanna twerk it
You say ya wanna grind a ho'
Well, here's your douche-bag song before we go

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band
That lead guitar's alright but son, not for a Smyrna man
So make them hotties bounce for "Bottoms Up" and let's all jam
If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band
That lead guitar's okay, but son, not for a Moultrie man
So make that EQ bounce for "Chillin' It" and let's all jam
If you're gonna play in Georgia, you gotta have a DJ in the band

Apr 12, 2014

Saturday Night Music: Anthrax & Public Enemy

From the Archives: Top 10 Names for Brantley Gilbert Nation

ORIGINALLY POSTED FEB 28, 2012

Top 10 Names for Brantley Gilbert Nation




While pondering the next bit of trash talking about Brantley Gilbert, FTM ran across this shirt design and was reminded that BG fans refer to themselves as such. FTM pondered just what such a nation might be called if granted sovereignty (on the outside chance anyone in the nation could fill out the needed paperwork).


10. Faketanistan

9. Republic of Wallechainia

8. Federal Union of EBT

7. Grabbouti

6. People's Commonwealth of Bangaskank

5. Hertztagopee

4. Walmaritania

3. Tribaltattuga

2. Chlamydia

1. The Douchenited States of Axemerica


Feel Bad For You Mixtape: April 2014


This month's edition of the FBFY Mixtape features tracks from Adam Faucett, Miles Davis, Tim Easton and many more! Stream below or download/comment here.

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