Jul 27, 2009

____Deserves a Sackpunch #4

"Anything But Country" Guy

Yeah, I'm talking to you. You know who you are. Anytime somebody asks you what kind of music you like... the title quotation is your answer. You're an idiot, "anything but country" guy/girl. However, the fact that I know with 100% certainty that you're lying, renders your opinion null and void. Do you like industrial indie jazz metal? Do you like didjeridoo ballads? Do you like Brooke Hogan? Didn't think so. Have you ever heard a Steven Seagal album? Didn't think so. I think we can now agree that you DO NOT in fact, like anything but country.

The next issue is your prejudice. What?? Not me, you think, but you hear the words "country music" and immediately think "dogs, trucks, Deliverance, yeehaw, hate, boots up asses, beer, guns, Deliverance..." Yes, there have been country songs covering many of these topics, often at once, throughout the history of the genre but aside from maybe beer and trucks, I'm fairly certain none of those other things are currently represented on Bob Kingsley's country countdown.

"Well, I can't stand that redneck twang... wooo, howdy y'all." Prejudiced. If I said I don't like the way rapp.. well, nevermind, because even presenting an example would brand me as prejudiced towards whatever genre/group I mentioned...(and I love the old school era of that genre I was less than subtly hinting at, anyway) but it's okay for country people to be ridiculed for their geographically unique way of speaking and that's wrong. Perhaps you find a southern accent unappealing and that's certainly forgivable I suppose, but you shouldn't avoid an entire genre because of the affected drawl of a random few. Some don't care for some British accents, but if they avoided anyone who sang with one, they'd miss out on the wonderful music of the Beatles, Robbie Williams and the Stones (okay, one of those was a joke).

"Country is depressing and slow." Well, a lot of it should be... but it's not, actually. Have you turned on country radio lately? Maybe 1 of 10 songs feature any emotions other than love and happiness and most are fairly up-tempo...if not flat-out rock songs (check out the Crue-like riffs on Jason Aldean's ironically titled "She's Country" if you don't believe me). This is a double-edged sword, as most of what's on country radio is not authentic country, but that's an argument for another day.

Anyway, that's that. I don't have the energy to now present all the reasons you SHOULD like country, because personally, I say country doesn't need you. Keep listening to emo, you sissy. I just wanted to white-out your bullet points and stereotypes against country music and show what a moron you are. I also suggest you prepare for a life of solitude because I'm about to bring the pain.... with a future offspring negating SACKPUNCH!!!!


  1. Here. Here!

    I hate it when people say that. I especially hate it when they say "I listen to everything except for country and rap. Country plus rap equals crap." Ah, they think they're so clever and I just want to sackpunch them.

  2. Preach it brother Trailer!!!

  3. Brook Hogan makes music? It that a joke?

  4. I like everything but country - Bring the pain - it will distract me from the nausea I feel listening to some back-ass country fuck whining about his dog and truck while hammmered on JD!!



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