FTM gets to interview lots of cool "up-and-coming" artists, bands and songwriters. If any down-and-floundering acts want in on this deal, shoot me an email! FTM does wonders for flailing careers!
For now, here's an interview with another up-and-coming group out of the great state of San Antonio - Emory Quinn (listen to their new single). The band's excellent new album See You at the Next Light comes out Tuesday. 3 members of the band begged me on Twitter to give them a little press and I finally caved. I'm fairly annoyed that Mr. Quinn himself won't be speaking to us, but whatever...
C: Clint Bracher
CB: Case Bell
N: Nathan Rigney
FTM: Okay, first things first guys, why don't I get to talk to Emory?
C: Emory did not feel it necessary to make himself available at this time. He's magical that way.
CB: Emory checks into a rehab facility when we're back from the road. They don't allow contact with outsiders.
FTM: Sure. I understand. Well, as soon as I'm as big as Rita or Galleywinter, you jackoffs better pony up with some more important members for the interviews!
Alrighty then, let's get serious. You guys play a rootsy blend of country-rock and Texas music. What do you want your fans to know about your alcohol preferences when they're looking to buy you a round?
C: Bourbon Whiskey
CB: As long as it is not a bottle of Smirnoff Ice it will be happily consumed.
N: Smirnoff Ice
FTM: Prepare to be iced if I ever meet you guys in person.
Two part question: 1)Are you familiar with diesel sniffers? 2)If yes, and if I come to a show, will you introduce me as the tambourine player?
C: Yes and yes
N: Start taking tambo lessons. It's a tough instrument.
FTM: I'm in!
You're family guys. How many rug rats do you have that you know of?
C: Still a zero count in that category
CB: None. And let's keep it that way.
N: *takes off his shoes so he can count past ten...*
FTM: Let's talk about priorities. How do you balance the rigors of the road with finding time for playing Call of Duty and making stupid comments on Twitter?
C: That's Natedogs category.
CB: It's called Netflix, and it streams instantly.
N: *doesn't look up... eyes locked to iPhone*
FTM: Nate, are you updating your Myspace during the interview? That's rude.
How much do you guys hate making appearances at the merch table? I mean, who wants to pose for pictures with a bunch of sweaty, half-dressed skanks, right? On second thought...
C: I enjoy them whenever I can remember to appear. It's always good to meet and greet after the show.
CB: Love it. Bring on the scantily clad.
N: Gotta love texas... even shorts weather in December.
FTM: I see you guys (at least your more recent work) as a part of the more intelligent, artful Texas music scene that includes the likes of Walt Wilkins and Band of Heathens. Why don't you take this opportunity to talk shit about the fist-pumping, frat-boy, hell yeah party crowd?
C: Let's just say that there is nothing like it. I never thought I would see so much fist pumping in my life. We actually have a few songs we play or sing on road trips that could probably incite a severe riot of fist pumping among the group you are referring to... "In The South"
FTM: After you eventually sell out and work Axe Hair Gel into your daily routines, will you go back and read the venomous comments written about you on the Lone Star Music album reviews?
C: Absolutely. I see that becoming a fantastic guilty pleasure in the future
CB: Yes. A little hate means you must be doing something right.
FTM: Since you're the first band I've interviewed who are in the "traditional" Texas music vein, I'd like to ask you a few "What's the deal?" questions.
First, what's the deal with those caps guys wear that look like they were crapped out by an Angus bull and then run over by a tractor?
C: That is a great question. And all I can say is, "what is the deal with those guys?" I don't think the world will ever know.
CB: They're best worn turned to the side with a fishing hook and bottle caps on the brim.
N: I mean why would you wear at hat forward? The brim obstructs your view when you wear it that low.
FTM: What's the deal with flying guitar t-shirts?
C: All of them should be set on fire.
N: *lights a match*
FTM: And finally, what's the deal with floating down the river? I mean, we have rivers to float here in Mississippi too, but we'd rather just get drunk beside the river than do all that work.
C: Drinking beside the river is good, for some reason floating it is just better. Night floats are great too. Definitely suggest trying it.
CB: What other time do you get to use your waterproof stereo-cooler? Seriously those things are awesome.
N: And the babes are great. The ones missing teeth are the best.
FTM: I was going to ask "What's the deal with brisket?" but I finally had some last weekend and now I know what the deal is. I'd fight all three of you for a plate of that stuff!
C: It is truly breathtaking, and absolutely worth fist fighting over.
CB: Yes. Brisket is far superior to pork-based barbecue. You southeasterners can keep your pulled pork.
N: In the words of the Late Great Johnny Michael, Fat Side Down.
FTM: I may lose my Southern cred card, but yeah, brisket may be better than pork barbecue. Next question: I hate the Spurs. Okay, it wasn't a question but still.
C: It's too bad you hate excellence.
FTM: Okay, why are the Spurs so worthy of hate?
C: Jealousy of perfection, and envy of greatness.
FTM: Guess you're right, Clint... they beat my Suns every freaking year in the playoffs.... Changing the subject, what are your opinions of Nashville? I mean... why did those guys sign Randy Moss?
C: "Straight cash homey." I guess they needed someone that drove a monster truck on their team. Nashville's pretty cool though. I don't see what all the Nashville fuss about. We did have a pretty bad White Castle experience the last time we were there.
CB: The Titans were great when they were called the Oilers, played in Houston, and wore baby blue uniforms.
FTM: Are any of you currently on performance enhancing drugs? I'd hate to think the results of this interview might deserve an asterisk beside them.
C: Not currently. I'm working on a pretty tasty Dr. Pepper right now though.
N: What time is it?
FTM: Good to hear. In your down time, are any of you guys readers? I mean, the articles between the nudie pictures at least?
C: I like to read. Very slowly though.
CB: Nope. Illiterate drunks.
N: I just got a Kindle. It's out of batteries.
FTM: I suppose I should ask you guys about your music at some point. So, how would you describe your sound? ...without using any of the following words: spooning, Chuck Wicks, death metal, Ke$ha, cookie cutter, energy, contusions, Ed Hardy, word to your mother. Made it hard on ya', huh?
C: Thunder only happens when It's raining, and it has been raining for a while.
N: We're pretty much your average Top 20 band.
FTM: Your new album, See You at the Next Light, comes out November 23rd. I've heard it and of all the albums I've heard lately, it definitely contains just as much if not more music! Why should fans and new listeners grab this new album?
C: Once they start listening to it, they aren't going to be able to stop
CB: It definitely isn't not awesome.
N: Not only that but it's awesome.
FTM: Are you sure I can't talk to Emory?
*A look of sadness washes over the three young gentlemen's faces as they reminisce about their friend*
FTM: What can people who come out to one of your shows expect in terms of pyro, strippers on swings and vulgar chants?
C: They can expect pure entertainment. Sweat, blood and fire flying from our fingertips, and white light shining from our eyes.
CB: And the occasional pole dancer, but that's another story.
FTM: Honestly, I really like your new album. The songwriting is crisp, the hooks are infectious and the vibe is easy. All that said, I'd like to see you guys expand your horizons with maybe a reggae breakdown, an alternative lifestyles poetry recitation or a guest rapper or something next time. Thoughts?
C: I think the idea of a guest rapper is genius, and we do have a little bit of a reggae coming through one of the tracks off our last album. Maybe a synchronized dance sequence could be possible in the near future. That and robot replicas of ourselves walking around the audience.
CB: A reggae breakdown is a definite possibility on the next effort.
N: Jah Mon
FTM: Where is the last place you puked?
C: In a Dallas apartment
CB: Not sure, but there was a beer bong in my hand.
N: Pint night a few months back. It was a Fat Black Cowboy's fault.
FTM: You've done well with my hard-hitting questions so far, but I hope you're ready for the infamous lightning round!
Sugarland or SheDaisy and why?
C: SheDaisy. The girl in the Sugarland duo has a voice that makes me cringe, almost as much as the guy that flails around by her side. What is that?
N: My girlfriend listens to Sugarland. She has really good taste in music.
FTM: Paper, plastic or reusable canvas?
N: Canvas... heathens
FTM: Hunter Hearst Helmsley or Shawn Michaels?
C: The Heartbreak Kid no question. He grew up in my neck of the woods and throws that sweet sweet chin music.
CB: Kim Kardashian
N: Jim Duggan
FTM: The last good nut you had.
C: A wasabi flavored Almond (Blue Diamond brand)
N: It was a warm night. Sitting on my barstool, I sifted through the talent at the bar with my eyes. Finding the perfect specimen. I gently coaxed away from the lesser cohorts the curviest one. I tore off everything between me and the sweet flesh beneath... It was the best peanut I've ever had.
FTM: Don't be a perv, Nate. Obviously, I meant pecans or cashews or something.
C: I'll have to stick with my last answer
FTM: Your favorite Jason Aldean song.
C: I can't remember. What?
CB: The thought-provoking one about riding tractors.
N: The stockyards is my backyard
FTM: What's the first thing you notice about a woman, other than the overwhelming stench of Kool cigarettes and cheeseburgers?
N: Bumpits are hot
FTM: If you could press a button in a box and win $52,000 dollars, but that action would kill a homeless terminally ill man in southeast Asia with no family, what would you buy first?
C: A tattoo of a Bald Eagle spreading its wings across my back.
CB: Another box with a button
N: This button's not working...
FTM: Keef or Mick?
N: I change my blood supply out every 6 months too
C: Call me the tumbling dice
FTM: Favorite submission hold:
C: it's illegal for me to use any, so I couldn't tell you
CB: Whiskey shot
N: Onstage it's "The Crab"
FTM: What are you guys doing to reduce your carbon footprint? Just kidding! Who's funnier: Insane Clown Posse or the bed intruder guy?
C: He's climbing in your windows, he's snatching your people up
CB: Tryna rape em so y'all need to
N: Hide your kids
C/CB: Hide your wife
N: Hide your kids
C/CB: Hide your wife
N: and hide your husband
N/C/CB: Cuz they're rapin errbody out here!
FTM: I guess that's enough. Y'all want to give closing statements?
C: Thanks for having us... We'll see you at the next light.
CB: God Bless America
N: Peace out yo
FTM: Thanks guys. It's been fun. Case, I hope that paternity test turns out in your best interest!
You can check out clips from the new album at Lone Star Music.