Nov 1, 2014

From the Archives: Larry Lee vs. Billy & Reba


Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews II

Before I begin, I ask the Lord's forgiveness that I even allowed my ears to be party to this deplorable work of soul-staining music. And now, two Proverbs from the very same chapter (20) 1.Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler and whosoever erreth thereby is not wise; 4. The sluggard will not plow by reason of the Winter. What these verses are telling us is that Billy Currington is on a steady and straight path into the infinite tormenting fires of Hell, my friends. In this song, he tells us that he is not only lazy and useless, but that the only skill he possesses is drinking beer. Friend, a dog can drink beer, and where are dogs going? Hell, for they know not the Lord! And sloth, why that's one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I tell you now that the lifestyle espoused in this song can only lead to marital strife, unemployment, alcohol abuse, estrangement of friends (except for Satan himself) and eternal damnation. Jesus, I ask you to remove these demons from Billy. He is still Your child, but he has gone astray. Listeners of this song need to fall upon their face and tearfully beg that they might be spared everlasting separation from the Father. Amen.

Mr. Turnage, my daddy, asked me to write down a few lines about this song because he is currently on his way to the local medical center because he was having chest pains after hearing this "Fancy." He said that he prays he does not pass from this mortal coil directly after hearing this perverse song because he fears his salvation may not weigh in the balance against such a wretched work. He says it is a celebration of materialism and prostitution, whatever that means. If my daddy dies, I will hunt you Reba. Daddy might be above fury and retribution, but I ain't, bitch! (I hope he don't read this!) Oh yeah, he says this song is a big fat F. Amen.

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