Farce the Music: Robert Dean (Drunkenly) Reviews Knocked Loose

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NSFW

A "Review" by Robert Dean

Here we go: Drunk review

Why bother with sobriety at this point?

I’m hammered after a long night hanging out with my dad who drinks Jack Daniels like a madman. My mom went to bed hours ago.

Anyhow, back to the record:

We drank ¾ of a bottle of Jack Daniels – wait, nope. I don’t drink Jack. That was my dad. I just drank a lot of Lone Star and Jameson. A lot. Sorry, let’s do a fucking review:

Being from the middle of nowhere sure as hell didn’t screw up Kentucky’s Knocked Loose’s ability to write some seriously pissed off music. Their new record, Laugh Tracks is a showcase of all the songs, riffs and sounds that hardcore kids have wanted their favorite bands to drop. There’s some Turmoil, some Terror, some Comeback Kid and a lot of goddamn violence. As my Australian friends would say, “these cunts are fully sick.” (Side convo: go watch some YouTube videos about all the weird shit Aussies say. It’s incredibly odd and hilar.)

Oblivions Peak is all mad as fuck and foot stomp-y. I like that cuz, I’m hammered and want to throw my computer at my television and swing my arms like I’m in the middle of a circle pit. Only I can’t because I’m 35 with a gut, and that would wind me, and I’d need a nap or a blood transfusion following such strenuous activity.

My dad is into it. He got me into Black Sabbath, so he respects some hot riffs and Knocked Loose has got some motherfucking fingers on em.

Whoever the dude singing is, he’s got some serious pipes. Dude has a shriek instead of just a yell. On My Heroes, that shit is lit as af. Bass starts all wobbly and Machine Head-y, then it goes all HAAM with the Slayer riffage. I think he said something Satan, which always works for me. Remember when everyone was jocking NAILS? NAILS wrote some seriously sweet songs and were two or three minutes of straight killing. Knocked Loose is like that – they leave out all of the boring shit and keep it real with the stuff you can spin kick some dude in the neck to.

Everything on Laugh Tracks is a mosher or at least something you can’t listen to if need to keep your cool. Cuz, if you listen to this in a public place, you’re liable to hurt a bystander with some gorilla punches. Buy Knocked Loose’s Laugh Tracks. For real it’s everything you need to rip the head off your neighbor. We’re not responsible if you kill anyone in a badass kung fu fueled rage.

Ok. That’s enough. I’m seeing double, and my dad wants to tell me cool Harley stories and about the time he saw GG Allin.