Rascal Flatts
You
may think you know what's next. This is where I say that the ten years
Rascal Flatts has graced us with their screeching has been the worst era
of commercial country music. This is where I blame them for influencing
the further drift towards pop music. This is where I punch Gary The
Voice in his scrotum for assaulting my eardrums on multiple occasions.
Wrong. While all that may be true, it's not worth arguing any more. Country is dead, long live country... whatever.
Fact
is, for some reason I still listen to, report on, ridicule and lament
country radio. Rascal Flatts is still played hourly on country radio. To
that end, while I am not a fan, I want Flatts' music to be as good as
it can be if I'm gonna have to hear it. Granted, the bar has been set
low, but once upon a time, I counted the country boy-band as a guilty
pleasure - or at least some of their songs. Those particular songs are
all over 5 years old.
Since that time, RF has
coasted on their relatively crappy resume, putting out song after song
that barely differed from the last, at least musically. Now, I don't
expect the guys to get all adventurous and put out, heaven forbid, an
actual country album... or push the boundaries of commercial country in
an artistic or positive direction, so I request quite the opposite.
Dance with who brung ya. Regress. Keep it simple stupid.
"Prayin'
for Daylight" and "Everyday Love" introduced us to the "band" with big
hooks, soaring harmonies and memorable melodies. "I Melt" was uh, cheesy
goodness. "What Hurts the Most" and "These Days" were irresistibly
catchy downers. "Bless the Broken Road" and "I'm Movin' On" were simple
gems. Even the lyrically insipid "Mayberry" was an earworm.
Since
those high water marks, aside from a couple of tolerable singles,
pretty much all you've given us are mid-tempo inspirational tracks out
the wazoo. There's hardly a hair's width difference between "Stand,"
"Unstoppable" and "Every Day." Great, they gave you airplay and ad
placement, but yawn. If I want to hear elevator music, I'll go downtown.
"Here?" Even the title just sits there.
If
you're wondering why you're lacking in the award nominations recently,
look no further than the above song releases. If even the country music
machine is sick of you, something's very wrong.
You've
got a cash cow in your harmonies and commercial persona. Milk it. Pop
it up guys (can't believe I said that). Get campy. Do something! Don't
just sit there. Much worse, in pop culture, than being a lightning rod,
is being a limp dishrag.
C'mon guys, make it a little more interesting to hate you. Right now, you're fish in a barrel.
You know what's coming. A sackpunch designed to definitely hurt the most.
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