Jan 21, 2022
Pop Country Star Crashes Wedding Reception to Sing Latest Hit; Thrown Out
Unfortunately, the couple had no idea who he was and had him violently removed from the reception hall as he attempted to finish the first verse. Dallas’ manager had apparently not communicated with the couple of the plan to record a viral video of the song at their wedding celebration and they were not amused.
“I thought everybody liked three minute, positive, not-very-country, mid-tempo love songs and mine’s been verrrry popular so I thought surely they were fans,” said a distraught and bleeding Jordan. “I asked my manager if he had set it up ahead of time and he just told me ’Don’t worry, it’ll be great! Everybody loves you!’.”
The couple did not love him. “I still don’t know who the hell that is,” said the exasperated groom, Jerry Pickens. “He just busted in here when the DJ was about to play Etta James’ “At Last” for our first dance, and he started warbling his goofy pop song. As soon as he hit the words ‘truck’ and ‘baby’ I went into action.” Pickens himself grabbed Jordan by his collar and slung him off the makeshift stage at the Pelham Bay reception venue.
Said the bride, Tara, “Our whole playlist after Etta was outlaw country, soul music, and red dirt, so I don’t think his management did its research.”
Jordan described his exit from the function as “impolite, harsh, and definitely not pushin’ P,” whatever that means. The singer was unceremoniously dragged into the parking lot by the groomsmen, doused with champagne and thrown into a dumpster.
“Get that pop country bullshit outta here,” yelled Jerry toward the dumpster as the limo pulled away for the couple’s honeymoon.
At press time, Dallas Jordan was scheduled to embark upon his first headlining tour despite 99.734% of the nation having never heard of him.
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