Apr 16, 2016

From the Archives: OMG and Larry Lee Reviews of Taylor Swift

  Originally Posted Aug 16, 2012


OMG Reviews: Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

by Brittany Fant, 14-year-old aspiring reviewer

I had like honestly been getting sick of Taylor Swift lately. Her song on The Hunger Games was sooo, um, old-timey sounding. Ugh. This is more like it girl!!!!!! For y'all that don't know, I'm single again and this is my song! The chorus has the best lyrics EVARRRRR. And it doesn't sound like crappy old person music. Bravo, Ms. Swift! Or should I say, Mrs. Kennedy? lolz That would be so awesome. Then she could be vice president! I'm a Swiftie again, I admit it. It's like she read my mind or something for this song. And that album cover - she. looks. hot. It's like a Revlon commercial or something. She broke up with a dude who listens to indie music. Good for her!!!! The only people who listen to music that isn't on the radio are losers who are jealous of real talent. This makes me so glad to be flying solo again! Boys always say they'll change but they never do. All they want is one thing!!! That one thing is to play video games with their friends and that's lame. Anyway, Hunter Hayes, I'm on the market again baby!!!!!!!!! Call me! This song rulezzzz.

5 Heart Hands!

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

What is this? Is this a Hip-Hoppin' song? I don't know what's going on. It sounds like one of the young girls in my church's youth group singing in one of our (non-dancing) musicals. Except those girls sound better. And they don't "rap" (rap is an abomination to the ears of God). And they glorify the Lord with their gifts.

All this Taylor Swift girl is doing is whining about some puppy love affair that broke up. Children should not be able to date until they are 18 anyway, so this seems right on the border of sinfulness that she was being courted by a young fellow anyway. What if they had necked and fallen short of the Lord's grace?

The young man who dumped Ms. Swift is to be applauded for his actions.  Proverbs 31:3 says not to give your strength to women. Anyone who "went out" with this girl would certainly be at the mercy of her money and career and we all know that the man is to rule the roost. My wife knows I wear the polyester slacks in this house, even if she does have to match my shirts and ties for me. I have astigmatism.

I see no real perversions or slights against the heavenly Father in this "song" but the song itself does not glorify Him. It sounds like she sang into an empty can of succotash on her porch while one of them cars with the "booming" speakers rode by. How is this considered music? And anyone who spends his or her $1.29 on this drivel should fall upon their knees and repent that they did not give their money to a more worthy cause, such as the pastor's residence fund at my church. I really need me one of them aluminum roofs.

For its assault upon my auditory system alone, this song gets an:

1 comment:

  1. Bring Brittany and her OMG reviews back, please!! She's so hilarious.



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