Jan 3, 2010

_____Deserves a Sackpunch #7

Anyone who plans to maintain musical status quo in 2010

Are you a formerly popular pop singer, rock band, or lead singer of a formerly popular rock band who has suddenly discovered that you were country all along?

Are you a hip-hop artist who plans to rap about your gratuitous amount of shiny trinkets, the gaudy, wide rims on your method of transportation, your preference for promiscuous women with large, round, mostly exposed derrieres and shooting those who disrupt your work towards acquiring all the aforementioned?

Are you a country singer with a dual lead guitar attack in your band, a vocal twang only in proper company, more than one stylist and a Twitter account maintained by your PR people?

Are you a rock band whose 2010 goals are to open for Nickelback, gain 1/10 of the followers of Nickelback, wear MMA-related apparel, get tattoos on your tattoos and screw lots of skanks, all the while sounding generally like Nickelback?

Are you a pop singer who expects to have her hoo-hah splashed across tabloid websites and skeevy perv sites at least once in 2010, lip sync to factory-written electro-dance songs, and have a minimum of one trip to rehab?

Are you a country songwriter with dollar sign eyes, a "Country Song Mad Libs" writing formula, no foundation in whiskey and tear-soaked real country, and Chuck Wicks on speed dial?

Are you a radio programmer who won't expose his listeners to any song outside the top 30 unless it's a new or previous release by a superstar?

Are you a record exec who prefers sizzle to steak, safe to honest, transient to timeless, album covers to albums?

Are you a blogger/blog reader who will do a great deal of complaining about the sad state of your favorite genre/music in general without offering some alternatives and suggestions towards its betterment in '10?

Are you a "music fan" who claims to be open-minded but has no interest in hearing what's beyond the mainstream this year?

My resolution? 365 days of Mike Tyson's sackpunch-out for every one of you.



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