Showing posts with label Tracklist Predictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tracklist Predictions. Show all posts

Jan 26, 2012

Tracklist Predictions: Craig Morgan - This Ole Boy





In which, FTM attempts to predict what the songs will be about based on titles alone.


Craig Morgan - This Ole Boy will be released February 28th.



1. This Ole Boy
We've already heard the radio mix of this song, but the album version will feature Slash on guitar and a 2 minute shredding solo. There is also a dubstep remix in the works for the This Ole Boy: Deluxe Edition coming out in June.

2. More Trucks Than Cars
Co-written by Morgan (with Tim Nichols, Craig Wiseman, Rivers Rutherford, Brett Beavers, Chris Wallin and Rhett Akins), this song describes the scene in the parking lot at the 12th Annual Wife-Beaters Convention.

3. Whole World Needs A Kitchen 
In this sequel to Tracy Lawrence's "If the World Had a Front Porch," Craig solves the world's hunger problems by inventing a successor for the popular food truck, the giant kitchen truck. It's never explained how he'd pay for this or how the truck would cross bodies of water, but it's a nice thought.

4. Country Boys 
It's not what you think! It's not about all the specific preferences of boys who live in rural areas. It's not a laundry list of country-isms. It's not a rocked-up song parading as country. It's not…

...Okay, it is.

5. Show Me Your Tattoo 
A pick-up line for our generation. Slightly classier than "I'd like to check you for ticks" but heavily implying that surely there's a little permanent ink in a NSFW place. John Rich has been using this one for years, to varying effect.

6. Love Loves A Long Night 
Sounds like it might be a slow, sensuous "let's get it on" song, based on the title, but nay! It's about a hooker named Love who prefers Winter nights when her work hours are longer.

7. Being Alive And Living
Another inspirational song that in no way steals from "I Hope You Dance," "Living and Living Well" or "Live Like You Were Dying." Hahahahahahaha! that is some funny shit that you'd even think this wasn't a completely original idea. JUST IN: Nashville and LA songwriters running out of ideas..rushing to recycle each other's songs! Gimme a break. You've never heard anything this moving, so shut up.

8. Fish Weren't Bitin'
Why did we get drunk? Fish weren't bitin'. Why did we drive home drunk? Fish weren't bitin'. Why did we crash our truck into a trailer park that housed a meth lab, setting off an explosion whose fallout poisoned all local waterways for years to come? Fish weren't bitin'. And now they never will again. Co-written by Chris Knight.

9. Better Stories 
A song that namedrops Townes Van Zant, Steve Earle, Corb Lund, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard and other artists whose songs tell "better stories" than Craig ever could.

10. I Don't Drink
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist's first songwriting credit, this song decries the evils of strong drink and wine. Craig eventually goes on to lose his sponsorship with Anheuser-Busch, leaving him unable to tour, ending his career, making our ears very happy.

11. Corn Star
Not a pun song - well, okay it is, but it's about a porn actress whose signature move is ******* a corn cob in ******* until she ***** and then ******** it from a **** while a guy ****** on her ******. Hard to believe record execs greenlighted this one. Larry Lee sues to have his song removed from future pressings of the album.

12. Summer Moon
A song about how only country boys can actually enjoy a summer moon. It's a laundry list of fun things that can be done under a summer moon: cowtipping, rolling houses, sitting on jacked up trucks drinking shine, straining your eyes to see the girls in cutoff jeans, stealing copper from AC units and beating up city folk who claim to also enjoy the summer moon.

May 16, 2011

Tracklist Prediction: Eric Church - Chief

Tracklist Predictions

In which, FTM attempts to predict what the songs will be about based on titles alone.

A week or two ago, Eric Church released the track listings for his upcoming release entitled Chief. Here are FTM's best guesses for what the songs will be about based only on the titles.

1. Creepin'
An update of TLC's "Creep," Eric Church's "Creepin'" expands on the subject of secretly cheating on a significant other who cheated first. In Eric's case, "creep" is fairly literal; he finds his attempts at sexing up random strangers repeatedly rebuked due to his sex offender-like appearance.

2. Drink in My Hand
Koolaid finally gets its due as Eric sings about memories of sipping the sugary fruit-flavored beverage during his formative years. Somehow working in his usual schtick of emphasizing his outlaw credentials, Church recounts the time, as a 5-year-old, he spent more than the allotted time on the GI Joe bounce-house while hopped up on grape Koolaid, then at 9 (drinking Island Punch) when he acted as if he had discovered all the cheats for Super Mario Brothers 2 (his subscription to Nintendo Power had more to do with it), then at 12 when he glued on his first fake porn-stache while pretending his lemonade Koolaid was beer.

3. Keep On
This inspirational piece tells rednecks to keep their head up and continue using smokeless tobacco products despite all medical and scientific information that says it's bad for you. It would be chosen as RJ Reynolds' new ad campaign theme if the government allowed them to advertise on television and radio.

4. Like Jesus Does
A song about things rednecks do that, presumably, Jesus also does. For example: throwing beer cans through the sliding rear glass into the truck bed, shooting road signs for no apparent reason and frying foods that were never intended for such purpose.

5. Hungover & Hard Up
A paradoxical take on the phenomenon of having morning wood while you're hunched over the porcelain throne.

6. Homeboy
You've already heard this take on why Eric dislikes black people. It's a hit, thus proving Nashville and all its fans are ragingly racist.

7. Country Music Jesus
A song about his buddy Kid Rock, who's neither country music, nor religious… but whatever. It's got a helluva guitar riff!

8. Jack Daniels
The spirits industry finally gets a much-needed nod from the country music community, lifting this little known distillery to regional, neigh, national recognition. The song, not actually about the specific brand, only mentions the whiskey in passing, drawing comparisons to Jason Aldean's "Johnny Cash."

9. Springsteen
Eric talks about the time he met Bruce Springsteen and gave him his autograph.

10. I'm Gettin' Stoned
Eric likes to hit the bong, in case you didn't know. This is Chief's marijuana ode, much as Brad Paisley once included a gospel song on every album. Only, Church is, you know, an outlaw. Big time, chief.

11. Over When It's Over
A satirical song about cliches, "Over When it's Over" takes celebrities to task for their over-use of trite statements and maxims, such as "it is what it is" and "taking it to the next level." Church shows a shocking amount of self-awareness and proves he is not just an outfaux, but an entertainer with his finger on the pulse of popular culture and a snarky sense of humor. Farce the Music shuts down in the wake of this turning point in the general public's recognition of meta-humor.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails