In the Year 2030 #5

•Lady Antebellum decries new artists' disconnect from pop-country's roots

•Judge declares clusterf*ck in trial to decide which of 734 family members is entitled to royalties and future earnings from Wu-Tang Clan

•Johnny Cash, 2Pac, Elvis, Garth Brooks all put out albums of previously unreleased material

•Indie music is now mainstream and vice-versa, causing hipsters to embrace music with understandable lyrics, song structure and good vocals; Pitchfork folds

•Chuck Wicks named Brentwood Applebees' June Employee of the Month

•Pop singer Liddy C's cover of The Spice Girls' "Wannabe" proclaimed a staggering masterpiece of pop perfection after she performs it in the nude on VMAs

•Rap-rock makes stunning comeback; "Godfather of Rap Rock" Fred Durst starts Douchefest annual tour

•Lil Wayne given key to city of New Orleans; makes a bong out of it

•Mysterious and hilarious gossip blogger Rita Ballou finally revealed to have been Natalie Maines during Whiskey sour and bon-bon benders

•All concerts now in 3D

•Gary LeVox found dead in a Houston Adam's Mark of apparent chicken cordon bleu overdose