Sep 28, 2010

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews

Hello there, readers of this vulgar and infernal blog. I have been invited by Trailer to give my perspective on some secular country music songs. I prayed long and hard about putting my name alongside posts that mention "douchebagging" and use the s-word and the b-word. For shame! These are affronts to the very spirit of holiness. Still, I feel as though I might provide a healthy look at this vile form of music and lead some of you to the light. While my church does not use musical instruments, in my free time I do listen to music with instruments, such as gospel, southern gospel, country gospel and gospel bluegrass. Let's us see how these two songs stack up!

Hank Williams Jr. - Family Tradition
I hate to even dignify this vile trash with a summary. Obviously the nut does not fall far from the rotten hickory tree. In this case, the vulgar drunkard was begat by a vulgar philandering drunkard. "Bocephus" as he is known by his "rowdy friends," tells us of his unseemly lifestyle of a'drinkin', a'druggin', a'screwin' everything that walks. His justification? These "virtues" were passed down to him from his dope fiend father. I believe this to be an excuse. I also reckon that the lack of a male parent, after Hank Sr.'s shameful death, left a void in his life that Bocephus believed could only be filled by narcotics, non-marital vagina and the Devil's liquor. I have not heard of this much lechery since my third son, Larry Jay's bachelor party, for which is still disallowed from Turnage family reunions. Hank Jr. needs the Lord Jesus Christ in his soul, not some hoochie coo on his lap and a mary wanna in his hand. I implore you to avoid this evil, evil "song" and instead seek out the new cassette tape from the Gospel Fire of Purity Echos entitled "This Day I Shall Turn From Sin." Praise the Lord!

Lady Antebellum - Hello World
This hit threesome's new song would seem to most to be a quiet reflection on faith and man's difficulty keeping his bearings in an unforgiving world. Most would be dead wrong. This, my friends, is a demon in sheep's clothing, a viper in the rose bush. The lines "talk to God like He is there" reveal the writer's true hellish intentions. Nevermind that Charles Kelley says "I know He's there" a line later, the previous confession is enough for me to know that this song is part of the liberal left's agenda to rid America of any and all belief in the one true savior Jesus Christ so that Allah might sit at the head of the table. The Obama administration's fingerprints are all over this song! They can't just come out and say "There is no God but Allah" because there would be chaos in the streets of Jackson, TN... no, they have to be subtle about their hate of the God of Israel, chipping away at our resolve until we are bowing to Mecca and covering up Aunt Linda with a veil (though the latter might be a good thing). The fact that the singer knows he should stop at the church with "white the yard" but doesn't is symbolic of this once great nation's descent into worldliness and sin. We know we should return to the teachings of our fathers, but we choose discord, we choose Muslimness. I pray for Lady Antebellum and hope that they will repent and use their talents for Jesus!


  1. This is butt funny! Anything that makes fun of country music and religious wackos is awesome. Love it keep up the good work. Country music is for "AirHeads" and bible thumping is for "AirHeads" too.

  2. I guess that makes me an airhead :). It is my intention with this series to poke a little fun at country music and the sort of religious zealotry that says anything secular is evil. I'm not out to crack on religion as a whole, though I understand where you're coming from. Glad you enjoyed.

  3. Hey, I listen to country so I'm an "AirHead" too! I listen to country but I also like poking fun at it and its trashiness. I do the same with some of my favorite TV shows. I put in the "AirHead" thing cuz Rick (or Dick or whatever his name is) who posts at the 9513 uses that term all the time. As for religion, well! Some of it is good. The bible thumping variety is what turns me off though. But I do think religion can be a positive force in people's lives.

  4. Non-Marital Vagina would be an awesome name for a lesbian rock band. Just sayin'.



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