Mar 3, 2014

Songs Illustrated #70

1 comment:

  1. The song illustrated is "Chattahoochee", one of the first bro-country songs, by the man who destroyed country music and (of course, as can be seen in the illustrated song) invented the bro-country and metro-bro poisoning country radio today - Alan Jackson AKA the Nickelback of country music. All of the bro-country elements and lyricism so prominent in the crap played on mainstream country stations (although there are still some good acts, such as Luke Combs, Eric Church, and especially Chris Stapleton) can be seen right in this song. Moonlight, trucks, beer, hot girls, and a river bank. Alongside other (s)hits like "Country Boy", "Where I Come From", and "Good Time", whenever somebody ever says that Alan Jackson isn't bro-country, show them this song. In addition, it was also Jackson who solidified country music's current state as a laughing stock by living up to stereotypes, like in songs such as "It's Alright to Be a Redneck" (the title tells you all you need to know), "I Still Like Bologna" (imagine 4 and a half minutes of aural torture that you'll never get back), "Jim and Jack and Hank" (basically Achy Breaky 3. "I become a little sad and called up my old dad", really? This is lamer than that aforementioned bologna song), and especially that stupid 9/11-exploiting song where he couldn't tell the difference between Iraq and Iran. It was also Jackson who pioneered the many non-country influences, especially pop, hair metal, EDM, hip-hop, and Drake style R&B, that have largely replaced traditional country sounds within mainstream country, by not only inventing bro-country and metro-bro as previously mentioned, but by also covering multiple hip-hop and R&B songs in concert, specifically
    * Akon - Don't Matter
    * Wiz Khalifa - We Dem Boyz ( video here: )
    * Post Malone - Psycho
    * Boney M. - Daddy Cool
    * Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
    * Future - Mask Off
    * Flo Rida - Whistle
    * T.I. - Whatever You Like
    * Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj - Dance (A$$)
    * Lil Wayne - Love Me
    * Drake - Make Me Proud
    * Offset - Ric Flair Drip
    * Waka Flocka Flame - Hard in da Paint
    * Shaquille O'Neal - (I Know I Got) Skillz
    * Fetty Wap - Jugg
    With all of this evidence, calling Alan Jackson a traditional country singer is like calling Soulja Boy (whom Jackson covered) classic rock. "Chattahoochee" (seriously, what the fuck is a "hoochie coochie". This bro-country crap is worse than those mumble rappers that are among the various rappers Jackson has covered) is a prime example of how Jackson has pioneered the genre. These bro-country acts poisoning country radio like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, Kane Brown, Sam Hunt, Hunter Hayes, Russell Dickerson, and Cole Swindell, along with the fact that pop singer Bebe Rexha's collaboration with bro-country act Florida Georgia Line holds the record for the longest running number one song at 50 weeks, while rapper Blanco Brown reigns on the number one spot on the Hot Country Songs chart with bro-country artist Kane Brown's collaboration with EDM DJ Marshmello is in the top ten on the aforementioned Hot Country Songs chart and rising, are all the apocalyptic aftermath of what Alan Jackson, the Nickelback of country music, did to this genre.



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