Showing posts with label Alan Jackson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alan Jackson. Show all posts

Apr 8, 2021

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs #49 XL Edition

 It's Wrestlemania week, so here's an extra large edition of country reaction gifs.


If your friend doesn’t like Arlo McKinley


When I see FGL has yet another #1 song


When I see Alan Jackson’s new album has 21 songs


“Country music is an amalgamation of all America’s styles of music”


When somebody tries to tell me Chris Gaines and Garth Brooks are the same person


If I went to a pop-country music festival, I’d leave like this


Hey, let’s listen to my new Luke Bryan deluxe edition


When you walk in the bar in a good mood and they’re playing Parmalee


Niko Moon doesn’t like sad songs. Well f*** him, I do


To the hard rock bottom of your heart



Mar 31, 2021

Country Music Was Better in the 90s (Sam Hunt Parody)


 Country Music Was Better in the 90s

(Parody of Sam Hunt's "Breaking Up Was Easy in the 90s")


Man, oh man, oh man


Bartender looked at me like, "I'd love to turn that jukebox down"

Someone was playing that modern sound

Something about a damn cell phone

Singin' with a twang but it's just pretend

Funny how it's two times as boring and half as witty

Why did someone pay money for a song this shitty?

The singer must have a nice face

Cause he can't sing worth a damn without the studio tricks and the auto-tune

But hey, what you gon' do?


Chorus

I'm sick of hearin' those snap beats, they just make me groan

Country's more than just some handsome cheekbones

They call it country music but that just reminds me

Country music was better in the '90s

I miss the steel guitar, truth and chords of three

Tired of hearin' pickup trucks and hey baby

Sam and Kane and Luke and them can kiss my hiney

Cause, country music was better in the '90s


Back then we listened to "Dumas Walker" and "Down at the Twist and Shout"

And "Chattahoochee," and "He Ain't Worth Missing" and "Love Lessons"

Sometimes the lyrics were fun and sometimes they were deep

But these days "vibe" is the only thing

And they wouldn't have a fiddle or steel guitar playin'

Or sing about some grown-up shit

Yeah I get sick of it all, I miss real drawling

Miss real country women and men


Chorus

I'm sick of hearin' those snap beats, they just make me groan

Country's more than a TikTok on your phone

They call it country music but that just reminds me

Country music was better in the '90s

I miss the steel guitar, truth and chords of three

Tired of hearin' pickup trucks and hey baby

Florida-Georgia Line and them can kiss my hiney

Cause, country music was better in the '90s


Bridge

Modern country ain't got modern hearts breaking

It's just a product, money for the taking

And I 'bout had enough hearing them living a country lie


I'm sick of hearin' those snap beats, they just make me groan

Country's more than just some handsome cheekbones

They call it country music but that just reminds me

Country music was better in the '90s

I miss the steel guitar, truth and chords of three

Tired of hearin' pickup trucks and hey baby

Thomas and Dustin and them can kiss my hiney

Cause, country music was better in the '90s


Mar 19, 2021

Alan Jackson to Release Album of Cringey Novelty Songs

There’s news on the Alan Jackson front. The long, tall country legend, who hasn’t released a full album since 2015’s Angels and Alcohol today announced Crazy as a Pet Coon, an album of novelty songs to be dropped in May. 

“We like to put a fun ‘un on every album, you know.” said Jackson, in the PR blast. “Well, we had about 50 of them that never made the cut for one reason or another, so I decided to collect the best and put ‘em out.” He went on: “If this one does well, we’ll put out another volume that’ll have songs about rhubarb pie, waiting in the DMV, and cutting your toenails on the bed.” 


Jackson’s more light-hearted songs of the past have touched on everything from sandwich meat to sandals, drawing guffaws for both humor and, let’s face it, pure inelegance. Kids today might even call them “cringe.” His uneasy relationship with technology has also been a consistent topic, in songs such as “www.memory” and “I Still Like Bologna.”


This collection looks to serve up an artery-clogging main course of the same kind of cheese. The title track, a southern colloquialism come to life, ponders life with a wild woman who’s as “cute as she is crazy.” “Don’t Let the Butterbean Juice Run on My Biscuit” pretty much gives the story away in its name, documenting a failing relationship in which each partner focuses on the minor details rather than work on the real issues. 


The album leads off with "I Got Redbugs," a big fear of every southern youngun’ who has taken a leak in the great outdoors. Jackson gets surprisingly crude in this one, singing of “parasites on muh pecker” and body parts “swole up like maters.” It certainly brings the laughter, if only in a shocked “oh my God, why did he sing about that and in that particular manner?” kind of way.


We also get a sequel to “I Don’t Even Know Your Name” on the album, titled, obviously, “I Still Don’t Even Know Your Name.” Then there's “I’ve Got a Hemi,” which we didn’t hear, but is clearly a sexual metaphor about pickup trucks.


Crazy as a Pet Coon is out May 14, and the full track list is below.


1. I Got Redbugs

2. Vienna Sausage Blues

3. I Still Don’t Even Know Your Name

(Sequel to “I Don’t Even Know Your Name”)

4. iPhone uPhone wePhone

5. Meat and Three

6. Don’t Let the Butterbean Juice Run on My Biscuit

7. She Left Me on Read

8. I’ve Got a Hemi

9. Warshcloth

10. Page Me a Beer

11. Crazy as a Pet Coon

Oct 30, 2020

Graphic Designers Decry Trend of Singers Designing Own Album Covers

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, April 01, 2011 

Freddie Robison of Ink Media Designs in Nashville is pissed. "Who do they think they are?!" he rants. "I went to school for this sh*t. And you wonder why every other new cover uses Bleeding Cowboys font…" 


The music industry's downturn in recent years has been a challenge to design firms specializing in art and marketing for the music industry, but the latest wrinkle is proving to be the most disconcerting. 


"I got an email directly from a major country star a couple of weeks ago," explained Robison. "I won't say who, but it rhymes with 'rustin' chore.' Anyway, it said 'This is the artwork for my new album cover, please check to make sure it's ready for printing.'" Robison continued: "There was nothing attached so I replied and let him know. The next email had a .html file attached that wouldn't open in any software I own. I replied again and said that I'd need a high-res tiff or jpeg file. Well, I got a jpeg, but it was 100x100 pixels and 72 dpi. It went on like this for some time before I just redesigned the damn thing myself and didn't charge him." 


Robison went on to say that he wasn't picking on "rustin' chore" in particular, but that this was now the rule, not the exception. More and more – their cash stretched thin from declining album sales – artists have turned to writing their own songs… and now, designing their own album and website art. 


This has resulted in reduced productivity among prepress professionals and graphic artists across the Nashville area. Missing fonts, lack of bleed, RGB color, bad file types, corrupt files, low resolution photographs and other issues have been reported in multitude. 


"Seriously though, how hard can you pinch a dime? My firm gets $85-100 bucks an hour for this… I don't even take home a quarter of that. It's hard to keep gas in a Maybach, I guess," pondered Robison. 

Robison also told us of one flat-chested female singer who'd simply used Photoshop Elements to copy and paste Kim Kardashian's chest over her own for her inner sleeve photo. "And she used Comic Sans for her lyrics… I mean, WTF?" 

Sep 10, 2020

Mr. Bean Country Reaction Gifs

When you drive by somebody who's cranking Luke Bryan

Me picking a country cover song from 2020 to listen to

When she says that if you don't stop making fun of her obsession with Thomas Rhett's music, she'll leave

What it looks like at a Cole Swindell concert

Where I come from, it's cornbread and chicken

When somebody in the laundromat has a Rascal Flatts ringtone

When somebody across the bar plays Kane Brown on the jukebox

When she says she digs your taste in country music

That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia

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