Pick Another Lane

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Tim McGraw’s “Way Down”

Tim McGraw ft. Shy Carter - Way Down

I don’t know what to say about this one. Mostly because I didn’t listen to it. The day I listen to a Tom McGraw song is the day I neuter myself with a spork. He’s pretty much Luke Bryan’s dad. Their’s no difference between them accept one of them is tan and skinny and the other one wears leggings. Or so I’ve heard - I never heard one note of a Luke Bryan song either.

Tom McGraw did a rap song with Nelly one time so you know he’s a wannabe loser. Country plus rap equals crap, in case you forgot. He also did a song about wearing buffalo underwear. What the f*** man? I don’t want to think about some dude in his underpants. The only good thing Tom McGraw ever did in his life is Faith Hill.

Now, this song. I read the lyrics and it’s pretty much just a geography lesson. He just says a state and then some crap that state is known for. Your and idiot if you learn anything from this song because its just stuff every body already knows. Impress me if your gonna list southern shit. Talk about Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert and talk about Bucksnort, TN and talk about fried chicken gizzards. Nobody wants to here the four thousandth song with Big-D (I bet Tom likes [removed by editor]) and Ole Miss and grandma. 

Tom McGraw and his buddy Chesney are the god fathers of bro-country and this song just proves it. Just naming a bunch of country shit and having hip-hop beats. If this is a country song, Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. 

And don’t get me started on the chorus. Get this its just “way down.” That’s it but he sings it over and over until you want to drive to Tom’s house and slap him so hard that stupid shiny hat flies into his foyer. Their’s a rapper in this song to. It’s like McGraw thought to himself “what can I do to piss off Carl Outlaw so much he has to go back on blood pressure meds?” Well, good job Tom.

In closing, I’ll just say kiss every square inch of my ass, Tom McGraw, and you owe me 39 dollars for the Cardizem.

Luke Bryan Likes to Hear His Own Songs

Honest Aircheck Top 15 Country Songs

Chris Rock Country Reaction Gifs

Listening to a Kane Brown fan try to discuss intricacies of the Iran situation

When you realize your ex-girlfriend, who you actually parted on good terms with, stole your Willie vinyl collection

Jonesin' for some new Jamey Johnson music like...

When you and your friends attend an awards show and hear FGL sing without auto-tune

When I'm at a party and tell people I like country and they start talking about mainstream country

"Hey we're going to a country concert! Wanna come? It's the Rascal Flatts farewell tour."

Remembering that time you kinda liked a Luke Bryan song

The Crud Report: January 2020

Monday Morning Memes: Luke Bryan, Morgan Wallen, Sam Hunt

Fake News Classic: The Story Behind Luke Bryan's "Kick the Dust Up"

Story Behind the Song: Luke Bryan's "Kick the Dust Up"

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 26, 2015 

Luke Bryan released his next #1 smash single, "Kick the Dust Up," last week and we at Country California were very curious about the story behind this complex and original work of art. Luckily, we were able to speak with all three writers of the song as they took a break from a grueling half-hour writing session this morning. 

"It's a funny story," starts Chris DeStefano. "Dallas showed up three hours late with a bottle of Southern Comfort Caramel in one hand and his iPad in the other and said 'Let's write, bitches!'" 

Ashley Gorley apparently had a vague idea for the song going in. "Once we got Dallas seated and focused on hydrating himself a little, I told the guys what I had in mind," explains Gorley. "I said 'You know how everybody hates this bro country stuff, whatever that is? Well, how subversive and against the grain would it be to go the full bro?'" 

"I like money," Davidson reportedly replied, mopping spilled Dasani off the neck of his guitar. 

"Yeah man, let's just stick it in their faces," laughed DeStefano. 

Things went fairly smoothly as the trio settled on a theme (partying outside a small town) and started an outline of the song, but some tension arose as they pondered a direction for the second verse. "I know, I know... you know how city boys suck at being manly and partying and shit?" slurred Davidson.  "No, tell us, hillbilly," shot back DeStefano.  "I mean, no offense or nothing, but city boys... y'all ain't shit," said Davidson. "So let's just make the second verse about that." 

A brief skirmish highlighted by an armbar submission placed on Davidson by DeStefano was swiftly broken up by Gorley and the session was back on track. 

Over the next nine minutes, the masters of their craft laid out chord progressions, nailed a chorus, determined how the requisite hip-hop beat would fit, and fleshed out a more subtle version of Davidson's idea for the second verse. "I think we're done," said a jubilant and creatively fulfilled Gorley. 

"Hol' on hol' on," yelled Davidson. "It needs some lil something to make it different cause I'mma be honest with y'all, I can't tell this song from that one we wrote before lunch." "A bass drop?" offered DeStefano. "Should we get 'Yeti Cooler' in there somehow?" asked Gorley.

Gorley came up with an interesting riff that seemed to fit Davidson's description, but things got sideways again when DeStefano said he liked the Middle Eastern flair. "You mean like ISIS?" Davidson screamed, punching Gorley awkwardly in the ear. "Merica, bitches." 

When the dust finally settled, Gorley and DeStefano left the riff as it was but described it to Dallas as "Israeli-sounding" and everything was cool. 

"So that's it, just another day at the office," smiles DeStefano. "We're pretty proud of it." 

At press time, despite a bit more critical backlash than usual, "Kick the Dust Up" had debuted in the top 20 on Billboard's Country Airplay chart. 

Avengers Endgame Country Reaction Gifs

I wish I could get rid of snap beats like this

"My friend says country music means the music of America"

When your woman left you, but you can still get drunk and listen to Jones about it

When Ryan Seacrest calls Sam Hunt a country singer to millions of viewers

Luke Bryan says he's either the savior of country or he ruined it. How right is he?

"Will you go see Kane Brown and Chris Lane with me?"

Me, not quite in shape for 2020 concert season

Mitchell Tenpenny sucks!!

Luke Bryan is Delusional

More Monday Memes: Luke Bryan, FGL, Hank Jr.

More Monday Memes: Luke Bryan, The Christmas Shoes, Home Alone

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2019 Edition

Sitting on Charlie Daniels’ lap and telling him what 

you want for Christmas really pisses him off. 

According to Santa’s Naughty and Nice List, Jason “Rowdy” Cope 

of The Steel Woods isn’t rowdy at all.

Shooter Jennings announced a spring tour and is looking forward to hitting the 

road to unwind after another winter of making toys for good boys and girls.

Blind Item: 30-50 feral hogs stole a popular Americana band’s van 

and gear trailer in certain southeastern Texas city.

Freezing temps across the country have caused Luke Bryan’s pants to fit better, 

but he is now battling chapped lips.

Mitchell Tenpenny is the first artist in a new country sub-genre: Incel Country.

With 2019 coming to an end I decided to check in with Colt Ford and 

his resolution to no longer suck. Failing for 50 weeks and counting.

The real issue is that there isn’t a war on “The Christmas Shoes.”

Kane Brown is beter then you’re favorite country sinjer. 

~this fact guest-written by a Kane Brown fan.

Florida Georgia Line’s FGL House features a reverse toy drive where employees 

go to hospitals and orphanages in Nashville and take take toys from the children.

Thomas Rhett cheerful story blah blah good news happy blah.

Starbucks compensated Jason Isbell for not changing his twitter name to IsBELLS this year by sending him a free nonfat, vanilla, soy latte with espresso shot once a week until March. (<—This fact requires too much referential minutia for the average person to get it, but I left it in so you can make fun of Jeremy for writing it. ~Trailer)

I went to see Luke Combs the other day. He said I needed wipers and a cabin air filter.

Gary Levox had a recent trip to the dentist because he confused 

the coal in his stocking for chocolate covered cherries.

Taylor Swift researched her role for Cats by being an actual crazy cat lady.

-----

Most of these by Jeremy Harris - a few by Trailer

Luke Bryan Fan eCards

These are real YouTube comments from Luke Bryan fans.

The Office Christmas Country Reaction Gifs

If there was a Whiskey Myers Christmas song

 

A Bobby Bones impression

♫ ♬ ...dancin' over here or fightin' over there

I'm makin' the rounds, looking for a party crowd ♫ ♬

When a Kane Brown fan asks you if impeachment is something about cobbler

♫ ♬ Come on and tell me what you told my friends
If you think you're brave enough ♫ ♬

 When you're enjoying a country playlist and a Sam Hunt song pops up

♫ ♬ You know I don't remember a thing
But they say I sure was raising some cane ♫ ♬

When you remember Dwight called Willie Nelson an elderly burnout

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: December '19

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-19) overall which is a 8(!!) point decrease from October (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber’s “10,000 Hours.”

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

11 Worst Country Songs of 2019

11 Worst Country* Songs of 2019

___________________________________________

1. Zac Brown Band - God Given
I somehow left Zac Brown off the original list, and I think that’s a symptom of his irrelevance these days. This is clearly the worst song released under the “country” heading in 2019. This song should be the new “Rick Roll.” What an embarrassment. Lame middle-aged white man rapping and beats and creepiness. Somebody set up an intervention soon.

2. Mitchell Tenpenny - Alcohol You Later

A heaving lump of R&B lite douchebaggery wrapped around a cliché of a hook.

3. Blake Shelton ft/Trace Adkins - Hell Right

Lame bro-country redux from the try-hard stepdad of mainstream country and his drunken uncle.

4. Luke Bryan - Knockin’ Boots

A cheesy come-on with stolen 90s slang. Cringe.

5. Avenue Beat - Delight

If they’re the future, I’m a proud boomer.

6. Florida-Georgia Line - Swerve

Not a single, yet, thankfully. As bad as anything they’ve done before, and that’s of course a deep well.

7. Mitchell Tenpenny ft/Seaforth - Anything She Says

Ugh. Mitchell Tenpenny has usurped Kane Brown as the artist whose voice makes me most quickly change the station.

8. Chris Lane - I Don’t Know About You

I don't know why you're still here.

9. Sam Hunt - Kinfolks

Not nearly as bad as driving the wrong way while drunk, but an affront to the senses to be sure. Please leave again.

10. Dustin Lynch - Ridin’ Roads

Dustin doubles down on his shallowness. His looks and willingness to blend into the sonic wallpaper are his only selling points now.

11. Brantley Gilbert - Fire’t Up

Brantley done fire’t up the wayback machine to 2013. His NFL performance was bad enough to trend on Twitter, and the studio version is only better in the way that getting punched in the stomach is better than getting punched in the face. 

*country = released into the country genre