(Meme creators water-marked except one)
|By Vinyl Ranch|
Calling it “despicable and inhumane,” President Biden on Wednesday signed an executive order banning the use of the Walker Hayes song “Fancy Like” as an interrogation method. While not a part of the generally approved list of 19 techniques, annoying the f**k out of prisoners with said musical composition has been a “gray area” tactic in recent months.
Used mostly on ISIS detainees and other terrorist group members captured in the past year, the song has had mixed results. Several bits of useful intelligence have been gleaned in about half the proceedings, the enemy combatants unable to withstand more than 30 seconds of Walker Hayes talk-singing about Natty light and Oreo shakes. Other results have been quite negative, with stronger minded prisoners left near insanity after withstanding hours of the viral TikTok song / commercial jingle.
According to one anonymous source, one high ranking ISIS enforcer was left crying and vomiting in the corner of his cell after 3 hours of “Fancy Like.” “He kept saying ‘Alabama-jamma’ over and over and attempting to pull his hair out.” said the source.
“Much like water-boarding in the past,” said President Biden. “We cannot stoop to the levels of evil men to draw information from evil men. My executive order declares this song a method of torture, unfit for common decency; hell I wouldn’t wish it on Corn Pop.”
At press time, one military interrogation specialist was removing “Fancy Like” and adding the old standby “Country Girl (Shake it For Me)” to his “ISIS Dance Party” playlist on Spotify.
“We’re shooting for a different demographic on this one,” said Bones. “1883 will have a struggle-filled tone, so the music should be offsetting; think Walker Hayes, think Dan + Shay. The subject matter will be dark and challenging, so the music shouldn’t add further stress. Just as country music evolves with the times, so shall the western soundtrack.”
Y: 1883 will follow the Dutton family’s early journey west to Montana. Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and Sam Elliott have been tapped to star in the drama.
“And yes, to let the cat out of the bag, there will be a few duets from Tim & Faith,” said Bones. “We have these megastars, why not use them?” An early exclusive scene shows the duo as Margaret and James Dutton singing the hit “It’s Your Love” from afar, as James battles native Americans in western Missouri and Margaret deals with sick children back at the temporary homestead.
Another scene has Luke Bryan’s “Kick the Dust Up” in the background as a buffalo stampede roars through the Nebraska plains, adding a whimsical air to the violent encounter.
Yellowstone’s musical director Andrea von Foerster was originally set to helm 1883’s sonic template, but she was unhappy with the pop-country palette. “Yeah, f**k this s**t, I told ‘em,” laughed von Foerster. “I wish them luck but it’s like if da Vinci had done the Mona Lisa in finger-paint.”
When you fall in love before you find out she’s a Walker Hayes fan.
“Oh you like country? You must be a big Morgan Wallen fan!”
Drinking champagne, feeling no pain till early morning
Hey Chris Young. Your career…
How you know you’re at a hick-hop concert
When a Kane Brown song starts
When your coworker who loves Florida-Georgia Line is out for a week
If you like traditional country music and haven’t listened to mainstream radio in a while…
Many people use social messaging frames around their profile pics on Facebook to promote political, medical, charitable, social justice and other causes. What if these country singers had frames around their profile pics? What would they say?
When a 90s country song comes on and you realize it’s the dance remix
Back when BJ Barham was a bit heavier but just as wild a Wolfpack fan