Apr 12, 2021
Apr 9, 2021
The man who kept yelling out the names of songs the band plays at every show was just concerned they wouldn’t. He didn’t realize he was annoying you with his constant hollering of obvious song titles, and acting pissed when they didn’t play one of those songs immediately after his obnoxious request.
Lee Baker, of Tallahassee, is a contractor and father of three, who because of the pandemic and his family duties hasn’t been to a live music show in over 2 years. You may recognize him as the average looking dad with dark circles under his eyes who’s always alone at Americana, country, and folk rock shows, very drunk, and looking as if he hasn’t been out of the house in ages.
“Well, I haven’t been to a show in over 2 years,” said Baker. “And I haven’t been out of the house in ages, so I just wanted to make sure I’d hear my favorites. Is that so wrong? ”
“It was so wrong.” said the band’s lead singer. “As if we weren’t going to get around to our three most popular songs that our fans love singing along to at literally every single show we do. He might as well have yelled at me to ‘make vocalizations with your throat, tongue, and mouth!’”
Like a Skynyrd fan yelling “Free Bird!,” Baker held his IPA in the air and continuously screamed out titles that are so much a part of the bands repertoire that they don’t even include them on the typed out set list any more. “What’s he think?” asked the group’s bassist. “We’re gonna play Luke Bryan covers and deep cuts all night?!”
“He even yelled out one song they’d already played,” said another exasperated show goer. “I’ve talked to him before and he’s a nice guy until the lights go down. He needs to get laid.”
Apr 8, 2021
It's Wrestlemania week, so here's an extra large edition of country reaction gifs.
If your friend doesn’t like Arlo McKinley
When I see FGL has yet another #1 song
When I see Alan Jackson’s new album has 21 songs
“Country music is an amalgamation of all America’s styles of music”
When somebody tries to tell me Chris Gaines and Garth Brooks are the same person
If I went to a pop-country music festival, I’d leave like this
Hey, let’s listen to my new Luke Bryan deluxe edition
When you walk in the bar in a good mood and they’re playing Parmalee
Niko Moon doesn’t like sad songs. Well f*** him, I do
To the hard rock bottom of your heart
Apr 5, 2021
Apr 2, 2021
Mar 31, 2021
Mar 30, 2021
Mar 29, 2021
Mar 26, 2021
Local welder and “real country fan” Carl Outlaw recently picked up a prestigious award for his lack of pop-culture knowledge. The American Cultural Luddite Society gave Outlaw a plaque and a $50 gift certificate to Panera for his achievement in the area, particularly for Carl’s lack of awareness of country superstar Luke Bryan.
“We were duly impressed,” said Luddite Society president Keith Tarlington. “It seemed that nearly every social media post about Luke Bryan was followed with a reply from Carl… a “Who TF is that?” here, a “Luke Bryan, who’s she?” there.” “We were shocked that a human being with functioning sensory organs and an internet connection could not recognize the platinum selling superstar.” he continued. “Therefore, Mr. Outlaw has been bestowed with this distinguished recognition for his willful ignorance.”
While some might suspect Outlaw of simply trolling, friends and relatives say he is honestly that unaware of popular music. “He’s damn proud of it too,” said cousin LeeLee Outlaw. “Makes sure to brag about not ever having heard Florida-Georgia Line, or whoever …like it’s some accomplishment. He’s weird as hell.”
“I don’t listen to the radio” said Outlaw over the phone. “And I haven’t owned a TV in my entire life, so no, I really don’t know who Luke White or whoever you said is. And I’ve also never heard of ‘Beyonsee’ or ‘The Weekend’ or ‘Luke Coats’ or anybody like that and I’m glad I haven’t. I only listen to country music.”
When asked if he meant Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, or Taylor Swift, he sniffed “Who the f*** are they?”
Based on our interview, Outlaw does not, in fact, live under a rock and has not been asleep for 30 years (he’s only 23). He simply prides himself on avoiding any music that the general populous enjoys.
Well enjoy that Panera, oh great sidestepper of the mainstream. You’ve earned it!