Jan 22, 2021
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Jan 13, 2021
Listen, just because Chris Stapleton has a big beard and he ain’t a pretty boy don’t mean I’m gone drop too my knees and go “Oh savior of country music, slap me daddy!” I didn’t listen, as usual. He’s a pure ass pop singer. If you get played on the radio your automatically not a real country singer. Also, I heard he wrote a big hit song for Luke Bryan, whoever she is. If that ain’t enough for every one of you reading this too not listen to him, you should probably never claim too be a country fan again.
Too me, their’s no difference between Chris Stapleton and Florida-Georgia Line. Sure, maybe Chris doesn’t sing about getting nookie in a Silverado, but in this song he’s driving and I bet its in a truck. I drive a truck myself but I don’t sing about it. This dude suck's ass.
Reading over the lyrics, he’s not as terrible as some other pop singers pretending too be country, but their still isn’t no lines about fighting or silos, or methamphetamine production, so its for sure not country music. And I bet the production is all professional and the band is pro fishin at playing there instruments. Who wants that? Give me a rag tag bunch of loosers recording on an old tape recorder in a storage room somewhere anyday!
One last thing. I herd Chris Stapleton wants to personally come too my house and take my Gatling style Minigun from me. It is my by God right as a citizen of America too protect my family even though I don’t have one. He must be a straight up socialist! Its like that book 1985 all over again! But that’s besides the point.
This song is terrible and stop trying too tell me Chris Stapleton is different from the rest of country radio. If I don’t listen to it, it all sounds the same too me!!
Jan 8, 2021
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Waylon Jennings - What Goes Around Comes Around
You have good taste, but are either convinced no good country music came out after 1979, or have suffered a lot of memory loss from the cocaine and pills.
Florida-Georgia Line - 6-Pack
You had never heard of Charley Pride until last week. You pronounce “EP” (which this is, not an album) as if it rhymes with “step.” You’re a contractor who only has negative reviews for driving like an a**hole.
Ashley McBride - Never Will
You are a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Or you’re anybody else with an ear for worthy music, actually. It’s damn good.
Hardy - A Rock
You’re a 25-32 year old male who lost his identity once bro-country went out of fashion and you are so damn thankful you now have something new to crank out of your 2013 ragged-out Raptor with the fading “Lifted Cause Fat Chicks Can’t Jump” sticker.
The Chicks - Gaslighter
You forced yourself to believe this is a great album to fit in with the other trendy left-leaning country fans on Twitter. You’re not enthused with Joe Biden, and are even less enthused with me making you do a self-assessment of what you really think of this, The Chicks’ worst album by a long shot.
Luke Bryan - Born Here, Live Here, Die Here
The last book you read was The Hunger Games. You only have a “Blue Lives Matter” sticker on your car so you won’t get a ticket for going 60 in a 35 every day taking your kids to soccer practice.
Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions
You are a sports writer. You frequently work “30-50 feral hogs” into everyday conversations.
Trapt - Shadow Work
You think the Covid vaccine is a Chinese ploy to seed the American population with mind control nanobots. You were one of the 12 people in attendance at Trapt’s most recent concert. You are the lead singer of Trapt.
American Aquarium - Lamentations
You are not a pecan farmer.
AC/DC - Power Up
This is the first album you purchased since AC/DC’s Black Ice. Your wife is tired of your vaping. You blame the pandemic for your weight gain, but you couldn’t fit in those size 36 Levi’s even last November.