Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts

Jan 13, 2021

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Chris Stapleton’s “Starting Over”

 


Listen, just because Chris Stapleton has a big beard and he ain’t a pretty boy don’t mean I’m gone drop too my knees and go “Oh savior of country music, slap me daddy!” I didn’t listen, as usual. He’s a pure ass pop singer. If you get played on the radio your automatically not a real country singer. Also, I heard he wrote a big hit song for Luke Bryan, whoever she is. If that ain’t enough for every one of you reading this too not listen to him, you should probably never claim too be a country fan again. 


Too me, their’s no difference between Chris Stapleton and Florida-Georgia Line. Sure, maybe Chris doesn’t sing about getting nookie in a Silverado, but in this song he’s driving and I bet its in a truck. I drive a truck myself but I don’t sing about it. This dude suck's ass.



Reading over the lyrics, he’s not as terrible as some other pop singers pretending too be country, but their still isn’t no lines about fighting or silos, or methamphetamine production, so its for sure not country music. And I bet the production is all professional and the band is pro fishin at playing there instruments. Who wants that? Give me a rag tag bunch of loosers recording on an old tape recorder in a storage room somewhere anyday!



One last thing. I herd Chris Stapleton wants to personally come too my house and take my Gatling style Minigun from me. It is my by God right as a citizen of America too protect my family even though I don’t have one. He must be a straight up socialist! Its like that book 1985 all over again! But that’s besides the point.



This song is terrible and stop trying too tell me Chris Stapleton is different from the rest of country radio. If I don’t listen to it, it all sounds the same too me!!



Dec 17, 2020

What Your Favorite 2020 Album Says About You Part 2

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Waylon Jennings - What Goes Around Comes Around

You have good taste, but are either convinced no good country music came out after 1979, or have suffered a lot of memory loss from the cocaine and pills.


Florida-Georgia Line - 6-Pack

You had never heard of Charley Pride until last week. You pronounce “EP” (which this is, not an album) as if it rhymes with “step.” You’re a contractor who only has negative reviews for driving like an a**hole.


Ashley McBride - Never Will

You are a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Or you’re anybody else with an ear for worthy music, actually. It’s damn good.


Hardy - A Rock

You’re a 25-32 year old male who lost his identity once bro-country went out of fashion and you are so damn thankful you now have something new to crank out of your 2013 ragged-out Raptor with the fading “Lifted Cause Fat Chicks Can’t Jump” sticker.


The Chicks - Gaslighter

You forced yourself to believe this is a great album to fit in with the other trendy left-leaning country fans on Twitter. You’re not enthused with Joe Biden, and are even less enthused with me making you do a self-assessment of what you really think of this, The Chicks’ worst album by a long shot.


Luke Bryan - Born Here, Live Here, Die Here

The last book you read was The Hunger Games. You only have a “Blue Lives Matter” sticker on your car so you won’t get a ticket for going 60 in a 35 every day taking your kids to soccer practice. 


Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions

You are a sports writer. You frequently work “30-50 feral hogs” into everyday conversations.


Trapt - Shadow Work

You think the Covid vaccine is a Chinese ploy to seed the American population with mind control nanobots. You were one of the 12 people in attendance at Trapt’s most recent concert. You are the lead singer of Trapt. 


American Aquarium - Lamentations

You are not a pecan farmer. 


AC/DC - Power Up

This is the first album you purchased since AC/DC’s Black Ice. Your wife is tired of your vaping. You blame the pandemic for your weight gain, but you couldn’t fit in those size 36 Levi’s even last November.


Dec 16, 2020

10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2020


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1. Niko Moon - Good Time
Snap beats, trap production, bland vocals, “tryna catch a good time.” You know I hate this. It makes me angry. This dude was in Zac Brown’s EDM project and that stink is still on him. I pushed this above Dan + Shay at the last minute because it pisses me off so much. Get off my lawn. 
 

 2. Dan + Shay - I Should Probably Go to Bed
Yes, it’s ranked here because it isn’t country by any measure. You can go debate whether it’s a good pop song on another website.  

 3. Upchurch ft. Carly Rogers - Hey Boy, Hey Girl
I don’t know if this was a serious attempt at pop country from the hick-hop firebrand, or maybe it was a satirical shot at this kind of song. Either way, it was bad. If you haven’t heard it before and you listen now, you’ll cringe so hard you’ll fall out of your chair.
   

 4. Walker Hayes - Trash My Heart
This one-trick pony probably blew his last shot at radio relevance in 2020, but not without one more awful offering.
   

 5. Kane Brown - Cool Again
I don’t like Kane Brown’s voice, period. He always sounds like he’s trying way too hard. He could sing “Amarillo By Morning” or “Amanda” with a hardcore country band and I wouldn’t like it. This was his worst single of 2020. Thus, the placement.  

 6. Luke Bryan - One Margarita
Luke just gets a bye into the top (bottom) 10 every year it seems.  

 7. Russell Dickerson - Honey
Not a single, but it’s so terrible that I imagine it will be. Boyfriend country with a heavy dash of bro.  

 8. Chase Rice & FGL - Drinkin’ Beer, Talkin’ God, Amen
Much like Carl Outlaw would say, I haven’t even listened to this song, but I know it’s bad. I’ve read the lyrics. I see the title. I’m familiar with the clowns involved. It’s a bad song.  

 9. Tim McGraw - Way Down
Tim is predictable. His cycle of releases usually goes: weird song with esoteric lyrics, truly excellent real country song, okay song with too much pop production, TERRIBLE PIECE OF SHIT THAT HE SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED BY. This was the latter.  

10. Florida-Georgia Line - I Love My Country
Thou doth protest too much FGL. I’ll admit it sounds better than boyfriend country, but it’s still a cloying and annoying bit of pandering.

Things You'll Regret Later in Life


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