Showing posts with label Taylor Swift. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Taylor Swift. Show all posts

Dec 20, 2019

Little Known Facts: Christmas 2019 Edition



Sitting on Charlie Daniels’ lap and telling him what 
you want for Christmas really pisses him off. 

According to Santa’s Naughty and Nice List, Jason “Rowdy” Cope 
of The Steel Woods isn’t rowdy at all.

Shooter Jennings announced a spring tour and is looking forward to hitting the 
road to unwind after another winter of making toys for good boys and girls.

Blind Item: 30-50 feral hogs stole a popular Americana band’s van 
and gear trailer in certain southeastern Texas city.

Freezing temps across the country have caused Luke Bryan’s pants to fit better, 
but he is now battling chapped lips.

Mitchell Tenpenny is the first artist in a new country sub-genre: Incel Country.

With 2019 coming to an end I decided to check in with Colt Ford and 
his resolution to no longer suck. Failing for 50 weeks and counting.

The real issue is that there isn’t a war on “The Christmas Shoes.”

Kane Brown is beter then you’re favorite country sinjer. 
~this fact guest-written by a Kane Brown fan.

Florida Georgia Line’s FGL House features a reverse toy drive where employees 
go to hospitals and orphanages in Nashville and take take toys from the children.

Thomas Rhett cheerful story blah blah good news happy blah.

Starbucks compensated Jason Isbell for not changing his twitter name to IsBELLS this year by sending him a free nonfat, vanilla, soy latte with espresso shot once a week until March. (<—This fact requires too much referential minutia for the average person to get it, but I left it in so you can make fun of Jeremy for writing it. ~Trailer)

I went to see Luke Combs the other day. He said I needed wipers and a cabin air filter.

Gary Levox had a recent trip to the dentist because he confused 
the coal in his stocking for chocolate covered cherries.

Taylor Swift researched her role for Cats by being an actual crazy cat lady.

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Most of these by Jeremy Harris - a few by Trailer

Aug 20, 2019

Local Man Arrested for Destruction of Pop-Country Playing Jukebox

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 18, 2011 
Local bowler and country music fan Reginald Spears, 46, has been arrested for destruction of property at an area bowling alley. Last Saturday at 9:15 PM, Spears was taken into custody for destroying the facility's jukebox with his 17 pound black-speckled Brunswick ball. 

Released on bail, Mr. Spears sat down and spoke with FNN correspondent Trailer about the events that had transpired on the previous Saturday. 

"Well, it goes like this," started Spears. "I was about to bowl my first 300 game; I was down to my final muthaf***ing frame and you know what come on the jukebox? F***ing Glory-anner. I'd dealt with Jason Aldean, Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift through 10 freaking perfect rolls, but that 'Wild at Heart' song just jerked me out of my zone… I went right in the gutter, g**dammit!" 

"My name is not on a little wooden plaque at the Southpaw Lanes because of a damn show choir!!" raged Reginald. "My blood started boilin' in the sixth set when somebody played that dirty sumb*tch Kid Rock, but I let it slide with the help of some cold, sweet High Life…" 

Missing out on the first perfect game cranked Reginald into an unbridled fury. Witness reports have him cursing at a high volume before retrieving his ball from the return. He walked semi-calmly to where the change machine and jukebox rest against the south wall before going into his locally revered wind-up. 

"He bowled a strike on that one!" laughed Percy Garvin, local 205 average bowler. "I gave him a high five. I hate country music! Why can't anybody around here ever order up some Clarence Carter?" 

Spears' shot hit squarely in the middle of the "new fangled" digital jukebox, smashing two speakers and the hard drive, ending the evening's musical accompaniment. Insurance adjusters called it a total loss, valuing the jukebox at $1250.35. 

"I smiled in the mug shot… Hell, I'm proud of what I did," said a defiant Mr. Spears. "I struck a blow against mainstream country and against that dumb*ss drunk sorority girl who paid half a dollar to hear crap." 

Reginald Spears has been banned from Southpaw Lanes and removed from the local league, prompting this response from the accused: "I don't give a fried f**k; I'm going into golf now. That's the only other sport you can drink while you play." 

Aug 29, 2017

If Luke Bryan Had Written Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do."



"Look What Y'all Made Me Do"
(2017 FTM Parodies)

I don't like your mean ol' games
Don't like your memes and names
I'm real and y'all just play
Ain't called for, naw, I don't like y'all
I don't like your silly lines
The joke you tell each time
About these jeans of mine
Isn't cool, no, I don't like y'all (naw!)

But I got older, I got bolder, look how hard I try
Bro, I rose up from the truck bed, to shake my behind
I've got a list of names in crayon and underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, yep!

Aw, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me
Hell naw, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me do

I don't like what you call country
Cause I was once the king
I think Sturgill Simpson stinks
And who the hell is Cody Jinks? (what?)
People say I'm too old for these songs for college hotties
But I hold on, I hold on, All I think about is parties
And all my songs get spins, so one thing's for sure
My chandeliers shine even if my music bores

Yeah I got older, I got bolder, look how hard I try
Bro, I rose up from the truck bed, to shake my behind
I've got a list of names in crayon and underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, yep!

Aw, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me
Hell naw, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me do

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
Y'all just jealous haters and I'm living your dreams
I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
Y'all just jealous haters and I'm living your dreams
I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
Y'all just jealous haters and I'm living your dreams
I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me
Y'all just jealous haters and I'm living your dreams
(Look what y'all made me do)
(Look what y'all made me do)
(Look what y'all just made me do)
(Look what y'all made me do)
"I'm sorry, the old Luther can't come to the phone right now."
"Why?"
"Oh, 'cause he's mad!"

Ooh, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me
Hell naw, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me do

Ooh, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me
Hell naw, look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all made me do
Look what y'all just made me do
Look what y'all just made me do

Aug 2, 2017

Little Known Facts Returns!


Sam Hunt celebrated his longest reigning Billboard Hot Country song of all time with a goblet of Perrier garnished with kiwi and a new pair of wide cropped trousers

Taylor Swift has been pondering a return to country music, but feels that the current scene is "too pop" for her

I wonder if mentioning that Upchurch guy or Luke Combs gets people to visit this site? Only one way to find out....

Bucky Covington is currently in the studio working on his new album*
*in the food truck grilling some brats

Former AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson is expected to release a country album in 2018 titled 'For Those About To Mud (We'll Drink a Cold One To That)'

Martina McBride once bet Reba a single's royalty payments she could kill a bottle of Rumple Minze in 30 seconds. That's how she paid for the indoor shooting range in her house.

Upon further investigation, Cody Jinks may be the devil

The Nashville zoo once went on lockdown due to a gorilla escape until they realized it was just Dylan Scott

Every 6-8 months I google 'Colt Ford' to make sure he's still alive so I can write facts about him and not seem like too much of an ass

Kyle Park is derivative, obsequious, facile, and parochial. For you Texas music fans, that means he's no different from mainstream country

Tyler Childers has become so famous that the Taco Bell in Louisa, Kentucky cleaned their bathroom in his honor

Kelsea Ballerini is as cute as a button and twice the singer

FTM was gonna start a @BedazzledLukeBryan Twitter account but all our planned posts just looked like Luke Bryan's


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by Trailer and Jeremy Harris

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