Showing posts with label Toby Keith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Toby Keith. Show all posts

May 13, 2021

The Office Country Reaction Gifs 5

Name a Diamond Rio song

When Chili's has Outlaw Country SiriusXM playing

When I catch myself liking a Thomas Rhett song

When your coworkers are talking about the Kane Brown concert they went to

Cody Jinks: Well, I'm not the devil, so...

Do you know who sings that dumbass song about red solo cups?

What Whiskey Myers song you wanna hear next?

♫ I'll be lookin' for eight when they pull that gate... 

Mar 31, 2021

Country Music Was Better in the 90s (Sam Hunt Parody)


 Country Music Was Better in the 90s

(Parody of Sam Hunt's "Breaking Up Was Easy in the 90s")


Man, oh man, oh man


Bartender looked at me like, "I'd love to turn that jukebox down"

Someone was playing that modern sound

Something about a damn cell phone

Singin' with a twang but it's just pretend

Funny how it's two times as boring and half as witty

Why did someone pay money for a song this shitty?

The singer must have a nice face

Cause he can't sing worth a damn without the studio tricks and the auto-tune

But hey, what you gon' do?


Chorus

I'm sick of hearin' those snap beats, they just make me groan

Country's more than just some handsome cheekbones

They call it country music but that just reminds me

Country music was better in the '90s

I miss the steel guitar, truth and chords of three

Tired of hearin' pickup trucks and hey baby

Sam and Kane and Luke and them can kiss my hiney

Cause, country music was better in the '90s


Back then we listened to "Dumas Walker" and "Down at the Twist and Shout"

And "Chattahoochee," and "He Ain't Worth Missing" and "Love Lessons"

Sometimes the lyrics were fun and sometimes they were deep

But these days "vibe" is the only thing

And they wouldn't have a fiddle or steel guitar playin'

Or sing about some grown-up shit

Yeah I get sick of it all, I miss real drawling

Miss real country women and men


Chorus

I'm sick of hearin' those snap beats, they just make me groan

Country's more than a TikTok on your phone

They call it country music but that just reminds me

Country music was better in the '90s

I miss the steel guitar, truth and chords of three

Tired of hearin' pickup trucks and hey baby

Florida-Georgia Line and them can kiss my hiney

Cause, country music was better in the '90s


Bridge

Modern country ain't got modern hearts breaking

It's just a product, money for the taking

And I 'bout had enough hearing them living a country lie


I'm sick of hearin' those snap beats, they just make me groan

Country's more than just some handsome cheekbones

They call it country music but that just reminds me

Country music was better in the '90s

I miss the steel guitar, truth and chords of three

Tired of hearin' pickup trucks and hey baby

Thomas and Dustin and them can kiss my hiney

Cause, country music was better in the '90s


Mar 26, 2021

Local Man Wins Award for Never Having Heard of Luke Bryan

Local welder and “real country fan” Carl Outlaw recently picked up a prestigious award for his lack of pop-culture knowledge. The American Cultural Luddite Society gave Outlaw a plaque and a $50 gift certificate to Panera for his achievement in the area, particularly for Carl’s lack of awareness of country superstar Luke Bryan.

“We were duly impressed,” said Luddite Society president Keith Tarlington. “It seemed that nearly every social media post about Luke Bryan was followed with a reply from Carl… a “Who TF is that?” here, a “Luke Bryan, who’s she?” there.”  “We were shocked that a human being with functioning sensory organs and an internet connection could not recognize the platinum selling superstar.” he continued. “Therefore, Mr. Outlaw has been bestowed with this distinguished recognition for his willful ignorance.”


While some might suspect Outlaw of simply trolling, friends and relatives say he is honestly that unaware of popular music. “He’s damn proud of it too,” said cousin LeeLee Outlaw. “Makes sure to brag about not ever having heard Florida-Georgia Line, or whoever …like it’s some accomplishment. He’s weird as hell.” 


“I don’t listen to the radio” said Outlaw over the phone. “And I haven’t owned a TV in my entire life, so no, I really don’t know who Luke White or whoever you said is. And I’ve also never heard of ‘Beyonsee’ or ‘The Weekend’ or ‘Luke Coats’ or anybody like that and I’m glad I haven’t. I only listen to country music.”


When asked if he meant Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, or Taylor Swift, he sniffed “Who the f*** are they?” 


Based on our interview, Outlaw does not, in fact, live under a rock and has not been asleep for 30 years (he’s only 23). He simply prides himself on avoiding any music that the general populous enjoys. 


Well enjoy that Panera, oh great sidestepper of the mainstream. You’ve earned it!

Jul 23, 2020

Major League Baseball Country Reaction Gifs

Honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm make you wanna swing along

I ain't as good as I once was
But I'm as good once as I ever was

When Chris Stapleton blasts a three run homer in the 8th to take back the lead

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you

When they're playing Luke Bryan over the PA system

Is it cold in here, or is it just you?

When your give a damn's busted
(this is from the minors, but it had to be here)  

What you think of that new Parmalee song?

Somebody said there'd be no normal live concerts until 2022. Yeah, that's fine... no big deal.


The Florida-Georgia Line of baseball

Apr 21, 2020

Fake News Classics: Nashville Unsure How to Monetize Killing of bin Laden

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California May 24, 2011 
Several well-known country singers have expressed a sense of befuddlement about their course of action after the recent killing of Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. 

"Normally, I'd have three or four situation-appropriate patriotic singles I could rush to radio –- and I do, don't get me wrong –- but we get into a conundrum here because I don’t really understand what the hell is going on,” said one noted hitmaker who wished to remain anonymous. 

"I've got one in the can called 'We Got Our Man' but I mean, what if they didn't really get him? You've heard the conspiracy theories," he continued. "And another one's called 'We Salute You,' but that might be misconstrued as support for Obama or something, and that's career suicide in the country market." 

Representatives for Darryl Worley have confessed similar issues. "Darryl needs a hit right now so he doesn't have to go into underwear modeling -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- but he's a country singer and he's a patriot and America needs him to wave the flag now more than ever," said an anonymous member of Worley's management. 

"We have a sequel to 'Have You Forgotten?' called 'We Remember' slated for release in late July to capitalize express his feelings on the ten year anniversary of 9/11, but that's two months from now... Darryl needs something on the market to keep his name out there, and the bin Laden killing is just too much of a mixed bag for us to formulate an approach on." 

Other artists such as Aaron Tippin and Lee Greenwood were also seeking outlets for their desire to represent this occasion in song at press time, but their camps were mum on possibilities. 

Toby Keith, however, was going full steam ahead with its release of "America, Hell Yeah," which hits radio five minutes ago. 

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