Showing posts with label Jason Aldean. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jason Aldean. Show all posts

Sep 12, 2019

Advice From Aldean


Titanic Country Reaction Gifs

When he says he's going to Cody Jinks with his friends and not taking you

How long since you've heard a country song on country radio?

When Jack's been listening to Kane Brown

What's it like to listen to the new Jason Aldean song?

When your mother says new country is better because her era was all twangy and sad.

She's cranking up "Huntin', Fishin', and Lovin' Every Day" but

When Stapleton then Strait or Reba play in a row on the CMA Awards and you feel like the king of the world, but
there's a Florida-Georgia Line iceberg on the way

There's some kind of metaphor for country radio here

Aug 20, 2019

Local Man Arrested for Destruction of Pop-Country Playing Jukebox

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 18, 2011 
Local bowler and country music fan Reginald Spears, 46, has been arrested for destruction of property at an area bowling alley. Last Saturday at 9:15 PM, Spears was taken into custody for destroying the facility's jukebox with his 17 pound black-speckled Brunswick ball. 

Released on bail, Mr. Spears sat down and spoke with FNN correspondent Trailer about the events that had transpired on the previous Saturday. 

"Well, it goes like this," started Spears. "I was about to bowl my first 300 game; I was down to my final muthaf***ing frame and you know what come on the jukebox? F***ing Glory-anner. I'd dealt with Jason Aldean, Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift through 10 freaking perfect rolls, but that 'Wild at Heart' song just jerked me out of my zone… I went right in the gutter, g**dammit!" 

"My name is not on a little wooden plaque at the Southpaw Lanes because of a damn show choir!!" raged Reginald. "My blood started boilin' in the sixth set when somebody played that dirty sumb*tch Kid Rock, but I let it slide with the help of some cold, sweet High Life…" 

Missing out on the first perfect game cranked Reginald into an unbridled fury. Witness reports have him cursing at a high volume before retrieving his ball from the return. He walked semi-calmly to where the change machine and jukebox rest against the south wall before going into his locally revered wind-up. 

"He bowled a strike on that one!" laughed Percy Garvin, local 205 average bowler. "I gave him a high five. I hate country music! Why can't anybody around here ever order up some Clarence Carter?" 

Spears' shot hit squarely in the middle of the "new fangled" digital jukebox, smashing two speakers and the hard drive, ending the evening's musical accompaniment. Insurance adjusters called it a total loss, valuing the jukebox at $1250.35. 

"I smiled in the mug shot… Hell, I'm proud of what I did," said a defiant Mr. Spears. "I struck a blow against mainstream country and against that dumb*ss drunk sorority girl who paid half a dollar to hear crap." 

Reginald Spears has been banned from Southpaw Lanes and removed from the local league, prompting this response from the accused: "I don't give a fried f**k; I'm going into golf now. That's the only other sport you can drink while you play." 

Jul 31, 2019

Jason Aldean Is Finally Happy, Really He Is

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, September 25, 2014 
Jason Aldean is finally living a fulfilled and joyous life and will assault you viciously if you don't like it, according to a recent interview with the popular Face the Country blog. Though most of the questions asked were softballs, Aldean managed to insert his aggressively petulant views on life, music, and privacy into most every response. 
Find an excerpted portion of the full Q&A below. 

Face the Country: Jason, your new single "Burnin' It Down" is just hot! Like, how'd you decide to go this direction? 
Aldean: Well, some people out there think they get to be the deciders on what is and isn't country. We just wanted to go in there and make something the hotties would love and the haters would hate. Not that I care what the haters think. I mean, I want them to hate it but I want them to shut up!!! It's a pair of docks [sic], you know. 

FTC: LOL. (yes, spoken audibly) You go, boy! We hate to bring this up, but there has been a tiny little eensy minuscule bit of criticism about your persona... 
Aldean: Next question. No, let me tell you something. That was so long ago. Like years. I don't even remember who I was married to back then. I don't even want to talk about this. Me and Brittany are very happy together, very damn happy. Move on. We don't want to be in the public eye with this crap, so I'm not going to go into it. I mean, have you ever drove over the speed limit? Yeah, so who are you to sit and judge? I mean, let's not talk about this stuff. It took years for me to get this happy, so I'm not going to let you take that from me! 

FTC: (crying) It must be an exciting time for you with your new album coming ou... 
Aldean: Listen, if you say the words "bro country," I will literally give you an atomic wedgie and take a picture of it and put it on my Instagram. I sing about what I know about. If you sang, you'd do songs about, uh, bloggifying or whatever. I'm a famous millionaire who is either on tour or home counting money at all times, so of course I sing about hanging out in the country. Next damn question. 

FTC: I love rap music and I love country music and I love rap music inserted into country music and I love your music. That said, what do you have to say to critics of hick-ho... 

Aldean: This is bullsh*t! You shut up right now. The next person out there, nerds behind a keyboard or whoever, who says anything remotely non-positive about me, my music, my life, or my friends... I will drive my tour bus directly to your house, dorm, or apartment and beat you down with my wallet chain. I'm freaking happy people!!! My life could not be bringing me any more satisfaction than it is at this very damn moment! Leave me the hell alone!

Apr 19, 2019

Superstore Country Reaction Gifs

Actual footage of Jason Aldean proposing

Cliché #1 in every Kane Brown fan's repertoire

When the ACM Awards went off

When you observe a FGL fan at the register trying to figure out whether to buy the cigarettes or the baby food when they don't have enough money for both 

You don't like Tyler Childers?

Me, when somebody whose opinion I usually agree with says Luke Bryan's "Knockin' Boots" is pretty good

What mainstream country station managers heard when somebody mentioned Lil Nas X being on the charts

When Dina's showing a Mitchell Tenpenny video in the break room

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