Showing posts with label Jason Aldean. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jason Aldean. Show all posts

Jul 31, 2020

Report: Nobody Gives a Sh** What Famous Country Singers Are Doing During Quarantine

Reports from every American man and woman, regardless of political belief or musical preference, on Friday said they do not give one solitary shit what famous country singers are doing to pass time during the COVID-19 quarantine.

Despite numerous attempts by Taste of Country and, not a single story of singers drinking coffee and reading to their kids has piqued the interest of normal everyday citizens. While Americans realized the difficulty of finding interesting news during this difficult time, they were resolute in their belief that “this ain’t it, chief.” 

“I’m only working 20 hours a week and the PPP and my stimulus check have run out so I’m worried about paying the mortgage,” said Rena Hopson of Kalamazoo, MI. “So no, I am not interested in how Luke Bryan is doing Tik Tok videos with his beautiful wife on their sprawling farm… call me cynical, I call me a realist.” 

Even TMZ has taken to peeking in the windows of country stars like Jason Aldean and Thomas Rhett to see how they’re coping with the pandemic. “Aldean appeared to be fussing at his daughter for playing Animal Crossing when she was supposed to be taking out the trash.” said a breathless paparazzi reporter for the rag. Again, this did nothing to snatch the attention of any human being upon the earth, who were each dealing with their own issues at the present time. 

“I understand that there’s nothing going on, so they have to get creative with their content,” laughed Azid Parah of Pensacola. “But I have kids to keep busy and bills to pay, so I do not give even one damn what kind of sourdough Kelsea Ballerini is baking this week.” 

At press time, The Boot was interviewing Florida-Georgia Line about their favorite episode of Unsolved Mysteries. 

Jul 7, 2020

Still More Male Country Singers as Women

BJ Barham (American Aquarium)

Tyler Childers

Jason Aldean

Jesse Daniel

Mitchell Tenpenny

Cody Canada

Merle Haggard. Forgive me, Merle.

Feb 21, 2020

Jason Aldean Unsure Which Jason Aldean Song He Is Currently Performing

Midway through yet another mid-tempo rocker about partying in some country-approved locale, country star Jason Aldean reported Thursday that he is entirely unsure which song he is currently performing before a large crowd at the Charleston Coliseum. "It has a lot of rocking riffs, slamming drums, and the crowd is singing along, but I don't know what song this is," said Aldean, who added that he is confused because every song he performs is just a slightly different version of the last song.

Aldean lets the crowd take over for a few lines so maybe he'll find his spot, but to no avail. "I hear them singing 'fire in a field' and 'feet on the dashboard' but the last song had a 'fire by a truck' and 'feet in a pasture' so it's not helping any," he complained, "I'll just walk around and gesture at people in the crowd while I pretend to play my acoustic guitar for a minute."

By the time the ripping guitar solo takes center stage, Aldean is fairly sure he's figured out which Jason Aldean song he is presently supposed to be singing. "It's got to be 'My Kinda Party'... or 'Set It Off'... or 'Kick the Dust Up'... no wait that's a Luke Bryan song," fretted Aldean.

Aldean frantically searches the stage for a set list as the guitarist finishes up a slightly adjusted version of the solo from the previous song. Unable to find the schedule, Aldean just sings the lyrics from the second verse of "Just Gettin' Started" and no one even knows if it's correct or not, but it fits, and the crowd is drunk and doesn't really give a shit.

Inspired/Stolen from this Onion article.

Feb 6, 2020

Ernest P. Worrell Country Reaction Gifs

If you want to see Kip Moore this year, you have to go see him open for Sam Hunt

"Just because you don't think it's country doesn't make it true; the genre has to evolve..."

Still more country than Dustin Lynch

Jason Aldean deciding which single to put out next

Oh, Tyler Childers and Sturgill are coming to town?

When you told your friend she'd love Whiskey Myers and now she does

When the hold music is Kane Brown

Mainstream country radio: when it doesn't suck, it ___


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