Farce the Music: Jason Aldean

Apr 19, 2019

Superstore Country Reaction Gifs

Actual footage of Jason Aldean proposing

Cliché #1 in every Kane Brown fan's repertoire

When the ACM Awards went off

When you observe a FGL fan at the register trying to figure out whether to buy the cigarettes or the baby food when they don't have enough money for both

You don't like Tyler Childers?

Me, when somebody whose opinion I usually agree with says Luke Bryan's "Knockin' Boots" is pretty good

What mainstream country station managers heard when somebody mentioned Lil Nas X being on the charts

When Dina's showing a Mitchell Tenpenny video in the break room

Apr 5, 2019

Dirt Road Actually Pretty Boring

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, October 06, 2011

Jason Aldean fans Shelley Young and Lyndi Berks recently traveled into rural Mississippi to experience the fun and charming world of Aldean's smash hit "Dirt Road Anthem." What they sampled instead was a level of sheer dullness they had not come to know in their entire previous 17 years on the planet.

Clad in matching "My Kinda Party" tour shirts, boots and cut-off jeans, the pair borrowed Berks' dad's old Dodge Ram and headed for less-developed paths.

"It was so boring I wanted to shoot myself in the face," exaggerated Madison Central High School senior Young. "That song made dirt roads sound like so much fun, but it's just like bugs and dirt and stuff! I mean, you can tell Jason totally knows what he's talking about when he wrote that song and maybe dirt roads are just more fun in Georgia, but I'd rather listen to a Merle Haggard song than get off the blacktop ever again!"

The girls started off on an unnamed county road in neighboring Holmes County, by swerving "like George Jones" and smoking Kool cigarettes. "But dust was rolling IN the window... and the smoke was just making us cough," related Berks. "And I could only get 1G on my Galaxy S!"

Next, they searched for a party in a pasture to attend, but found only cows, horses and a couple of discarded washing machines. "We stopped at a trailer to ask a guy if there was a party anywhere and he said the party was 'right here' and pointed to his pleather couch... I think he was on meth," said Shelley.

The trip ended with a failed attempt at purchasing an Old Milwaukee tallboy to place "in the console." "That old woman said we looked like we were twelve. Dumb b*tch, like she was gonna make any other money that day. Does anybody even live that far away from a Hollister?" complained Berks.

In summation, dirt roads "suck," "blow" and caused the girls to "SMH" and say "FML" multiple times. "But we still love Jason! He's so hot!" they cooed in perfect harmony.