Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts

Aug 26, 2020

Top 10 Fashion Tips for Brantley Gilbert Fans

----------

10. Research the business you’re applying with first, but confederate flag t-shirts are generally frowned upon for job interviews.

9. If you don’t look good in prison orange, you can accessorize with handmade hair necklaces or a sticker from the commissary.

8. Sagging pants aren’t really in fashion right now, but since you don’t care, just make sure you wear full coverage underpants.

7. Duct tape will hold the chain in your back pocket while you save for the wallet.

6. Camouflage is actually fairly fashionable right now, but make sure the camo you wear in public is free of briars and blood from sneaking through the woods to tend your still.

5. Collared shirts are essential work apparel for those of you… well, most of you… with neck tattoos.

4. When purchasing shorty shorts with words across the butt, make sure the wording isn’t something inappropriate that would get you fired from the snow-cone stand.

3. If you don’t have skinny genes, you might wanna skip the skinny jeans.

2. Wife beaters are a shirt style, not a lifestyle.

1. An oversized baseball hat can cover meth scars all the way to the eyebrows and you’ll look super cool.

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

Jun 17, 2020

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 2000s Country


Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, upbeat country music scene of 2000-2009 would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more recent country music diaspora. Some would be very, very wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

10. Jo Dee Messina
Brings a Coke can into church so she has somewhere to spit her dip. Constantly brags about her Peloton.

9. Billy Currington
Once fought with an old guy about a boat wake or something. [edit: being told this actually happened]
Considers his duet with Shania Twain the highpoint of her career.

8. Sara Evans
At concerts, will only perform her biggest hits as spoken word. Made Trick Pony use a utility closet as a dressing room when they opened for her. 

7. Brad Paisley
Working with legal team to get “dad jokes” copyrighted so he can sue everybody who uses the term. When people join his group text promotion, he sells their numbers to escort services.

6. Dierks Bentley
Publicly and profanely humiliates anyone who misspells his name. Eats Taco Bell on his bus. Uses the bathroom on his band’s bus.

5. Phil Vassar
Plays “Bobbi with an I” as his encore at concerts. Avoids eye contact with anyone shorter than him. Has an album of Drake covers coming out soon.

4. Cyndi Thomson
Bogarts the joint. “I Crossfit” is her entire Facebook bio. Won’t use the zipper merge in traffic.

3. Steve Holy
Cheats at foosball. Won’t flush a floater. Performs Tekashi 6ix9ine songs on Tik Tok. 

2. Mark Wills
Covers a Wheeler Walker Jr. song when he sees there are lots of kids at his concert. Still does the “flaming bag of shit” prank on neighbors despite being in his 40s. Has long conversations in front of what you need at Walmart.

1. John Rich
Wait, who authorized putting an actual jerk on here?

Apr 8, 2020

Top 10 Worst Country Quarantine House Guests


----------

10. Garth Brooks
Just cries in the corner the whole time.

9. Kacey Musgraves
Smokes up all your weed. 

8. Gary LeVox
In this temporarily ‘nicer’ era of Farce the Music, I will leave this one alone, but you know why he’s here.

7. Martina McBride
High stakes poker games with toilet paper for money. Constantly setting up booby traps and cleaning her AK for when “shit goes down.”

6. Cody Jinks
Won’t stop reminding everyone that The Rock is a big fan. Unfortunately, Ward Davis had to come along too - it’s a package deal.

5. Justin Moore
Constantly needs help reaching stuff in the cabinet and climbing up on the toilet.

4. Mitchell Tenpenny
Your wife won’t come out of the bedroom because “his staring is getting really creepy.” Refuses to wash his hands.

3. Thomas Rhett
Brings over all his kids and their friends, negating the whole social distancing thing. Wants to have Ed Sheeran karaoke contests 24/7.

2. Sam Hunt
Expects you to keep his hair cut and styled for him. Water bill extremely high from washing all his jogger pants. Wants you to be the snap track for him when he’s writing songs. 

1. Shooter Jennings
Eats all your Funyuns. His ‘essential’ luggage is 5 crates of He-Man lunch boxes.
Eats up all the wifi bandwidth playing video games constantly. Conspiracy theories out the wazoo.

Apr 1, 2020

Top 11 Country-Related Ways to Be Helpful During the Pandemic



11. Teach a Kane Brown fan to read by FaceTime

10. Send a letter to your congressman informing them that your favorite bands can still perform live and stay under the 10 person recommendation

9. Remind hick-hop fans that not only should they wash their hands frequently, but that they should also wash their bodies from time to time

8. Paint an inspirational message on the local water tower in John Deere green

7. Tell the Dollar General manager that times are stressful enough without them playing bro-country in the store and kindly request they turn it off

6. Go to your favorite bartender's house and blare George Jones from their yard to cheer them up

5. Whatever Dolly Parton is doing, do that

4. Send a friendly postcard to a Brantley Gilbert fan in prison

3. Avoid political arguments unless one a’ them stinkin’ liberal pinko commie America-hatin’ Dixie Chicks fans starts it first

2. Use two pairs of Luke Bryan’s old pants to make one face mask for the local hospital 

1. Buy albums and merchandise from the independent musicians you enjoy (or tip them during their live shows on Instagram, Facebook, etc)

~By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

Mar 27, 2020

What Country Fanbases Are Doing During Coronavirus Lockdown


----------

Brantley Gilbert fans: 
The usual - morning bell, inmate count, breakfast, work detail, inmate count…

Luke Bryan fans: 
young - Tik Tok dance videos; older - drinking wine, also doing Tik Tok videos

Florida-Georgia Line fans: 
going to the beach, going to parties, having sex with people they just met

Kane Brown: 
doing chores, homework, texting other kids their age

Mitchell Tenpenny: 
maintaining their regimen of ceftriaxone and azithromycin, stalking exes

Tyler Childers: 
morel hunting, drinking themselves blind

Kelsea Ballerini: 
journaling, skin care, skin care journaling

Sturgill Simpson: 
N/A - he has run off all his fans

Charlie Daniels Band: 
sharing factually incorrect memes, going to church, sleeping with Fox News on

Upchurch: 
hoarding, cooking

Feb 13, 2020

Top 10 Eddy Raven Songs



By Bobby “Ten Pound Hammer” Peacock

A while back, I mentioned a few Eddy Raven songs on Twitter, and Trailer admitted unfamiliarity with most of his catalog. Having just done enough research on Eddy Raven to have gotten his Wikipedia article ranked as a "Good Article" (thanks to his wife, Sheila, for her help!), I put together this top ten list.

10. "I Got Mexico"

If you know an Eddy Raven song at all, it's probably this one. It seems to be the one I hear most on classic-country formats. And for good reason: its carefree, "get away from it all" theme about escaping your broken heart with a trip to Mexico is quite hard to resist. It's a perfect fit for Raven's Caribbean-Cajun sound and gently rolling delivery, and it's hard not to see why this was his first #1 hit.

9. "Operator, Operator"

A cover song twice over. Co-writer Larry Willoughby (Rodney Crowell's cousin) and the Oak Ridge Boys both cut in 1983: the former as the lead single for a little-known Atlantic album, and the latter as the B-side of "Love Song." While Larry's version has a similarly laid-back vibe, Raven escalates the song with a Caribbean-influenced production that somehow manages not to clash with the theme of trying to call her up and apologize. I especially like the end, where the chorus continues underneath him as he shouts at the operator.

8. "Right Hand Man"

Although Raven didn't write this one, it still shows his attraction to exceptional lyrics. The connection between being a woman's "right-hand man" and then getting dumped for someone who puts a ring on the left hand -- sure, it may have been done before, but it's just such a natural transition into the line "don't let your right hand know what your left hand's doing." The jangly, acoustic guitar-driven production really adds to the simple but effective story of getting dumped for another guy.

7. "Joe Knows How to Live"

All of Joe's coworkers are jealous of his trip to Mexico, which Joe himself sums up in a laid-back carpe diem observation: "Women are made to love / Money is made to spend / Life is something, buddy / You will never live again". Raven's spoken-word ad-libs at the end help further the tone ("Think Joe's wife knows about that yet?"), and his laid-back delivery fits the song far better than the original Nitty Gritty Dirt Band version. I wonder if this was intended to be a perspective-flip of sorts to "I Got Mexico?"

6. "I'm Gonna Get You"

The obligatory Dennis Linde pick. I'm a sucker for a good accordion song, and a song about playfully stalking your lover (a common theme for many Linde songs -- remember "What'll You Do About Me?"). Yet another song originally cut by another artist -- Billy Swan, whose version just sounds like "I Can Help" with an accordion -- this one feels like a natural fit for Raven, who brings more energy and flavor to the proceedings without stripping the lightheartedness away.

5. "Dealin' with the Devil"

Yes, a lot of country music songs have done this exact same trope: finding the right woman has finally saved a wayward man from his cheatin' ways. But this one shines with its alliterations ("dancin' with those demons," "dealin' with the devil") and its delightful Merle Haggard-esque vibe (to the point that Merle himself actually cut the song a few years later), it was clear even before his major-label days that Raven had a knack for songcraft.

4. "I Could Use Another You"

Maybe it's those jaunty "no no no’s,” but there's just something I really like about this song from a melodic and production standpoint. It really lends an upbeat, maybe even optimistic air to the song's central theme. He's broken up because she left, and wants to reclaim those same good feelings from the past. Simple on paper, but just like so many of his songs, the individual elements -- sharp lyrics like "now that we're through, I could use another you," the catchy melody, and Raven's voice -- really elevate the material.

3. "Island"

Raven's last top-40 hit before the "Class of '89" flattened him and his peers, and a great song to go out on. The underlying sailing metaphor is extremely well-done ("I might sail forever and never find that island again"), leading to some creative references such as the Southern Cross. The moody production and Raven's emotive voice are given plenty of room here, allowing for a very distinct song. It kind of reminds me of an even better take on the already exceptional "Second Wind" by Darryl Worley.

2. "Who Do You Know in California"

Even at this early point in his career, Raven showed an unusual way with lyrics. Uncommon phrases like "hiding behind the morning paper" and "trying to find a real good answer, one that wasn't too absurd" set the tone for a man who's been outed in an affair after the mistress calls. (Raven said that this song was inspired by a story he had heard from a fan.) Even more interestingly, the song never resolves the scenario, a move that certainly helps the replay value: does he ever answer her question? How does she react?

1. "Sooner or Later"

A bit of an oddball pick, I'm sure. But last year, I heard this song on Prime Country for the first time probably since I was 3, and I could immediately remember everything. Nostalgia aside, I just love everything about this song: that incredibly catchy synth riff, quite possibly the only country song to use an orchestra hit (outside the dance mix of "Boot Scootin' Boogie"), and more "playfully stalking" lyrics courtesy of the ever-underrated Bill LaBounty ("Either way, honey, you're gonna be mine / If it's got to be later, then how about later tonight?"). This song just has so many ingredients that make me feel happy every time I listen.

Honorable mentions: "Bayou Boys," "You're Never Too Old for Young Love," "Peace of Mind"

Jan 29, 2020

Top 10 Ways to Identify a Boyfriend Country Song




10. Singer is non-threatening looking and wearing a $200 ill-fitting t-shirt

9. You can only tell that it’s country because it’s on a country radio station or playlist

8. Singer uses every possible method to avoid saying the word “truck” while singing about said truck

7. “Featuring Lauren Alaina”

6. No real drums - data shows that drums are for boomers

5. Singer is either very handsome or his lack of traditional handsomeness is cloaked by painstakingly manicured facial hair

4. Any steel guitar or fiddle must be used as sparingly as the singer uses contemplation

3. Southern drawl may only rise to the level of “charming Bachelorette suitor”

2. Object of affection must be “beautiful inside and out” and “love her mama” and …that’s about it

1. Shallow song ‘about’ woman takes place of 4 other deep songs ‘by’ women on the chart

Bonus: Singer clearly told the hairdresser "Make it look stupid"

Dec 4, 2019

Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?


Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”


10. You make me want to roll my windows down


9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it




7. Sounds like it sucks




5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up




3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker


2. I kick it with a mule


1. Shimmy up inside

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails