Call his wife to see if it's okay for him to hang out with the boys this afternoon
Ask you to sign up for a phone service he’s involved in that probably won’t have good coverage in your area, but hey, he says it’s patriotic so don’t be a traitor
Text his wife back: “Can we not do an Instagram story today? You can be an influencer without my participation”
Google what a clitoris is
Check his upcoming tour schedule to make sure he has *o*e d**l*rs at every stop
Wipe a tear from his eye as his text to the Don only gets the three flashing dots for a second but no reply
Call somebody wearing a Tyler Childers shirt a “libtard”
Ask you to sign up for a phone service he’s involved in of which many customers have complained about its reliability, but hey, he says it’s patriotic so don’t be a traitor
Look up who this Zach Top guy everybody’s talking about is
Download the Ashley Madison app for old time’s sake
Convince himself the rising cost of touring has nothing to do with tariffs
Quit his friend text group because somebody joked about his mural again
Annoy you with a sales pitch from his kiosk while you were just trying to get out of the shitty mall unseen
