Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts

Dec 4, 2019

Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?


Top 10 “Bro-Country Lyrics or Sex Talk?”


10. You make me want to roll my windows down


9. A little fruity but she asked if I liked it




7. Sounds like it sucks




5. I can smooth it out, I can slick it up




3. Yeah boy, I’m about to show me a city slicker


2. I kick it with a mule


1. Shimmy up inside

Aug 2, 2019

The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country


A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer
Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…

10. Joe Diffie
Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.
Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.

9. Suzy Bogguss
Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.
Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.

8. Wade Hayes
Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.
Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.

7. Patty Loveless
Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”
Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”

6. Pam Tillis
Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.
Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.

5. Ty Herndon
Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.
Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.
Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.

4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)
Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.
Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.
Stops in roundabouts.

3. Terri Clark
Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.
When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.
Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”

2. Trisha Yearwood
Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."
Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.
Against legalization, but always on that kush.

1. Jim Lauderdale
Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.
Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.
Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates. 
Wants to tour with Old Dominion.



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*satire, obviously*

Jun 27, 2019

Top 11 Things It Looks Like Brantley Gilbert is About to Do in This Picture

Top 11 Things It Looks Like Brantley Gilbert is About to Do in This Picture
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11. Beat up a band dork for texting his ex-girlfriend

10. Shart in his Punisher underwear

9. Roll coal on an electric car while hitting a road sign with a just emptied beer bottle with one hand and cranking up the Colt Ford with the other hand

8. Utter one of the following phrases: “Do you even lift, bro?” or “She a thot, son”

7. Masturbate while watching Iron Eagle for the 78th time

6. Yell something racist

5. Rupture a blood vessel

4. Call for a homer and hit a dribbler to the pitcher

3. Lick the remnants from the bottom of an empty can of Copenhagen

2. Hit the emergency stop and clean up the vomit on The Scrambler

1. Go to war against the Pacific northwestern small town cops who wronged him

———


By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

May 17, 2019

Top 10 Signs You’re a Basic A** Country Girl

10. The bartender at a Nashville pedal tavern has cut you off before

9. You don’t remember what songs Kane Brown sang in concert, but he’s your favorite singer because he’s “sooo hot!”

8. You own more pairs of cut-offs than there are Presidents you can name

7. You missed work/class to cry and drink wine the day you found out Dustin Lynch has a girlfriend

6. The above concoction seems like the best thing ever

5. You’ve ever said “Y’all I’m literally dead”

4. There’s just something about a community college dropout in a lifted Raptor running a stoplight while cranking Florida-Georgia Line that makes you fall in love every time

3. You own 3 pair of boots with crosses on them and ain’t been to church in years

2. Your Jeep with a Yeti sticker and a deer decal has never left the pavement of Davidson county


1. You will gladly stand in line upwards of 3 hours to have your photo taken in front of some wings painted on a wall


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Inspired by this tweet from Country Hodge Podge:


Mar 27, 2019

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Texas Country Music


Some people would imagine that the fan-friendly, honest Texas country music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as pop music or Nashville. However, those people would be wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

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10. Kevin Fowler
Reply All… every time
Somehow always around when the tour bus bathroom smells, but never did it

9. Bri Bagwell
Starts every sentence with “No offense, but…”
Talks on speaker phone at the gym

8. Casey Donahew
Stage banter consists entirely of discussing the show Entourage
All band members must refer to him as “sir”

7. Kyle Park
Waits till he gets up to the counter to look at the menu
Calls Koe Wetzel screaming for no reason every morning around 5 a.m.

6. Sarah Hobbs
Takes a smoke break during church and puffs Black & Milds right outside the sanctuary
“Gangnam Style” ringtone

5. Zane Williams
Wears shirts printed with recent tv show spoilers on stage
Threw out first pitch at a minor league game and purposely beaned the catcher between the pads
Replaces the toilet paper ‘roll under’

4. Lyle Lovett
Still does the duck face and peace sign in pics
Signs autographs as “Shyle Shovett”
Only speaks German in interviews since 2004

3. Kylie Rae Harris
Just shows up with Whataburger without asking anybody if they wanted some first
Her only jokes are stolen from Larry the Cable guy
Her encore at shows? “Baby Shark”

2. Dalton Domino
Breath always smells like pickle chips
Proud to prove he knows every word of “F the Police” every chance he gets
Signs up for fetish porn sites using bandmates’ email addresses

1. Cory Morrow
Never been to a  Buc-ees without asking to speak to the manager
Calls everybody “chief” or “pahdnah”
Leaves shopping carts behind car parked next to him
Brutal SBDs

Mar 1, 2019

Top 10 Signs You Might Be a Kane Brown Fan

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10. You're loudly yelling at your ex-husband on the phone outside a tanning salon

9. You're only getting the Aryan nation prison tattoo lasered off now that your son's dating a black woman

8. Your truck cost more than you and your neighbor's trailers put together

7. You're sporting a Kane Brown t-shirt …and an ankle bracelet

6. You got a DUI on the way to church

5. You recently asked your friend about hosting an essential oils party at her house because your apartment is being fumigated right now

4. You have said: "I'm not racist, I listen to Kane Brown!"

3. People can see a dolphin tattoo on your butt cheek because your pajama pants are sliding down in the express lane at Walmart where you have 27 items

2. You talk about country music evolving, but dropped out of school before biological evolution was taught


1. All your Facebook posts are either "if you come at my family, you come at me" or Kane Brown videos

May 25, 2018

Top 10 Kane Brown Songs That Really Aren't That Bad


Yeah, we've been a little hard on Kane Brown. His first music was amateurish at best, and his new songs are heavy on the pop and light on the country. He also tends to sing as if he's experiencing bowel discomfort. He also seems to have very thin skin toward "haters" and critics. All that said, we can find the good in every artist, right? Even the most disagreeable country acts have some songs that will surprise you. Here are the ten Kane Brown songs we think you should open your mind to and give a chance right now!



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Apr 6, 2018

Top 10 Biggest Country Singer/Songwriter Jerks


Some would imagine that relatively under-the-radar country singer/songwriters would not be as likely to be divas and d-bags as the ultra-hyped superstars. However, this is not to be. 
Here are some of the most egregious offenders.
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10. Brandy Clark
Keeps "Draw 4" up sleeve when playing Uno
Tour rider requires Koolaid pickles, a Creed prayer candle, and 5 bottles of Olde English


9. Ed Hill
Thinks Farce the Music is hilarious
Actual crisis actor


8. Mac McAnally
Thinks Soulja Boy is better than 2Pac
Donates to charities promoting homelessness


7. Josh Grider
Does not tell someone if they have a booger
Hobby: Martin Shkreli fan fiction


6. Gretchen Peters
Has been kicked off multiple flights for fighting and drunkenness
Personally puts tiny scratch on each vinyl album ordered through her website


5. Will Hoge
Wears awkwardly short shorts to co-writing sessions
Default font on all emails? comic sans


4. Lori McKenna
Performs thorough and morally judgmental background check on co-writers
2 can a day Copenhagen habit
Wears big hats to church and sits in front of short people


3. Travis Meadows
Spreads nasty rumors about Whiskey Jack's hygiene
Argues with cashiers over expired coupons
Changes Alan Jackson online set lists and Wikipedia page to say AJ covers Lil Wayne, Future


2. Mandy Barnett
Writes "Nice" on page 69 of every library book she checks out
Coughs on buffets
Still wears a bluetooth earpiece


1. Kendell Marvel
Refused shot, gave 73 people flu this year
Secretly writes bro-country songs under pen name Chris DeStefano
Doesn't refill the Keurig
Claims world's largest laserdisc porn collection


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