They Must Have Incriminating Photos

Maren Morris Leaves the Transfer Portal

What Your Favorite Album of 2023 Says About You

----------

Pony Bradshaw - North Georgia Rounder

You read a lot of Flannery O’Connor and William Faulkner and still don’t understand half the lyrics of this album. You own at bare minimum 23 flannel shirts. You will only discuss politics with your immediate group of friends around a fire pit after a few PBRs, but there could be violence at that point.

Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley: Chapter 2

You enjoy music that isn’t good.

Jason Aldean - Highway Desperado

Your political beliefs have evolved your hearing to like bad music, as long as the singer agrees with you on every possible subject. You live in a suburb and have complained on the neighborhood Facebook page about “loud booming music in cars driving by.” You own $4,000 worth of camouflage but only go hunting once a year, if that. Your wife doesn’t know about the ED yet thanks to gas station pills. 

Shania Twain - Queen of Me

Your nostalgic love of the late 90s warps your taste in unhealthy ways. You’re always quick with a “she had vocal surgery,” but never a “maybe she should rest her voice or retire” in the Facebook comments. You’re glad the Karen jokes finally died down a little. You should probably schedule a hearing test. 

Flatland Cavalry - Wandering Star

Despite the tattoos and the extensive police record, you are a born romantic. You have cried about an ASPCA commercial and punched a guy who cut you off in traffic on the same day. Your significant other is a complete normie.

SZA - SOS

You write for Rolling Stone, or various other music sites. This album came out in 2022. Tough shit if it came out in December; maybe you shouldn’t drop your lists so early. 

Note: This album is really good if you like R&B.

Luke Combs - Gettin’ Old

You’re most likely a cool, salt of the earth person who doesn’t have much interest in lyrically complex or musically adventurous songs, and that’s okay, but you still demand more than “beer girl truck.” You own $400 worth of camouflage, and are in the woods at least every Saturday of deer season. You are anywhere on the political spectrum except far left and far right. 

HARDY - The Mockingbird and the Crow

You are a relatively upstanding dude with a family and a decent job, but you still get shit-faced at every Mississippi State game and wind up having to apologize to a friend, coworker, family member, or innocent bystander. You are either the person in your group of music snobs with the worst taste, or the one in your group of bro’s with the best taste. There is no in between. 

Top 10 Ways to Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

10. It’s a solo album from either Florida or Georgia Line

9. The producer has as many songwriter credits as the singer

8. It comes in a box set you have to buy from Bass Pro Shop

(Kidding, it may be good but I’ll never know)

7. The deluxe version came out a month after the regular version

6. Dudes who say “facts” and “bruh” a lot enjoy it

5. The artist’s surname is Lynch, and their first name is Dustin

4. The promotional content mentioned them “experimenting with electro-pop and EDM”

3. If the artist is Shania Twain, and the year of release is post 2000

2. (Featuring Diplo)

1. There are enough songwriters listed to field a Division II college football team

The Perfect Gift

 

Really Dumb Country Reviews: May '23

(Real Apple Music Reviews)

-------

Warren Zeiders - 717 Tapes

Tyler Hubbard - s/t

Diplo - Thomas Wesley Chapter 2

*Diplo is an alleged abuser and r*pist

Luke Combs - Gettin' Old

HARDY - The Mockingbird & The Crow

*Wrong, country and metal have been fused many times before*

Morgan Wallen - One Thing at a Time

*This one's so dumb I've used it twice

The Mandalorian Country Reaction Gifs

When somebody riding with me complains about the constant sad country songs

When somebody drives by listening to Kane Brown

When somebody pesters Shooter Jennings while he's producing

When your buddy has to take his kids to see Thomas Rhett

When you walk in the club in a vintage 1991 Alan Jackson tee and tight-rolled acid wash jeans

When the only concerts coming to town are Sam Hunt and Luke Bryan

Sturgill has a song with Diplo??

Waiting on that new Nicholas Jamerson album

Some of y'all think Wallen, who writes and sings mediocre songs, is better than Strait, who sings classics but that's none... 

Least Anticipated Albums of 2023

Really Dumb Country Reviews: July 2020

Really reviews from a popular music service.

-------

Florida-Georgia Line - 6 Pack

Diplo - Snake Oil



Margo Price - That's How Rumors Get Started


Luke Bryan - Born Here Live Here Die Here

(It's not out yet, dummy)

The Chicks - Gaslighter

 

 

Morgan Wallen - If I Know Me

Eric Church - "Stick That In Your Country Song"