Showing posts with label Maren Morris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maren Morris. Show all posts

Jul 15, 2021

Elderly Country Songs

George Strait "Metamucil By Morning"

Hank Williams "Jambalaya (On the Buffet)"

Maren Morris "The Bones (Ain't Good)"

Kane Brown "Nursing Homesick"

Florida-Georgia Line "Can't Say I Ain't Gimpy"

Garth Brooks "Friends in Assisted Living"

Jason Isbell "Seat Where She Sat in the Shower"

Mar 25, 2021

WandaVision Country Reaction Gifs

What? Why aren’t you gonna watch the ACM Awards?


Do you think Kane Brown is a good country singer?


Describe Niko Moon


Maren Morris starts out with a country song and then never releases another one.


When your first concert in a year is Billy Strings and that contact high hits.


When “Marie Laveau” comes on


Yeah, it’s been so long since I’ve seen a live show, I’ll go see Cole Swindell with you.


When somebody asks what I think of Luke Bryan in polite company


Aug 14, 2020

Country Fan Sure His “Boobies!” Reply on Instagram Will Make Maren Morris Fall for Him

Carl Outlaw of Pensacola, FL and self-described fan of “real country music,” believes a recent Instagram comment will deliver him country star Maren Morris away from her husband, singer Ryan Hurd. 

Last week, Morris posted a shot of herself in a beautiful tropical dress enjoying a cold beverage beside a golf course. The dress is burgundy and gold and tastefully revealing. Morris’ comment with the photo was “at least margaritas still exist this year.” Shortly after the IG post, Outlaw set into action.

Simply replying “Boobies!” with 2 basketball emojis, Outlaw confirmed his visual recognition that Maren in fact possesses breasts, and that he approves of their appearance. “I love the internet! I don’t have to holler at girls on the corner anymore - I can just do it on Instagram.” laughed Outlaw. “I know she’s gonna be flattered and leave that pop country singing loser, Ryan Turd.” 

When asked if he was a fan of Maren Morris’ music, Mr. Outlaw replied that he had never heard it. “I just follow her for the bikini pics,” he said. “It’s a free country.”

Outlaw felt sure that once Morris saw his reply, she’d take one look at his account and fall in love immediately. “When she finds out that I like shooting stuff, drinking Miller Lite, and cursing at politicians online, I know it’s gonna be on sight.” he laughed. “I’ve got a snooker table too.” 

While it is a common occurrence for male fans to point out the body part that is to their liking on female celebrities and influencers’ posts, it’s uncertain how many of these communications lead to romance. 

At press time, Maren was deleting the comment.

Dec 13, 2019

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: December '19


The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-19) overall which is a 8(!!) point decrease from October (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber’s “10,000 Hours.”


Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.



Dec 11, 2019

What Your Favorite Album of 2019 Says About You 2



Zac Brown Band - The Owl
You tell everybody you like everything Zac Brown puts out no matter how he experiments, but in secret, you think this sucks.

Beyonce - Homecoming: The Live Album
You will taunt, threaten, curse, dox, and possibly inflict bodily harm upon anyone who says anything negative about this album, but otherwise you’re pretty nice.

Highwomen - s/t
You’re a strong, beautiful, independent woman and so is your significant other.

FGL - Can’t Say I Ain’t Country
You have a jacked up truck with exhaust stacks, fight with your girlfriend in public, and are drunk right now. Dad says your seventh year of community college is your last, graduation or not.

Maren Morris - Girl
You can’t get into the Highwomen album because it’s too country. You use way too many hashtags on Instagram.

Tyler Childers - Country Squire
You have a homemade bootleg live version of the album that’s “way better.” You sold a car out of your front yard for parts to get tickets to Sturgill and Tyler next year.

Puddle of Mudd - Welcome to Galvania
Wait, Puddle of Mudd still exists? You are a member of some guy in the band’s family.

Luke Combs - What You See is What You Get
Just gonna go out on a limb with this one and guess that you enjoy beer.

Vandoliers - Forever
You skate, fish, have purple hair, and are polite to your mama.

Zac Brown - The Controversy
You usually tell everybody you like everything Zac Brown puts out no matter how he experiments, but you gave up your fan club membership and started an anti-Zac Brown Facebook page after hearing this shit.

Post Malone - Hollywood’s Bleeding
You toss around words like ‘molly’ and ‘yeet’ but your 6th grade teacher doesn’t like you to say them in class.

----------

This is satire. Don't take it seriously.
Idea stolen from Medium.

Oct 24, 2019

This Guy Rants About Women on Country Radio


All right, so the controversy of the day is women singing country music. Lots of feminists say their isn’t enough chicks on country radio. They say there isn’t enough babes singing at country festivals. I don’t know what there smoking.

I looked at the country chart and there is at least 6 female singers in the top 40. Last year there was like 3, so that’s a huge victory for the feminazis in my book. They already made me have to listen to 50% more women then I had to in 2018, if my math is right. What the hell more do they want??

Let’s just look at the numbers for a minute. 6 women. That’s more than has ever been president. 6 women. That’s more than has ever been the WWE Universal Champion. 6 women. It only takes one to make me a sandwich, LMAO.

Listen, I have great respect for the female sex. One of them raised me. Women are good at lots of stuff. There better arguers. They are good at shopping. And the female form is my favorite thing to look at in the world. 

But when it comes to country music, it’s a mans world baby. Men drive the pickup trucks. Men buy the drinks. That’s the two things that country music is about in 2019. I don’t want to here a woman singing about “he bought me a drink and asked me to get in his F-150” because that might put me in touch with my feminine side and that’s gay.

Also, girls’ voices are not as good as the guys. There high pitched and they shriek a lot. When I here them sing, it’s like my ex girlfriend yelling at me for accidentally having sex with her roommate. I don’t want to think about bad stuff. And that’s another thing. Women sing about all this serious stuff. I just want to party bruh. I just wanna raise up some Nattys and get wild. You can’t get lit to some babe singing about “girl won’t you stop your cryin’.” That ain’t it sis. 

So anyway, y’all should be celebrating in the street wearing vagina hats or whatever, sense their’s more women on the radio now. I don’t like it but if it makes the lefties shut up, I’ll deal with it. But don’t keep raising a stink about this stuff. Stay in your lane. I’ll stay in mine, swerving in my full size with the Jason Aldean blasting out the damn windows!


Aug 9, 2019

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews The Highwomen's "Redesigning Women"


Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews The Highwomen's "Redesigning Women"

When trailer told me I'd be working with four women today, I had something else in mind entirely lol. 

Anyway, these gals are called the Highwomen and supposed to be like the Highwaymen, four of the greatest TRUE country artists ever (ok, so I had to forgive Willie for that Stardust crap). I actually almost listened to this song, but then I saw whose in this group. I never heard of Nataly Heemby, so that's probably a good thing. But Amanda shyres is married to that liberal trash Jason Is-dean who ain't even country anyway, Brandi carlile blocked me on twiter for that private photograph I sent her - I don’t get it, I’m pretty hot - and maren morris is pop country trash. Or so I've heard at least. I wouldn't listen to pop country radio because it has Florida Georgia Line on it, and I took a Jason piss-bell there once. And who the shit does a playboy shoot and keeps there close on??



Again, I aint listening to this, but I see they got a line about cleaning up the kitchen, so at least they know there place I guess. Plus I wouldn't mind them polishing my table if you know what I mean. Even still, feminazi Morris probably has a rap breakdown somewhere in their to make it work for trashville radio. 



Overall, this song proves the only good woman country singer was Loretta, and that's only until she started working with Jackoff White. Women don't need redesined as long as they stay in line, but country music sure as shit needs redesigin. But not by these gals. The last time we got a girl group we got the America hating Dixy Chicks, and that group had a Natalie in it to, so this ain't good.



-Written by the “real” Carl Outlaw

*this is satire!*

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails