The Crud Report: June '25

Who've You Seen Live??

Sinners Country Reaction Gifs

Your redneck neighbors when they hear you listening to Hank Jr. on the back porch

When Tommy left the barroom, not a Gatlin boy was standing

Morgan Wallen fans speaking to a case of White Claws

When the gas station crackhead in a Big Smo t-shirt asks if you need any fent

Me when another of my Morgan Wallen memes causes ire and consternation among the mouth breathing community

Trampled by Turtles after burning down another stage

How c-listers like Russell Dickerson and Locash still get played on country radio stations

When the ghost of Lucius Clay gets up and it walks around

What is every Kelsea Ballerini song about?

John Moreland before hitting post on another Instagram video

Name an underrated Jason Isbell song

Still better than going to a Jelly Roll concert

The Current Poop of Country Radio: March '25

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song where the good attributes and the bad are dead even. An overall score and brief summary are below the chart. 

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is a 10 point improvement from our previous ratings in October. Zach Top sits high atop the ratings with “I Never Lie” being the best song this month by far. Blake Shelton's "Texas" is the worst song, by a hair, over Jordan Davis' "I Ain't Sayin'." The Jelly Roll song is in no way country and I don't care for it, but it's still better than those two. Despite the strong improvement, there's a lot of meh. At least there aren't any trap beats in the top 20. 

Job Security

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The Crud Report: February '25

Even More Monday Memes: Alan Jackson, Bailey Zimmerman, Locash

 

John Cena Country Reaction Gifs

If you can't see a somebody who won't take you to see Luke Bryan

When the song starts with fiddle, then a bumpkin starts rapping

Bailey Zimmerman be like

When people picked the concert you were looking forward to all month as their loud conversation time

Who wants to see George Strait stand on stage singing and holding a guitar for 2 hours with no pyro or dancing

When your son won't stop listening to Thomas Rhett

When you realize this Locash atrocity is a Stevie Wonder ripoff

Ignorant people to Garth Brooks, when asked who ruined country music

Something no one has ever said about a Jelly Roll song

Kane Brown fans when you play them real country music

Zach Top carrying country radio on his back

Utterly depressing country music recommendations...

It Can and It Will

Monday Morning Memes: Locash, Hank Jr, Kane Brown

 

Country Singers as Tiger King Characters

Idea and the first 5 of these by Hippies & Cowboys. Make sure to check out their podcast!

3 Up 3 Down: Chase Rice, Ingrid Andress, Midland, etc.

3 Up

Carly Pearce & Lee Brice “Hope You’re Happy Now”

No snap beats, no slang, real instruments. Lee and Carly’s hit is a pop-country duet full of heartache and harmonies. Their voices sound great together. It’s one of those sad songs that makes you feel good. Well done. 

B+

Midland “Cheatin’ Songs”

We’re over their back story now - you either like their music or don’t. I do. This is a slice of 70s Bellamy Bros-esque goodness with steel guitar and modern slickness. The low key harmonies create just the right mood and there’s even a little self-awareness mixed into the lyrics. Midland is consistently one of the best mainstream artists out there and “Cheatin’ Songs” is another gem.

A

Ingrid Andress “More Hearts Than Mine”

Ain’t a whole lot country about this, but it’s a well-written and gets a lot more personal than most radio fare, bringing a fairly unique angle to relationship tunes. Andress’ delivery occasional veers toward that indie-pop style I hate so much, but never quite goes there and her conversational tone works well for the subject matter. Glad to see this song hit the top 10.

B+

3 Down

Jordan Davis “Slow Dance in a Parking Lot”

Standard issue dude pop-country, typical mid-tempo blah-ness, electronically affected vocals. This is pure boyfriend country. At least bro-country was loud and proud with its crappiness. This is dull and forgettable just like Jordan Davis would be without the beard.

D

Locash “One Big Country Song”

At least it doesn’t have snap beats? That’s a positive I suppose. Locash doesn’t sound particularly inspired …ever… but particularly on this anthem about the shared experiences and values of country fans. “Everybody knows the words to ‘Mama Tried’” is an actual lyric of this song and I guarantee you that 80%+ of Locash fans do not in fact know those words. Honestly, there are several songs much worse than this in the top 40 right now - I was just trying to avoid the usual suspects - but this is nothing you haven’t heard before.

C-

Chase Rice “Lonely if You Are”

Snap beats, typical bouncy R&B lite delivery. This is pretty much a Sam Hunt rip-off without Sam’s lyrical ability and likability (and I don’t care for any Sam Hunt songs, so that’s pretty rough). It’s a booty call song that somehow comes off both sleazy and sleepy. There are a few early Chase Rice songs that show some promise, before he was asking fine ass girls to slide on over or whatever, so one would hope he’d eventually dig a little deeper in his subject matter, but nah. Once a bro, always a bro.

F

Country Halloween Costumes