Showing posts with label Thomas Rhett. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thomas Rhett. Show all posts
Jun 16, 2022
Jun 10, 2022
Jun 3, 2022
Pop-Country Cover Band Wants You To Stop Requesting Tyler Childers Songs
He sees you there at your table with your girlfriend, Mr. Authentic Country, and despite Brad’s creative shortcomings, he knows your story. You got dragged out to drink $18 cocktails and listen to music you consider beneath you by your attractive but basic love interest, but hey, you don’t have to take it out on him. He doesn’t come to your haberdashery or horse barn or whatever and talk shit about your work.
Brad just wants to play Thomas Rhett and Cole Swindell and Russell Tenpenny.. hell, he gets them mixed up too, but anyway, just let him and his band play selections from the 50 popular songs they know in peace and chill out, dude. Zach Bryan? Do you mean Luke? And who the hell is Colter Wall? You’re just making stuff up now.
You in your vintage Waylon Jennings t-shirt sitting there all high and mighty, drinking a Pabst. What did you expect? That they were going to crank out some Highway Troubadours, or Colby Jinks, or whatever depressing stuff you listen to? Get real man, Dem Broadway Boyz are here to sell beer, Fireball, and overpriced chicken tenders. For the love of God, no they won’t play “Feathered Indians.”
Brad leans over to his bassist during a rendition of Sam Hunt’s “Body Like a Back Road” and whispers “watch this guy, be ready to take him down” as you saunter to the side stage with a smirk on your face.
At press time, Brad was singing lyrics read off his phone as the band worked through a poor version of “Whiskey River” after you tipped them $30 to play it. But he’s still pissed.
May 26, 2022
Apr 22, 2022
Hundreds Believe Tim McGraw Nearly Killed a Guy Because This Headline Says So
Most of the few readers who actually clicked on this story without excitedly sharing it first, only read the first sentence, which also fools unworldly folks into thinking that the following actually happened:
Country superstar Tim McGraw has been arrested for a shocking assault after putting a real good man in the hospital on Wednesday night. McGraw told police he was just sticking up for his wife when the man, Vernon Brinks, said Faith Hill’s acting was a little dry in Yellowstone: 1883. After striking Brinks over and over, the victim suffered a broken wrist, a concussion, internal bleeding, and several external bruises. Brinks is said to have neither liked it, loved it, nor wanted any more of it and is expected to be released from the hospital this weekend. In a statement after making bail, McGraw apologized for the incident and blamed “the cowboy in me.”
Despite the previous paragraph being written in a less than journalistic quality, several persons who have continued reading started thinking that maybe this stupid and transparently satirical bit might have some veracity. 5 of them go back and share the story on Facebook with an “OMG!” Most didn’t even notice that there were 4 Tim McGraw song titles hidden in that paragraph, further giving clue that this stunning bit of news never occurred.
In previous weeks, this very website (which features the word ‘farce’ in its title) has been barraged by thick-headed people replying as if satirical stories were the gospel. One of those people is reading this sentence now and I’m going to tell him that Garth Brooks cheated on Trisha with Kenny Chesney and he’ll believe it, because his brain has been warped and clouded by social media, politics, and the degradation of real media over the past 10-15 years.
At press time, 1 of the 9 people who made it this far into the article also believed that Thomas Rhett is a meth-addicted serial killer because this sentence purports it to be true.
Apr 20, 2022
Apr 19, 2022
Apr 7, 2022
The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: April '22
A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive. Total score below the chart.
The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is an 8 point drop from January (the previous time we did this chart). The best song is Carly Pearce/Ashley McBryde’s “Never Wanted to Be That Girl.” The worst is Walker Hayes’ “AA” (big surprise, huh?). The songs are getting dumber as summer nears, like they usually do.
Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.
Mar 24, 2022
Hey Dude Country Reaction Gifs
When the newbie asks "Hey, do you guys like country music, like Thomas Rhett?"
When Danny says he stopped to take a piss at the Florida-Georgia Line one time
Somebody defending Walker Hayes music
Name something in country radio's main demographic but not on their airplay lists
Review Lady A's last 3 singles
When some bro asks you to the Aldean concert on a date
Still better than listening to a Dan + Shay song
Luke Bryan's latest hit be like
Feb 24, 2022
Feb 3, 2022
Jan 14, 2022
Lawsuit Filed Against Dollar General Over Mainstream Country Played in Stores
“My client, a regular customer of Dollar General, has been subjected to a distressing amount of Luke Bryan, Walker Hayes, and Kane Brown during each visit to one of their establishments,” said Schwartz. “The constant barrage of trucks, appropriated slang, and shallow subject matter has caused him an unreasonable amount of anger, sadness, and physical discomfort.”
Schwartz went on to say that no matter which Dollar General his plaintiff entered, whether the one on the bypass, the one next to the one on the bypass, the one over on 16, or the one close to his house, the same brainless bile was pumping through the speaker system as he attempted to dash in for paper towels or a six pack of Pabst. “We will attempt to establish that the endless loop of Florida-Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett, and Sam Hunt brought real and provable trauma upon his quality of life. Hell, that “shake it for the catfish” song alone should be barred from use as a war prisoner coercion method.”
Dollar General, in a statement, said that the lawsuit was ‘frivolous’ and that any judge would throw out the case on its lack of merit alone. “The plaintiff, while not named to the public at this time, is a well known troublemaker once banned from one of our competitors over similar matters,” said DG’s lead attorney Mark Torrance. “He’s a nut; who doesn’t sing along to that Applebees song??”
At press time, the plaintiff was apparently willing to settle out of court for Turnpike Troubadours tickets, room and board.
Dec 8, 2021
Dec 2, 2021
Ren & Stimpy Country Reaction Gifs
When somebody slid in my DMs last week and told me Turnpike was getting back together
When "Misery and Gin" shows up in a playlist
Getting inspired to write an Americana song...
Still better written than whatever Walker Hayes' latest is
A Florida-Georgia Line songwriting session
Mr. Horse, please review Thomas Rhett's "Slow Down Summer"
Mainstream country radio fans be like...
If you don't like Turnpike Troubadours, you can kiss
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