Ranking Country Singers

Dan + Shay to Dress as Country Duo for Halloween

Pop duo Dan + Shay is looking for costumes for a Halloween party this weekend. They’ve already chosen the theme - country singers - but they’re now searching for the perfect homespun attire, visiting Goodwills and western wear outlets across Nashville. 

“I did a Google image search for ‘country singer’ and it came back with lots of cowboy hats and boot-cut jeans and stuff,” says Shay Mooney. “That’s so foreign to me - it’s always enlightening to see how other cultures live!” Dan Smyers tries on a huge foam cowboy hat but quickly returns it to the rack. “If they had it in a trucker hat style maybe.”

The Dan + Shay wardrobe usually includes bright colors and stripes, tailored pants, and hip casual wear. The aesthetics of country music fashion are a world away from their typical flair, but they’re digging it. “Ha, they call this a nudist suit, I believe,” laughs Thomas, holding up a rhinestone and gold beaded purple jacket. “I think old country stars like Buck Owings and Hank Wilson [sic] used to wear these… they had so much drip!”

After a couple of hours, the two have narrowed their selections down to an all black Johnny Cash-inspired ensemble or a Brooks and Dunn combo. “How did Garth have time to be in a duo and have a solo career at the same time?” asks a confused Smyers. 

Slowly coming to a consensus for the B&D garb at press time, Dan + Shay seem excited about the impact they’ll make when they step into the party as someone so different from themselves. “They won’t even recognize us in these fits.”

 Yes, this is a reboot of an old story.

Brutally Honest Country Top 20

By Bobby Peacock. 

(you can tell it's not me because I wouldn't admit a Dan + Shay song was good even if I liked it)

Here's the real thing for reference.

Country Twitter Wins September

This Guy Rants About Country Music “Authenticity”

We’ve all seen the stories. We’ve all herd the new boring songs. Mainstream country music is evolving in front of are very eyes and I for one do not like it!

Remember the good old days when you could drive you’re girl out to the bonfire in your pick up truck and turn on the country station and not worry that there might be a serious or sad song on their? I miss those days! 

Nowadays when I drive my sidechick in my Raptor and turn on the radio, it’s Luke Combs crying about going somewhere in a fast car, or Ashly McBridde singing about her family or some shit. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Am I right?? 

And the Spotify country playlists ar just as bad. Who tf is Zach Bryan? Is that Luke’s more boring younger brother? I listened to him for 1 whole minute and he did not mention Fireball, pretty tan feet, or the summer moon even once. That ain’t country! And his songs don’t even make any cents. Keep it simple and keep the party going, Zach. Come on man!

I seen that ol’ Zach had the number one album and song in America, and I shed a tear. It feels like things are changing and I’m kinda scared because where else is there to listen to music I like but the radio? Singers are putting their flat brim caps and skinny jeans away, and getting out cowboy hats and work boots. It’s not okay. 

John Party or Chris Stapleton were the ones who started this mess. With a name like Party, John should’ve been dropping the beat and lighting crates on fire for the hotties in every song, but nooooo he’s got to have old whiney instruments. And Chris Stapleton only wrote one good song in his life and that was Thomas Rhett’s “Crash and Burn!”

I look at the tragic break up of Florida-Georgia Line and just think, who’s gonna fill there square toe boots? I see Luke Bryan losing popularity and wonder who’ll tell the country girls to shake it anymore? I here people talk about Cody Johnson and Tyler Childers and weep for the future and all the trucks that won’t have nutz and the coal that won’t be rolled. 

It’s a sad day in America when even Jason Aldean is singing about serious crap. I was going to put a hole in the drywall I’m so mad, but I’ve matured. So I’m just gonna go put on my Chase Rice album, vape some clouds, and pour out some White Claw for the better times. 

5 Random Country Parody Album Covers

*according to hardcore purists, not me

Succession Country Reaction Gifs

When an Aldean fan asks if they should try out for Jeopardy

When Blake Shelton called us jackasses for not liking bro-country

When George Jones only had part of the money for his dealer

Why is Wallen a millionaire while your favorite tours in an unreliable beat up van?

When somebody talks about how much they love Dan + Shay

When Waylon and Merle ran into each other in the hall

How to know if you're a character in a Sailor's Guide to Earth song

Me: Perhaps this country song would be better with real drums

Them:

5 seconds into that John Rich / Tom MacDonald song

"Are you sure you won't go see Thomas Rhett & Cole Swindell with me"

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Blaxploitation Film Country Reaction Gifs

If you step on Hank Jr.'s cowboy boots

When he walks in wearing Luke Combs Crocs

If you ever see me listening to Thomas Rhett on Spotify, ask this:

🎵 There's only you and me and we just disagree 🎵

When he won't turn off the Florida-Georgia Line

When you finally hear a Dan + Shay song

What I shoulda said to Blake Shelton on Twitter

When a dude standing on the side of a bridge insults Dolly Parton

When she's up early, playing some Morgan Wallen

Days Gone By

Bubba Shot the TouchTunes

Bubba Shot the TouchTunes

©2023 Farce the Music Parody

We were all down at O’Brady’s bar

Tellin' stories if we had one

Someone fired the new TouchTunes up

The song it sure was a bad one

A sweat drop rolled down Bubba's nose

From the cringe the song was inflictin'

And all at once he jumped to his feet

Yelled “You’ve got to be shittin’!”

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Said it played a bad song that got him riled

Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Bubba ain't never been a fan

Of pop songs with twangy singin’

And he did not care for Thomas Rhett

So he let the bullets go slinging

He bought a round 'til the cops showed up

Was the toast of Beef O’Brady’s

We told him, “You know that was pretty dumb”

But our ears did appreciate it

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Said it played a bad song that got him riled

Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

When the sheriff arrived with his swat team crew

Lookin’ for our troublemaker

He shook his head and said

"Bubba boy, you was always a hater”

A reckless discharge of a gun

And putting the public in danger

Bubba hollered out danger hell

Been worse if Luke Bryan was playin’

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Said it played a bad song that got him riled

Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite

Well, he shot the TouchTunes

Stopped it with ten shots

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Well, he gave not a single shit

As that song machine died

Wasn’t no Waylon on that list

So it’s premeditated homicide

Bubba shot the TouchTunes

Stopped it with ten shots

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Elderly Country Songs: Aaron Lewis, Tyler Childers, Kelsea Ballerini, Thomas Rhett

Tyler Childers

Follow You to the Buffet

Creaker

82nd Winter

Bottles and Burials

Aaron Lewis

Am I The Only One Left

Sizzler Every Saturday Night

Kelsea Ballerini

I Quit Driving

Edema (ft The Chainsmokers)

If You Fall Down (And You Can’t Get Up)

I Hate Hippity Hop Songs

Thomas Rhett

Something to Do About My Hands

When We’re 90

Put Ice On It

Have to Pee