Bubba Shot the TouchTunes
©2023 Farce the Music Parody
We were all down at O’Brady’s bar
Tellin' stories if we had one
Someone fired the new TouchTunes up
The song it sure was a bad one
A sweat drop rolled down Bubba's nose
From the cringe the song was inflictin'
And all at once he jumped to his feet
Yelled “You’ve got to be shittin’!”
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
Said it played a bad song that got him riled
Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
Bubba ain't never been a fan
Of pop songs with twangy singin’
And he did not care for Thomas Rhett
So he let the bullets go slinging
He bought a round 'til the cops showed up
Was the toast of Beef O’Brady’s
We told him, “You know that was pretty dumb”
But our ears did appreciate it
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
Said it played a bad song that got him riled
Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
When the sheriff arrived with his swat team crew
Lookin’ for our troublemaker
He shook his head and said
"Bubba boy, you was always a hater”
A reckless discharge of a gun
And putting the public in danger
Bubba hollered out danger hell
Been worse if Luke Bryan was playin’
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
Said it played a bad song that got him riled
Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite
Well, he shot the TouchTunes
Stopped it with ten shots
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
Well, he gave not a single shit
As that song machine died
Wasn’t no Waylon on that list
So it’s premeditated homicide
Bubba shot the TouchTunes
Stopped it with ten shots
Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night
Follow You to the Buffet
Creaker
82nd Winter
Bottles and Burials
Aaron Lewis
Am I The Only One Left
Sizzler Every Saturday Night
Kelsea Ballerini
I Quit Driving
Edema (ft The Chainsmokers)
If You Fall Down (And You Can’t Get Up)
I Hate Hippity Hop Songs
Thomas Rhett
Something to Do About My Hands
When We’re 90
Put Ice On It
Have to Pee
Only a Grinch, Scrooge, Satan, or “that ain’t real country” blogger could find any sort of fault in these primped, staged, and PR committee approved scenes of Yuletide glee.
The cynicism-proof videos also featured cutely choreographed dance numbers featuring ____ himself wearing an elf costume and doing whatever TikTok dance is currently in fashion. Once upon a time, the singer was a bit rougher around the edges and said things that rubbed people the wrong way from time to time, but these days he is a straight up f**king Hallmark movie.
To prove they aren’t entirely straight-laced, ____ and his beautiful wife were also seen playing naughty (wholesome and scripted) pranks on one another. In one oh-so-cute clip, ___’s wife dumped a bucket of paper snow on ___’s head as he walked out of the bathroom. He fell to the carpet in premeditated shock and silliness, just like Waylon woulda done if such technology had existed in the late 70s.
At press time, _____ was helping his social media manager edit a video in which the singer ‘hilariously’ suggests the kids leave out White Claw and Quest bars for Santa.
He sees you there at your table with your girlfriend, Mr. Authentic Country, and despite Brad’s creative shortcomings, he knows your story. You got dragged out to drink $18 cocktails and listen to music you consider beneath you by your attractive but basic love interest, but hey, you don’t have to take it out on him. He doesn’t come to your haberdashery or horse barn or whatever and talk shit about your work.
Brad just wants to play Thomas Rhett and Cole Swindell and Russell Tenpenny.. hell, he gets them mixed up too, but anyway, just let him and his band play selections from the 50 popular songs they know in peace and chill out, dude. Zach Bryan? Do you mean Luke? And who the hell is Colter Wall? You’re just making stuff up now.
You in your vintage Waylon Jennings t-shirt sitting there all high and mighty, drinking a Pabst. What did you expect? That they were going to crank out some Highway Troubadours, or Colby Jinks, or whatever depressing stuff you listen to? Get real man, Dem Broadway Boyz are here to sell beer, Fireball, and overpriced chicken tenders. For the love of God, no they won’t play “Feathered Indians.”
Brad leans over to his bassist during a rendition of Sam Hunt’s “Body Like a Back Road” and whispers “watch this guy, be ready to take him down” as you saunter to the side stage with a smirk on your face.
At press time, Brad was singing lyrics read off his phone as the band worked through a poor version of “Whiskey River” after you tipped them $30 to play it. But he’s still pissed.
