Top 10 Worst Country Quarantine House Guests

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10. Garth Brooks

Just cries in the corner the whole time.

9. Kacey Musgraves

Smokes up all your weed. 

8. Gary LeVox

In this temporarily ‘nicer’ era of Farce the Music, I will leave this one alone, but you know why he’s here.

7. Martina McBride

High stakes poker games with toilet paper for money. Constantly setting up booby traps and cleaning her AK for when “shit goes down.”

6. Cody Jinks

Won’t stop reminding everyone that The Rock is a big fan. Unfortunately, Ward Davis had to come along too - it’s a package deal.

5. Justin Moore

Constantly needs help reaching stuff in the cabinet and climbing up on the toilet.

4. Mitchell Tenpenny

Your wife won’t come out of the bedroom because “his staring is getting really creepy.” Refuses to wash his hands.

3. Thomas Rhett

Brings over all his kids and their friends, negating the whole social distancing thing. Wants to have Ed Sheeran karaoke contests 24/7.

2. Sam Hunt

Expects you to keep his hair cut and styled for him. Water bill extremely high from washing all his jogger pants. Wants you to be the snap track for him when he’s writing songs. 

1. Shooter Jennings

Eats all your Funyuns. His ‘essential’ luggage is 5 crates of He-Man lunch boxes.

Eats up all the wifi bandwidth playing video games constantly. Conspiracy theories out the wazoo.

Choose Your Country Quarantine House

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Boyfriend Country Weekly!

What Your Favorite Album of 2019 Says About You

Lizzo - Cuz I Love You

You started listening to this so your daughter would think you’re cool. She does not.

Thomas Rhett - Center Point Road

You can talk for hours on end without ever saying anything of importance. You go to church just so you look cute on Instagram once a week.

Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

Your mom started listening to Lizzo so you’d think she’s cool. You don’t, but mostly because she won’t let you have blue hair or date a 23 year old.

Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride

You’re at the age that you know what yuppies felt like in the 90s. You drive a Volvo.

Miranda Lambert - Wildcard

You don’t get drunk on the weekends as much anymore, but only because the hangovers really hurt in your mid-30s. You’ve had non-physical fights with your significant other so loud that the police were called …more than once.

George Strait - Honky-Tonk Time Machine

Country radio is not for you, but you don’t care if other people like it. You iron your jeans and only have one tattoo you got in the Navy.

Cody Jinks - The Wanting

Country radio is not for you, and f*ck anybody who likes it. You’re still wearing the same jeans from Saturday and have at least two skull tattoos.

Mitchell Tenpenny - Telling All My Secrets

You don’t know what year it is and have the shittiest taste in music possible. 

Koe Wetzel - Harold Saul High

You have a jacked up truck with exhaust stacks, fight with your girlfriend in public, and are drunk right now. But you still think you’re better than those douchebags who listen to Florida-Georgia Line.

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This is satire. Don't take it seriously.

Also, if your favorite wasn't here, there will probably be another edition.
Idea stolen from Medium.

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Sanford and Son Country Reaction Gifs

If somebody says "the new Thomas Rhett song will blow you away"

If you've never seen Heartworn Highways

When all your rowdy friends come over

When someone you trusted said they just bought tickets to see Jason Aldean

When Grady says Ray Charles sucks

If you're not an Ashley McBryde fan...

When your friend finds a Big & Rich CD in your old collection

If you think the definition of country music is "whatever they're playing on the mainstream country station"

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Thomas Rhett = The Little Mermaid?

WWE Country Reaction Gifs 39

If you buy Jason Aldean's new album on CD, make sure you shine it up real good

What does anyone see in Mitchell Tenpenny?

♫ ♬ You say you were wrong to ever leave me alone

Now you're sorry, you're lonesome and scared... ♫ ♬

If somebody plays Florida-Georgia Line on the bar jukebox

  

Sam Hunt has a new song

After listening to Thomas Rhett for .02 seconds

Trying to figure out how Dan + Shay is country

When somebody says black people are part of the history of country music*

*https://www.gq.com/story/hulk-hogan-is-getting-the-redemption-story-he-never-earned

Scream Country Reaction Gifs

When the insurance company puts you on hold and their hold music is Thomas Rhett

"But the female country singers just aren't making songs as good as the men do"

 "Carrie, why did you key my truck, bust out my headlights, and flatten my tires?"

When you're about to walk into the Halloween party but you can hear Kane Brown music playing inside

Sturgill and Tyler are going on an arena tour in 2020!

♫ ♬ Here you come again

Just when I've begun to get myself together ♫ ♬

"But why can't I sing about clubbing in a southern drawl over an EDM beat and call it country?"

Her: (whispers) Morgan Wallen's version is better than Isbell's

Me:

We shoulda known something was up with Zac Brown when he changed some lyrics of Isbell's "Dress Blues"