Jan 22, 2020
Dec 10, 2019
Lizzo - Cuz I Love You
You started listening to this so your daughter would think you’re cool. She does not.
Thomas Rhett - Center Point Road
You can talk for hours on end without ever saying anything of importance. You go to church just so you look cute on Instagram once a week.
Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?
Your mom started listening to Lizzo so you’d think she’s cool. You don’t, but mostly because she won’t let you have blue hair or date a 23 year old.
Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride
You’re at the age that you know what yuppies felt like in the 90s. You drive a Volvo.
Miranda Lambert - Wildcard
You don’t get drunk on the weekends as much anymore, but only because the hangovers really hurt in your mid-30s. You’ve had non-physical fights with your significant other so loud that the police were called …more than once.
George Strait - Honky-Tonk Time Machine
Country radio is not for you, but you don’t care if other people like it. You iron your jeans and only have one tattoo you got in the Navy.
Cody Jinks - The Wanting
Country radio is not for you, and f*ck anybody who likes it. You’re still wearing the same jeans from Saturday and have at least two skull tattoos.
Mitchell Tenpenny - Telling All My Secrets
You don’t know what year it is and have the shittiest taste in music possible.
Koe Wetzel - Harold Saul High
You have a jacked up truck with exhaust stacks, fight with your girlfriend in public, and are drunk right now. But you still think you’re better than those douchebags who listen to Florida-Georgia Line.
This is satire. Don't take it seriously.
Also, if your favorite wasn't here, there will probably be another edition.
Idea stolen from Medium.
Idea stolen from Medium.
Dec 2, 2019
Nov 29, 2019
If somebody says "the new Thomas Rhett song will blow you away"
If you've never seen Heartworn Highways
When all your rowdy friends come over
When someone you trusted said they just bought tickets to see Jason Aldean
When Grady says Ray Charles sucks
If you're not an Ashley McBryde fan...
When your friend finds a Big & Rich CD in your old collection
If you think the definition of country music is "whatever they're playing on the mainstream country station"
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 15, 2019
If you buy Jason Aldean's new album on CD, make sure you shine it up real good
What does anyone see in Mitchell Tenpenny?
♫ ♬ You say you were wrong to ever leave me alone
Now you're sorry, you're lonesome and scared... ♫ ♬
If somebody plays Florida-Georgia Line on the bar jukebox
Sam Hunt has a new song
After listening to Thomas Rhett for .02 seconds
Trying to figure out how Dan + Shay is country
When somebody says black people are part of the history of country music*
Oct 31, 2019
When the insurance company puts you on hold and their hold music is Thomas Rhett
"But the female country singers just aren't making songs as good as the men do"
"Carrie, why did you key my truck, bust out my headlights, and flatten my tires?"
When you're about to walk into the Halloween party but you can hear Kane Brown music playing inside
Sturgill and Tyler are going on an arena tour in 2020!
♫ ♬ Here you come again
Just when I've begun to get myself together ♫ ♬
"But why can't I sing about clubbing in a southern drawl over an EDM beat and call it country?"
Her: (whispers) Morgan Wallen's version is better than Isbell's
We shoulda known something was up with Zac Brown when he changed some lyrics of Isbell's "Dress Blues"
Oct 25, 2019
Pop singer Thomas Rhett is looking for a costume for a Halloween party this weekend. He’s already chosen the theme - country singer - but he’s searching for the perfect presentation, visiting thrift stores and western wear outlets across Nashville.
“I did a Google image search for ‘country singer’ and it came back with lots of western hats and boot-cut jeans and stuff,” says Rhett. “That’s so foreign to me - it’s always enlightening to see how other cultures live!” He tries on a huge foam cowboy hat but quickly returns it to the rack. “If they had it with a flat brim maybe.”
Rhett’s day to day wardrobe usually includes hip t-shirts, fitted pants, and high-dollar sneakers while his stage presence leans more toward tropical wear, varsity jackets, and custom denim. The aesthetics of country music fashion are a world away from his typical flair, but he’s digging it. “Ha, they call this a nude suit, I believe,” laughs Thomas, holding up a rhinestone and flower covered blue jacket. “I think old country dudes like Jeb Pierce and Porter Ladner used to wear these… such swag!”
After a couple of hours, Rhett has narrowed his selections down to an all black Johnny Cash-inspired ensemble or a Hank Sr. style outfit. “Did you know Hank had a father who was also a country singer?” asks Rhett.
Still undecided at press time, Rhett seems excited about the impact he’ll make when he steps into the party as someone so different from himself. “They won’t even recognize me.”
Oct 10, 2019
Oct 7, 2019
Sep 19, 2019
When somebody says their favorite 'country' singer is Thomas Rhett
What's the best way to listen to an Old Dominion song?
Patiently listening to country radio to hear a country song
If you're a hick-hop fan expecting people to respect your taste
You don't like Charles Wesley Godwin?
When your office-mate is already playing Kane Brown when you get to work at 8
Highwomen had the #1 country album?
When my wife says they were playing bro-country in the store the whole time she was there and I laugh.
"Hell Right, Hell Right"