Farce the Music: Dylan Scott

Showing posts with label Dylan Scott. Show all posts

Sep 24, 2021

How to Be More Positive About Other People's Bad Taste in Country Music

Jul 29, 2021

Jun 4, 2021

May 14, 2021

Every Pop-Country Artist’s Next Album to Be “Country as Hell”

Spurred on by the popularity of somewhat neo-traditional artists Jon Pardi and Luke Combs, nearly every pop-country artist vowed this week that their next release will be “country as hell.”

“We’re even bringing in a violin player!” smiled Kane Brown, in studio working on his proper follow-up to 2019’s Experiment. “It’s gonna be country as hell!” Brown was said to be drinking moonshine from a jar and wearing steel toe work boots in the vocal booth to get into character.

Thomas Rhett recently released the album Country Again, Side A, which features two songs with the word ‘country’ in the title. “Yeah, we saw the writing on the wall…. errr, I mean, we felt that this was the natural evolution of my sound.” said Rhett. Critics and naysayers were skeptical but modestly surprised with the results.

The changing tides in Nashville have even spurred a peculiar support industry - the “country life coach.” Consultants have hired on with several pop-country artists to help them work on their authenticity, which seems ironic. “We’ve put (name excluded) on a diet of fried foods and got him out of the gym into the hog barn, ha.” said Richard Perkins, an authenticity coach. “We’ve taught him what a steel guitar is, and how to tie a trot line, not just sing about one.”

While the trend toward more organic and source-oriented country music is not unwelcome, one must question the motives for the turn. D-Lister Dylan Scott told us “Well, my management somehow works me a hit or two a year, but nobody’s ever heard of me; we had to do something …so we’re in the studio working on some country as hell country!” smiled the burly Louisiana native.

At press time, Sam Hunt had no plans to stop talk singing about small town breakups over trap beats.

May 12, 2021

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: May 2021

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-9) overall which is a 2 point improvement from February (the previous time we did this chart). The worst song is Dan + Shay’s “Glad You Exist,” but Sam, Dylan, Luke, and Cole also have terrible entries. The best song is Eric Church’s “Hell of a View” with Lainey Wilson’s “Things a Man Oughta Know” nipping at its heels. The chart is somewhat stagnant, quality-wise, but there are hints of promise.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Dec 3, 2020

Boyfriend Country Bingo

Jul 31, 2020

Waylon vs Boyfriend Country

Apr 10, 2019

The Hottest New Show in Nashville is...

Feb 28, 2019

Strait Name Droppin'

Dec 18, 2018

10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2018

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1. Walker Hayes - 90s Country

Walker seems like a nice guy. He has kind eyes. I don't wanna harp on the guy, but as the youths of 2018 said "this ain't it." Most artists I don't care for show me at least one trait that makes me think they in some way deserve the success they've achieved. With Walker I'm not sure - he's nice? This song isn't nice. It barely qualifies as a song. It's certainly not country and bears no resemblance whatsoever to the 90s country songs it calls out, other than the fact that it uses the same words of the English language. This is bad. Embarrassingly bad. Somebody should hire Walker into marketing or management or artist development or something, because singing/songwriting doesn't seem to be his thing, and he seems like a swell fellow.

2. AJ McLean - Back Porch Bottle Service

Just stop. You're still making plenty off Backstreet Boys tours and their catalog of music, so leave the country music to the …uh, dudes who talk-sing about 'girls' over snap beats? Forget that part. Just know that this is subpar. Extremely subpar.

3. Keith Urban - Gemini

We (those of us who like actual pop-country that has a firm grip on the roots of country) lost Keith a long time ago and he keeps journeying farther into the ether with garbage like this. Stupid ass lyrics, soulless music ...and I'm just done with Nicole Kidman's husband.

4. Parmalee - Hotdamalama

No trash talking is needed here.

5. Mitchell Tenpenny - Bitches

This guy sucks. I can't stand Kane Brown, but at least Kane's music occasionally puts on some country window dressing. Mitch here is pure pop music, or R&B lite, to be more exact. He sings like John Mayer with strep throat. Oh yeah, and he saw fit to foist a song about 'bitches' into the "country" world. Unfortunately for the world, it looks like 10cent is gonna be here for a while.

6. Dustin Lynch - Good Girl

If I'm curiously listening to mainstream country radio (which is rare nowadays), as soon as I hear Dustin's voice, I'm out, and this song's the biggest offender. Pointless drivel. Not even gonna get into his missed potential - that's all in the past. Lynch is pop music for teenage girls who change the station from "Mo Bamba" when their dad walks into their room to make sure they're doing homework.

7. Mitchell Tenpenny - Drunk Me

See #5 but this one was a hit single. This guy is the worst.

8. Dylan Scott - Hooked

He might look 39, but he's 29 and despite the fact that he's been trying at country radio for 4 years now, somebody saw fit to vote him one of the New Faces for next year's CRS conference. Nothing to see here. Just cookie cutter BS from a tall dude who gets comments on YouTube like "hes ssooooosssoooo hotttt."

9. Sam Hunt - Downtown's Dead

I don't care for Sam's music, but at least most of his previous songs had something of a catchy melody. This is ear torture. I'd rank it higher (lower?) but it was such a flop, Sam stayed on hiatus. That's a nice silver lining and drops this tune down the rankings.