Apr 10, 2019
Feb 28, 2019
Dec 18, 2018
1. Walker Hayes - 90s Country
Walker seems like a nice guy. He has kind eyes. I don't wanna harp on the guy, but as the youths of 2018 said "this ain't it." Most artists I don't care for show me at least one trait that makes me think they in some way deserve the success they've achieved. With Walker I'm not sure - he's nice? This song isn't nice. It barely qualifies as a song. It's certainly not country and bears no resemblance whatsoever to the 90s country songs it calls out, other than the fact that it uses the same words of the English language. This is bad. Embarrassingly bad. Somebody should hire Walker into marketing or management or artist development or something, because singing/songwriting doesn't seem to be his thing, and he seems like a swell fellow.
2. AJ McLean - Back Porch Bottle Service
Just stop. You're still making plenty off Backstreet Boys tours and their catalog of music, so leave the country music to the …uh, dudes who talk-sing about 'girls' over snap beats? Forget that part. Just know that this is subpar. Extremely subpar.
3. Keith Urban - Gemini
We (those of us who like actual pop-country that has a firm grip on the roots of country) lost Keith a long time ago and he keeps journeying farther into the ether with garbage like this. Stupid ass lyrics, soulless music ...and I'm just done with Nicole Kidman's husband.
4. Parmalee - Hotdamalama
No trash talking is needed here.
5. Mitchell Tenpenny - Bitches
This guy sucks. I can't stand Kane Brown, but at least Kane's music occasionally puts on some country window dressing. Mitch here is pure pop music, or R&B lite, to be more exact. He sings like John Mayer with strep throat. Oh yeah, and he saw fit to foist a song about 'bitches' into the "country" world. Unfortunately for the world, it looks like 10cent is gonna be here for a while.
6. Dustin Lynch - Good Girl
If I'm curiously listening to mainstream country radio (which is rare nowadays), as soon as I hear Dustin's voice, I'm out, and this song's the biggest offender. Pointless drivel. Not even gonna get into his missed potential - that's all in the past. Lynch is pop music for teenage girls who change the station from "Mo Bamba" when their dad walks into their room to make sure they're doing homework.
7. Mitchell Tenpenny - Drunk Me
See #5 but this one was a hit single. This guy is the worst.
8. Dylan Scott - Hooked
He might look 39, but he's 29 and despite the fact that he's been trying at country radio for 4 years now, somebody saw fit to vote him one of the New Faces for next year's CRS conference. Nothing to see here. Just cookie cutter BS from a tall dude who gets comments on YouTube like "hes ssooooosssoooo hotttt."
9. Sam Hunt - Downtown's Dead
I don't care for Sam's music, but at least most of his previous songs had something of a catchy melody. This is ear torture. I'd rank it higher (lower?) but it was such a flop, Sam stayed on hiatus. That's a nice silver lining and drops this tune down the rankings.
10. Uncle Kracker - Floatin'
He's Uncle Kracker.
Nov 5, 2018
Aug 30, 2018
Dec 22, 2017
We've spent all of 2017 making fun of these and other songs, so there's little else
to do but rank the worst. No need for further criticisms or a thesaurus full of
disgusting descriptive terms. Nothing fancy. Okay, a little fancy...
Dec 14, 2017
The pro wrestling equivalent of
Bebe Rexha having the #1 Hot Country Song
I found some Cole Swindell songs on this refurbished
laptop I bought. What should I do with them?
Hayes Carll, John Evans, and Corb Lund are
putting out an album together in 2018
"But evolution… you're just jealous…
stop being so negative…"
"Why can't I listen to Dylan Scott's Christmas album?"
Still more interesting than a Lady Antebellum album:
What it feels like to hear Walker Hayes for the first time
Reading the YouTube comments under a Kane Brown video
Dec 1, 2017
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