Showing posts with label Parmalee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parmalee. Show all posts

Dec 18, 2018

10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2018

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1. Walker Hayes - 90s Country
Walker seems like a nice guy. He has kind eyes. I don't wanna harp on the guy, but as the youths of 2018 said "this ain't it." Most artists I don't care for show me at least one trait that makes me think they in some way deserve the success they've achieved. With Walker I'm not sure - he's nice? This song isn't nice. It barely qualifies as a song. It's certainly not country and bears no resemblance whatsoever to the 90s country songs it calls out, other than the fact that it uses the same words of the English language. This is bad. Embarrassingly bad. Somebody should hire Walker into marketing or management or artist development or something, because singing/songwriting doesn't seem to be his thing, and he seems like a swell fellow.


2. AJ McLean - Back Porch Bottle Service
Just stop. You're still making plenty off Backstreet Boys tours and their catalog of music, so leave the country music to the …uh, dudes who talk-sing about 'girls' over snap beats? Forget that part. Just know that this is subpar. Extremely subpar.


3. Keith Urban - Gemini
We (those of us who like actual pop-country that has a firm grip on the roots of country) lost Keith a long time ago and he keeps journeying farther into the ether with garbage like this. Stupid ass lyrics, soulless music ...and I'm just done with Nicole Kidman's husband. 


4. Parmalee - Hotdamalama
No trash talking is needed here.


5. Mitchell Tenpenny - Bitches
This guy sucks. I can't stand Kane Brown, but at least Kane's music occasionally puts on some country window dressing. Mitch here is pure pop music, or R&B lite, to be more exact. He sings like John Mayer with strep throat. Oh yeah, and he saw fit to foist a song about 'bitches' into the "country" world. Unfortunately for the world, it looks like 10cent is gonna be here for a while. 


6. Dustin Lynch - Good Girl
If I'm curiously listening to mainstream country radio (which is rare nowadays), as soon as I hear Dustin's voice, I'm out, and this song's the biggest offender. Pointless drivel. Not even gonna get into his missed potential - that's all in the past. Lynch is pop music for teenage girls who change the station from "Mo Bamba" when their dad walks into their room to make sure they're doing homework.


7. Mitchell Tenpenny - Drunk Me
See #5 but this one was a hit single. This guy is the worst.


8. Dylan Scott - Hooked
He might look 39, but he's 29 and despite the fact that he's been trying at country radio for 4 years now, somebody saw fit to vote him one of the New Faces for next year's CRS conference. Nothing to see here. Just cookie cutter BS from a tall dude who gets comments on YouTube like "hes ssooooosssoooo hotttt."


9. Sam Hunt - Downtown's Dead
I don't care for Sam's music, but at least most of his previous songs had something of a catchy melody. This is ear torture. I'd rank it higher (lower?) but it was such a flop, Sam stayed on hiatus. That's a nice silver lining and drops this tune down the rankings. 


10. Uncle Kracker - Floatin'
He's Uncle Kracker.


Sep 20, 2018

Mr. Rogers Country Reaction Gifs


When you just got off Willie's bus

If you think country music evolved into whatever Thomas Rhett is, you're a:

Saturday night and the moon is out
I'm gonna head on over to the Twist & Shout

The entire crowd at a Parmalee concert

This train is bound for glory, this train...

 If you're here for the memes and gifs and reviews and tolerate the wrestling humor...

Dancing to a mainstream country song like...

When your friend comes through with some John Moreland tickets

And finally, here's wishing all Kane Brown fans a wonderful day in the neighborhood!











Apr 19, 2018

Friends Country Reaction Gifs

  Last time Joey used your computer, he downloaded a bunch of Kane Brown songs

You spend a portion of each day telling people half your age what they should think country music means?

When Walker Hayes is playing in a public place where you can't turn it off.

One of your pastimes is calling Miranda Lambert a whore online?

There's Florida-Georgia Line fan fiction?

When "Body Like a Back Road" won ACM Single of the Year

Radio won't play Cam's "Diane?"

When you notice she has a Waylon tattoo
 

Hotdamalama? Parmalee?


Oct 1, 2015

In the Year 2030: Predictions for Luke Bryan, FGL, etc.


Tyler Hubbard, having blown through $156 million earned during his FGL days, 
takes a job more suited for his skills - guessing fair-goers weights and ages

Singers, songwriters, and musicians now pay music fans to listen to their singles and albums

Parmalee still releasing singles from 2013 album

Jason Aldean's fifth wife takes half his remaining estate in their divorce 
(3 Miller Lites, a subscription to hugejugs.xxx, and a faux vintage Skynyrd t-shirt)

Tyler Farr parks his minivan on his ex-wife's lawn and throws empty craft beer bottles at her window

R Kelly still peeing on people, but now because he is unable to control his bladder

Queen Swift of the UN Worldstate Council has all the music bloggers
who used to make fun of her voice beheaded on live television

Brad Paisley now writing goofy-ass songs about Metamucil, 
retirement funds, and erectile dysfunction

Kenny Chesney has trouble visiting the beach with his old blue walker

Keith Richards cuts back to a pack of cigarettes a day

Casey Donahew Band plots reunion tour. 35-50 year old bros
throughout Texas and Oklahoma brush up on fist-pumping skills

Sam Hunt custom orders Hitler-youth-hairstyle toupé

Every single attendee at summer country music festival arrested for something or other

Colt Ford still doesn't have any hits

Luke Bryan found destitute and crack-addicted in an Atlanta alley, 
clutching a frayed pair of skinny jeans

Jan 9, 2015

It's Mind-Blowing!

Just to verify with everyone that I have, in fact, seen this video... here it is. I was sent the video by someone on Wednesday, then Triggerman did a SCM post about it with some fancy words, so I didn't see the point of posting it, but again, here it is...

It certainly is mind-blowing, funny and not entirely surprising.



Jan 7, 2015

TwitterFAIL: January 2015


Not particularly safe for work, as usual.
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I have no idea what that's all about...

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