More Monday Memes: Kane Brown, Zach Bryan, Jon Pardi

 

More Monday Memes: Jon Pardi, Chris Young, Jason Aldean

Ranking "Cowgirl" Songs With Steak

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August '23

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song  where the good attributes and the bad are dead even.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 4 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). The best song (by a hair over Hailey Whiters) is Luke Combs’ monster hit cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” The worst is Parmalee's "Girl in Mine" for the second time in a row, narrowly beating out Luke Bryan’s insipid “But I Got a Beer in My Hand.” I don’t really see any particular trends besides it being summer, always a celebration of cliches on country radio. 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Elderly Country Songs: Dierks, Koe Wetzel, Sam Hunt, etc.

Dierks Bentley

Drunk on a Golf Cart

Somewhere on a Bus

What the Hell Did You Say

Ashley McBryde

Granny Put Your Bra On

Gospel Night at the Bingo Hall

Light on in the Chrysler

Sam Hunt

Nursing Home Party

83

Breaking Up Was Easy in the 50s

Take My Time

Koe Wetzel

February 28, 1946

Shrunk Driving

Can’t Die Young

Jake Owen

Best Thing Since Butterscotch

Down to the Coffee Shop

8 Second Cramp

Jon Pardi

Heart Medication

Dirt on My Velcros

Heart Attack on the Dance Floor

Smokin’ a Pall Mall

Local Man’s Profane On-Air Rant Leaves Country Station with $20K FCC Fine

A local man’s obscene rant on a popular country radio station has cost that station five figures in FCC fines this week. Reginald Spears, a small engine repair shop owner who had previously been banned from the airwaves, tricked his way onto the Ferry and Lewis Morning Show and got off two and a half expletives before the hosts dropped his call.

WTSM manager Bart McGee says Mr. Spears’ cell and home numbers have long been on the blacklist for the station, but that he used a friend’s cell phone to call in on Monday morning. Ferry and Lewis, the morning show hosts, had asked listeners to call in and tell them what current songs they were digging and which ones they weren’t. Things went fine for the first few calls, but quickly went off the rails. 

“He started off quietly praising the fact that we’d played Zach Bryan’s “Something in the Orange” a few times,” said McGee. “But when Lewis asked him to name a song he didn’t like, the caller became suddenly irate.” The morning hosts apparently had accidentally switched off the 1 minute delay feature, which allows time to censor profanities, without realizing.

A transcript of the end of Spears’ call follows:

[Spears - who identified as “Mike in Mt. Airy”]

Yeah, yeah I do have come issues with some of them songs

You’re gone play a perfectly decent Jon Pardi song, and then Dan and freaking Shay?

[Ferry]

Watch it… (laughs)

[Spears]

Yeah anyway, y’all will play Jon.. and Zach Bryan… and Carly Pearce which is all good stuff

But then you will turn around after a loaded tea commercial and play that sissy junk

Literally nobody but stay at home stepmoms listens to that crap

[Lewis]

Seriously, keep it PG … we get it but…

[Spears]

Naw. Y’all using the same airwaves that once played The Possum and Patsy, it gets me fired up.

Y’all know me. This is Reginald Spears and I want y’all to know that while you’re doing better lately,

And that I really listen to my CDs and Spotify more than y’all, but

I don’t wanna hear any of that Kane Brown and his wife or Dan + Shay bullshit. Piss on ‘em. Fuc... [call cut off]

The 48-year-old Spears has a long history of tormenting the radio station and other local businesses with vandalism and “pranks,” in his off-kilter campaign against pop-country music he deems unworthy. Among the incidents are vulgar phrases mowed on the station’s lawn, unplugging the radio tower, and destroying an electronic jukebox. Mr. Spears has payed fines and served short sentences over the incidents, but has been relatively quiet in recent years. 

At press time, WTSM was disputing the fines with the FCC, and speaking with legal counsel to determine if they could sue Mr. Spears himself for damages if the dispute failed. 

Mainstream Country Wasn't All Bad This Year

 

Stolen Memes: Nashville, Alan Jackson, Jon Pardi, Rhett Akins

 

From Music Shitty Instagram

From @Misery_n_Gin

Andy Samberg Country Reaction Gifs

Coworker: "Would you please go to the FGL show with me? Tickets were $125 and my girlfriend can't go"

If you flip by the country station and wonder where the country is...

Why haven't you listened to Lori McKenna's last album yet?

Secret footage of Dan Smyers' (of Dan + Shay) audition

Did you used to like Chris Young and what do you think of his recent music?

What's it feel like with all the live shows getting on the road again?

When your friend is engaged to somebody who only likes mainstream country

When Jon Pardi is playing a show in your town, then you see who his opening acts are

How horny was Conway Twitty?

Fact-Checked Country Tweets

Brutally Honest Country Top 20

 Sent in by Bobby Peacock

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: November 2020

A poop emoji is negative. A strike-thru is positive. 

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-4) overall which is a 5 point improvement from August (the previous time we did this chart). The worst song by a long shot is Dan + Shay’s “I Should Probably Go to Bed.” The best song is Jon Pardi’s “Ain’t Always the Cowboy,” edging out Stapleton’s latest by a hair. There are some decent tunes here and the chart should improve a little more over the fall and winter. On a negative note, there’s only 1 solo woman, so we’re back to square one on that front. Do better, Nashville.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Jon Pardi Covers Dwight's "Honky Tonk Man"

From his new covers EP Rancho Fiesta Sessions.

New Video / Jon Pardi / "Ain't Always the Cowboy"

John Rich's Songwriting Tip #84

A lot of people ask me about maintaining integrity in songwriting. They say, “John, how do you stay relevant in the country songwriting field without compromising your beliefs in the sacredness of the genre, or your love of the craft?” 

I get it. Despite the popularity of a few somewhat traditional sounding artists like Jon Pardi and Luke Combs, it seems that country music is drifting toward the pop landscape more and more. The lyrics are becoming more repetitive, the stories are becoming non-existent, and there are less “real” instruments in the music. I understand your concerns and have some advice for you.

Get over it, boomer. Can’t compromise your integrity if you never had any! This is a business, not an art gallery. I can sell more Bocephus on velvet paintings down by the interstate than I can Monet prints, and I’m all about that almighty dolla dolla bill y’all, so shove your authenticity and get busy hanging up the Hank Jrs. 

I went through a few years of thinking I could still get songwriting cuts and hits with the old tried-and-true formula, but it wasn’t because of some virtuous bullshit - I was just lazy. But nowadays I’m getting back on the horse, punching them buttons and dropping them beats. Just got through kissing Kane Brown’s ass on Twitter, too, so hopefully that’ll get me in good graces with the execs and the producers with stupid one-word names. It’s time for the pimp daddy with the bull-horn Caddy to ride again. And if snap beats are cranking out the speakers and you don’t like it, just shut yo washed ass up. 

Country music is like Silly Putty. Bend it and twist it however you want. Stick it down on a picture of Drake and Voila! You’ve made a weak, distorted version of Drake appear on the ‘country music.’ Who cares about tradition? Get that green son.

*not actually written by John Rich

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: December '19

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-19) overall which is a 8(!!) point decrease from October (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber’s “10,000 Hours.”

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country: Oct. '19

A poop emoji is negative; a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is a 2 point improvement from July (the previous time we did this chart). The best song on the chart is Jon Pardi’s “Heartache Medication.”  The worst is Blake Shelton & Trace Adkins’ “Hell Right.” 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Really Dumb Country Reviews: October '19

These are real reviews from a popular digital music service.

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Zac Brown Band - The Owl

The Highwomen - s/t

Jon Pardi - Heartache Medication

Upchurch - Parachute

Sturgill Simpson - Sound & Fury

(yeah, I know it's not actually country)

Miranda Lambert - Wildcard