Jon Pardi Performs "Heartache Medication"

First single from his forthcoming album.

Honest Billboard Country Chart: Feb. '19

Mainstream Country Station Accidentally Plays Good Song

Note: This story was blatantly ripped off from Babylon Bee and adapted for country radio.

SOUTHAVEN, MS—Representatives for local mainstream country radio station WFNN 99.1 "Mighty Fine Ninety-Nine" issued an official apology Thursday morning after accidentally playing a good song on their station. An employee error reportedly caused the not awful song to be played in full.

“There’s no excuse, and we apologize,” a station representative said. “We meant to play another vapid pop song with a fiddle hidden in there so deep you'd need a stethoscope to hear it, and somehow a song with deep themes, country instrumentation, and solid musical execution just was slipped into the queue by a now former employee.”

Horrified listeners reportedly phoned in poorly though-out and nearly incomprehensible complaints throughout the morning.

“I relies on Mighty Fine 99 to play Luke Bryan at least twice hourly so I can make it through my hard morning of posting Alex Jones videos and racist memes on Facebook,” one local woman told reporters. “And they p**sed me off... because of that twangy noise song, they only played Luke eleventeen times today. I'm switching over to Bro-Country 102 if this s**t continues.”

"I accidentally heard a steel guitar and felt an emotion, despite being on high doses of feeling reducer pills," said Jonny Latham of Olive Branch. "That Stapleton dude sang a few three syllable words and made me feels intelligently inadequate." 

The network’s leadership assured its disgruntled listener base it wouldn’t happen again.

“I’ve personally gone in and purged every Miranda Lambert, Jon Pardi, and Chris Stapleton song from our system and instructed our content managers to only play mind-numbing, formulaic hits based on our data metrics going forward,” 99.1's program director said. “And as a special thank you to listeners for sticking with us, I’m happy to announce we’ll be playing only "Downtown's Dead" and "Heaven" for six straight hours Sunday afternoon." 

Five CMT Awards Memes

Borrowed Jokes: Conway, Pardi, Joe Diffie, Keith Urban

Music memes from around the webz; credited when possible.

"Pardi B"
From Brothers Osborne's Twitter account.

From @simcardcottam

From Country Music Memes 

From We Hate Pop Country

Monday Morning Memes: ACM Awards Edition

New Video / Jon Pardi / "She Ain't In It"

Jon Pardi Performs "She Ain't In It"

2017 CMA Snarky Twitter Wrap-Up

Single Review: Jon Pardi "Heartache on the Dancefloor"

by Jonny Brick

There’s a movement in country called, to me, ‘Boy Deserving Success Gets Success’. Aaron Watson, country’s ‘underdog’, has hit the sales top 50 and the airplay top 40 with "Outta Style;" William Michael Morgan has gone "Missing" with a sound that uncorks the bottle of wine labelled ‘1994;’ Jason Isbell has the number one record in country with zero airplay on non-satellite stations; and Jon Pardi is going to score his third number one with his smart new single, "Heartache on the Dancefloor."

It’s about a girl who attracts the protagonist with her moves on the dancefloor but who disappears before she can be found. There are about eight great rhythmic earworms in this song, including the chant-along ‘moving through my mind’ and the post-chorus ‘yes she is, yes she is’, which becomes ‘where you at, where you at’ in the final iteration.

The setting is a bar in a ‘west coast town’, which is smart as Jon is a Western act rather than a country one (the record is California Sunrise). The use of the word ‘wandering/ wondering’ in the chorus is smart: Jon is both walking to find her, and thinking about the girl constantly. ‘That girl is killing me so I put on this song!’ he says of his attempts to catch her in that same bar night after night. So what Jon is doing is describing imaginary heartache, which comes from not even talking to a girl; it’s sort of a psychic (or psychotic) passion for a girl. Maybe he dreamed her…

The image is instantly identifiable to anyone who ever visited a bar and saw a purty lady on the dancefloor. This time, Jon doesn’t even need to mention boots to get a hit.

7/10

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Honest Billboard Country Airplay Chart: Apr. '17

Jon Pardi Performs "Nobody In His Right Mind Would've Left Her"

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Music

A ratings system based on poop emojis seems right in our wheelhouse, so here you go. This is the current Mediabase Top 20 country songs. Poop is bad. Not-Poop is good. The potential worst rating is 5 poop emojis. The potential best is 5 not-poop emojis. Here's Trailer's opinion of each song. Enjoy!     (...?)

The inaugural Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is 5 POOP EMOJIS (or -5) overall. Please read Country Perspective's Current Pulse for a different perspective, more class, and better insight.

Chart from Country Aircheck / Mediabase.

Country TwitterFAIL: July '16

FOUL LANGUAGE BELOW