Ruston Kelly - The Weakness You don’t suffer from undiagnosed depression, you revel in every minute of it. Happy songs make you sad. Your friends all think you’re the smartest of the bunch because you got lucky on the ACT in high school. You utter “Hello darkness my old friend” every time you walk into work, but you are otherwise well-adjusted and well liked.
Bailey Zimmerman - Religiously I don’t know or even care if this even came out in 2023, but you feel the same way. This is your background music for shuffling off to pickle ball practice or a meeting of the Jr. League in your $70k suv that has never seen a spot of mud. Someone recommended Zach Bryan to you, but you found him to be too intelligent. You think you saw Bailey play at the amphitheater last summer but you were so drunk you can’t be sure.
Turnpike Troubadours - A Cat in the Rain You are a loyal friend. Your musical opinions are not always to be trusted, but your word is gold. You almost said the word “hater” out loud when one of your friends said this wasn’t their best album, but it was awesome to have them back. Your $70k truck is covered in mud …from working.
You are not in my circle of “in real life” friends but you are definitely among my online friends, despite me thinking at least 42% of your political beliefs are loony. You don’t dye your hair anymore, but your bathroom sink is still purple from all the “new yous.” You are a loyal friend.
You are probably not in the lunatic fringe of Zach fans my memes so frequently target. You’re the type of fan who’d gladly spend $500 on a ticket, but also can see and appreciate Zach for his flaws and strengths. Still, every once in a while you click the angry face emoji on one of my memes.
Your $7k truck is covered in mud ….from hasty getaways. Your only steady job the last few years has been selling pills. This is no fault of your upbringing or circumstances, you’re just a dumbass. You are very vocal about other people’s politics, despite not being allowed to vote yourself.
You are the real targets of most of my anti-Wallen memes. Look, I know you don’t listen to much country all when you’re driving around in the monstrosity your dad bought for your 15th birthday, but this is a country-music-focused site, and me poking fun at rappers and their fans might get me cancelled. I know it’s your girlfriend who listens to Wallen. Anyway, you’re a dipshit community college kid who failed Spanish for the second time because you were out spotlighting deer and smoking weed the night before.
