What Your Favorite Album of 2025 Says About You 2

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Tyler Childers - Snipe Hunt

You have a weird ass sense of humor but keep it under wraps at work. You’ve longingly stared out a rain streaked window while listening to this and considered calling your dad, but decided against it. When discussing this album online, you insist to detractors that there’s nothing political about it, but code switch around your liberal friends and mention Snipe Hunt’s “clearly anti-Capitalist” bent. You’re “Appalachia sober” (only drink moonshine when you’re around your old high school friends).

Parker McCollum - Self-Titled

You’re not exactly a country poser - you can put up a deer stand and your boots have been worked in - but you still reside on a cul-de-sac and drive a truck far too big and expensive for your needs. This is Parker’s first album in a while that you weren’t embarrassed to defend. Your girlfriend would drop you for him in a millisecond.

Chase Matthew - Chase

You fit the description of a bro-country fan circa 2014, but with a Malibu’s Most Wanted flair. Your parents are legitimately ashamed of you for multiple reasons, including the time you showed up to church in a white tee, gold chain, and sagging pants. Your girlfriend has been ‘about to turn 18’ for a couple years now. You don’t listen to Morgan Wallen, because he’s “too country.”

Jason Isbell - Foxes in the Snow

You sound like an NPR host in person, but every host of The View at once when you post on Threads or Bluesky. You’re torn between loyalty to Jason and your feminist obligation to believe Amanda on their whole divorce situation, so you just avoid the topic altogether. You’ve maintained friendships with MAGA folks, but have restarted your smoking habit so you can go outside when politics comes up at parties. You occasionally mix in some pop-country to lighten your mind, but only on YouTube so it doesn’t show up in your Apple Music history.

Jessie Murph - Sex Hysteria

You are the female version of a Chase Matthew fan. For some reason, you still drive your ex-boyfriend’s low rider. Your parents want you to put on a swimsuit with more bottom coverage when you lay out at the trailer park’s pool. You have a confederate flag tattoo above a Juicy tattoo on your thigh. You have been in more fights than the Paul brothers combined.

Country Twitter Wins: September '25

 

The Crud Report: August '25

Gene Wilder Country Reaction Gifs

If Taylor Swift fans are called Swifties, what do you call Bailey Zimmerman fans?

When they're playing Morgan Wallen in the waiting room at the Jiffy Lube

When she says it's over if you won't stop talking shit about Kane Brown

A bystander when I finally lose my mind after hearing a Jessie Murph song in the Dollar General

Dan to Shay or vice versa when they're arguing

Somebody on Facebook when you mildly disparage Zach Bryan

When your friend with bad musical taste says he's really getting into The Red Clay Strays lately

"WTF is a Tucker Wetmore? Country radio sucks these days." 

Me when Trump outlaws making fun of Jason Aldean

Jason Aldean's favorite Gene Wilder scene

The 10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2024

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1. Alli Walker “Nashville”

This may be God’s punishment on humanity for the way we’ve been acting lately. With my luck, it’ll show up on my Spotify Wrapped next year for listening to it twice and I’ll have to delete my account. I’m sure the drunk bachelorettes love downing vodka crans and falling off the curb to this abomination. As Reginald Spears is prone to say, I’d rather slip in piss and fall in shit than ever hear this again. There’s a line between fun and stupid, and this one trips over it like bridesmaid Baighleigh from Mobile on a bender down Broadway.

2. Jessie Murph ft. Jelly Roll “Wild Ones”

I thought pop singer Tate McRae had the most execrable vocals I’d ever heard until Jessie Murph hit my eardrums. The ASPCA should support legislation banning its play within hearing range of pets. This isn’t actually a country song, but since she has a current country single, I’m calling it fair game. Jelly Roll doesn’t help matters any. Most of what I write in these silly summaries is over-the-top hyperbole, but this honestly does make me recoil in disgust.

 

3. Kane Brown & Marshmello “Miles on It”

Whatever the drones are up to is more of a net positive for society than this song.

4. MGK ft Jelly Roll “Lonely Road”

This is way worse than Charlie Rich burning John Denver’s entertainer of the year card on stage. Show some respect. If anyone deserves to be gatekept out of country music, it's this male skank.

 

5. Graham Barham “M.I.A”

Dog shit. Yeah I’m old and nearly every song I hate this year is mostly because of the beats, but geez give it a rest. This is a brain-dead bro-country song but somehow worse than bro-country. That it’s come to this is an indictment of the American education system. People who listen to this are prone to passing you on the shoulder going 90 in their suburban assault truck with their high beams on.

6. Chase Matthew “Always Be Mine”

Lifeless voice. Same old same old lyrics. Almost no melody to speak of. A face that makes you want to punch him and whoever’s standing beside him. And of course, beats inspired by 2018 rap songs to appeal to dudes whose dad spent $8k unsquatting their truck in the past year. Crap.

7. Dasha “Austin”

Somehow this dreck sounds a lot better after hearing Alli Walker’s song, but it’s still a soulless money grab of a twangy hip-hop-pop song. I’m no conspiracy theorist, but it’s funny how this trap beat infused throwaway music and its ilk came out shortly after many of us began praising the return of semi-traditional sounds to the country mainstream. The only single-name artist who’s any good is Ernest, and he almost made the list too with his Wallen collab “Cowgirls.”

8. Redferrin “Just Like Johnny”

June would slap the shit out of this guy for using Johnny’s addiction so flippantly in his little song. Redferrin is the less successful of the two major Morgan Wallen knockoffs, Tucker Wetmore being the other. With songs like this, hopefully he stays that way.

9. Brian Kelley “Kiss My Boots”

The silver lining to Florida-Georgia Line's breakup barfing out 2 pop-country bros is that at least this guy doesn't get airplay. Of course this douchebag is “crankin’ Hank.” Take your beach cowboy ass and go start a western themed surf shop or something. Singing isn’t your thing, bro. And if this is a diss track, it makes Drake seem intimidating.

10. Bailey Zimmerman “New to Country”

Bailey’s parents need to get him back on the Vyvanse.

Dishonorable Mentions:

Dylan Schneider “Carhartt”

Niko Moon “These Are the Days”

Anything by Dylan Scott

The Crud Report: December '24, 2nd Edition

Christmas Vacation Country Reaction Gifs

Stoners when the Billy Strings song hits its 21st minute

When you hear the latest song with a goofy kid bouncing around saying he's country over a rock song with rap beats

When your tastes finally mature and you delete all your old bro-country playlists

When the test results verify that you caught scabies at the hick-hop festival

Oliver Anthony's ministry getting off to a rough start

Yeah right, your daughter is the reason there was so much Jelly Roll on your Spotify Wrapped

When your wife sees that you've been listening to sad Patty Loveless songs for a week straight

When you open a Christmas present to find a Morgan Wallen record because your auntie heard you like country music

Typical radio station promotional visit for Carrie Underwood in 2005

When the dude beside you is cranking Jason Aldean

When somebody's listening to Jessie Murph nearby