Sturgill Album / Video Game Equivalents

Steel Magnolias Country Reaction Gifs

If I'm subjected to a Mitchell Tenpenny song long enough to hear his voice

"Y'all mind if I play some Tanya Tucker?"

I told y'all about Scott Borchetta years ago

The unspoken motto of Farce the Music

When Sturgill went from country to hard rock

When you look in the mirror and see an actual angel

If you don't care about the authenticity of music, only the financial gain you can get from it...

When Clairee says Kane Brown is the greatest country singer

Cannonball Run Country Reaction Gifs

 When you stop and take a piss at the Florida-Georgia Line

When she says "You can come with me to the Luke Bryan concert, or you can GTFO."

♫ ♬ With the blood from my body, I could start my own still ♫ ♬

♫ ♬ There's a stranger in my house

Somebody here that I can't see ♫ ♬

When Burt says he'd rather listen to ABBA than the George Jones you've got on

After you shake hands with a hick-hop fans, it's best to inoculate yourself

♫ ♬ If he asks me to blow

I'mma tell his punk ass to take me to jail ♫ ♬

No Sleep Roundup: RATM, Cody Jinks, Lucero, Stevie Wonder

Hello friends, 

It’s me, your pal Robert Dean. I’ve been MIA lately because of some pretty big life changes, making a television show is stressful, and I’ve been trying to finish my new book all while keeping my shit together. So, forgive my absence. 

That aside, let’s do the dance. 

My Chemical Romance are coming back. Nerds who used to wear women’s jeans in 2003 are fucking stoked. Hopefully, they write new music that’s more “Three Cheers for The Black Parade” and less of whatever the whack Queen shit was. 

Rage Against The Machine are finally playing some shows. Thank god Zach has agreed to come out of hiding. I only wrote about this very thing like, three years ago or whatever. They’d better play Calm Like a Bomb or I’m going to be pissed. (Yes, I’m flying to one of the shows because I’m a fanboy.)

RANDOM THOUGHT: Go buy Joshua Hedley’s record, Mr. Jukebox. It’s a fucking crime people slept on that dude. He should be household name for dudes who wear embroidered shirts unironically. Easily one the best country records of the last five years and people don’t know it. 

Sturgill and Tyler are going on tour together. That’s going to be a massive deal. They’re playing the United Center in Chicago. For context, that’s where Paul McCartney plays when he comes to town. All this for a guy who wrote a song about turtles while on acid. Shit is wild. 

Clark County, NV declared November 1st ‘Five Finger Death Punch Day’ and yes, that dude still has a beard of dreadlocks. 

Evan Felker apparently recorded a tune with Carrie Rodriguez before Turnpike Troubadours went on stupid hiatus. Look, man. The song was fine. It sounds like Shovels and Rope. But for fucks sake, get sober, go to church, whatever. Get Turnpike Troubadours back on track. 

Cody Jinks dropped a pair of records….and they both went to number 1. In the words of the mighty Jack Nicholson, “watch out. Big balls comin’ through.”

Need a random album suggestion? Go back and listen to the first Stevie Wonder record. When he was a kid. That shit will blow your mind. “I was made to love her” is my jam. 

Recently, Lucero made a bunch of the Among the Ghosts demos available for streaming. You know our nerd asses were all about that. Collectively between Trailer and I, we’ve probably seen Lucero over 30 times. 

Scream Country Reaction Gifs

When the insurance company puts you on hold and their hold music is Thomas Rhett

"But the female country singers just aren't making songs as good as the men do"

 "Carrie, why did you key my truck, bust out my headlights, and flatten my tires?"

When you're about to walk into the Halloween party but you can hear Kane Brown music playing inside

Sturgill and Tyler are going on an arena tour in 2020!

♫ ♬ Here you come again

Just when I've begun to get myself together ♫ ♬

"But why can't I sing about clubbing in a southern drawl over an EDM beat and call it country?"

Her: (whispers) Morgan Wallen's version is better than Isbell's

Me:

We shoulda known something was up with Zac Brown when he changed some lyrics of Isbell's "Dress Blues"

Country Singer Craft Beers

*yeah some of them are "country" singers

 Mitchell Tenpenny’s White Bruh Hard Seltzer
Not beer, but sold in the beer section.

 Old Dominion Sweaty Sour
Hints of body odor, vending machine cologne, and green apple Lifesaver.

Creeps up on you.

Shooter Jennings’ Low Life Lager

Pretty damn good, but only comes in pony bottles.

 Sturgill Simpson Altered Beast
Tastes like a different style of beer every time you take a sip.

Zac Brown’s Angry EDM Ale

“Every time I get a new swig, I gotta get a new swig.”

So bitter and poorly made, Zac’s the only one who likes it.

Dan + Shay’s

Minus

Non-Alcoholic Beer

Way too sweet and beer without alcohol isn’t beer.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Country Reaction Gifs

When you hear Jason Aldean playing over the speakers before you even walk into a store

New Sturgill Simpson be like...

Why should you buy the concert ticket?

Luke Bryan's dance crew practicing before a show

New John Moreland and American Aquarium albums next year?

When somebody asks me why I listen to so much sad country music

When Janet Weiss is a Kane Brown fan

Explaining Zac Brown's rise and fall

Sturgill Simpson Performs "Ronin / Remember to Breathe / Sing Along"

The Transformation of Sturgill

The Crud Report: October '19

Really Dumb Country Reviews: October '19

These are real reviews from a popular digital music service.

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Zac Brown Band - The Owl

The Highwomen - s/t

Jon Pardi - Heartache Medication

Upchurch - Parachute

Sturgill Simpson - Sound & Fury

(yeah, I know it's not actually country)

Miranda Lambert - Wildcard