Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Jul 19, 2024

Reginald Spears on Zach Bryan & Dan + Shay



Get to the Good Part


New Country Singer Doesn’t Even Use Trap Beats

An unnamed rising country singer has recently made waves with his unique approach to modern country music. Many are questioning the logic of his peculiar musical recipe in an age of TikTok dances and committee written songs. 

Eschewing modern bells and whistles like programmed trap beats and guest appearances by white rappers, the singer is instead leaning on what he calls "tradition." When asked if he'd even considered using auto-tune or wearing a plain t-shirt with a gold chain in his promo photos, he succinctly replies with "Hell no, and I never lie." 

Despite being written by less than 10 songwriters and having little similarity to the sounds of Thomas Rhett or Hardy, the performer's current single is nearing the mainstream country top 25, and he's beginning to garner slots on national tours. The singer, who doesn't even have face tattoos, says he has a simple philosophy about his music. 

"I perform and record country music," he stated plainly. "If that makes me an innovator on country radio, so be it." He went on to say that he would not be releasing any songs about a douchebag in bar picking up a girl and banging her in his suburban assault truck. Many wonder if this promising artist is shooting himself in the foot not pandering to the Chads and Karens of the world.

"He doesn't even attempt trendy dance moves on TikTok or use slang in his songs," said an anonymous Nashville music exec. "So I wonder just how much shelf life this 'novelty' music can have." He ended the thought with this warning: "I wish him the best but if he doesn't want to cut in a few more dozen writers on his next record, he's toast." 

At press time, the singer was practicing guitar instead of doing burpees. 


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 (this is fictionally about Zach Top, but it can represent others playing a comparatively timeless style of country music)

Jul 18, 2024

3 Country Wrasslin' Memes: Hardy, Collin Raye, Johnny Blue Skies




Robin Williams Country Reaction Gifs

When you listen to country radio for 5 minutes and it's clear AI and lots of computer programs were involved

When the board says they hired Tucker Wetmore to play at the mandatory corporate retreat

Cleaning the house and Whiskey Myers comes on shuffle

I got sea stories; they're all true

Your therapist when your girls dumps you because you wouldn't take her to see Kane Brown

Were you surprised when Post Malone went pop-country?

Listens to "In Your Love" by Tyler Childers once:

When your employer plays Sirius' The Highway over the office background music speakers

Jason Aldean at couples' therapy

Luke Bryan trying to appeal to the youths of Gen Z

Luke Combs' producer: Maybe dial it back on this next take
Luke:


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