Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Jul 10, 2020

Country Radio Idiocracy


Local Man Arrested for Arrested for Vandalizing Luke Bryan T-Shirts

Local mechanic and noted country music fan Reginald Spears, 48, was arrested on Thursday morning for vandalism and destruction of property. He was booked and released on bail after spending an hour in county. Spears’ popular Twitter account tweeted “My wife shouldn’t take me to town, heh heh” that afternoon, likely in regards to the incident. 

On Thursday at 11:00 a.m., Jessica Chamberlain, proprietor of So So Cute Women’s Wear reported to police that a man was drawing on t-shirts with a marker or paint pen. She says she asked him to leave the premises when she noticed it, and that he politely complied, but returned to “put the finishing touches on one drawing.” That’s when Chamberlain called the cops. 

“His wife is a sweetheart… I asked her not to bring him back in here again though; he’s crazy but at least he was wearing a mask, I guess.” she said, shaking her head.

Spears was arrested without incident in the parking lot. “He’s usually a gentleman when we have to arrest him.” laughed sheriff’s deputy Cody Westling. “It’s been a while, so I told him we’d missed him.” 

So So Cute maintains a section of Luke Bryan clothing, dedicated to the country superstar who was born only a hundred miles or so from the store. Chamberlain said that when Mr. Spears noticed it, he went out to his truck and returned holding something (which turned out to be a handful of Sharpies and puff paint markers). “He was wild-eyed and looking around, but I didn’t think anything of it.” said Mrs. Chamberlain. “But then I noticed that he was doodling on the shirts… who does that? He’s a grown man.” 

Spears allegedly drew penises on some of the shirts and added offensive phrases to others. “On our ‘One margarita, two margarita’ (based on Bryan’s hit “One Margarita”) shirt, he wrote “leads to three baby daddies,” said Chamberlain. “And he just wrote “sucks” on all my adorable Luke Bryan vintage v-necks. He’s got a problem!”

Spears, who runs a small engine repair shop on his property off Hwy 57, has said in the past that his long string of peculiar crimes is all in the name of “real country music.” His county rap sheet stands as proof, with 6-7 different misdemeanors over the years, oddly all related to country music. 

At press time, Chamberlain had agreed to drop all charges if Spears agreed to pay for the damages, estimated at around $1,000. Spears was not available for comment. 

Jul 9, 2020

Hank 3 Fan Starter Pack


Good Will Hunting Country Reaction Gifs

Trying to figure out how Sam Hunt is country

When your parents brought you up on bro-country and you need therapy
  
When your boy didn't graduate high school but he knows what real country music is

"I bet your wife wears Florida-Georgia Line t-shirts"

How you reply to that friend who listens to Dustin Lynch

When she sees his Waylon tattoo

If you've only listened to pop-country's version of sad songs



And a bonus...

Jul 7, 2020

Still More Male Country Singers as Women

BJ Barham (American Aquarium)

Tyler Childers

Jason Aldean

Jesse Daniel

Mitchell Tenpenny

Cody Canada

Merle Haggard. Forgive me, Merle.

If They Re-Carve Stone Mountain

Here are some suggestions...

Alan Jackson water skiing.
Stolen from @aghease on Twitter.



No, not this one...

Nahhh, just paint this up there.

A Simple Answer From Charlie Daniels



From a Fox & Friends interview. 

Jul 2, 2020

These Are Self-Explanatory






WWE (& AEW) Country Reaction Gifs 42

When somebody says "Hey this new Dustin Lynch song is actually pretty good"

Damn, Carrie Underwood has gone way past keying trucks

When you still don't forgive your buddy for going to see Tyler Childers without you

What do you think of Luke Bryan's "One Margarita?"

How mad I get when I hear .03 seconds of mainstream country radio

Is this what Little Texas meant when they sang "You've got to kick a little?"

I miss live shows

When the FGL fan wears out their welcome in your home

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