Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Jul 15, 2019
Jul 12, 2019
Jul 11, 2019
Florida-Georgia Line Mad Libs
This book actually exists. Somebody sent me a few pages a while back
(sorry, I'd credit you but I don't recall who sent it), so here goes!
WWE Country Reaction Gifs 36
If somebody hands me a Dustin Lynch CD
If you're talking to fine upstanding Brantley Gilbert fans...
The 90s country line dancing craze really went too far
When Florida-Georgia Line comes on at the bowling alley
When somebody says Kane Brown is the hottest, best singer in country music
When Larry Hooper gets all hopped up on Mountain Dew
When you're too old for fighting, but somebody makes fun of your Tanya Tucker t-shirt
Hey Bobby Bones!
"Who made you the judge of what's country and what's not?"
Jul 10, 2019
John Rich's House Even Cooler Than You Thought
by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, April 07, 2010
When it comes to country superstar John Rich, even the home he lives in is controversial. Called an eyesore and a blight by "jealous neighbors," Mt. Richmore is even cooler than you might have imagined, says an anonymous source who has visited the well-equipped abode several times.
This insider, who asked us to refer to him as Bart Mozart, says all the bright lights pointing away from Rich's home are for good reason. "It's so nosy-ass locals can't see all the cool sh** in there. Dude, they'd sh** a brick if they knew!" said Bart.
We've all heard about the fully-stocked bar in the elevator, but that's just the tip of the awesomeness iceberg, according to Mr. Mozart. There are also mini-bars in each of the five bathrooms, another fully-stocked bar in the master bedroom and a wine locker the size of a football field directly underneath the house. In addition to those liquid amenities, Mt. Richmore's main bar (staffed by two bartenders and six buxom waitresses) also has a bar in its bathroom, and the pool table opens to reveal a beer vault.
"John's even working on figuring out how to put a bar inside the bar; man, how f***ing cool is that? We figured out that you are never more 4 1/2 feet from a dose of refreshment," laughed Bart. "And we party like it's 1989... uh, I mean 1999, or whenever.."
Behind the family room on the second story, Rich has built a full recording studio with enough room for an entire band with backing horns to rehearse or record crappy music at the same time. There is also a bar both in this studio and in the control booth, with Rich's own "Richmore Ale" on draft directly from the soundboard.
One would think that so much potential drinking might lead to some accidents, but Bart says JR has planned for this. "Every room has a vacuum system built into the floor to suck up anything you spill, and the walls are made of a super strong polymer that's kinda soft to fall against but tough enough to withstand a brawl or a thrown vase, not that those things ever happen," informed Mozart.
"Bart" went on to describe the pad's home theater (w/ bar), garage (x2), kitchen (yep) and dining room (sure), all designed with the most forward-thinking style, technology and accommodations for drinkers available on the market today. He also said to catch him on the latest season of Celebrity Fit Camp on VH1 - then he tried to retract that statement.
In summary, Mt. Richmore is truly a marvel of western innovation.
Jul 9, 2019
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 5, 2019
"Always Stay Sexy, Fireball" A Computer Generated Bro-Country Song
Always Stay Sexy, Fireball
I grew up overshadowed by smelly bonfire
Couldn't catch the eye of no city girl
Here I am devoted to Fireball
How I love the way you look in your pink jeans
Can't believe I let the smog cloud my eye
Where the smelly bonfire stand
And the hot hay surround
I'll ride my horny truck with you by my side
There's a whisper in the pasture breeze
Reminding me of thot
That whisper builds
That whisper cries
Thot in the morning skies
You appear on the horizon
Brushing that wet hair from your eyes
The city folk with their fancy gadgets
Cement bonfire like grey tombs
Don't have nothin' on our way of life
Just listen to the hollering
Don't live your life like a city boy
Today might feel a time to be like a city boy
But that ain't no way to lead a life
You know, there's a lot I drive by in my horny truck
Folk who is messing up
Always stay sexy, Fireball
Always stay sexy
In pasture, when I was a child
I met a sexy man
"How can you be so sexy?" asked I
Here was his wise reply
Don't live your life like a city boy
Today might feel a time to be like a city boy
But that ain't no way to lead a life
Met an old lady who lived like a city boy
"What happened to her?" asked I
Here was his wise reprise
Don't live your life like a city boy
Today might feel a time to be like a city boy
But that ain't no way to lead a life
That lady's gone now
It's sad really
Word is, she had wet hair once
Little Fireball, keep your jeans pink
Always stay sexy, Fireball
Always stay sexy
Hollering, hollering, hollering
Hollering, hollering, hollering...
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