Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Jan 24, 2020
Not All Brantley Gilbert Fans Are Criminals, Says Inmate Nat Barksdale
Hancock State Prison inmate Nat Barksdale wants you to know that not all Brantley Gilbert fans are criminals. He took time out of his busy staring at the wall routine to write us a letter to that effect.
Barksdale, who in 2012 was the first Brantley Gilbert fan ever to graduate from high school, is currently serving 7 years in the Sparta, GA correctional facility for B&E and possession with intent to distribute. He expects early release in 2022 thanks to his uncle who knows some people.
In Nat’s letter, he wanted to stress that almost half of the people he knows who are fans of Gilbert’s music have never even gotten felonies. On the contrary, many of them, while not really upstanding citizens, are gainfully employed and charitable individuals. He cited his friend Clarence, who despite a warrant or two, runs a profitable automobile ‘reclamation’ business in Smyrna. Clarence raises dogs for ‘sporting events’ and even gives freely of his ‘medical supplies’ when people are in need. Impressive.
We’ll let Nat’s letter speak for itself now:
“Look, I know your joking and everything and I even laugh sometimes when I get internet time in the library, but I think your way off base. I’ve already told you about Clarence and Walt White, but their’s one that’s a real success story. That’s my ex Jeanette (Cosby). She graduated last year while raising are daughter and has got her own hair salon down on the bypass. We never did get married and she broke up with me once the charges stuck, but I’m still real proud of her. Anyway, please tell you’re readers that at least a third of BG Nation is pretty good people.”
When reached for comment, Cosby told us she didn’t listen to Brantley Gilbert anymore and was more into EDM.
Jan 23, 2020
Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Country Reaction Gifs
When you get in a rental car and Dustin Lynch is playing
Me, listening to Dustin Lynch's new album for 10 seconds
♫ ♬ Oh the movers and the shakers down on Morgan Street ♫ ♬
Why do people like Tyler Childers so much?
♫ ♬ and the songs that she sang in the shower are stuck in my head ♫ ♬
After politely telling your ex-best friend you don't want to attend the Kane Brown concert with him
When a guy uses a Mitchell Tenpenny line to try to pick you up
When Charlie Sheen says FGL is his favorite country group
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 21, 2020
Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Tim McGraw’s “Way Down”
I don’t know what to say about this one. Mostly because I didn’t listen to it. The day I listen to a Tom McGraw song is the day I neuter myself with a spork. He’s pretty much Luke Bryan’s dad. Their’s no difference between them accept one of them is tan and skinny and the other one wears leggings. Or so I’ve heard - I never heard one note of a Luke Bryan song either.
Tom McGraw did a rap song with Nelly one time so you know he’s a wannabe loser. Country plus rap equals crap, in case you forgot. He also did a song about wearing buffalo underwear. What the f*** man? I don’t want to think about some dude in his underpants. The only good thing Tom McGraw ever did in his life is Faith Hill.
Now, this song. I read the lyrics and it’s pretty much just a geography lesson. He just says a state and then some crap that state is known for. Your and idiot if you learn anything from this song because its just stuff every body already knows. Impress me if your gonna list southern shit. Talk about Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert and talk about Bucksnort, TN and talk about fried chicken gizzards. Nobody wants to here the four thousandth song with Big-D (I bet Tom likes [removed by editor]) and Ole Miss and grandma.
Tom McGraw and his buddy Chesney are the god fathers of bro-country and this song just proves it. Just naming a bunch of country shit and having hip-hop beats. If this is a country song, Jeffrey Epstein killed himself.
And don’t get me started on the chorus. Get this its just “way down.” That’s it but he sings it over and over until you want to drive to Tom’s house and slap him so hard that stupid shiny hat flies into his foyer. Their’s a rapper in this song to. It’s like McGraw thought to himself “what can I do to piss off Carl Outlaw so much he has to go back on blood pressure meds?” Well, good job Tom.
In closing, I’ll just say kiss every square inch of my ass, Tom McGraw, and you owe me 39 dollars for the Cardizem.
Jan 20, 2020
Jan 17, 2020
Country Festival Adds 20 Women …to Post Show Cleanup Crew
Boots and Bros, an upcoming country music festival in West Memphis, TN has taken it on the chin on Twitter due to its male-heavy lineup. Of 32 artists performing, only 2 are women, and one of those is in a male-female duo. Berk Cordero, director of the event promoter BroCore Media, said the negative social media response to the festival’s lineup has led the event to agree to add 20 women to the post-show cleanup crew.
“We want to provide opportunities for women to be a part of this great event.” smiled Cordero, “In addition to the usual contract workers we’ll have in to pick up trash, we’ll have our own all-female cleaning crew!” He went on to praise his company’s willingness to listen to criticism and to give equal opportunities to people who might not normally be a part of such an event.
Work hours will run from 11 PM to 3 AM Friday-Sunday with a smaller crew brought in for prep each morning. Duties listed on BroCore’s Glassdoor job advertisement include: collection and transportation of trash, stage breakdown, vomit removal, packing and storing of materials, portapotty draining, portapotty hosing, portapotty loading, and other activities. Applications can be picked up at the dog track during normal hours of operation.
All the women employed on the evenings will be provided with a pink and black “Event Staff” t-shirt, temporary usage of safety flashers and a flashlight, and $7.25 an hour. “They can keep the shirt too!” beamed Cordero. “And while we ask that they turn in any valuables they recover, well, you know…things happen. Consider it a little bonus. And some will even be able to begin their work while the headliner is still on stage. Working under the stars in the spring air while Sam Hunt talk sings. What could be better than that?”
When asked if the committee would be considering adding any more women to the actual lineup of performers, Cordero responded: “LOL” (spoken aloud).
Jan 16, 2020
Pulp Fiction Country Reaction Gifs
*foul language warning*
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When "Take Me Back to Tulsa" comes on
If he's a Kane Brown fan, the answer is no
When somebody asks if I've heard Tyler Childers' music
Insert your own problematic joke about some male pop-country singer being a chick:
When you find out your friend owns the first three Rascal Flatts albums
♫ ♬ Tell St Peter at the Golden Gate
That you hate to make him wait
But you just gotta have another cigarette ♫ ♬
I was told this country radio station would be playing "Only the best country"
If you play that new Tim McGraw song around me
Jan 15, 2020
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