Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Sep 18, 2020

Kane Brown Feared Lost Backstage at the Opry

Since recording his performance of "Worldwide Beautiful" for the ACM Awards with his band last weekend, country star Kane Brown has not been heard from. After an hours long search of the backstage area, his band, crew, and management gave up looking, optimistically assuming he'd simply gone home.

"Officially, we believe he left without telling anyone goodbye or answering calls or messages since last weekend," said an anonymous member of Kane's crew. "But if you ask me, his ass is lost again. And if he is, he is truly the Tom Brady of getting your ass lost, because the only dark halls or tunnels there are like for underground utilities."

Brown received national attention last month as he revealed that he had recently been lost on his own 30 acre property. That incident led to he and his wife having to call the police to help locate them. The debacle birthed many memes and jokes at Brown's expense. Whether he's truly missing or not this time is still unknown.

"I think it's a Spinal Tap moment in reverse," said another anonymous member of Brown's staff. "He left stage and has been just forever walking through the tunnels and catacombs of the building saying 'Hello Nashville' to himself or something. I hope he's okay."

Brown's performance of "Worldwide Beautiful" Wednesday night was pre-recorded earlier in the week due to the constraints and restrictions of the COVID pandemic.

At press time, Opry janitors reported hearing strange bellowing sounds "like someone singing through a fart" in the bowels of the facility.

Sep 17, 2020

He Had Choices


Spider-Man Country Reaction Gifs

When I hear Dan + Shay

"You heard that new FGL song? It's actually pretty good"

Yep, I've been listening to Lori McKenna again

When you detect shitty snapbeat country in your vicinity

Carrie Underwood & Thomas Rhett tied for ACM Entertainer of the Year???

When you had to watch the ACMs for blog content, but it's finally thankfully over

When the kid wants to hear some Kane Brown

♫ ♬ Write this down, take a little note ♫ ♬

Oh, you think I'm going to turn down the Waylon?

When just about any new male mainstream country singer meets another new male mainstream country singer 



Sep 15, 2020

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs


Mainstream Country Singer Name Generator



Are you an aspiring country artist with your eyes on mainstream Nashville success? Are you a label who needs to give a more trendy moniker to your tall, handsome, white, male pop country warbler? Do you just want to click the button and see stereotypical bro names that might give you a grin? Whichever reason brings you here, here you go! (Click the link, this stupid generator site still won’t embed)
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One of the World's Greatest Mysteries


Sep 11, 2020

BINGO!

Looks like we've got Bingo! in the far right column.


Zac Brown Band's "Whatever It Is" Chosen for STD Awareness Campaign


by Trailer - Originally Posted on Country California May 26, 2009 
The Zac Brown Band's recent smash "Whatever It Is" will be featured in an upcoming STD awareness ad campaign, reports the group's manager Turk Peeny. 

"We all got a good laugh out of it when they first called," said Peeny, referring to the nonprofit group Gone-orrhea's initial request. "I mean, 'she's got whatever it is', yeah, it works both ways... but this is a love song and the band didn't want it to be associated with STDs." 

When Gone-orrhea came calling a second time, though, Brown realized that the opportunity was one that his group, currently touring in support of their platinum disc The Foundation, could not afford to pass up. Long story short, Zac and bandmates agreed to license the song and retool its female-appreciative lyrics into something more on point. Only the chorus of the revised version is used in the ad spot, as the verses were deemed a little too sexual for prime time. 

The commercial depicts a young couple considering amorous relations before ultimately deciding upon the girl getting her genital inflammation checked out by a gynecologist as Zac sings "She's got whatever it is, getting tested today." As the spot fades, the line "gotta take that Cipro pill, cause baby I love you" accompanies the couple dancing in the rain. 

When asked if they'd be performing this version of the song during their popular live shows, Mr. Brown said it would depend on how much cold beer he had on a Friday night. 

At press time, Gone-orrhea was in talks with Rodney Atkins about repurposing the song "It's America" as "It's Chlamydia." 


FGL Has a Motive


Sep 10, 2020

Famous Protest Songs Updated for 2020


Fear not, this picks on everybody.


Watch the NFL My Ass (I Won't Watch the NFL)

A Can of Soup’s Gonna Fall

American Twittiot

All She Wants to Do is Tik Tok

The Cancellation Will Not Be Televised

Agent Orange Man Bad

Influencer Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)

The Lonesome Death of Mr. Peanut

If You Tolerate Masks, Your Children Will Be Next

Walking on the Offended Side of Me

Defund Tha Police

Not Ready to Make Rice (Uncle Ben’s)

Meme is Murder

Working Class MAGA

Free Joe Exotic

Get Up Stand Up (is Ableist)

Mercy Mercy Me (The Quarantine)

Another Pylon in the Wall

We Shall Be Socialist

Trump Boat Parade (Bulls on Parade)

Biden in the Wind

Murder Hornet Most Foul

The Night They Drove Hobby Lobby Down

Mr. Bean Country Reaction Gifs

When you drive by somebody who's cranking Luke Bryan

Me picking a country cover song from 2020 to listen to

When she says that if you don't stop making fun of her obsession with Thomas Rhett's music, she'll leave

What it looks like at a Cole Swindell concert

Where I come from, it's cornbread and chicken

When somebody in the laundromat has a Rascal Flatts ringtone

When somebody across the bar plays Kane Brown on the jukebox

When she says she digs your taste in country music

That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia

Florida-Georgia Line Word Search


There are 14 words in this puzzle (and possibly more that were unintentional) that describe Florida-Georgia Line and/or their music. How many can you find?


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