Acceptable First Dates

Based on this viral list that went around this week:

Pee Wee's Big Adventure Country Reaction Gifs

I guess he shouldn't have tried to do 

the Tequila dance in a small town

Hoping to hear a fiddle on country radio

When the bar plays "Sangria Wine"

I know a man that cook armadillo

Taste so sweet he called it pie

Willie Nelson circa 1972

People calling each other liberals in the Facebook comments of a non-political country meme

*Listens to Garth Brooks and Jason Isbell in a row one time

"Why won't you admit Sam Hunt is country?"

When you're trying to break up nicely, but it's really because she likes Morgan Wallen

Country + Rap + Crap? Never heard that one before.

When you touch the radio while Marge is listening to Patsy Cline

 RIP Paul.

Never Have I Ever

Love Actually Country Reaction Gifs

When she has a Dolly tattoo and Turnpike's discography on vinyl

If you think Tim McGraw is classic country, you're...

When you'd rather be fighting zombies than on a date with a Kane Brown fan

Pretending to care that a coworker couldn't get Morgan Wallen tickets

When Colin asks your opinion of any Walker Hayes song

When you sit around listening to John Fullbright and Patsy Cline

"Hey, I thought I hated country music, but no, I just hate mainstream country music!"

When you realize you're covering a Dan + Shay song

When "Cocaine Country Dancing" comes up in the shuffle

Saturday Night Music / Brandi Carlile Covers Cline's "She's Got You"

Chevy Chase Country Reaction Gifs

 I’m the fool in love with the fool that’s still in love with you

When your sugar mama thinks you’re too young to know a Patsy Cline song

BRB, bout to shoot my woman down

When your son casually references a Walker Hayes song in conversation

When you’re playing kids songs for story hour at the library and a kid requests “Wagon Wheel”

If Farce the Music got a dollar every time we rehashed the same old Luke Bryan jokes

No, I’m DOCTOR Jukebox, you’re thinking of Joshua Hedley

When there’s an Americana festival in El Paso

When the pastor prays the demons of bluegrass, ganja, and chicks with neck tattoos out of you

Country Music Fantasy Football Team Names 2022

Haven't done these in a while so here we go, with help from Twitter pals. The ones not attributed are by yours truly, Trailer. 

There Stands the Kupp

The Night They Drove McCaffrey Down

Jerry Reed Options @Misery_n_Gin

Cross Canadian Football League @lhcountryboy

Feathered Commanders

Shotgun Willie @ReadWatchDo

Why Ja’Marr in Here Looking Like That

Touchdown Troubadours @theadamdrake

Why Brady Why

Punt Flicker Pass @JWOutlaw13

Wagon Wheel Route (Adam Drake)

Lost Dak Street Band @TreyBlair33

Mike Evans & The Moonpies (Trey)

Turnpike Goin' For Twobadours @brianmather

Sunday Night Blues

Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Deshaun Watson @FriendDevin

All the Gould in California

The Cody Wolves @Robberino

Cast No Picks

Delta Down @JonMDanforth

The Charles Wesley Go Routes @wilkins63

If Dick Butkus is Up, Why Am I Down

Lynyrd Pigskynyrd @DavidJoy_Author

Lost on 30 Akers

Shenandoah Checkdown @JArnoldTAMU85

Are You Sure Lombardi Done It This Way (Adam Drake)

Jason IsBall @RCHoyt34 

Tonight the Waddle Let Me Down

Streets of Lambeaufield @thatjohnhammond

Houston Oilers Marchman (LH Country Boy)

Sweet Dreams (of a W) @JenJenMichelle

I Will Make You Hurts

Wichita Offensive Lineman @ShawnC96WL

Drive-By Justin Tuckers (Shawn)

The Rita Ballou 42s @The_Reliant

Deebo & Lefty

Matt Stafford & The 400 Unit @mrbalusek

Townes Van Slant @knotts632

Kittle Bitty

Muscadine First Down Line @Western_Grunge

Chase Daniels, If You Please

Grieving, I’m a Jets Fan

The Crud Report: August '22

YouTube Gems / Patsy Cline / "Why Can't He Be You"

Classic Country Album Covers Ruined with Bleeding Cowboys

Think Again

Simp Actually Enjoys Hearing Women Sing Country Music

Written By This Guy?

Ft. Lauderdale - A male country fan has confessed to actually liking country music performed by women. Florida panhandle man Harvey Christian counts himself a fan of Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, AND Ashley McBryde, among others. The simp finds their shrill and annoying voices somehow enjoyable. Really.

Studies by mainstream country research firms have proven time and again that female singers should only be the exception and not the rule when programming radio playlists. Tomatoes in the salad, if you will. And yet, this purported country music fan truly finds chick songs to be engaging and of artistic merit. P****-whipped! 

“The women sing about subjects of substance more often than their male counterparts,” said the wuss. “And even when their songs are light-hearted, I find them more engaging and memorable.” LOL, I guess he’s never listened to Dustin Lynch!

While other real men listen to stalwarts like Florida-Georgia Line, Luke Bryan, and Sam Hunt, Harvey-freaking-Christian is white knighting all over social media about how much he loves Margo Price and Mickey Guyton. It’s nearly certain he’s just trying to get into some liberal babe’s pants. We don’t buy it. 

“No, I’m happily married and my wife listens to jazz and pop so I’m not trying to impress anybody,” insisted the pansy. “I am telling you the gospel truth when I say that I truly find pleasure in hearing females perform country and western music.” Liar. Data says even women don’t like women singing, so what’s the deal??

“I even love the classics like Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, and Loretta Lynn,” sucks up Christian. “They didn’t get the due as they deserved in their time.” Patsy’s dead, loser, she’s not going to read this!

At press time, this subservient wimp was queuing up some Lori McKenna, to get in his feelings or whatever. 

Logan Ledger Covers Patsy Cline's "Strange"

Had a Mullet / Should've Had a Mullet 2

Had a mullet

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Should've had a mullet

 Had a mullet

Should've had a mullet 

 Had a mullet

 Had a mullet

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Should've had a mullet

Most definitely had a mullet

Had a mullet