Showing posts with label Patsy Cline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Patsy Cline. Show all posts

Mar 21, 2019

Pineapple Express Country Reaction Gifs

*foul language warning*
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When you're playing "Crazy" too fast because you're crazy

Did you have a good time in the pit at the Vandoliers show?

When somebody says Dustin Lynch's new EP is country music at its best

Bullshit! That guy nobody listens to didn't really claim to have 600k real followers on Twitter

Kane Brown sucks...

When somebody plays Mitchell Tenpenny in your vicinity

When you meet somebody who hates Florida-Georgia Line as much as you do

Wanna hit up the Luke Bryan concert with me?

Trailer, of Farce the Music, in real life (minus the long hair)

Jun 27, 2018

If (Classic Country Song) Was Bro-Country


Since bro-country seems to be making a slight return this summer, it seems like a good time to bring back this feature.

If (Classic Country Song) Was Bro-Country
--------------


Patsy Cline - She's Got You

I've got your picture
That you Snapped to me
Screen-shot it with love
Showed it to my homies
Ain't nothing different
Since we've been through
I've got your picture
It's a nude




Waylon & Willie - Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys

Mammas don't let your babies grow up to soyboys
Don't let 'em dip pouches or vote for no cucks
Let 'em be hotties and frat boys and such
Mammas don't let your babies grow up to soyboys
'Cause they'll never lift, bro, and they'll never roll coal
They won't even drive a truck




Tammy Wynette - Stand By Your Man

Stand by your man,
In cut off shorts that cling to,
That shaker mama gave you 
Move that thing like a pony




Dwight Yoakam - Guitars, Cadillacs

Now it's roll bars, rifle racks, Lil Dicky music
Dusty gravel roads that I chill on
Yeah my roll bars, rifle racks, Lil Dicky music
Keep this party lit till the night is gone


Jun 15, 2018

Keith Urban Vandalizes Country Music Hall of Fame


Country music superstar Keith Urban was arrested Thursday for causing nearly two million dollars worth of damage at Nashville's Country Music Hall of Fame. Urban, 50,  was booked on charges of felony vandalism, trespassing, and destruction of property. He was released after posting $250,000 bail. A court hearing is scheduled for June 20.

Witnesses say they were surprised to see Urban strolling through the facility alone. That wasn't the strangest thing they'd see. "A few people immediately recognized him and were crowding around for autographs," said museum guest Carl Jenkins. "I thought it was weird he was out in public without security… and he was wearing this big whop-sided backpack with box-cutters and stuff falling out of it."

Carl said Urban took a ball-peen hammer from his pack and asked the surrounding crowd to please excuse him. "He climbed over the barrier and smashed the shit out of Hank Williams Sr's guitar," said Jenkins. "It was crazy, there wasn't nothing left but wire and sawdust when he was through."

Urban then defaced at least 15 of the bas relief Hall of Fame member plaques, including Fred Rose, Tammy Wynette, and Don Schlitz, spray painting such things as phalluses and the word "fart" across them. He also sprayed deer scent all over the iconic "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" inscription with a Super Soaker water gun. 

Before leaving the Hall, Urban also hurled DeFord Bailey's harmonica down a hallway, poured a kale smoothie on several Nudie suits, and cut all the fringe off one of Patsy Cline's outfits. 

Museum staff and security never intervened during Urban's rampage because they thought he was just 'pushing the boundaries of his art or filming a prank show or something.' When all was said and done, however, the Kiwi country guitar slinger had caused real and lasting damage on country's hallowed halls. Urban was taken into custody without incident at his home later that evening. 

While neither Urban nor his wife Nicole Kidman could be reached for comment, Keith's manager told us he doesn't expect Keith's reputation or career to take a hit over the situation because he's very handsome and such a good guitar player.


Nov 29, 2017

Had a Mullet / Should've Had a Mullet

Had a mullet

Had a mullet

Should've had a mullet

Had a mullet

Had a mullet

Should've had a mullet


Should've had a mullet

Had a mullet

Should've had a mullet

Had a mullet

Had a mullet

Had a mullet

Should've had a mullet

Should've had a mullet

Had a mullet



Apr 26, 2017

Hashtag Games: #smellycountrymusic



Did another "hashtag game" on Twitter yesterday and here are the results. 
The theme was #smellycountrymusic
I came up with most of them this time around, so it's clear I have the mind of a twelve year old.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas Retch

"Head Over Poots" by Jon Farti

"Wanna Be That Pong"

"Your Cheatin' Fart" @JVsFillnStation

"Body Odor Like a Back Road"

"I Fall in Feces"

"Stinkin' Problem" (Midland) @countrymindblog

"Fulsome Prison Blues"

"Too Much Funk" (Daryle Singletary)

Pollute Bryan

"Does Right Guard Ever Cross Your Mind?"

"Mama's Broken Fart" @gradywsmith

Stank Williams Jr.

"On the Commode Again"

Reba Burning-Tire @dgoble83

"Blame it on Your Shart"

Jason Piss-smell

"Craps That Burn" (Thomas Rhett) @DHWritesCountry

"Dirt Road Diarrhea"

"My Shoes Keep Smelling Up The House" (Ray Price) @mattbrucker20

Rascal Flatulence

"Turds All the Way Down" (Sturgill) @Dennis_Petee

"Don't You Think This Outhouse Stench Has Done Got Out of Hand"

"Baby's Got Her Blue Waffle On"* @ohbuffalo
*FTM is not responsible for eyesight ruined or jobs lost due to Google searching this; just don't.*

"Turd Load Anthem"

"Some Girls Poo" (Sawyer Brown) @andythedrifter

Yucky Covington

"Redneck Crotch Club"

Jul 23, 2015

Remember When: A Depressing Parody Lyric

 
 "Remember When"
(A depressing parody of Alan Jackson's "Remember When")

Remember when songs were sung with words so true
and steel guitars and fiddles were still cool
You could hurt with Patsy Cline
Thumb a ride with Charley Pride
Remember when

Remember when they called the cows
or honky tonked
Broke our hearts, closed the bars, living hard
Waylon and Merle, trains and spurs
Texas boys, Kentucky girls
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new came on
The sound was changed, modernized, rearranged
But even though some shined like stars
They still had country heart
Remember when

Remember when the lure of fame and greed
made the music
Chase the trend of the week
Big pickup trucks, bass and lust
Stole the soul and broke our trust
Remember when

Remember when George Strait was always on
And there was still twang in country songs
But where we are,
From where we've been
Too far to go back again
Remember when

Remember when we knew it'd be okay
And the cycle would turn back someday
But that's all past, pour a glass
Put on some Johnny Cash
And just remember when

May 22, 2014

Famous Album Covers - Bleeding Cowboys III: Sinatra, Dylan, NWA, etc.

Even though usage of the font which should hardly ever be used has tailed off a bit this year, I still see a couple of new albums a month that use Bleeding Cowboys. Since it's still unfortunately relevant, FTM ponders (again) what some famous album covers would look like if they'd used that trashiest of type-faces.











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